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Selling house and moving out - the grief


fopylo
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I've already made a post on it, and I've been trying to look for it for so long I was frustrated, and thought it got removed or something. Sadly, I found it to be in the acutualized.org forum, and looking back, I really hope I'd have posted it here (although this forum probably didn't exist).

Anyway, here is the short thread: https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/78984-depression-starts-hitting-and-disappointed-with-the-dreamboard/

 

I don't expect anyone to really go to this website and see what I'm talking about, 'going out of their own way' so to speak, but if you do then it is highly appreciated.

So, since I've posted it there have been minor changes:

1. My father is getting a house somewhere else (in the same small town, a duplex, top floor.

2. The plan is to rent this house for 2 years and then buy (he already bought) a duplex just in front of it across the street which currently is being built.

 

Today my father took me and my brother before lunchtime to see the place we're renting for 2 years (we are the first tenants), and it seemed pretty.. fine I guess. Taking things into proportion, this is only for 3 people and most of the time I (and soon my brother) will serve most of the time in the military. But yeah, still feels quite far from everyone and everything. It is in the new area of the small town, quite at the edge, and the view is basically duplexes, duplexes which are being built (it's sort of a place of duplexes), and lots of earth. The colors aren't appealing, as well as the 'newish' style of design - colorless (greyish and white ew).

After a while I started feeling sad that I'm actually gonna leave my current house.

I really wish I could stay here, but that is the cost of divorce.

This is really the perfect house... Not because of the price. The view from my room, I like it. We have a garden and a greenish area. Our house isn't crowded among other houses and isn't low (on the surface level of the main attraction structures). Our house was really in the center of the small town, not crowded, very close to the businesses, 1 minute walk from the park, and the sunset looks beautiful from my room.

 

I just don't know how I'll find myself in the new environment. I mean, how will I find the greatness of this new place; it is just no match for the current house. The rooms are smaller, everything is greyish-white, no garden, view sucks.

Man, my childhood was in this house, so much memories. I'm quite scared of this change; it is a radical change for me.

I guess the fantasy of having this house to show to my future kids that will visit their grandparent is a long lost dream.

Man, how reality can hit hard; how it can slap you so hard in the face you start doubting your anticipations and lose hope.

Yes, I might be a p***y for whining on this sort of stuff while other people have gone through much more than me, whatever, so it be.

 

What I was hoping to get of this post:

1. To express and release some grief.

2. To receive better-feeling perspectives from you lot that can ease my way through this situation (which is appreciated).

 

Later on in the day I tried improvising a bit on the piano, trying to let my emotions and flow to translate into the equivalent subjective musical expression. I didn't record it but I do remember a bit, and I was thinking maybe to compose a tune for the feeling of leaving home.

I got a suggestion from actualized.org to take pictures of the house and of things I'd like to remember, but I just don't want to overwhelm myself/ stress out about it (FOMO).

Packing is on its way, and it is kinda heartbreaking to know that I won't be living much longer in my messy comfy room and that soon I'll need to pack up all things which piled up for many years (and try not to get too attached by nostalgia) and empty.

 

This is exactly why I put it in the emptying category; because I'm literally trying to empty out my grief and fear of change, and needing the courage (freedom) to open a new chapter, a new life phase. A renewal, a healing.

 

If you read my post from actualized.org and also this, I really appreciate you.

Thank you

💚

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I did read most of your thread on the other forum, but I recall your story from another thread here too.

 

I was in a similar situation, but not from divorce. I had just turned 18 and my parents (my step mom and dad) decided to move out of state. They wanted me to go with them, but I stayed, because my bf was here.

 

I remember the night before my parents moved thinking...I can't believe I'll never be able to come into this house again? I had lived there since I was 6. To be honest it took awhile before I could even go back and see the house from the outside. It was just too painful. My parents were gone and I had to leave my childhood home in one fail swoop. I moved to another city about 30 min away to start over. 

 

Sometimes we just have to deal with the loss, grieve and move on. We never really know our fate or what's best for us. I can look back on some things in my life that seemed at the time to be the worst thing imaginable and now I think it absolutely needed to happen. Go figure. 🤷‍♀️

 

Hugs my dear. You will be okay. 💓

 

 

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🤗

 

Weird though it may sound, I would thank the house you are leaving and greet and thank the current place. Do something, buy something, art or décor, as a focal point that you love. Also, is there any art you can take from the old place into the new place? Then start a Pinterest board of pictures on a board titled Dream Home and think of features you'd love in a home. Realize that your life is an adventure of creating. The house isn't a ever finished creation, even as a finished house, remember, you are ever creating in your now. If the way you are feeling about an object feels bad, it's never the object but the way you are seeing it. So if you want he object to improve, see it differently. If you truly love the old place, bring that love into your now, no matter where you are. 

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@Faith Thank you. I just came back from like a 1.5 hour walk with the intention of finding this new house (I don't quite remember exactly where is was with all those twists and turns) and also just to walk a little, move my body and clear my mind (eventually I didn't even find the house and that's why I was walking for so long lol). But yeah, I did walk a lot in the new area of the town, the neighborhood you could say. I wasn't so impressed. Not too much light, streets not fully built yet and many houses under construction. I was looking out my window just now and for a second I imagined I'm at that place with lots of earth, far from the center, with that lonely lamp. Took a second to realize I am now right back in the original place, and the big differences of view.

20 hours ago, Faith said:

We never really know our fate or what's best for us. I can look back on some things in my life that seemed at the time to be the worst thing imaginable and now I think it absolutely needed to happen. Go figure. 🤷‍♀️

 

I remember experiencing such things. I hope it does turn out to be what 'absolutely needed to happen'. 

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18 minutes ago, fopylo said:

I remember experiencing such things. I hope it does turn out to be what 'absolutely needed to happen'. 

 

Yeah, ya never know. When I first moved out with my bf we lived in a basic apartment. Nothing great, thrift store furniture, noisy neighbors, but 8 months later we bought a house together. It was a starter home bungalow, but it was cute,  had a yard and garage (we bought a pool). Didn't think I'd be a home owner at 18. I lived there 7 years. 

 

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@Faith

11 hours ago, Faith said:

I'm confused what house is what and when in your post. 🤔

Current house is the house I'm still living in (the 'perfect' location), the one we're about to move out from in like 2 months.

New house is the house we will rent for 2 years in this far unattractive area.

House after 2 years is right across the street of the new house and is currently being built, the house we bought.

11 hours ago, Faith said:

Btw, aren't you going in the military for several years? Won't you be located elsewhere?

Yeah, this might be some alleviating news because I will be sleeping most of the time outside the house, and it might help ease with that change. I still do care because after the military I'll still be living there

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Is the focus on what is not wanted, or on what is wanted?

Is there a consideration, perhaps an entertaining of the notion, maybe a wondering if, or even a believing of, or maybe even… a knowing… that what you want and focus upon, indeed, will be?  

 

Maybe a shift occurs. Maybe grief is experienced as a conceptualization of emotion. Grief being the loss of a thing or things… emotion being creator creating creation. 

 

Maybe the recognition of doubt, is a freeing of doubt and grief. 

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8 hours ago, fopylo said:

I still do care because after the military I'll still be living there

Thanks for clarifying the house situation!

 

You may or may not live there after the military, never know where life will take you in a couple years. When my sister went into the airforce she thought she would be returning in 4 yrs to our childhood home, but my parents decided to move out of state instead. No one could've predicted that would happen, but it did. 🤷‍♀️

 

 

 

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