My imaginary husband

[Reena]

Current time in Sydney, Australia. 

7.53 pm. Australia is damn close to India. So timings aren't a problem. I don't want to disturb his sleep so I'll text him only during the day. 

 

His birthday is May 3. Cute.. Mine is February 21.

 

 

 

Edited April 22 by Reena

[Reena]

He told me to do some vedic thing with his birthday. I like how he signs me off by saying "my love " At the end of every conversation. 

 

Reminds me of Benton. He used to call me "love." I guess all guys do. 

 

 

 

                               

 

 

 

Another strange observation is that he told me to forgive Benton. Now that's a task for the long haul, I'm in no mood for that anytime soon. 

 

 

                             

 

                                 

 

 

Andrew is here to stay.

 

Roo mama roo mama roo mama. 

 

 

 

Edited April 22 by Reena

[Reena]

 

I'm extremely pissed off right now. I don't want to talk. I'm just upset. Bad mood. 

I wish I could burn this whole world down.

 

[Reena]

I have decided to roll back to Jay Scott.. I want to imagine someone more intelligent as my husband. Someone who has the decency, awareness, common sense on how to treat me. Nothing more to say. Things are best left unsaid.

 

I have to forget Andrew. He  began talking weird stuff about killing and I felt unsettled and decided to call it quits. I can still talk to him on a platonic friendship level but my romantic feelings have flown out the window. 

 

 

Edited April 24 by Reena

[Reena]

I have a problem of quick attachment to men. And I should work on it. I don't want to easily give into a man anymore unless I'm getting the right signals like some form of commitment. Commitment is a rare thing these days. 

 

[Reena]

I think I'm falling in love with Andrew. He called me honey and it melted my heart. I called him a sweetheart. 

He is the sweetest.

He was tired and he fell asleep talking to me. 

 

He is British ethnically. But actually Australian. 

I'll call him Andy. 

 

 

He is somewhat affectionate and he loves animals and plants. I like that part because I share the same love. We have a common interest in spirituality and LSD. 

 

 

[Reena]

 I want to lay at his feet.

 

Andrew will sing and play his guitar and I will lay at his feet listening and falling asleep to his Soft voice and his strumming. 

 

 

He makes me feel free and pleasant. He takes me to a different world, a world away from this world. 

 

 

 

[Reena]

 

Lots to write about. I have a bunch of mixed emotions and several emotions.

 

I don't know Andrew that well.

 

Andrew told me that he has been heart broken in the past.

I told him to video chat me which he refused. I get it. He feels shy. He doesn't want to make eye contact and I find that very cute. Im not good with eye contact either because of my autism.

Andrew is a breath of fresh air.

I like how comfortable I'm not knowing much about him. I have been different in the past

 

[Reena]

I have been heart broken in the past as well.

So i understand how Andrew feels. He is sweet to me. He did not bring up the subject matter of sex. The only thing he said was that he wanted to kiss me. Which is absolutely fine. But I have no mood for sex. I don't want any sex talk. It's unnecessary and I want a strong emotional connection before I can talk about sex.

 

I made that mistake with Marcel. Gave in too quickly into his sexual stuff and then the relationship was mostly only revolving around sex and quickly got boring.

 

It's meaningless that way. I want soul happiness with the man I want to share my life with. Sex can wait.

 

 

[Reena]

Almost a drug. 

 

 

[Reena]

I always told myself that I needed a hyper intelligent husband. This should be a dreamboard thing. 

 

[Reena]

To my future husband-

With you I have felt most vulnerable. I have felt weak. I have trusted you fully and completely, so when you ratted me out, I felt horribly betrayed. I didn't know what to do. I don't think I deserved to be treated that way. I was very vulnerable, very naked, very open with you, the most that I have ever been with someone. And yet, I felt my nakedness would be rewarded with comfort and protection. But you attacked me when I was at my weakest. I can never muster the courage to ask for an explanation. Remember that your words have a lot of power over me.  

[Reena]

I lied to you. I lied to you. I lied to you. Yes I lied to you. I lied to you. I lied to you. Because I wanted your love badly. I would do anything for it. I had grown desperate. I was going insane, in wanting you, in needing you, in trusting you. So I lied. I thought you would ultimately forgive me. I thought you would make it all go away. 

 

 

[Reena]

If you feel like I did something wrong, or that I wasn't on the same caliber and I didn't have much to offer, then you can go enjoy your time with your high quality stuff and I can find my peace somewhere else. I don't need to deal with the likes of you and your ilk. 

[Reena]

The problem with people like Joseph (my ex), is that they can never get over their superiority complex, they will always live in it and decay in their own miserable hell of being fed up with themselves, always treat others as disposables and never find peace with themselves. You can't fix such a person because they aren't fundamentally rooted in love.