Hard Time

[Starlight]

Hello Guy!

I'm posting this because I'm going through  very tough time s right now. I have PTSD and it was triggert through insomnia because the stress keeps building up but I can't relax and this stresses me much more so that I cant sleep and then concentrate. It's a vicous circle of negativity. I also have lots of nightmares so that since 3 weeks I've only slept each night between 1 and 6 hours, mostly around one or two.

 

Now I want to express what I feel:

I feel very angry because I blame myself for the situation. I came out of this negativity before and I saw all the possibilities and had less and less fear. but it sucked me in again and I feel stuck. I wish I'd let go of the whole story but feel too tired. There is lot's of anger and aversion right now and I feel worry of how long this situation will go on and the feeling of doubt comes up whether I can do my work and keep up the positiv developements and keep myself from unwholesome stuff.

Moreover, I have a date on monday with a beautiful yoga teacher and I'm afraid that she will see my state and will be turned off by it and I feel worthless. 

I' have lots of additonal worries right now. It's strange because somewhere I know it will pass. 

 

I feel better after  expressing this. But there is much more left.

 

I'd appreciate if somebody could give me some advice.

 

Edited May 28, 2022 by Starlight

[Orb]

You can use the emotional scale if you'd like. 

 

You say you're feeling anger, who hurt you, why are you angry? 

 

Let the anger pour itself out by expressing revenge. (Only express, don't hurt anyone or blow up on anyone)!

 

Let thoughts/scenarios of vengeance rise in your head, bring "other people into the picture".

Edited May 28, 2022 by Orb

[Starlight]

I'm mostly angry because I don't live my life as I want. I supress myself and my opinions and most of the time I'm appeasing people. that sucks a lot. I have tje feeling that I have to conform to the image of the nice person. I also seem to supress my "negative" thoughts.

I've also let somebody manipulate me havily because she made me feel good and loved with nice words and faked care while making me feel miserable.

So I guess I feel agry because I didn't set boundaries.

Another reason is that I feel angry that I can't meet my expactations or can never live up to this self image.

 

Ok, I'll think the revenge thoughts. It feels better. :-) What than?

 

 

 

Edited May 28, 2022 by Starlight

[Orb]

https://community.actualityofbeing.com/topic/434-the-entire-emotional-scale-translated-from-my-experience/

 

I made a post on my experience with the emotional scale, I think reading it will give some guidance. 

 

You can also read the article on the Actuality of Being site in the "tools" section.

 

Check em out, whatever helps. Take it!

 

 

[Starlight]

Thanks a lot for remembering me.  I've come out of it with the scale twice already. In this state I totally forgot it exists. I will take some time though.

Thx a lot.🙏🙏 This is very helpful and your post from the link explanes it very good step by step. Maybe I'll open a journal in order to express myself. :)

[Orb]

@Starlight ❤️‍🔥😁

[Starlight]

I'm a little bit concerned that I will always pick the emotion up and that it wont run out of itself.

[Phil]

2 hours ago, Starlight said:

I'm a little bit concerned that I will always pick the emotion up and that it wont run out of itself.

Concerned points to an emotion felt now, with respect to feeling being present only now, as guidance, that thought. Looking at the scale is helpful… the recognition of which emotion is felt now, in regard to how that thought feels, is the end of the resistance, or suffering. 

[Starlight]

@Phil ok, thank you. I have another question. Where on the scale should I put courage and proud?

[Phil]

@Starlight

Which emotion(s) are felt when you bring courage and proud to mind? 

[Starlight]

After looking at it the feelings are  more like a subset of anger. When I feel proud and courage, there is defensivness and the wish to fight and win. 

Well, the feelings says something different than what I've heard about it. 😁