Inspecting the duality of Love vs Hate

[ConsciousDreamer666]

So I was seeing the profile of this girl that I was talking recently to do some financial domination .

 

This girl is not the classic tall impotent dominatrix with leather all over her, etc... Is a normal girl which you could see on the street anyday.

 

So anyways I told her by this month im really broke so it would have to be for the next month.

 

I was today seeing her twitter profile and I was reading all of those messages of he hates us losers and we only deserve to be drained of our money. etc.

 

I entered his profile instagram profile and I saw some pictures with her boyfriend. What surprised me it was totally a normal dude, like not the classical gym bro alpha guy. Normal dude.

 

And that´s when it hit me. 

 

Why the fuck I have to be hated / beaten by her like im shit , while he deserves the Love from her??

 

Like literally, I don´t see the difference between me and him. He is just like me. Yet she hates me and to him he respects him/loves him. Why?

 

Now... I know what you guys are going to say. "Is all in your head. She doesn´t even know you".

Yes, sure. But I mean... I truly feel that belief inside my body, the belief of being the bad one, like is mine. Is a sticky icky identity. It's ahhhh I can not let it fully go. Can I let it go?

 

 

Because im really sad. Is so unfair to have this belief within oneself.

 

I suspect is a sort of karmic memory imprint inside consciousness. Because no therapy or even psychedelics have really helped. It always is there.

 

So it makes me conclude that is always there because is the memory of the identity. The memory 'block' from which Consciousness was able to create this body and mind.

 

Consciousness need memory to create stuff. If not is just formless emptiness. So to create my imaginary character it had to use the karmic memory of family members.  

 

Now... I hope there is a possibility...a freedom beyond all memory can open up. 

 

What a fun time im having in this illusion, lmao. What a masterpiece. 

Edited May 16 by ConsciousDreamer666

[Phil]

37 minutes ago, ConsciousDreamer666 said:

What a fun time im having in this illusion, lmao. What a masterpiece. 

Doesn’t sound like it. 

 

How are you in an illusion exactly?

[ConsciousDreamer666]

4 hours ago, Phil said:

Doesn’t sound like it. 

 

How are you in an illusion exactly?

no idea. But you have to laugh at the utter absurdity of it.

Anyways I am creating everything, every single thing so who cares right. 

[Phil]

@ConsciousDreamer666

How do you do that?

[ConsciousDreamer666]

18 hours ago, Phil said:

@ConsciousDreamer666

How do you do that?

"I" do not do it. Infinite Reality does it. "I" do not exist. 

 

But yes, this thing about sexual entanglement is not cool. I know im getting 'dirty' so to speak when I engage in this crap. I just have to stop getting in the mud.

 

Is kinda of dumb really. Like I get in the mud and then I complain that I get my clothes dirty...

[Phil]

@ConsciousDreamer666

Maybe these are related. 

[ConsciousDreamer666]

3 hours ago, Phil said:

@ConsciousDreamer666

Maybe these are related. 

you mean the username? haha

[Phil]

@ConsciousDreamer666

No but that’s pretty funny! 😅

 

For that which is creating everything / all things there isn’t everything or things. That infinite reality does would be anthropomorphic. 

 

For that which is creating ‘everything’ (for which there isn’t everything / anything / things) there is no duality of love and hate, there is being, love and therein emotion. Maybe most relevant, it is not possible for that which is creating ‘everything’ to hate, or be hated. The discord of a belief like that could be half a cycle to (oddly) ‘feeling better’ by having the belief confirmed. It’s tricky because the thought “I’m hated” feels off because it isn’t true, but could seem to feel off because it’s true. Also it probably seems like that’s what she thinks / how she feels, because that’s what you’re paying her for. 

[ConsciousDreamer666]

On 5/17/2024 at 10:56 PM, Phil said:

@ConsciousDreamer666

The discord of a belief like that could be half a cycle to (oddly) ‘feeling better’ by having the belief confirmed.

I see, like feeling one is right in his belief would somewhat make him feel better. 

 

Maybe the thought "I'm hated" was created a sort of defensive mechanism or whatever, and when the mind tries to confirm that belief, it is a sort of 'cuccon' protection for the mind, and that´s why there is this inertia-magnetic force to belief that thought. Like in a way the mind created that with certain purpose, (although it was dysfunctional of course)

 

Quote

It’s tricky because the thought “I’m hated” feels off because it isn’t true, but could seem to feel off because it’s true. 

Yes, that´s tricky. Is like a magnetic force that pulls me in Lol. 

[Blessed2]

Ur kink with ur holy sister is a mirror of ur kink with ur truth of yourself/God.

[ConsciousDreamer666]

On 5/19/2024 at 9:54 AM, Blessed2 said:

Ur kink with ur holy sister is a mirror of ur kink with ur truth of yourself/God.

what do you mean? care to explain?

[ConsciousDreamer666]

@Phil @Blessed2  This is not cool. This month I have end up almost broke because ive engaged a bit too much in the fetish. Well not anymore findom but buying humiliation clips. I literally have 20euro left to buy groceries for the next 6 days until I get the paycheck. Never in the past got so bad but recently I have just gone in a 'let go' mode but now I see maybe let go mode is not very smart. 

 

Don´t know why it's so incredibly addictive feeling hate/ inferior about myself, why I experience such love-pleasure in feeling pain. 

 

Sometimes I just wish sex would just be about love and fun. But  my karmic energetic structures only know violence, humiliation, degradation, inferiority/superiority, pain, etc....all of that crap. 

 

No wonder I started spiritual quest a long time ago. I´ve been struggling with this energy karmic structures since a long time ago. If I could just find a little space from it. People do not understand how incredibly bad it feels. Understanding sex like this, I have become used to it through the years, but is horribly painful holding this view. 

If I could ask for a wish would be removing all of this worldview altogether. 

Edited May 23 by ConsciousDreamer666

[Phil]

@ConsciousDreamer666

It sounds like intuition is spot on and thought is catching up & seeing what’s going on. Some really great introspection. From everything you’re saying and even the thread title, ‘wiring’ has occurred such that the unchanging Goodness of you is thought or perceived to be coming from experience. The collapse of the duality of love & hate is again, spot on, as only love can rewire the body-mind, and imo that is precisely what’s happening. It’s most worthwhile. Transmutation is a real phenomenon and sounds very much underway. Nothing like creating an extreme circumstance to bring about clarity! 😅 Loophole shake - very budget friendly! 

[Blessed2]

12 hours ago, ConsciousDreamer666 said:

what do you mean? care to explain?

 

It was just some intuition.

 

Very much how the dreams we see at night are often, if not always, symbolic to the themes we hold in our mind during the day, a lot of stuff that goes on in our life is symbolic / metaphoric to our "subconscious" beliefs.

 

Our friendships and relationships with each other are probably the greatest "truth tellers" of our pre-assumptions, of what we think we are.

 

Intimate, sexual and romantic relationships and themes probably even more so.

 

Like how ACIM says, in your brother you either lose yourself, or find yourself.

 

When I experienced a very brutally discordant "manifestation" of ego or selfing, ACIM was my best buddy to help me understand what was going on. If your interested to see if it might help you too, check out Disappearance of the Universe by Gary Renard. Or just read ACIM raw, but it might be very confusing without a good introduction that simplifies it a bit.