Disordered sleep

[Kevin]

So many issues with sleep right now. I toss and turn throughout the night and a few nights ago I had very vivid dreams and nightmares.

 

I was sitting outside and I was doing the emotional scale and I realized I’m disappointed I didn’t get sleep last night. Then I noticed there’s a continuity disruption that happens when I sleep and I haven’t been experiencing that for that last couple nights.

 

The main point of this post is the nightmare though. A few nights ago I woke up and I was in sleep paralysis and there was a sleep paralysis demon. For those who haven’t experienced them, sleep paralysis demons are usually just black human shaped shadow beings.

 

This time though I woke up in sleep paralysis and the sleep paralysis demon had human features. It wasn’t just black. I remember it had an evil smile but I don’t remember what or who it looked like specifically. It was holding me down and it had a knife and it stuck the knife in my stomach and I felt myself actually getting stabbed. Super disturbing. And then instantly I’m standing up and I’m running as fast as I can but going nowhere.

 

Apparently that’s a common dream where you run super fast but your lot moving but I’ve never experienced it. 

[Phil]

What comes to mind…

 

Most paramount: Forgive yourself for interpreting in ways that you did in your early youth, in regard to all discordant interpretations; thus uncovering the truth of your innocence & peacefulness. You didn’t know then what you know now / release any expectations that you should have, and the weight of carrying any such expectations. 

 

The intensity of sleep paralysis / demon / being stabbed denotes momentum (long held discord) & resistance to expressing (and therein releasing) disappointment, bitterness, un-forgiveness and resentment.

 

That denotes imo (an experience & interpretation of) childhood betrayal. 

 

The ‘more human like’ features denotes the desire to release the discord of interpretations of old, and an untangling of these interpretations with identity as you do / as they come up and out. 

 

Upon expressing & releasing… appreciation / gratitude, satisfaction / contentment, sweetness / kindness, forgiveness / reconciliation, acceptance and selflessness naturally fill in. 

 

Resistance to expressing these aspects is likely related to shame / guilt, held in a self referential manor, which doesn’t fit / isn’t appropriate (it’s truly not your fault) / is un-align-able with the true innocence of yourself, thus manifesting as sleep issues. 

 

 

Holding expression back is inherently suffocating / paralyzing. 

 

Stabbed in stomach / solar plexus may relate to confidence, self-esteem / feeling in control of your life, which relates to the yet-to-be-released & aligned interpretations. 

 

Inclination / impulse for substances not exactly well-being oriented could be related to guilt in self referential interpretations formed early on. Self punishment playing out essentially. I can’t say it enough - it is not your fault. 

 

Guilt in interpretations could be mingling with resentment for the good fortune of coming from an affluent family. 

Affluence doesn’t equate to emotional fulfillment, and might be used in a superficial manor in terms of forging connections in new relationships. 

 

Speedy return of self ref thoughts post psychedelic breakthroughs might be related to the ‘holding’ of ‘old’ interpretations not yet expressed & released. 

 

Difficulty with thoughts of loneliness may be a rebelling against coming from an affluent family. A yin yang of ‘having it easier’ / interpretations of guilt about this / and so making it harder (elusively & unnecessarily). 

 

Also paradoxically, possibly manifesting in the same rebellious manor - subtle beliefs of unworthiness / deservedness, and pressures around upholding an image of success. 

 

Not to be personal (too late I’m sure)… ‘vehement’ Trump supporting may be a playing out / seeking stability & connection in shared values, as opposed to allowing the true security / stability / emotional connection of / with / as Source. 

 

This might also all be playing out as being overly critical / reluctant to trust, in terms of relationships, specific to females… relating back to childhood betrayal involving a female & likely sensitive / intimate context / content.

 

Affirmation that may resonate / align:

 

“I trust the process of life right here right now and that is enough, that is all I truly want & need. I am healthy & happy right here right now. I give myself permission to look forward optimistically, releasing all which does not serve me”. 

 

[Kevin]

21 hours ago, Phil said:

What comes to mind…

 

Most paramount: Forgive yourself for interpreting in ways that you did in your early youth, in regard to all discordant interpretations; thus uncovering the truth of your innocence & peacefulness. You didn’t know then what you know now / release any expectations that you should have, and the weight of carrying any such expectations. 

 

The intensity of sleep paralysis / demon / being stabbed denotes momentum (long held discord) & resistance to expressing (and therein releasing) disappointment, bitterness, un-forgiveness and resentment.

 

That denotes imo (an experience & interpretation of) childhood betrayal. 

 

The ‘more human like’ features denotes the desire to release the discord of interpretations of old, and an untangling of these interpretations with identity as you do / as they come up and out. 

 

Upon expressing & releasing… appreciation / gratitude, satisfaction / contentment, sweetness / kindness, forgiveness / reconciliation, acceptance and selflessness naturally fill in. 

 

Resistance to expressing these aspects is likely related to shame / guilt, held in a self referential manor, which doesn’t fit / isn’t appropriate (it’s truly not your fault) / is un-align-able with the true innocence of yourself, thus manifesting as sleep issues. 

 

 

Holding expression back is inherently suffocating / paralyzing. 

 

Stabbed in stomach / solar plexus may relate to confidence, self-esteem / feeling in control of your life, which relates to the yet-to-be-released & aligned interpretations. 

 

Inclination / impulse for substances not exactly well-being oriented could be related to guilt in self referential interpretations formed early on. Self punishment playing out essentially. I can’t say it enough - it is not your fault. 

 

Guilt in interpretations could be mingling with resentment for the good fortune of coming from an affluent family. 

Affluence doesn’t equate to emotional fulfillment, and might be used in a superficial manor in terms of forging connections in new relationships. 

 

Speedy return of self ref thoughts post psychedelic breakthroughs might be related to the ‘holding’ of ‘old’ interpretations not yet expressed & released. 

 

Difficulty with thoughts of loneliness may be a rebelling against coming from an affluent family. A yin yang of ‘having it easier’ / interpretations of guilt about this / and so making it harder (elusively & unnecessarily). 

 

Also paradoxically, possibly manifesting in the same rebellious manor - subtle beliefs of unworthiness / deservedness, and pressures around upholding an image of success. 

 

Not to be personal (too late I’m sure)… ‘vehement’ Trump supporting may be a playing out / seeking stability & connection in shared values, as opposed to allowing the true security / stability / emotional connection of / with / as Source. 

 

This might also all be playing out as being overly critical / reluctant to trust, in terms of relationships, specific to females… relating back to childhood betrayal involving a female & likely sensitive / intimate context / content.

 

Affirmation that may resonate / align:

 

“I trust the process of life right here right now and that is enough, that is all I truly want & need. I am healthy & happy right here right now. I give myself permission to look forward optimistically, releasing all which does not serve me”. 

 

Thanks Phil I want to respond to this in more depth in a couple of days. Lots for me to process. I just wanna say that your response and what you share is very much appreciated. It’s very heartwarming that you respond to everyone on here and try to help.

[Phil]

@Kevin

♥️

[ThePoint]

On 4/13/2024 at 9:02 PM, Kevin said:

So many issues with sleep right now. I toss and turn throughout the night and a few nights ago I had very vivid dreams and nightmares.

 

I was sitting outside and I was doing the emotional scale and I realized I’m disappointed I didn’t get sleep last night. Then I noticed there’s a continuity disruption that happens when I sleep and I haven’t been experiencing that for that last couple nights.

 

The main point of this post is the nightmare though. A few nights ago I woke up and I was in sleep paralysis and there was a sleep paralysis demon. For those who haven’t experienced them, sleep paralysis demons are usually just black human shaped shadow beings.

 

This time though I woke up in sleep paralysis and the sleep paralysis demon had human features. It wasn’t just black. I remember it had an evil smile but I don’t remember what or who it looked like specifically. It was holding me down and it had a knife and it stuck the knife in my stomach and I felt myself actually getting stabbed. Super disturbing. And then instantly I’m standing up and I’m running as fast as I can but going nowhere.

 

Apparently that’s a common dream where you run super fast but your lot moving but I’ve never experienced it. 

 

Sounds awesome, love working with dream processes. How well do you remember the dream(s) at this stage?

 

Where are you based? Looking at this thread and your previous contributions I can't help but suggest you try Gabrielle Roth's work, i.e. the 5Rhythms.

You'll know whether you like it or not after your first session, and if you do, it'll be awesome for the stuff you explore in your life. You generally won't get far with the emotional scale etc. but obviously you can continue trying.

 

The dream work I'm referring to is way beyond the level of this forum but you could try the exercise below as an introduction, maybe you'll find it allows you to explore something unexpected:

 

1. Think of a dream you have had recently and note the feeling that was most memorable in the dream. What part of the dream does the feeling occur in?

2. Put the dream 'aside' and notice the feeling of experience you have in your body in this moment.

3. You'll likely have one experience that's obvious and common to you, and other unknown. Try to isolate the unknown/less common one. It likely feels more undesirable, difficult.

4. Focus upon the lesser known body experience, let it evolve, get into it and feel it. Now experiment with expressing the feeling with your hand(s). Let your hand move a little and then exaggerate the motion until you find out where it's going. 

5. If the resulting experience reminds you in some way of a part of your dream, you may find out you understand your dream better. This movement mirrors the feeling in the dream and is momentary experience of something that's going on for you subconsciously at all times (slips of tongue, accidents, synchronicities, tossing a coin and getting heads/tails etc.etc.).

6. Swing back and forth between paying attention to your normal identity & body experience and paying attention to this new experience. Practice going in and out.

 

Have fun should you choose to try it!

 

[Kevin]

On 4/13/2024 at 5:29 PM, Phil said:

What comes to mind…

 

Most paramount: Forgive yourself for interpreting in ways that you did in your early youth, in regard to all discordant interpretations; thus uncovering the truth of your innocence & peacefulness. You didn’t know then what you know now / release any expectations that you should have, and the weight of carrying any such expectations. 

 

The intensity of sleep paralysis / demon / being stabbed denotes momentum (long held discord) & resistance to expressing (and therein releasing) disappointment, bitterness, un-forgiveness and resentment.

 

super spot on interpretation. How do you suggest processing resentment since it’s not an emotion?

 

On 4/13/2024 at 5:29 PM, Phil said:

That denotes imo (an experience & interpretation of) childhood betrayal. 

 

it’s interesting I cannot think of a specific event that stands out. I can think of a bunch of situations where I wasn’t seen or heard in an emotional sense. I don’t want to dwell to though. Those things aren’t happening now.

 

Well maybe a little actually. Idk I feel lonely.

 

On 4/13/2024 at 5:29 PM, Phil said:

The ‘more human like’ features denotes the desire to release the discord of interpretations of old, and an untangling of these interpretations with identity as you do / as they come up and out. 

 

I’m super eager to release this shit. I’m so over how things have been going in certain aspects. 
 

I will say in certain aspects, behaviorally, I’ve been way more authentic socially. Along with being more authentic it seems like times where I am inauthentic hurt way more. As well as loneliness being increasingly painful. So it seems like good and bad is becoming more intense.

 

On 4/13/2024 at 5:29 PM, Phil said:

Upon expressing & releasing… appreciation / gratitude, satisfaction / contentment, sweetness / kindness, forgiveness / reconciliation, acceptance and selflessness naturally fill in. 

 

expressing might be tough here because what needs to be expressed/let go of, seems so normal because it’s how I was raised. I think sometimes it’s hard to really pinpoint where the discord is coming from. I guess I just gotta go on how thoughts feel and not do any gaslighting.

 

On 4/13/2024 at 5:29 PM, Phil said:

Resistance to expressing these aspects is likely related to shame / guilt, held in a self referential manor, which doesn’t fit / isn’t appropriate (it’s truly not your fault) / is un-align-able with the true innocence of yourself, thus manifesting as sleep issues. 

 

Spot on. I don’t feel comfortable at all expressing guilt or Loneliness. Anger is kind of tough but in a different way. When it’s felt I can express it but I think sometimes I suppress it immediately out of respect for others.

 

But yeah loneliness and guilt I do not at all feel comfortable expressing. Except for in here I guess.

On 4/13/2024 at 5:29 PM, Phil said:

 

Holding expression back is inherently suffocating / paralyzing. 

 

Stabbed in stomach / solar plexus may relate to confidence, self-esteem / feeling in control of your life, which relates to the yet-to-be-released & aligned interpretations. 

 

certainly. I’ve felt a physical knot in my solar plexus for years. Almost like it’s always been there. The rare times it loosens momentarily is such a relief.

 

On 4/13/2024 at 5:29 PM, Phil said:

Inclination / impulse for substances not exactly well-being oriented could be related to guilt in self referential interpretations formed early on. Self punishment playing out essentially. I can’t say it enough - it is not your fault. 

 

the inclination for addictive behaviors like drugs, porn, and video games have all decreased dramatically. Part of that is in my day to day I feel more ok. But part of it is they just don’t provide relief like they used to. 
 

I took my last Xanax last Sunday so a few days ago. I think today I’m feeling the rebound anxiety of it so today has been intense. I know you’re probably gonna suggest rehab but I’m so over the rigmarole of using drugs to suppress emotions that I am never doing Xanax again. 
 

it’s kind of like that bible verse about leaving behind childish ways. There are certainly emotional struggles still but I’m absolutely done with Xanax. There is no doubt. There just isn’t the relief anymore. It’s not what I’m looking for anymore.

 

On 4/13/2024 at 5:29 PM, Phil said:

Guilt in interpretations could be mingling with resentment for the good fortune of coming from an affluent family. 
 

spot on. Thoughts come up about resentment for how I should be drowning in female attention and friendships because I grew up so fortunate. And definitely jealousy because I know the love in one’s life isn’t or shouldn’t be about money

 

On 4/13/2024 at 5:29 PM, Phil said:

Affluence doesn’t equate to emotional fulfillment, and might be used in a superficial manor in terms of forging connections in new relationships. 

 

I don’t really lead with money in friendships and with girls I don’t usually talk about it unless I’ve been dating them for a bit.

On 4/13/2024 at 5:29 PM, Phil said:

Speedy return of self ref thoughts post psychedelic breakthroughs might be related to the ‘holding’ of ‘old’ interpretations not yet expressed & released. 

 

Difficulty with thoughts of loneliness may be a rebelling against coming from an affluent family. A yin yang of ‘having it easier’ / interpretations of guilt about this / and so making it harder (elusively & unnecessarily). 

 

Spot on interpretation I’d say.

 

On 4/13/2024 at 5:29 PM, Phil said:

Also paradoxically, possibly manifesting in the same rebellious manor - subtle beliefs of unworthiness / deservedness, and pressures around upholding an image of success. 

 

yes kind of like my financial situation is handled so I should have a lady in my life and friends to do stuff with every weekend etc. and then being upset and focused on being lonely.

 

 

On 4/13/2024 at 5:29 PM, Phil said:

Not to be personal (too late I’m sure)… ‘vehement’ Trump supporting may be a playing out / seeking stability & connection in shared values, as opposed to allowing the true security / stability / emotional connection of / with / as Source. 
 

this is the only part I take issue with lol. I’m not offended at all and I always appreciate the input but I’m definitely not a vehement trump supporter. I haven’t been since at least 2020. I probably was a vehement supporter in 2016 though.

I definitely have noticed that vehement support of political movements of any kind is, at least for me, related to deeper repressed emotional material. 
 

it’s crazy progress-wise there is so much that’s been released and processed. And I notice it because so much of the political game has lost its appeal. But in spit of that there seems to be a mountain of material left to process.

 

 

On 4/13/2024 at 5:29 PM, Phil said:

 

This might also all be playing out as being overly critical / reluctant to trust, in terms of relationships, specific to females… relating back to childhood betrayal involving a female & likely sensitive / intimate context / content.

 

yeah. Another spot on analysis. I’ve always had a hard time connecting with girls and asking girls on dates.

 

although I was at a kava bar last night and the bartender and I were talking for a while and I was getting flirty vibes so I asked her out on a date and she asked me if she could think about it🤦‍♂️. I feel like that’s a bad sign so I’m trying to forget about it but I was disappointed.

 

 

On 4/13/2024 at 5:29 PM, Phil said:

Affirmation that may resonate / align:

 

“I trust the process of life right here right now and that is enough, that is all I truly want & need. I am healthy & happy right here right now. I give myself permission to look forward optimistically, releasing all which does not serve me”. 

 

Thanks phil! I’ll try this.

[Kevin]

On 4/15/2024 at 12:50 AM, ThePoint said:

 

Sounds awesome, love working with dream processes. How well do you remember the dream(s) at this stage?

 

besides. The getting stabbed part and the running part I don’t remember. I think my mom was in them though. I do remember every sleep paralysis demon I’ve encountered though. I’ve had two friends tell me I might have demonic possession. This is not something I believe in but I might try it cuz why not.

 

On 4/15/2024 at 12:50 AM, ThePoint said:

Where are you based? Looking at this thread and your previous contributions I can't help but suggest you try Gabrielle Roth's work, i.e. the 5Rhythms.

You'll know whether you like it or not after your first session, and if you do, it'll be awesome for the stuff you explore in your life. You generally won't get far with the emotional scale etc. but obviously you can continue trying.

 

I’m based in Nevada and I go to raves a bunch of times every year and I enjoy dancing there. I looked up the 5Rhythms dance thing and I don’t understand it but they have an app I downloaded so I’ll check it out. 

On 4/15/2024 at 12:50 AM, ThePoint said:

The dream work I'm referring to is way beyond the level of this forum but you could try the exercise below as an introduction, maybe you'll find it allows you to explore something unexpected:

 

1. Think of a dream you have had recently and note the feeling that was most memorable in the dream. What part of the dream does the feeling occur in?

2. Put the dream 'aside' and notice the feeling of experience you have in your body in this moment.

3. You'll likely have one experience that's obvious and common to you, and other unknown. Try to isolate the unknown/less common one. It likely feels more undesirable, difficult.

4. Focus upon the lesser known body experience, let it evolve, get into it and feel it. Now experiment with expressing the feeling with your hand(s). Let your hand move a little and then exaggerate the motion until you find out where it's going. 

5. If the resulting experience reminds you in some way of a part of your dream, you may find out you understand your dream better. This movement mirrors the feeling in the dream and is momentary experience of something that's going on for you subconsciously at all times (slips of tongue, accidents, synchronicities, tossing a coin and getting heads/tails etc.etc.).

6. Swing back and forth between paying attention to your normal identity & body experience and paying attention to this new experience. Practice going in and out.

 

Have fun should you choose to try it!

 

Next time I remember a dream I will try this thanks man. 🙏 

[Phil]

10 hours ago, Kevin said:

super spot on interpretation. How do you suggest processing resentment since it’s not an emotion?

Allowing & expressing love essentially is inherently empowerment, and opposite to anny underlying interpretation of ‘wasn’t loved’ or ‘not loved’. 

Seeing how what was interpreted as ‘not love’ or ‘not loved’, was indeed actually… love / loved. 

 

For example, a parent is critical, a ‘hard ass’, perfectionist, nothings ever good enough… is really an expression of love, as in not wanting their kid to suffer like they are. If one is consumed by unacknowledged emotions, communication in that regard comes out / comes accross very differently than if one acknowledges emotions and isn’t consumed by them. 

 

10 hours ago, Kevin said:

it’s interesting I cannot think of a specific event that stands out. I can think of a bunch of situations where I wasn’t seen or heard in an emotional sense. I don’t want to dwell to though. Those things aren’t happening now.

 

Well maybe a little actually. Idk I feel lonely.

Compassion for the ‘rose color glasses’ situation. If I don’t acknowledge emotions I’m experiencing, how can anyone I interact with & communicate with be emotionally seen or heard? (Since I’m not “seeing or hearing” / being aware of emotions… period / at all.)

 

Maybe sometimes it’s easy to mistakenly assume someone is aware of / allowing and is feeling certain emotions and then / when interacting / communicating with me. Then a low of assumptions could arise. But maybe it’s more simple in that, they just weren’t. 

 

Consider how self referential thoughts obscure, and apply that to ‘in someone else’s shoes’ too. It can be helpful to notice / be aware of the suffering in that regard. That can change interpretations of what happened / happens greatly. In a broad stroke sense… post childhood it’s easy to assume parents were aware of much more than they really are, such as ‘how they made me feel’ / ‘how they were feeling’. Leave plenty of room for a reality of maybe they just weren’t, or ignorance, and that explains it. 

 

This can lead to ‘getting love’ from somewhere, something, someone else… rather than allowing it from within as love… since ‘I didn’t get it from someone’. It’s breaking the cycle, as that someone likely believed obscuring thoughts to the same tune. That might be what’s being referred to as “the feeling of loneliness”, while it’s thought, and how the thoughts feel. 

 

10 hours ago, Kevin said:

I’m super eager to release this shit. I’m so over how things have been going in certain aspects. 
 

I will say in certain aspects, behaviorally, I’ve been way more authentic socially. Along with being more authentic it seems like times where I am inauthentic hurt way more. As well as loneliness being increasingly painful. So it seems like good and bad is becoming more intense.

 

The ‘shit’ is, one interpretation or another, along the lines of “this isn’t love” / “reality isn’t love”. 

The Truth is this is love / reality is love. 

There’s no ‘things’, ‘universe’, ‘people’, etc. 

It’s literally all love. No screen, no words, no Phil. Literally this is love.

Experience / experiential reality is actually you loving / being in such a way as for it to seem like you’re a separate self inside of a ‘body’ and there’s a world / universe. 

There’s no other way because you’re infinite. There’s no problem whatsoever with that there is no other way because you’re unconditional. 

 

Release wise, could be said to ‘cut the shit’ and love… and the alignment is felt because… now thoughts & actions are aligned with… the actuality of reality being… your loving. It’s mind blowing on a cosmic scale, and yet the most simple & obvious ‘solution’.

 

10 hours ago, Kevin said:

expressing might be tough here because what needs to be expressed/let go of, seems so normal because it’s how I was raised. I think sometimes it’s hard to really pinpoint where the discord is coming from. I guess I just gotta go on how thoughts feel and not do any gaslighting.

The sphere of experience let’s say, is empty, because it’s you appearing in such a manor that only makes it seem like there is a separate finite self in the center, “which was raised”. Who / what is this entity you’re referring to… you… but, a finite separate you, no.  ‘How I was raised’ is a thought presently experienced about a separate self in time with a past, a product of time / experience. Neither of which actually exist. Just the thoughts appearing about.

 

The situation is “much much worse” than “it might be tough”… there isn’t the one that’s on behalf of. In truth you’re appearing as This, while saying “it might be tough for me to love”. The hilarity of it all. 🙂

 

It’s not hard to pin point where the discord is coming from. It’s how a thought feels. Infinite set ups, always one same punchline. Gas lighting’s literally just another thought like marbles, clouds, or universe. You didn’t hear this from me though, as it seems to piss “people” off. 

 

10 hours ago, Kevin said:

Spot on. I don’t feel comfortable at all expressing guilt or Loneliness.

To really ‘cut the shit’, feel guilt or loneliness… notice it’s how interpretations feel, note the ‘offness’ / discord… and express love. Literally, “I love that there are emotion like guilt, and I love the innocence of believing there is loneliness’. Love is always more powerful / empowering. There’s no getting out of or around love, as again, reality is your loving. Science, matter, history, etc… all backdrop story. All made up / denial of self / love. Hence ‘solution’ is always, self-love. It’s not really solving as there’s not really any problems either. Self-love just equals reality. 

 

10 hours ago, Kevin said:

Anger is kind of tough but in a different way. When it’s felt I can express it but I think sometimes I suppress it immediately out of respect for others.

Self-respect is paramount just as Self-love is paramount. It’s like how they say on planes ‘put your oxygen mask on first, then help your kids’. What does you really have to give, which you aren’t first allowing yourself?

 

10 hours ago, Kevin said:

 

But yeah loneliness and guilt I do not at all feel comfortable expressing. Except for in here I guess

Well yeah, the matrix is… the matrix. Truly allowing Self-Love stands to trigger all kinds of “peoples” discordant interpretations which stand up the house of cards that there are, “people”. Waking up is no small difference relative to ignorance & conditioning. So to speak, and just as one example, “most people” have never / have yet to acknowledge the emotion jealousy and therein believe there is some thing to be solved, and ways to solve it. To say the truth can be very triggering would be quite an understatement. Laugh and be crazy as love because that this is love is fucking crazy, or, be consumed by horeshit limiting “dualities” like sanity & insanity, which is really just thoughts, judgements, eating from the tree of knowledge. 

 

10 hours ago, Kevin said:

certainly. I’ve felt a physical knot in my solar plexus for years. Almost like it’s always been there. The rare times it loosens momentarily is such a relief.

Affirmations are a great go to. Really, it’s just not feeding into or buying into discordant interpretations. It get’s right to alignment. Don’t settle for the tension / relief cycle anymore. Go straight to alignment / self-love / and loving naturally follows, as an overflowing. That there is this forum for example. That’s why the ‘except for here’ resonates. That’s what’s ’goin on’ here. One big fuck all that horseshit & listen to, allow, fill up as & share, the love, the truth, you. (But not a separate “you” lol). 

 

10 hours ago, Kevin said:

the inclination for addictive behaviors like drugs, porn, and video games have all decreased dramatically. Part of that is in my day to day I feel more ok. But part of it is they just don’t provide relief like they used to. 

Wonderful to hear!

Yeah, there’s just no getting out of what you’re not actually, reality wise, in. A million psychologists will invent & sell a million ’strategies of thought’, all unknowingly while suppressing emotions directly in self-denial innocently, via believing in, psychology. The matrix is all pervasive, until love is unfettered and a matrix never happened. Same for ‘psychology’ (and psychologists). Only Truth will do, as Truth is infallible. 

 

10 hours ago, Kevin said:

I took my last Xanax last Sunday so a few days ago. I think today I’m feeling the rebound anxiety of it so today has been intense. I know you’re probably gonna suggest rehab but I’m so over the rigmarole of using drugs to suppress emotions that I am never doing Xanax again. 
 

it’s kind of like that bible verse about leaving behind childish ways. There are certainly emotional struggles still but I’m absolutely done with Xanax. There is no doubt. There just isn’t the relief anymore. It’s not what I’m looking for anymore.

Now that is Power. Good for you!

 

11 hours ago, Kevin said:

spot on. Thoughts come up about resentment for how I should be drowning in female attention and friendships because I grew up so fortunate. And definitely jealousy because I know the love in one’s life isn’t or shouldn’t be about money

 

Yep. It can just as readily go the other way to. The ‘ego’, ‘the me’ / ‘for me’ is always the exception to everything.

 

11 hours ago, Kevin said:

I don’t really lead with money in friendships and with girls I don’t usually talk about it unless I’ve been dating them for a bit

That’s great… and also, it’s really whether it’s ’in the vibration or not’ that is the difference. Sounds like you’re shining the light on it though as you mentioned previously. 👍🏼 

 

11 hours ago, Kevin said:

yes kind of like my financial situation is handled so I should have a lady in my life and friends to do stuff with every weekend etc. and then being upset and focused on being lonely.

Excellent self-reflection. In the ‘this is the trip’ sense / reality, “shoulds” are such buzz kills. 

 

11 hours ago, Kevin said:

this is the only part I take issue with lol. I’m not offended at all and I always appreciate the input but I’m definitely not a vehement trump supporter. I haven’t been since at least 2020. I probably was a vehement supporter in 2016 though.

I definitely have noticed that vehement support of political movements of any kind is, at least for me, related to deeper repressed emotional material. 
 

it’s crazy progress-wise there is so much that’s been released and processed. And I notice it because so much of the political game has lost its appeal. But in spit of that there seems to be a mountain of material left to process.

Very insightful. Awesome. One can always ‘undercut’ one’s own nonsense with love. As in, a thought might arise, “I don’t want to have to do this work / tasks / processing / or whatever”… and “meh, ya I do, I actually love this shit”. 

 

11 hours ago, Kevin said:

yeah. Another spot on analysis. I’ve always had a hard time connecting with girls and asking girls on dates.

Well yeah, you’re the exception. 😬 It’s always hard “for me”. 

You’d have to be crazy to just laugh at notion like than love. 

Crazy-love. 

 

11 hours ago, Kevin said:

 

although I was at a kava bar last night and the bartender and I were talking for a while and I was getting flirty vibes so I asked her out on a date and she asked me if she could think about it🤦‍♂️. I feel like that’s a bad sign so I’m trying to forget about it but I was disappointed.

“Sure, yeah, you keep thinkin. When you’re ready for full throttle unabashed fun, you got my number honey”. 

 

Love really is infallible. 

 

♥️

[Kevin]

@Phil hey man thanks for the response. I’ve had the flu really bad for like 5 days so I haven’t been able to focus on anything. When I feel better I’ll read your response more thoroughly 

[Kevin]

On 4/17/2024 at 5:43 AM, Phil said:

Allowing & expressing love essentially is inherently empowerment, and opposite to anny underlying interpretation of ‘wasn’t loved’ or ‘not loved’. 

Seeing how what was interpreted as ‘not love’ or ‘not loved’, was indeed actually… love / loved. 

 

For example, a parent is critical, a ‘hard ass’, perfectionist, nothings ever good enough… is really an expression of love, as in not wanting their kid to suffer like they are. If one is consumed by unacknowledged emotions, communication in that regard comes out / comes accross very differently than if one acknowledges emotions and isn’t consumed by them. 

 

Dang I just realized I experience laziness because I’m expecting things to not go well so I’m avoiding things. 

On 4/17/2024 at 5:43 AM, Phil said:

Compassion for the ‘rose color glasses’ situation. If I don’t acknowledge emotions I’m experiencing, how can anyone I interact with & communicate with be emotionally seen or heard? (Since I’m not “seeing or hearing” / being aware of emotions… period / at all.)

 

Maybe sometimes it’s easy to mistakenly assume someone is aware of / allowing and is feeling certain emotions and then / when interacting / communicating with me. Then a low of assumptions could arise. But maybe it’s more simple in that, they just weren’t. 

 

Consider how self referential thoughts obscure, and apply that to ‘in someone else’s shoes’ too. It can be helpful to notice / be aware of the suffering in that regard. That can change interpretations of what happened / happens greatly. In a broad stroke sense… post childhood it’s easy to assume parents were aware of much more than they really are, such as ‘how they made me feel’ / ‘how they were feeling’. Leave plenty of room for a reality of maybe they just weren’t, or ignorance, and that explains it. 

 

Yes my parents simply didn’t know or weren’t aware in many situations.

On 4/17/2024 at 5:43 AM, Phil said:

This can lead to ‘getting love’ from somewhere, something, someone else… rather than allowing it from within as love… since ‘I didn’t get it from someone’. It’s breaking the cycle, as that someone likely believed obscuring thoughts to the same tune. That might be what’s being referred to as “the feeling of loneliness”, while it’s thought, and how the thoughts feel. 

 

The whole getting love from someone else rigamarole is crazy

 

On 4/17/2024 at 5:43 AM, Phil said:

The ‘shit’ is, one interpretation or another, along the lines of “this isn’t love” / “reality isn’t love”. 

The Truth is this is love / reality is love. 

There’s no ‘things’, ‘universe’, ‘people’, etc. 

It’s literally all love. No screen, no words, no Phil. Literally this is love.

Experience / experiential reality is actually you loving / being in such a way as for it to seem like you’re a separate self inside of a ‘body’ and there’s a world / universe. 

There’s no other way because you’re infinite. There’s no problem whatsoever with that there is no other way because you’re unconditional. 

 

Release wise, could be said to ‘cut the shit’ and love… and the alignment is felt because… now thoughts & actions are aligned with… the actuality of reality being… your loving. It’s mind blowing on a cosmic scale, and yet the most simple & obvious ‘solution’.

 

The sphere of experience let’s say, is empty, because it’s you appearing in such a manor that only makes it seem like there is a separate finite self in the center, “which was raised”. Who / what is this entity you’re referring to… you… but, a finite separate you, no.  ‘How I was raised’ is a thought presently experienced about a separate self in time with a past, a product of time / experience. Neither of which actually exist. Just the thoughts appearing about.

 

The situation is “much much worse” than “it might be tough”… there isn’t the one that’s on behalf of. In truth you’re appearing as This, while saying “it might be tough for me to love”. The hilarity of it all. 🙂

 

Yeah. It’s hopeless. Thoughts keep coming up about what’s the solution. Or how do I feel better. But that’s more of the same and can be let go of.

On 4/17/2024 at 5:43 AM, Phil said:

It’s not hard to pin point where the discord is coming from. It’s how a thought feels. Infinite set ups, always one same punchline. Gas lighting’s literally just another thought like marbles, clouds, or universe. You didn’t hear this from me though, as it seems to piss “people” off. 

 

This is really clicking lately.

On 4/17/2024 at 5:43 AM, Phil said:

To really ‘cut the shit’, feel guilt or loneliness… notice it’s how interpretations feel, note the ‘offness’ / discord… and express love. Literally, “I love that there are emotion like guilt, and I love the innocence of believing there is loneliness’. Love is always more powerful / empowering. There’s no getting out of or around love, as again, reality is your loving. Science, matter, history, etc… all backdrop story. All made up / denial of self / love. Hence ‘solution’ is always, self-love. It’s not really solving as there’s not really any problems either. Self-love just equals reality. 

 

Self-respect is paramount just as Self-love is paramount. It’s like how they say on planes ‘put your oxygen mask on first, then help your kids’. What does you really have to give, which you aren’t first allowing yourself?

 

This also really clicks

On 4/17/2024 at 5:43 AM, Phil said:

Well yeah, the matrix is… the matrix. Truly allowing Self-Love stands to trigger all kinds of “peoples” discordant interpretations which stand up the house of cards that there are, “people”. Waking up is no small difference relative to ignorance & conditioning. So to speak, and just as one example, “most people” have never / have yet to acknowledge the emotion jealousy and therein believe there is some thing to be solved, and ways to solve it. To say the truth can be very triggering would be quite an understatement. Laugh and be crazy as love because that this is love is fucking crazy, or, be consumed by horeshit limiting “dualities” like sanity & insanity, which is really just thoughts, judgements, eating from the tree of knowledge. 

 

Affirmations are a great go to. Really, it’s just not feeding into or buying into discordant interpretations. It get’s right to alignment. Don’t settle for the tension / relief cycle anymore. Go straight to alignment / self-love / and loving naturally follows, as an overflowing. That there is this forum for example. That’s why the ‘except for here’ resonates. That’s what’s ’goin on’ here. One big fuck all that horseshit & listen to, allow, fill up as & share, the love, the truth, you. (But not a separate “you” lol). 

 

yeah the tension relief cycle gets old. Now I’m just experiencing boredom. No crazy bliss yet. 

On 4/17/2024 at 5:43 AM, Phil said:

Wonderful to hear!

Yeah, there’s just no getting out of what you’re not actually, reality wise, in. A million psychologists will invent & sell a million ’strategies of thought’, all unknowingly while suppressing emotions directly in self-denial innocently, via believing in, psychology. The matrix is all pervasive, until love is unfettered and a matrix never happened. Same for ‘psychology’ (and psychologists). Only Truth will do, as Truth is infallible. 

 

I can’t wait until love is unfettered😂

On 4/17/2024 at 5:43 AM, Phil said:

Now that is Power. Good for you!

 

Yep. It can just as readily go the other way to. The ‘ego’, ‘the me’ / ‘for me’ is always the exception to everything.

 

That’s great… and also, it’s really whether it’s ’in the vibration or not’ that is the difference. Sounds like you’re shining the light on it though as you mentioned previously. 👍🏼 

 

Excellent self-reflection. In the ‘this is the trip’ sense / reality, “shoulds” are such buzz kills. 

 

Very insightful. Awesome. One can always ‘undercut’ one’s own nonsense with love. As in, a thought might arise, “I don’t want to have to do this work / tasks / processing / or whatever”… and “meh, ya I do, I actually love this shit”. 

 

Well yeah, you’re the exception. 😬 It’s always hard “for me”. 

You’d have to be crazy to just laugh at notion like than love. 

Crazy-love. 

 

On 4/17/2024 at 5:43 AM, Phil said:

“Sure, yeah, you keep thinkin. When you’re ready for full throttle unabashed fun, you got my number honey”. 

 

Love really is infallible. 

 

♥️

You really would have to be crazy to laugh when a thought like that comes up. Maybe I want to be crazy.