Overwhelment

[Phil]

9 minutes ago, noomii said:

That resonates but is not seen.

Bask in the resonating. 

 

As far as seen, as in perception, a thought / belief might arise about perception… that perception is not you appearing - or, that you are a sep self seeing sep things. That is an experience of appearing thoughts. 

 

Thoughts appearing, which are to the contrary of the truth of the situation seemingly obscure the truth. 

Yet in truth, you are appearing as the thoughts as well, and therein are never actually obscured. 

 

Perhaps an appearing thought is believed, that perception would or needs to somehow change, and then some thing would be seen, by some one. 

Perception is already empty of, entirely without - separation or separate things. 

 

Thought makes it seem so. Meditation is an allowing of thought to come to rest. Therein, perception is unobscured by beliefs, thoughts. 

 

🤍 

 

9 minutes ago, noomii said:

I don't feel ready or willing right now to investigate direct exprience or contemplate.

Keep it simple. As simple as possible. Point to who that thought is about. 

Consider, what already is is not in need of someone feeling ready or willing. 

 

9 minutes ago, noomii said:

Am I in control of everything?

You are being that which you are calling, ‘every thing’. 

There isn’t a thing, nor every thing / everything.  

There isn’t a self which is separate of a thing, or every thing. 

There are thoughts appearing about there being separation, things, every thing, an everything, and a self which is separate of, everything. 

 

9 minutes ago, noomii said:

If I was really in control of everything then I think I would have a very different experience. 

You are already in control, and can create / allow a very different experience.

Allow the next ‘thing’ you say to be aligned, and ‘see for yourself’. 

Consider momentum… ‘This’, you’re being, unfolding. 

[Phil]

21 minutes ago, noomii said:

I see them as a threat and competition

What’s ‘seen’, perception, is without meaning. 

That there are separate selves, and you are a separate self, and some separate selves are a threat or competition - is not seen. 

 

It’s thought(s), believed to be, or believed to label, or believed to definite etc - perception, which you are appearing as. 

Overwhelment is felt as guidance for this. 

[noomii]

On 6/10/2024 at 1:40 PM, Mandy said:

@noomii Are men the source of love? 

I don't know

 

On 6/10/2024 at 1:40 PM, Mandy said:

@noomii Why is love and attention wanted or expected to come from men specifically? 

I believe that's what makes me good enough and worthy.

 

I can feel jealousy about men's achievements too, in a way maybe that's jealousy about confidence

[noomii]

On 6/10/2024 at 1:44 PM, Phil said:

Thought makes it seem so. Meditation is an allowing of thought to come to rest. Therein, perception is unobscured by beliefs, thoughts. 

 

🤍

I don't feel like thought comes to rest from meditation. I'm trying my best everyday to let go of thoughts but it feels like I'm just  constantly running and I'm exhausted.

 

On 6/10/2024 at 1:44 PM, Phil said:

Keep it simple. As simple as possible. Point to who that thought is about. 

Consider, what already is is not in need of someone feeling ready or willing. 

I said I don't feel ready or willing because of how it felt difficult to focus and that I felt overwhelment. It doesn't feel good to force myself to do things I think I should, so I focused on what felt loving.

[noomii]

 

 

These affirmations are really good. ❤️

 

[Mandy]

39 minutes ago, noomii said:

I don't know

 

I believe that's what makes me good enough and worthy.

 

I can feel jealousy about men's achievements too, in a way maybe that's jealousy about confidence

That's how the maiden thinks, the mother is slapped out of that reality in that its no longer just about her, and the crone laughs at it all. Be a crone before you're a crone and men will find you irresistible. And if they don't, then no one cares cause nothing is sought in it. Win, win. Insecurity attracts insecurity, luckily there are no insecure people, just insecurity as emotion. If you judge men as insecure, or attract insecurity from men, it's just a mirror not to you... to thoughts focused on and what emotion is responding.  

[Phil]

42 minutes ago, noomii said:

I don't feel like thought comes to rest from meditation. I'm trying my best everyday to let go of thoughts but it feels like I'm just  constantly running and I'm exhausted.

 

I said I don't feel ready or willing because of how it felt difficult to focus and that I felt overwhelment. It doesn't feel good to force myself to do things I think I should, so I focused on what felt loving.

Thought doesn’t come to rest from meditation. Thought coming to rest is meditation. 

 

That there is someone trying to let go of thoughts… is thought(s). 

 

You are present. Where is the self trying, the self of time, of everyday, which is running, exhausted?

 

It’s a thought narrative about a self which isn’t actually present, isn’t it? 

 

Thoughts can appear about meditation being a thing, which a doer does, is doing, did or has been doing, and some thing that is or isn’t working for the doer. Meditation is these thoughts coming to rest. 

 

Thoughts about there being two selves, one which is forcing and one which is forced might also appear and can be brought to rest as well. 

 

[noomii]

 

18 hours ago, Mandy said:

That's how the maiden thinks, the mother is slapped out of that reality in that its no longer just about her, and the crone laughs at it all. Be a crone before you're a crone and men will find you irresistible. And if they don't, then no one cares cause nothing is sought in it. Win, win. Insecurity attracts insecurity, luckily there are no insecure people, just insecurity as emotion. If you judge men as insecure, or attract insecurity from men, it's just a mirror not to you... to thoughts focused on and what emotion is responding.  

It doesn't even make a difference when men tell me what I want to hear if I continue to focus on the same beliefs. 

 

Have you read Women Who Run with the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estés?

 

[Mandy]

@noomii Started it but haven't finished it yet. 

[noomii]

22 hours ago, Phil said:

Thought doesn’t come to rest from meditation. Thought coming to rest is meditation. 

Is this the same as saying that meditation is  not the cause of any experience?

[noomii]

3 hours ago, Mandy said:

@noomii Started it but haven't finished it yet. 

Same here. Maiden, mother and crone made me think of it, if that's where I remember it from.

 

Thank you Mandy.

[Phil]

37 minutes ago, noomii said:

Is this the same as saying that meditation is  not the cause of any experience?

Causation, cause & effect, is only the activity of thought. As thought is brought to rest, ineffable magic is revealed. 

[Mandy]

1 hour ago, noomii said:

Same here. Maiden, mother and crone made me think of it, if that's where I remember it from.

 

Thank you Mandy.

Interesting Wikipedia article on it... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triple_Goddess_(Neopaganism)

 

 

[noomii]

17 hours ago, Phil said:

Causation, cause & effect, is only the activity of thought. As thought is brought to rest, ineffable magic is revealed. 

Clarifying. Thanks Phil 😊

[noomii]

 It just seems like I have to meditate constantly to even stay calm. Nothing seem to work out right now. How does one even stay in alignment when there are deadlines and things that actually need to get done?

[Phil]

@noomii

With continued meditation, self referential thoughts, (thoughts about a self in time which isn’t actually you), will naturally fizzle out. It’s not a doing nor any kind of efforting. Stick with the meditation. I wish there was something beyond the words “it’s the allowing of everything you want coming into your life” which I could offer, but it’s true. It actually is. 🙂

 

 

Overwhelment isn’t actually of deadlines or what needs to be done, it’s how the thoughts feel. Happy to help with noticing the actuality of this. 

 

“One staying in alignment” is a framing on behalf of the separate self of thoughts. The framing of alignment being that of aligning thoughts with feeling is different. It’s not that you are in or out of alignment. You remain “as always”, present and aware of all phenomenon such as thoughts & emotions. 

 

It can be clarifying as well not to leave it at “nothing seems to work out”. Expressively, be specific. That deflates overwhelment, as does of course grounding in perception & sensation, ‘being where you are’, and of course grounding in the body in that it’s “always” present. 

 

One simple practice too, is to write a to do list. Get’s it ‘out of your head’ and in perception and is relieving. 

 

Also, take control of thoughts / the narrative by allowing self-love. Affirm that it is enough. What you can do right now so to speak is what you can do right now - and it is enough. 

[noomii]

@Phil Thank you.
 

16 hours ago, Phil said:

Overwhelment isn’t actually of deadlines or what needs to be done, it’s how the thoughts feel. Happy to help with noticing the actuality of this. 

Noticing the actuality of this, do you just mean noticing how the thought feels?

 

It very much feels like effort when I meditate extra outside of my formal practice. But I guess it's just the thoughts about it that feels that way.

 

Thoughts that I feel worry, doubt and overwhelment about:
• I have to order the clothes and things I want latest today.
• I feel doubt about what clothes and other things I want.
• If I don't find clothes I want then I think people will judge my appearence, I expect myself to dress in a certain way.
• I have to decide latest tomorrow if I want to do a treatment, on latest wednesday. I feel doubt about it.

• I have to reply to all the questions from my psychologist.

• I have to apply for more new jobs.
• I have to finish all packing and cleaning before moving next monday.

I feel worry or insecurity about how people might think that what I write sounds easy and not emotionally difficult.

What I think is not working out is ordering things online and that it takes up so much time when I need to get other things done.

I feel worry or pessimism about how I think I won't be able to relax and enjoy midsummer celebration this week. I feel worry that I will feel overwhelment about planning and stay at home. I feel pessmism about how I haven't enjoyed or relaxed this summer and I feel worry about not being able to do so before I start working.

Edited June 17 by noomii

[Phil]

1 hour ago, noomii said:

@Phil Thank you.
 

Noticing the actuality of this, do you just mean noticing how the thought feels?

Yes. 

Noticing that it (emotions, such as overwhelment) is how the thought feels. 

It’s not, how what the thought is about, feels. 

 

1 hour ago, noomii said:

It very much feels like effort when I meditate extra outside of my formal practice. But I guess it's just the thoughts about it that feels that way.

Yes, 100% - it is how the thoughts about it feel. 

 

1 hour ago, noomii said:

 

Thoughts that I feel worry, doubt and overwhelment about:
• I have to order the clothes and things I want latest today.
• I feel doubt about what clothes and other things I want.
• If I don't find clothes I want then I think people will judge my appearence, I expect myself to dress in a certain way.
• I have to decide latest tomorrow if I want to do a treatment, on latest wednesday. I feel doubt about it.

• I have to reply to all the questions from my psychologist.

• I have to apply for more new jobs.
• I have to finish all packing and cleaning before moving next monday.

I feel worry or insecurity about how people might think that what I write sounds easy and not emotionally difficult.

What I think is not working out is ordering things online and that it takes up so much time when I need to get other things done.

I feel worry or pessimism about how I think I won't be able to relax and enjoy midsummer celebration this week. I feel worry that I will feel overwhelment about planning and stay at home. I feel pessmism about how I haven't enjoyed or relaxed this summer and I feel worry about not being able to do so before I start working.

This introspection is beautiful. Truly stunning. I’m convinced you are on the brink of realizing feeling is only-present, never in a past or future. 

[noomii]

On 6/17/2024 at 3:03 PM, Phil said:

This introspection is beautiful. Truly stunning. I’m convinced you are on the brink of realizing feeling is only-present, never in a past or future. 

Thank you, I appreciate you saying this ❤️

 

 

[noomii]

I realized this is not a journal but I want to share this here.

I celebrated summer solstice today with some people with meditation and music.

I let go of the thoughts about what I think I should do.

I met a guy that I felt attracted to and we just clicked. Later he drove me home because we were living close to each other. He told me about some kind of energy healing that he's doing. He asked me if he could do healing on me as he said I was lighting up. I said yes and we stopped by the parking lot.
I was shaking in my legs while we were talking. I asked if he was already doing something and he said no and yes?
I thought we had not started anything.

I started shaking and twitching A LOT for one hour and then it continued more than that but milder. Most in my legs and right arm. I just allowed it to be.
I thought I was having a panic attack in the middle of it, really felt so out of breath and exhausted, I just continued breathing and it passed.
I didn't even cry, I was laughing through the discomfort.
He was saying some so called codes out loud and held me the whole time. We sat there for another few hours hugging and talking.

In the car he felt just like a platonic friend. We are both going completely separate ways also as he is moving to another country. He was like an angel assisting me on the way?

It felt really unreal. I felt so naked just being me, I felt insecurity as it all settled down and now as I write. I'm still twitching a bit now.

Edited June 21 by noomii