How becoming a parent changed your life?

[Zeroguy]

Interested in hearing your answers.

[Mandy]

I was simultaneously was confronted with the understanding that my life was not about me, and also in a way really needed to be about me for the first time ever. I cared a lot about what other people thought, and parenting was one of the things that made me realize this was absolutely not sustainable. Kids can really highlight and bring to light our own imbalances, problems in relationships, etc, and can be a fantastic opportunity to heal and move beyond if we understand this and don't miss the opportunity and instead resent them for it.  In other words, the "sacrifice" really is no sacrifice at all, it's the letting go of thoughts about it being one, that's the only sacrifice. 

 

My kids are at an age now that seems like the golden age or something, they are a lot of fun, still see the magic in stuff but are old enough to do things with, and it all seems very, very perfect now, but maybe because I was kinda young (23 when I had my first) there were lots of ups and downs in the early years. Wish I knew then what I know now, but, I know now that there's no then. 😂

 

 

[Faith]

I started writing my "story" and realized I could just some it up by saying that in general I think that at 22 I wasn't ready and didn't have the patience that I needed. I also knew nothing about raising a manipulative toddler. Lol. I had no clue how to parent properly and my kid ran the show for years, in a sense. I made a million mistakes. Anyways, he's 29 now, so it's a moot point, but I never had more children. 

[fopylo]

On 4/29/2022 at 2:55 AM, Mandy said:

Wish I knew then what I know now, but, I know now that there's no then. 😂

Powerful

[Phil]

@Zeroguy

It’s the same as awakening in that it doesn’t really change your life, it’s a new one. It’s so good I’d do it over & over forever.

[Adeptus Psychonautica]

It gets a lot harder because you have to reorient your entire life around these new demanding creatures, but in other ways it becomes easier because now you have this singular goal mapped out for you.

I was 30 when my daughter was born, and her brother followed a couple of years later. I had already done my fair share of sex, drugs and rock n roll, so I was lucky in that I had gotten most of that out of my system (ok, maybe not the drugs... or sex... actually come to think of it...) and felt ready for a new phase in my life. That was 15 years ago.

Like any experience it changes the way you view the world, yourself, society, others etc. Honestly now that my daughter is 15 it feels like "the end is in sight" and I am kinda glad for that and I am enjoying them being autonomous teenagers rather than demanding toddlers. I think its taught me about patience, compassion, empathy, joy, and probably most importantly - family.

[Links]

On 4/28/2022 at 10:43 PM, Zeroguy said:

Interested in hearing your answers.

 

I can't help being curious, are you asking because you're thinking of becoming a dad, or are you already? 

One way life's changed for me is becoming much more plugged into the local community. Like the old saying, it takes a village to raise a child.  I chat with all sorts of people like neighbours, teachers, even got involved in the local church in a non-religious way because of the family activities (and I'm a pretty anxious sort of person in social situations).  I suddenly saw the point of stage blue, the mutual support of extended family,  local community, having playdates etc.  

[Mandy]

@Links Yeah, I noticed that as well, I had a lot more appreciation and connection with my community and extended family. I don't really see it as a stage blue thing at all, I think that that label got for things in the actualized.org community to try to validate feeling disconnected.