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How I feel...


Eternal
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I am just going to share how I have been feeling lately & how I feel a majority of the time. Whenever I wake up in the morning I feel a sense of disappointment as this is just another day that is going to be wasted mindlessly wasting time on my computer to just pass through yet another day until I go back to sleep, the only thing I look forward to in life is going back to sleep during my day. 

 

I waste time with online dating, browsing forums, watching pointless youtube videos that I already know the stuff to so I can get through another day of a passionless life. I have a bad financial, dating, spiritual life... I don't enjoy communicating with anyone as I view it as a waste of time & don't make any effort to talk to anyone. I get a lot of negative thoughts in my mind throughout the day. I know these are all thoughts but I feel my situation never really changes. I feel worse the longer it goes on. 

 

The main issue that has been frustrating me a lot lately within my own mind is not knowing what I want to do for my future career as I find that I don't enjoy anything he possibilities seem endless. I don't want to be a victim but I feel like my own ego has a mind of it's own, I will go out on dates and not even try to esculate as a man just make myself worthless. I am good looking, get loads of attention from women when I go out clubbing. Get matches with online dating but I fail to communicate with them beyond a first date. They typically reject me because they can sense how uncomfortable I am around them on the date. I generally do not enjoy being there in that moment. I do not know what to say. When they say something to me, I have to think right at that moment to say something back. Whenever they are talking, I am always thinking of what to say after as to keep the conversation going. 

 

This rejection of the opposite sex, I feel is really getting to me emotionally. It makes me feel worthless inside. I feel like I have such an internal low sense of self esteem. My inner self feels incredibly weak (even a girl told me that on a date recently). I subconsciously self sabotage myself into good situations when it comes to connecting with others. I even went on dates with a few girls that I genuinely really liked, we had a lot in common but I always seem to be the one getting rejected. That seems to just make me more needy. I don't have any friends that I interact with, been basically socially isolating myself for years so even basic communication with others I find difficult. I feel very bad at keeping attention from others. I like to just stay with my own thoughts. Only my family love me & that kind of just feels like forced love. I wish someone would just love me for being me that is not to do with my family. It makes me feel really lonely. 

 

I am really interested in self actualizing my potentional as a human being, I want to get a great career, have a great dating life, be well educated, amazing spiritual life but that all feels so far out of reach. I try to incorporate good & healthy habits but I always end up backsliding sooner or later. I tend to feel worse when I am consciously aware of the stuff that I actually need to be doing to improve my own situation & life but just do not do it. 

 

I try to go out twice a week for ages to improve my seduction skills but my own mind will purposefully refuse to do any approaches even if girls give me clear signs of interest. Simply because a part of me likes being this way. I hate the feeling of wasting your life. I try to go to meetups to socialize but it is honeslty my worst nightmare, I typically just sit in a corner and not talk to anyone. I am way to logical & analytical to enjoy socializing positive habit for the last year. 

 

The worst part about it is that I know what I need to do but fail to change anyway, I know what advice my family will give me. I am seeing a counseller on Wednesday. I highly doubt they will be able to help as I probably know more than them since I have a lot of self help knowledge of self improvement. I just fail to take action. I have become picky about who I want as a friend/mate as I find a lot of people out there are not interested in the same thing as me. 

 

I also feel stupid as I did not even take my GCSES & didn't do well in school. I was bullied for all of my schooling life, went to around 15 different schools, 3 different countries. A majority of the schools I felt unwanted/ostracized. 

 

I currently live with my grandmother who is 93 & constantly asks me the same questions every single day, I feel a sense of suffocation. She comes down to my side of the flat a lot, walks around ect.. she is an extremely fearful person. She loves me though but I don't seem to love anyone else as I don't have any emotional capacity. I always feel very apathetic. I genuinely don't like being in my own room. My mum lives close by, she loves me also but I find her to overwhelming. I feel overwhelmed by all my family loving me & I cannot love them back. I feel like I am wasting my time communicating with anyone. I just want to live by myself without my family somewhere in the countryside where I can drive to a city to occasionaly socialize. 

 

I just want to be free to live by myself so I can pursue my own spiritual practices & raise my own consciousness but I have been saying this for ages and nothing changes because I have a rubbish financial situation & I have no idea how to change it since I am not sure what to create of value to people. I don't want to manipulate people into giving me money. I want to do something more higher consciousness. I just don't know what that unique idea is. It is a feeling of being completely lost. I enjoy going to the gym, technology, building websites, consciousness & understanding reality but I don't have that much education in it. The one thing I hate is communicating with others in person. I would rather be someone behind the scenes. I want to have my own business, making passive income, being free from my family, having a great connection with others... good dating life... 

 

I need help because I don't like wasting my days, the only thing I look forward to is going back to sleep at night

 

 

I feel lost/confused/rejected/alone/passionless

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59 minutes ago, Eternal said:

Whenever I wake up in the morning I feel a sense of disappointment as this is just another day that is going to be wasted mindlessly wasting time on my computer to just pass through yet another day until I go back to sleep, the only thing I look forward to in life is going back to sleep during my day. 

 

Rather than starting your day thinking that 👆, do you find anything on the computer and internet you might feel even a bit excited about, something to look forward to? Maybe a new video from a youtuber you like, maybe a new game, a new article, a new episode of a good show, an interesting thread/discussion on a forum...?

 

59 minutes ago, Eternal said:

I generally do not enjoy being there in that moment.

 

Maybe rather than trying to get to some result in those dates, focus simply in having good time. A really simple way to make yourself feel better is to pay attention on how you sit, stand, and move. Sit in a comfortable position. Take your shoes off. Relax. Strech your arms etc.

 

1 hour ago, Eternal said:

I am seeing a counseller on Wednesday. I highly doubt they will be able to help as I probably know more than them since I have a lot of self help knowledge of self improvement. I just fail to take action.

 

Rather than thinking about failing to take action or stuff you think you already know, focus on expressing authentically how you feel.

 

1 hour ago, Eternal said:

I just want to be free to live by myself so I can pursue my own spiritual practices & raise my own consciousness but I have been saying this for ages and nothing changes because I have a rubbish financial situation & I have no idea how to change it since I am not sure what to create of value to people.

 

What you probably want, is essentially to feel free, the relief and excitenment. What comes to mind about feeling free, how about going for a long walk every now and then? There's sometimes something very peculiar in just walking outside, somewhere where you usually don't spend time in. The big world is literally right outside your room.

 

Maybe spending a night in a tent somewhere? Or in a hotel? Just to get that sense of freedom and self-reliance, adventure.

 

Do you know Esther Hicks? She might be a great resource for you. 

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@Eternal

Hi & welcome. 

 

The easiest way to see more of what you want, and feel less confusion about it, is writing a list of what you don’t want, and writing the opposites of each on a dreamboard. Don’t be fooled by the simplicity & effortlessness of this, your vibe will change on it’s own. Then reality… your life experience, will become what you wrote on your dreamboard. You won’t be at a loss for more engaging things to do. 

 

The emotional scale can help you to realize no one is worthless, and anyone can experience the emotion of worthlessness, just like you are. Same goes for doubt. It’s an emotion.  The scale will also help you to feel enthusiasm & passion (also emotions, not character traits, personality or genetics, etc), which couples well with the engaging things to do, which are what you want. 

 

The dreamboard and emotional scale work very naturally together. The next emotion (from unworthiness) on the scale to express is jealousy, which couples perfectly with writing the the list of what you want on your board. 

 

Overall, mindset changes. It’s natural to focus on what you want, and you’ll feel aligned & inspired. It’s unnatural as in resistant, to focus on what you don’t want. You won’t miss it! Soon enough you won’t even notice you’re not doing it anymore. 

 

Career outlook will change in the way you desire it to - you’ll have a board full of what you want, which is like a board of clues career wise. Ideas will arise. Ways of going about it will arise. Inquiries which you can google to fill in any knowledge gaps will arise. All perfectly naturally and enjoyably. No ‘doing’ needed. Inspiration. 

 

Dating will also change quite positively, because it is not that others think you’re worthless… they feel the vibration of unworthiness.  Not being aligned within yourself, and trying to approach, is like being a backwards magnet. It’s exhausting. Lots of effort, little to no satisfying results. When you see what’s on your board, focus more intrinsically on what you want, you feel much more energetic. It will become clear you were never rejected per se, but weren’t feeling aligned with your desire and energy, and were attracting in kind. Rejection doesn’t feel discordant in & of itself. Surely you’re not attracted to ever single female, and likely you wouldn’t agree if they felt you rejected them. Attraction is just bigger than any one person. It’s a substrate, but we carry on as if it’s just preference. This will change, and the interpretation of rejection will not longer feed into the interpretation that you are needy, or that the rejection is because you’re needy. In truth, you aren’t worthless, or needy, and have never actually been rejected. Like wise, you have a higher capacity for emotion than you are aware, due to focusing on what you don’t want and what you believe you can’t do. You believe thoughts like I feel stupid… not noticing yet that’s discordant judgement, and not feeling. It’s those thoughts which feel bad and zap the energy… no you, and also not anyone else.  Love grandma, but don’t lend any headspace. Let her feel her own discord and discover source therein. 

 

In large part, the belief in the inability to love back derives from believing thoughts. More so, from believing the thoughts are true. The discordant feeling says otherwise. Similarly, the belief in higher & lower consciousness is isolating, not connective and inspiring. Try to appreciate the age old wisdom of the phrase ‘garbage in, garbage out’, and be choosy about what content you put in front of you. Allow old mindsets, paradigm, ways of thinking which don’t feel good and aren’t working to go. Don’t try to solve them. 

 

A full dreamboard, and what’s on it unfolding, makes it impossible to be at a loss for things to talk about date wise. She will resonate with that vibration, and share her dream with you too. You might go so far as to say this is the very evidence that these changes in what you focus on will result in reality becoming that too. 

 

Needy is a paradigm. It comes from focusing on what you don’t want, and discordant thoughts about yourself. 

 

As far as being aware of what you want to be doing, but not feeling inspired to do it, the scale will change that. Currently you’re trying things to feel better, the scale will bring about the insight the letting things go results in feeling better. Like a cork that was held underwater so long it wasn’t noticed. That the true nature or inspiration ‘floats’ of it’s own unfettered accord is absolute. There isn’t a human which is exceptional in this regard.  That you are experiencing confusion points directly to that you are goodness. If you believed you were worthless and needy and it felt great - I wouldn’t be able to make such a settlement. 

 

On changing yourself… my two cents is love yourself… and change what you’re experiencing instead. 

 

This is most helpful to question beliefs that don’t feel good to you. Aka, limiting beliefs, or, thoughts about ‘the separate self’. None of what you think or believe which doesn’t feel good to you, is true. 

 

If there is ‘heavy’ blockage which is due to trauma, this will help. 

 

Some of the most successful, happy, passionate paradigm busting people to ever have lived dropped out of school. Just to name a few, Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, Henry Ford & Larry Page. Alignment & inspiration, with what is, can & will change everything.  

https://retireat21.com/blog/the-most-successful-college-dropouts-in-history

 

Also, be careful with expectations. In using the dreamboard & the emotional scale… appreciate feeling just a bit better, and a bit better, and a bit better. Momentum will ensue as sure as the sun shines. If you can muster it in sincerity, have faith, but in any case - try this ‘stuff’ and see for yourself. 

 

The Dreamboard.

The Emotional Scale.

Aligning Thought With Feeling.

 

 

 

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On 4/18/2022 at 9:32 PM, Phil said:

@Eternal

Hi & welcome. 

 

The easiest way to see more of what you want, and feel less confusion about it, is writing a list of what you don’t want, and writing the opposites of each on a dreamboard. Don’t be fooled by the simplicity & effortlessness of this, your vibe will change on it’s own. Then reality… your life experience, will become what you wrote on your dreamboard. You won’t be at a loss for more engaging things to do. 

 

The emotional scale can help you to realize no one is worthless, and anyone can experience the emotion of worthlessness, just like you are. Same goes for doubt. It’s an emotion.  The scale will also help you to feel enthusiasm & passion (also emotions, not character traits, personality or genetics, etc), which couples well with the engaging things to do, which are what you want. 

 

The dreamboard and emotional scale work very naturally together. The next emotion (from unworthiness) on the scale to express is jealousy, which couples perfectly with writing the the list of what you want on your board. 

 

Overall, mindset changes. It’s natural to focus on what you want, and you’ll feel aligned & inspired. It’s unnatural as in resistant, to focus on what you don’t want. You won’t miss it! Soon enough you won’t even notice you’re not doing it anymore. 

 

Career outlook will change in the way you desire it to - you’ll have a board full of what you want, which is like a board of clues career wise. Ideas will arise. Ways of going about it will arise. Inquiries which you can google to fill in any knowledge gaps will arise. All perfectly naturally and enjoyably. No ‘doing’ needed. Inspiration. 

 

Dating will also change quite positively, because it is not that others think you’re worthless… they feel the vibration of unworthiness.  Not being aligned within yourself, and trying to approach, is like being a backwards magnet. It’s exhausting. Lots of effort, little to no satisfying results. When you see what’s on your board, focus more intrinsically on what you want, you feel much more energetic. It will become clear you were never rejected per se, but weren’t feeling aligned with your desire and energy, and were attracting in kind. Rejection doesn’t feel discordant in & of itself. Surely you’re not attracted to ever single female, and likely you wouldn’t agree if they felt you rejected them. Attraction is just bigger than any one person. It’s a substrate, but we carry on as if it’s just preference. This will change, and the interpretation of rejection will not longer feed into the interpretation that you are needy, or that the rejection is because you’re needy. In truth, you aren’t worthless, or needy, and have never actually been rejected. Like wise, you have a higher capacity for emotion than you are aware, due to focusing on what you don’t want and what you believe you can’t do. You believe thoughts like I feel stupid… not noticing yet that’s discordant judgement, and not feeling. It’s those thoughts which feel bad and zap the energy… no you, and also not anyone else.  Love grandma, but don’t lend any headspace. Let her feel her own discord and discover source therein. 

 

In large part, the belief in the inability to love back derives from believing thoughts. More so, from believing the thoughts are true. The discordant feeling says otherwise. Similarly, the belief in higher & lower consciousness is isolating, not connective and inspiring. Try to appreciate the age old wisdom of the phrase ‘garbage in, garbage out’, and be choosy about what content you put in front of you. Allow old mindsets, paradigm, ways of thinking which don’t feel good and aren’t working to go. Don’t try to solve them. 

 

A full dreamboard, and what’s on it unfolding, makes it impossible to be at a loss for things to talk about date wise. She will resonate with that vibration, and share her dream with you too. You might go so far as to say this is the very evidence that these changes in what you focus on will result in reality becoming that too. 

 

Needy is a paradigm. It comes from focusing on what you don’t want, and discordant thoughts about yourself. 

 

As far as being aware of what you want to be doing, but not feeling inspired to do it, the scale will change that. Currently you’re trying things to feel better, the scale will bring about the insight the letting things go results in feeling better. Like a cork that was held underwater so long it wasn’t noticed. That the true nature or inspiration ‘floats’ of it’s own unfettered accord is absolute. There isn’t a human which is exceptional in this regard.  That you are experiencing confusion points directly to that you are goodness. If you believed you were worthless and needy and it felt great - I wouldn’t be able to make such a settlement. 

 

On changing yourself… my two cents is love yourself… and change what you’re experiencing instead. 

 

This is most helpful to question beliefs that don’t feel good to you. Aka, limiting beliefs, or, thoughts about ‘the separate self’. None of what you think or believe which doesn’t feel good to you, is true. 

 

If there is ‘heavy’ blockage which is due to trauma, this will help. 

 

Some of the most successful, happy, passionate paradigm busting people to ever have lived dropped out of school. Just to name a few, Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, Henry Ford & Larry Page. Alignment & inspiration, with what is, can & will change everything.  

https://retireat21.com/blog/the-most-successful-college-dropouts-in-history

 

Also, be careful with expectations. In using the dreamboard & the emotional scale… appreciate feeling just a bit better, and a bit better, and a bit better. Momentum will ensue as sure as the sun shines. If you can muster it in sincerity, have faith, but in any case - try this ‘stuff’ and see for yourself. 

 

The Dreamboard.

The Emotional Scale.

Aligning Thought With Feeling.

 

 

 

 

Thank you very much, I have been feeling better lately. I just need to do things that genuinely make me feel good.

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