Feeling worthless

[Kevin]

Basically I’ve been struggling for a while. I’ll go through short periods where things get a lot better for me emotionally but It seems like I always end up starting to feel sad again because not a lot changes. Mainly I feel bad because I get lonely and I don’t have many friends. Also I haven’t had a girlfriend in a while which gets me down. I know it’s not the situation but my thoughts about it that get me down. For example it’s not being single that sucks, it is me thinking girls don’t like me and that’s why I’m single. I understand that staying in that negative mindset isn’t helping so I snap out of it after a couple days. I’ll start to work out and meditate and feel good. I’ll build lots of positive momentum too but my life just stays the same and eventually it just hits me that I’m putting forth all this effort and I’m still alone.

 

basically I feel trapped in this up and down cycle. It’s exhausting and right now I’m just really not enjoying life. I usually don’t express this stuff to others so I’m hoping expressing here will be helpful.

[Phil]

A while is too long! 

 

You might be holding feeling great, hostage… and simultaneously keeping the girl you want at bay. That’s what I’m suspecting. It sounds like the ol’ exhausting up & down cycle. 

 

If you know what you want, and it’s a relationship, a girlfriend, then you are already attracting a girlfriend. That desire is present regardless of what you think about it. Really, it’s present wether you think about it or don’t think about it at all. There isn’t much to think about in regard to the desire or what the desire is for. You already know. It’s for a girlfriend. Who basically ends up being perfect for you, and you have amazing chemistry, and you fall in love and we never hear from you again. That’s like 90 or 99.9% of the whole thing and it’s ready done. The desire, the knowing, already done. Now it’s just steering. But just, backwards though. Attracting. 

 

Attraction is always ‘in kind’, matching, similarities. You’re desiring a relationship, and your vibration as of late is of unworthiness. That would mean you’re attracting a girl who also does desire a relationship… but… believes she isn’t worthy. There’s a girl who’s wanting you, you’re the guy who basically ends up being perfect for her, and you two have amazing chemistry, and you fall in love, big time us, and you’re out. What if you’re attracting her but she’s believing you don’t want her, and she’s attracting you while you’re believing she doesn’t want you? 

 

There’s only two possible outcomes as far as I can see. Stand firm in ‘your she doesn’t like me’ & hope she breaks. At the worst, you both hold your ground until death and you’re united in eternal love. 🙂

 

Or, and this might be even crazier, you turn the struggle of motivation into good feeling inspiration, and raise your vibration from unworthiness to positive expectation / belief, and optimism. This would then mean that you would be attracting her, and that she is now a vibrational match to you. Now when you guys pass each other in the aisle at the grocery store, are sitting back to back at the bar, or waiting for the police to come for your fender bender… you believe she wants you and she believes you want her. It will feel great to her to feel that you want her. And there won’t be much rollercoaster relationship wise, just a lot of exploring the depths of each other & manifesting some wild Kevin flavored dream together as the crazy kids you are. It’s not mind reading or mind control, just loa. 

 

 

 

Words, behaviors and actions can compensate for the vibration, but it will feel as you said, like efforting, crashing, some hopelessness and or disconnectedness, and or loneliness. A relationship of that vibration, by that means, would be more tumultuous. At least initially & for a bit. Less likely to be enjoyable or to last. Kind of a short wicked firecracker. Exciting, and then right into fizzling out. We both know what I’m saying here is new sex is pretty much golden, but you honestly want much more than just that.  ‘Isn’t it so?’ 

 

Activities like exercise & meditation can be experienced in a manor which is a means to an end, as motivation with a motive in mind (relationships). But they can also be experienced for what they are, well being without any contingencies, expectations, or intentions at all. Those activities inherently feel good, and that good feeling might be sort of hijacked, held hostage, in associating it with ‘towards the future’, with having the relationship.

 

But I suggest that great feeling is you and is just for, you. I’d keep it in the closest of vibrational proximity, feel into it more & more, blow it up, bask in it really. Fill the whole house with it.  Those practices, or activities are nourishing. The former, motive, can ‘get it done’ too, but the latter is inspiration, raising vibration, attracting the relationship you really want, and having lasting clarity & understanding in doing so. The whole while btw, effortless feeling. 

 

Without the resistance between what you want (her), and your (no offense I hope) belief you can read minds and know what she thinks about you… and without any motives, expectation or intention upon your activities, upon your now… essentially you’re much more present, feeling much more, feeling different about things and therefore doing things a bit differently… and she will just, ‘show up’… like they all do. We all love a ‘how we met’ story. Always weird stories. Stories of synchronicity though. ‘It seemed like the universe just brought us together’, people always say.  

 

 

Feeling great can’t be held to be in a future, or believed to be the result of something or someone. Feeling great can’t be held hostage with a contingency of a relationship, or earned, or worthy of. That great feeling is your infinitude, and it is too big to be held, and too effervescent to be held down in any way. It is what be’s her for you, and it is unquestionably present now. It’s because of how much you are loved that some of these thoughts about yourself, and about what she thinks, feel as they do. You are as deserving of having and experiencing what you desire & want as the sun is warm. 

 

Feeling better has to be now. Can’t feel better in a future. Also can’t expect to go from 1 to 100. But from 1 to 2 feels better, and 2 to 3 even more so. Pick better feeling thoughts. Only now, and only a 2, instead of a 1. A 3, instead of a 2. Recognizing that feeling better is the whole key. Knowing it is always present & available. Letting tense or discordant thoughts etc go, and allowing, and knowing… that good feeling does arise, is really the key.

 

I’m sure you and her will create wonderful things together and having some amazing experiences, but there’s just not quite a supplement in the world for allowing the love from within to arise. Careful not to be mind-reading the love too. For all you know it might actually have no clue what unworthiness is. It might literally just be like ‘really, honestly, I have no clue what you’re talking about’. 🙂 

 

And if you ‘lose it’… then it has to be now again. Let thoughts about it being in a future come & go and, by relaxing and breathing, and getting into perception & feeling a little more. Ask, ‘how much of this is happening right now though?’ Presence, now, always feels good. You’ll always find you’re in luck when you ‘reach for it’, because it always turns out it is now again.  And again.  And again. The love doesn’t go anywhere. It really is the key, recognizing and feeling that good feeling is always present.  If that resonates or makes sense, then to some degree you’re already feeling a little better.  Hope so. 

 

[Kevin]

16 hours ago, Phil said:

A while is too long! 

 

You might be holding feeling great, hostage… and simultaneously keeping the girl you want at bay. That’s what I’m suspecting. It sounds like the ol’ exhausting up & down cycle. 

 

If you know what you want, and it’s a relationship, a girlfriend, then you are already attracting a girlfriend. That desire is present regardless of what you think about it. Really, it’s present wether you think about it or don’t think about it at all. There isn’t much to think about in regard to the desire or what the desire is for. You already know. It’s for a girlfriend. Who basically ends up being perfect for you, and you have amazing chemistry, and you fall in love and we never hear from you again. That’s like 90 or 99.9% of the whole thing and it’s ready done. The desire, the knowing, already done. Now it’s just steering. But just, backwards though. Attracting. 

 

Attraction is always ‘in kind’, matching, similarities. You’re desiring a relationship, and your vibration as of late is of unworthiness. That would mean you’re attracting a girl who also does desire a relationship… but… believes she isn’t worthy. There’s a girl who’s wanting you, you’re the guy who basically ends up being perfect for her, and you two have amazing chemistry, and you fall in love, big time us, and you’re out. What if you’re attracting her but she’s believing you don’t want her, and she’s attracting you while you’re believing she doesn’t want you? 

 

 

The previous paragraph really struck me. Seems like what’s being suggested is that there could be a mutual attraction but neither party is acting on it. Some discordant thoughts that arise are that I need to man up and do something. Which is perhaps true but the framing of this feels off to me. Also ruminating on whether or not a girl likes me is most likely pointless however. It seems sort of habitual that those thoughts arise when I am attracted to a women.

 

16 hours ago, Phil said:

There’s only two possible outcomes as far as I can see. Stand firm in ‘your she doesn’t like me’ & hope she breaks. At the worst, you both hold your ground until death and you’re united in eternal love. 🙂

 

Or, and this might be even crazier, you turn the struggle of motivation into good feeling inspiration, and raise your vibration from unworthiness to positive expectation / belief, and optimism. This would then mean that you would be attracting her, and that she is now a vibrational match to you. Now when you guys pass each other in the aisle at the grocery store, are sitting back to back at the bar, or waiting for the police to come for your fender bender… you believe she wants you and she believes you want her. It will feel great to her to feel that you want her. And there won’t be much rollercoaster relationship wise, just a lot of exploring the depths of each other & manifesting some wild Kevin flavored dream together as the crazy kids you are. It’s not mind reading or mind control, just loa. 

 

 

 

beautiful. One discordant thought that arises is that it is weak to show that you like someone unless they like you first. I’ve had this belief as long as I can remember. Not sure what it’s about but it kinda sucks to think that way.

 

16 hours ago, Phil said:

 

Words, behaviors and actions can compensate for the vibration, but it will feel as you said, like efforting, crashing, some hopelessness and or disconnectedness, and or loneliness. A relationship of that vibration, by that means, would be more tumultuous. At least initially & for a bit. Less likely to be enjoyable or to last. Kind of a short wicked firecracker. Exciting, and then right into fizzling out. We both know what I’m saying here is new sex is pretty much golden, but you honestly want much more than just that.  ‘Isn’t it so?’ 

 

 

sounds like. When I feel bad and am unwilling to inspect and let go of beliefs, the discordant beliefs will be covered up by more discordant beliefs. Like I need to make more money or somehow be different to attract a women. Or pick up for example could be an attempt to fix how I feel while holding on to negative beliefs like I’m unworthy.

 

16 hours ago, Phil said:

Activities like exercise & meditation can be experienced in a manor which is a means to an end, as motivation with a motive in mind (relationships). But they can also be experienced for what they are, well being without any contingencies, expectations, or intentions at all. Those activities inherently feel good, and that good feeling might be sort of hijacked, held hostage, in associating it with ‘towards the future’, with having the relationship.

 

 

I think what I’m doing is holding on to negative beliefs and thoughts and instead of letting them go I want to keep them and feel better at the same time so I have hope for a better future. Where if I do enough meditation things will be ok.

 

16 hours ago, Phil said:

But I suggest that great feeling is you and is just for, you. I’d keep it in the closest of vibrational proximity, feel into it more & more, blow it up, bask in it really. Fill the whole house with it.  Those practices, or activities are nourishing. The former, motive, can ‘get it done’ too, but the latter is inspiration, raising vibration, attracting the relationship you really want, and having lasting clarity & understanding in doing so. The whole while btw, effortless feeling. 

 

Without the resistance between what you want (her), and your (no offense I hope) belief you can read minds and know what she thinks about you… and without any motives, expectation or intention upon your activities, upon your now… essentially you’re much more present, feeling much more, feeling different about things and therefore doing things a bit differently… and she will just, ‘show up’… like they all do. We all love a ‘how we met’ story. Always weird stories. Stories of synchronicity though. ‘It seemed like the universe just brought us together’, people always say.  

 

 

Feeling great can’t be held to be in a future, or believed to be the result of something or someone. Feeling great can’t be held hostage with a contingency of a relationship, or earned, or worthy of. That great feeling is your infinitude, and it is too big to be held, and too effervescent to be held down in any way. It is what be’s her for you, and it is unquestionably present now. It’s because of how much you are loved that some of these thoughts about yourself, and about what she thinks, feel as they do. You are as deserving of having and experiencing what you desire & want as the sun is warm. 

 

This really resonates thank you.

 

16 hours ago, Phil said:

Feeling better has to be now. Can’t feel better in a future. Also can’t expect to go from 1 to 100. But from 1 to 2 feels better, and 2 to 3 even more so. Pick better feeling thoughts. Only now, and only a 2, instead of a 1. A 3, instead of a 2. Recognizing that feeling better is the whole key. Knowing it is always present & available. Letting tense or discordant thoughts etc go, and allowing, and knowing… that good feeling does arise, is really the key.

 

I’m sure you and her will create wonderful things together and having some amazing experiences, but there’s just not quite a supplement in the world for allowing the love from within to arise. Careful not to be mind-reading the love too. For all you know it might actually have no clue what unworthiness is. It might literally just be like ‘really, honestly, I have no clue what you’re talking about’. 🙂 

 

And if you ‘lose it’… then it has to be now again. Let thoughts about it being in a future come & go and, by relaxing and breathing, and getting into perception & feeling a little more. Ask, ‘how much of this is happening right now though?’ Presence, now, always feels good. You’ll always find you’re in luck when you ‘reach for it’, because it always turns out it is now again.  And again.  And again. The love doesn’t go anywhere. It really is the key, recognizing and feeling that good feeling is always present.  If that resonates or makes sense, then to some degree you’re already feeling a little better.  Hope so. 

 

Yes thank you. I read what you wrote last night then decided to sleep on it and read it again before I responded. It all resonated beautifully and I appreciate the response.

[Phil]

28 minutes ago, Kevin said:

Some discordant thoughts that arise are that I need to man up and do something. Which is perhaps true but the framing of this feels off to me. Also ruminating on whether or not a girl likes me is most likely pointless however. It seems sort of habitual that those thoughts arise when I am attracted to a women.

🙂 

Feel out allowing, vs doing. Start with the smallest of doings. Like doing the dishes. Watch the dishes being done, the hands moving, etc. Witness intelligence ‘in the real’, as the real. ‘Doer’ is just in the thoughts. Kind of a claiming, which can rob us of the joy & enjoyment. I think that’ll become allowing talking to ‘her’, in addition to allowing any discordant thoughts to come & go, not be taken to seriously. Also, weight is lifted in this way. Less attention to ‘doer’ thoughts, is less later attention to ‘what I should’ve done’, ‘what I didn’t do’, ‘what I should do’, ‘what the Smith’s are doing’, etc. A clearing out of a lot of thought activity, via really just seeing it for what it is, thoughts. Liberation. Freedom! ✊🏼 🙂 

28 minutes ago, Kevin said:

beautiful. One discordant thought that arises is that it is weak to show that you like someone unless they like you first. I’ve had this belief as long as I can remember. Not sure what it’s about but it kinda sucks to think that way.

🙏🏻 If it were a song I’d name it The Standstill. 

 

We call them cool
Those hearts that have no scars to show 
The ones that never do let go 
And risk the tables being turned 

We call them fools 
Who have to dance within the flame 
Who chance the sorrow and the shame 
That always comes with getting burned 

But you got to be tough when consumed by desire 
'Cause it's not enough just to stand outside the fire 

We call them strong 
Those who can face this world alone 
Who seem to get by on their own 
Those who will never take the fall 

We call them weak 
Who are unable to resist 
The slightest chance love might exist 
And for that forsake it all 

They're so hell bent on giving, walking a wire 
Convinced it's not living if you stand outside the fire 
 

Life is not tried, it is merely survived 

If you're standing outside the fire 

There's this love that is burning 
Deep in my soul 
Constantly yearning to get out of control 
Wanting to fly higher and higher 
I can't abide -

standing outside the fire 

 

In the Bible there’s ‘the fall’, which I equate to daring, but failing - ‘falling’… in terms of giving it your very best, only to have your heart broken. I won’t pretty it up, it sucks real bad.

But, it breaks open. 

 

An experienced veteran in sales once said to me, when I was down in the dumps… “Some will, some won’t. So what.” 

 

28 minutes ago, Kevin said:

Yes thank you. I read what you wrote last night then decided to sleep on it and read it again before I responded. It all resonated beautifully and I appreciate the response.

Thanks.

You’re not weak. Weak’s a thought, a judgment. Conditioning coming up & out imo. There’s no weak. It’s just a discordant belief. That’s why the thought, as you said, sucks. Just doesn’t resonate. Two cents, if & when that thought arises, flip the script. Picture ‘her’ right here right now in front of you. Hear her telling you she’s weak. See the expression on her face. And tell her she’s not. Even if, and especially to, jump in the fire. That’s what you want, she wants, I want, we all want. 🙂 We get caught up in what other people think, or might think. Come home to ‘what do I think?’ I mean, you’re eventually gonna croak either way. Just say fuck it and take a shot. Some will, some wont, so what. Sun comes up again. 

 

If you haven’t, give this a go. It’s simple and crazy effective. 

[Faith]

4 hours ago, Kevin said:

One discordant thought that arises is that it is weak to show that you like someone unless they like you first. I’ve had this belief as long as I can remember. Not sure what it’s about but it kinda sucks to think that way

 

Yeah, I would try to shake that way of thinking if you can. I mean, what do you have to lose.🤷‍♀️

 

On 4/14/2022 at 8:01 PM, Kevin said:

Basically I’ve been struggling for a while.

 

Awe, hun, well I hope you feel better and soon. 🥰

 

Have you ever tried Meetup.com?

 

[Orb]

Ignore the self story.

 

Inspect the discord.

 

I feel worthless.

Worth is related to objects.

I am not an object.

How can I be worthless if I am not an object?

I feel bad because im believing that I have worth/am an object, how silly!

[Phil]

🙂

Also could label the ‘worthless’ as an activity. As apposed to a feeling. It’s a different framing.

In that way it could be, ‘presently I’m focusing on this activity, thoughts about worthy vs worthless…

…what other activity might I prefer to focus on?’

 

Also, very subtle, but worthless is a judgement. In the self referential sense, worthless is a judgement of an illusory self / a nonexistent self. 

Thus, worthless isn’t actually possible to feel (because the separate self doesn’t actually exist, and thus can never feel being judged).

 

There is a certain discordant feeling of judging / judgmental thoughts. 

One could never be the one feeling being judged as, worthless…

…because one can only feel the activity of thought, the judging. 

 

Whereas unworthiness is an emotion felt, which is guidance in regard to the thoughts. 

Might seem like ‘I don’t like how this worthless issue feels’, but would really be, I don’t like how judging feels. 

The confusion would be there’s two me’s: judger & judged. 

The clarity would be ‘not two’. 

The relief of which, would be the expression instead, of jealousy. 

The more this perspective is focused on instead of the old one, the more momentum is felt. 

[Kevin]

21 hours ago, Faith said:

 

Yeah, I would try to shake that way of thinking if you can. I mean, what do you have to lose.🤷‍♀️

 

 

Awe, hun, well I hope you feel better and soon. 🥰

 

Have you ever tried Meetup.com?

 

I have not. I’m moving to Las Vegas soon for work so and there’s probably tons of meetup groups out there. I’ll have to check it out

[Kevin]

4 hours ago, Phil said:

🙂

Also could label the ‘worthless’ as an activity. As apposed to a feeling. It’s a different framing.

In that way it could be, ‘presently I’m focusing on this activity, thoughts about worthy vs worthless…

…what other activity might I prefer to focus on?’

 

Also, very subtle, but worthless is a judgement. In the self referential sense, worthless is a judgement of an illusory self / a nonexistent self. 

Thus, worthless isn’t actually possible to feel (because the separate self doesn’t actually exist, and thus can never feel being judged).

 

 

this makes sense. Most likely the discordant feeling of focusing on thoughts about myself being worthless is interpreted as actually being worthless.

 

4 hours ago, Phil said:

There is a certain discordant feeling of judging / judgmental thoughts. 

One could never be the one feeling being judged as, worthless…

…because one can only feel the activity of thought, the judging. 

 

Whereas unworthiness is an emotion felt, which is guidance in regard to the thoughts. 

Might seem like ‘I don’t like how this worthless issue feels’, but would really be, I don’t like how judging feels. 

The confusion would be there’s two me’s: judger & judged. 

The clarity would be ‘not two’. 

The relief of which, would be the expression instead, of jealousy. 

The more this perspective is focused on instead of the old one, the more momentum is felt. 

Anyway thanks for sending the song it had a lot of meaning for me. Also definitely gonna give the Byron Katie stuff a try. I tried going through one of her worksheets a while ago but I got overwhelmed and quit so I never gave it a fair shot.

 

just a quick clarification. No judger and no judged but there is judgement which doesn’t resonate?

[Kevin]

6 hours ago, Orb said:

Ignore the self story.

 

Inspect the discord.

 

I feel worthless.

Worth is related to objects.

I am not an object.

How can I be worthless if I am not an object?

I feel bad because im believing that I have worth/am an object, how silly!

I like what you wrote here. I like to categorize things and I have a habit of labeling myself. I think not knowing what or who I am is sometimes overwhelming.

[Faith]

@Kevin Gotcha, yeah, my sister did a couple of them for singles in the past. I did one with a bunch of ladies once. We did a dinner and walked to a bakery for dessert. There were probably 15 of us. I just signed up and showed up. It was as easy as that!

[Phil]

14 hours ago, Kevin said:

No judger and no judged but there is judgement which doesn’t resonate?

Yes. ‘Not two’ 🙂. Love’s weird like that. Forget’s it’s own infinitude, believes “thoughts” and that it’s a finite thingy. Nevertheless, feels the alignment & discord of the truth of it’s own infinite and unconditional nature. 

🙏

[Phil]

I’m worthless is a judgmental thought. 

The recognition worthlessness is an emotion, which is guidance in regard to the thought, is liberation. 

Groundhog’s Day.

[Loop]

@Phil

 

The first time I met the talk therapist that I used to go see, they told me to watch Groundhog's Day as my homework 😆