Caring What People Think

[Marcel]

@Phil 

 

Let’s just leave it at that. 
 

We do what we do. End of story.

 

And I would like no future, especially public, discussions about it. 
 

Thank you for your consideration.

[Phil]

1 minute ago, Marcel said:

And I would like no future, especially public, discussions about it. 

Thank you. 🙏🏼 

 

1 minute ago, Marcel said:

 

Thank you for your consideration.

Likewise. 

[Mandy]

Can you really love and also care what someone thinks of you at the same time? 

 

Is the love that comes from some separate selves better than the love that comes from other ones? 

 

Does love come from separate selves at all?

[Reena]

6 minutes ago, Mandy said:

Can you really love and also care what someone thinks of you at the same time? 

 

Is the love that comes from some separate selves better than the love that comes from other ones? 

 

Does love come from separate selves at all?

Love shouldn't exist as a farce. Where there is no genuine care, there's no genuine love. 

[Mandy]

@Reena What is genuine care? Can you suffer and love at the same time? 

[Reena]

Just now, Mandy said:

@Reena What is genuine care? Can you suffer and love at the same time? 

Why not? 

[Mandy]

Just now, Reena said:

Why not? 

Because love feels like love. While it's all unconditionally Love, hate feels like hate, not like love and appreciation. If you say you love someone, wouldn't your desire be to feel the love as you love and feel the guidance of the emotions to get back to love? 

[Reena]

1 minute ago, Mandy said:

Because love feels like love. While it's all unconditionally Love, hate feels like hate, not like love and appreciation. If you say you love someone, wouldn't your desire be to feel the love as you love and feel the guidance of the emotions to get back to love? 

You can't define love. It's a subjective experience. 

[Mandy]

@Reena Do you want the people you love to care what you think about them? Do you want them to take it personally when you're having a bad day and say something you don't really mean? 

[Reena]

1 minute ago, Mandy said:

@Reena Do you want the people you love to care what you think about them? Do you want them to take it personally when you're having a bad day and say something you don't really mean? 

These are unnecessary concerns. Love will land and find itself where it has to. 

 

[Mandy]

@Reena I find that it's an inquiry that's really well worth it, but ok. 

 

[Mandy]

Is caring about what people think enough so that I'm motivated to change my behavior to control their thoughts and perception a form of manipulation? 

 

Can I actually control others perception? 

 

Is manipulation ok, if I only mold myself? 

 

If it's not ok for me to be myself, is it ok for others to be themselves? 

 

If I manipulate myself to get love from others, what assumptions are at play? 

 

If I manipulate others to get love, what assumptions are at play? 

 

If I practice the habit of manipulation, will I even notice when I am being manipulated? 

 

 

[Reena]

For a hammer everything is a nail. 

[Reena]

5 minutes ago, Mandy said:

Is caring about what people think enough so that I'm motivated to change my behavior to control their thoughts and perception a form of manipulation? 

 

Can I actually control others perception? 

 

Is manipulation ok, if I only mold myself? 

 

If it's not ok for me to be myself, is it ok for others to be themselves? 

 

If I manipulate myself to get love from others, what assumptions are at play? 

 

If I manipulate others to get love, what assumptions are at play? 

 

If I practice the habit of manipulation, will I even notice when I am being manipulated? 

 

 

That sounds like manipulative Debbie Downers. 😄

[Mandy]

29 minutes ago, Reena said:

For a hammer everything is a nail. 

For a person, everything is a personal matter. 

 

It's like they say about airing your dirty laundry, but of course it can go both ways. Either the reaction to dirty laundry is embarrassment and trying to hide and ending up with smelly clothes that never dry anyway. Or the feeling of being seen and getting attention might come from the idea that everyone is seeing their lacey undies on the line and wondering about how they might react. So now having your lacey panties out when everyone drives by at rush hour is exciting. 

 

Not caring what people think, or said a different way, self love, is just wanting and allowing dry clothes. 

 

If Awareness is love, is attention seeking actually seeking something very real and profound in all the most ridiculous places? But what if what's really sought is so immediate, it's exactly why it's overlooked? 

 

How would it be if we applied the dry clothes analogy to what we share? 

 

25 minutes ago, Reena said:

That sounds like manipulative Debbie Downers. 😄

Oh no, it's not a particular group of people. No one is exempt. 

 

 

[Reena]

46 minutes ago, Mandy said:

For a person, everything is a personal matter. 

 

It's like they say about airing your dirty laundry, but of course it can go both ways. Either the reaction to dirty laundry is embarrassment and trying to hide and ending up with smelly clothes that never dry anyway. Or the feeling of being seen and getting attention might come from the idea that everyone is seeing their lacey undies on the line and wondering about how they might react. So now having your lacey panties out when everyone drives by at rush hour is exciting. 

 

Not caring what people think, or said a different way, self love, is just wanting and allowing dry clothes. 

 

If Awareness is love, is attention seeking actually seeking something very real and profound in all the most ridiculous places? But what if what's really sought is so immediate, it's exactly why it's overlooked? 

 

How would it be if we applied the dry clothes analogy to what we share? 

 

Oh no, it's not a particular group of people. No one is exempt. 

 

 

You're looking at it negatively though. Sharing does not necessarily entail "not care about what people think." There are boundaries that shouldn't be crossed. This definitely applies to personal information. You're conflating attention seeking with sharing. 

[Mandy]

1 minute ago, Reena said:

You're conflating attention seeking with sharing. 

So how do you know the difference? 

[Mandy]

@Someone here You have mentioned before that I write well, and also said that the reason you don't journal is because you don't write well. Is that all correct, is that what you believe? 

[Reena]

Just now, Mandy said:

So how do you know the difference? 

This difference is very subtle and difficult to tell. I usually don't jump on the judgement train. Some people assume that sharing is attention seeking. But sharing is just sharing and nothing more. Some people post their pictures on social media and others assume it's attention seeking. Maybe they are simply sharing. It's how we choose to interpret it. I think the focus should be more on what's being shared rather than why being shared. If someone shares stuff like death threats or links to violent images etc, I think that's something that is obviously in the ambit of interpretation. Calling sharing attention seeking is preposterous. Sharing is also well being. It's a part of healthy social living. What is not healthy is gossip and projection, taking what is shared and misusing it or undue interference. 

[Mandy]

@Reena That's all playing into the judgement game, and then turning in around on the judgers again. We can do that endlessly, but why? Not everyone's cup of tea is the same as yours' of course, which is a beautiful thing in itself, but that's not really the discussion here, the discussion here is about suffering.

 

How do I know if I'm posting a photo for attention or if I'm posting it out of inspired sharing? Isn't there a big difference in feeling when sharing because your heart is full or sharing in the hope to fill it? Doesn't feeling tell me all I need to know?