Freedom from nicotine

[Blessed2]

The worst thing that keeps me from quitting is purely the withdrawals. And the worst one of those is that I can't sleep. It would fuck up my sleep for a few days to a week, and that's just unbearable. I don't want to go through that.

 

[Robed Mystic]

23 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

Something really interesting just happened.

 

I woke up a couple hours ago and like every morning, the first thing I did was reach for my nicotine product.

 

I've been using many years now. I'm basically a chain user.

 

I'd like to be free from it. So I read a bit of Allen Carr's Easy Way To Stop Smoking. Like always, that book does make sense, and makes me feel inspired to quit.

 

Lots of thoughts that feel like despair and discouragement came up though. Can't quite believe that quitting could be easy, enjoyable, without cravings etc.

 

Though I started feeling a bit disgusted of the nicotine.

 

I went to the kitchen to drink some water, still feeling a bit disgusted of it all and felt like yeah maybe that was my last time using it. Hoped that it was. Would really have liked for it to be the last time, and would really have liked to suddenly, immediately be free from the addiction.

 

Then I went to the bathroom, dreamed of being free from the addiction. It felt quite great, almost like I was already free from it. As if I almost had made the choice to quit.

 

But suddenly when I walked out of the bathroom, a thought of using nicotine appeared, a craving hit, and I knew, was fully aware and decisive that I would not fight the craving. In ten seconds I was ingesting nicotine again.

 

It was kind of funny. It made no sense and I knew it. It had taken maybe 3 minutes from the bed to the kitchen and to the bathroom and back to ingesting nicotine again. There was no actual craving. That does not happen in three minutes. There was plenty of nicotine left in the bloodstream.

 

I felt this weird relief in that moment. It was as if I saw how helpless I am with it. I saw that fighting cravings could never actually make me free from the addiction. The only thing that could ever "work" would be that the desire to use nicotine would just disappear. Basically, what I need is a 'miracle'.

 

It also reminds me of the first two steps of the twelve step program they use in AA:

 

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable.

 

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

 

That's exactly what it was like.

 

 

I am hopelessly believing thoughts. And even that is hopelessly believing thoughts.

 

 

I want to be free from the addiction, but I'm not sure what to do.

 

I guess if someone can do a miracle healing for me, that would be greatly appreciated.

 

 

Man.  This is a true insight into addiction.  I'ts just the bodys physical addiction it is not the mind.   The mind feels powerless over it.  The body is part of the ego - you were made here to be a pure animal.  It is sick but it is for God's pleasure.  Tha'ts just the reality of it.  

Edited February 28 by Robed Mystic

[Blessed2]

It just seems so impossible. I tried to quit like a month ago and it was a total mess. I managed to get to the evening without using, but then when I had to go to sleep, it all just hit me when I couldn't fall asleep. I went fucking crazy. Felt so powerless that I experienced suicidal thoughts.

 

The same thing would happen if I tried again. Pretty much every second would be a fight, and eventually I'd fail.

 

I just can't do it. I literally do believe that a miracle is necessary. The desire to use just would have to disappear.

 

But the desire just appears every five minutes and I have no control over it. I'm entirely helpless with it.

 

Yes, these are thoughts and they feel like powerlessness and despair.

 

But that I would not believe the thoughts is not in my control.

 

Makes me so mad when again and again it's said to acknowledge the emotions etc etc. Cause I can't just choose to acknowledge the emotion and follos the guidance. It's not like a big red button you can just walk to and press and ta-da, emotional guidance acknowledged and thought un-believed.

 

I'm experiencing the emotion despair and powerlessness.

 

And I hate how journaling is recommended. Cause there's so much thoughts and beliefs that would have to be journaled. The belief is that by journaling those thoughts would be let go. So that I'd have to verbalize every discordant thought to be free from it. So the spirit of the expression just dies and it's like a to-do list. A list of discordant thoughts to express. But they come and go before I even get to a journal so I'd have to verbalize a thought that's already gone. like from a to-do list. So that the belief will not be activated again later at some point.

 

[Robed Mystic]

2 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

It just seems so impossible. I tried to quit like a month ago and it was a total mess. I managed to get to the evening without using, but then when I had to go to sleep, it all just hit me when I couldn't fall asleep. I went fucking crazy. Felt so powerless that I experienced suicidal thoughts.

 

The same thing would happen if I tried again. Pretty much every second would be a fight, and eventually I'd fail.

 

I just can't do it. I literally do believe that a miracle is necessary. The desire to use just would have to disappear.

 

But the desire just appears every five minutes and I have no control over it. I'm entirely helpless with it.

 

Yes, these are thoughts and they feel like powerlessness and despair.

 

But that I would not believe the thoughts is not in my control.

 

Makes me so mad when again and again it's said to acknowledge the emotions etc etc. Cause I can't just choose to acknowledge the emotion and follos the guidance. It's not like a big red button you can just walk to and press and ta-da, emotional guidance acknowledged and thought un-believed.

 

I'm experiencing the emotion despair and powerlessness.

 

And I hate how journaling is recommended. Cause there's so much thoughts and beliefs that would have to be journaled. The belief is that by journaling those thoughts would be let go. So that I'd have to verbalize every discordant thought to be free from it. So the spirit of the expression just dies and it's like a to-do list. A list of discordant thoughts to express. But they come and go before I even get to a journal so I'd have to verbalize a thought that's already gone. like from a to-do list. So that the belief will not be activated again later at some point.

 

The only way to do it is to completeley take away all access to the drug.  LIke a treament center or a rehab.    Because as long as you still have access to it and the ability to get it you will still do it..  So you have to strip yourself from it completely.  Until you actualy want to do this you wil remain a victim of your addiction.  I have alcohol and nicotine additction issues too - but like i said, until you completey strip yourself from the ability to have these things, it won't go away

[Blessed2]

A few years ago I quit for a month or so, and didn't experience insomnia cause I was taking quetiapine for sleeping. Wondering if I should try that this time. Haven't been taking those pills for a long time (quitting them was a hassle too, but nothing like quitting nicotine is) and I'd probably have to take it only for a week or so, to get through the worst sweaty nights. I know I could quit if I just got through the first couple of days. Then it would be easy peasy even if there were some cravings, just cause the joy of finally being free.

 

I have a doctor's recipe for quetiapine ready and they're very cheap so I could just go and buy them. 🤔

 

The only worry is that the sleeping trouble would move from nicotine to another substance, but even if that happened, quetiapine is different cause it's not a pleasure / addiction substance. So that could be done with by just cutting the dose bit by bit like I used to do when I stopped taking them 2 years ago. Also I doubt that it would happen in a week or two. I would probably have to take a very small dose.

 

Another worry is that quetiapine is some fucking manmade antipsychotic which affects the brain who knows how. Not very spiritually ideal. 🤡

 

OR maybe this is one of those cases when I could just shut the fuck up and allow the help in, take the easy road. Life doesn't need to be hard if it can be easy.

 

[Robed Mystic]

13 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

A few years ago I quit for a month or so, and didn't experience insomnia cause I was taking quetiapine for sleeping. Wondering if I should try that this time. Haven't been taking those pills for a long time (quitting them was a hassle too, but nothing like quitting nicotine is) and I'd probably have to take it only for a week or so, to get through the worst sweaty nights. I know I could quit if I just got through the first couple of days. Then it would be easy peasy even if there were some cravings, just cause the joy of finally being free.

 

I have a doctor's recipe for quetiapine ready and they're very cheap so I could just go and buy them. 🤔

 

The only worry is that the sleeping trouble would move from nicotine to another substance, but even if that happened, quetiapine is different cause it's not a pleasure / addiction substance. So that could be done with by just cutting the dose bit by bit like I used to do when I stopped taking them 2 years ago. Also I doubt that it would happen in a week or two. I would probably have to take a very small dose.

 

Another worry is that quetiapine is some fucking manmade antipsychotic which affects the brain who knows how. Not very spiritually ideal. 🤡

 

OR maybe this is one of those cases when I could just shut the fuck up and allow the help in, take the easy road. Life doesn't need to be hard if it can be easy.

 

No, its hard.  I'm trying to find a way out of nicotine myself..  I can't really afford to go into a treatment center becaue I have a job to keep and to suport myself.  So this presents a delicate issue.  Yeah,, try that again I think it will work for you.  You obviously want to stop so you will.  That's the main thing.  That you want to stop.  And i'm happy for you for even having the strength to want to do that.  

Edited February 28 by Robed Mystic

[Blessed2]

11 minutes ago, Robed Mystic said:

No, its hard.  I'm trying to find a way out of nicotine myself..  I can't really afford to go into a treatment center becaue I have a job to keep and to suport myself.  So this presents a delicate issue.  Yeah,, try that again I think it will work for you.  You obviously want to stop so you will.  That's the main thing.  That you want to stop.  And i'm happy for you for even having the strength to want to do that.  

 

💗💗

[Robed Mystic]

26 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:

A few years ago I quit for a month or so, and didn't experience insomnia cause I was taking quetiapine for sleeping. Wondering if I should try that this time. Haven't been taking those pills for a long time (quitting them was a hassle too, but nothing like quitting nicotine is) and I'd probably have to take it only for a week or so, to get through the worst sweaty nights. I know I could quit if I just got through the first couple of days. Then it would be easy peasy even if there were some cravings, just cause the joy of finally being free.

 

I have a doctor's recipe for quetiapine ready and they're very cheap so I could just go and buy them. 🤔

 

The only worry is that the sleeping trouble would move from nicotine to another substance, but even if that happened, quetiapine is different cause it's not a pleasure / addiction substance. So that could be done with by just cutting the dose bit by bit like I used to do when I stopped taking them 2 years ago. Also I doubt that it would happen in a week or two. I would probably have to take a very small dose.

 

Another worry is that quetiapine is some fucking manmade antipsychotic which affects the brain who knows how. Not very spiritually ideal. 🤡

 

OR maybe this is one of those cases when I could just shut the fuck up and allow the help in, take the easy road. Life doesn't need to be hard if it can be easy.

 

Let me know how it goes please.  

[Blessed2]

2 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

I have a doctor's recipe for quetiapine ready and they're very cheap so I could just go and buy them. 🤔

 

The recipe has been expired. ☹️ I was so optimistic but now, disappointed.

 

I'll try to get a new recipe but seeing a doctor will probably be a hassle, and I don't know if even then they would write me one.

 

Let's put it on the dreamboard. 😂

 

Edited February 28 by Blessed2

[Phil]

7 hours ago, Blessed2 said:

 

The recipe has been expired. ☹️ I was so optimistic but now, disappointed.

 

I'll try to get a new recipe but seeing a doctor will probably be a hassle, and I don't know if even then they would write me one.

 

Let's put it on the dreamboard. 😂

 

The presently aspect of optimism and disappointment is the unfettering of the separate self of thoughts via only the awareness of the thoughts. Optimistic and disappointed are the aversion aspect. Likewise, happiness & happy. 🙂