Complaint/Routine Challenge

[Mandy]

• What is one compliant you have, something you don't like but keep noticing, like a thought you keep running over like a song you don't like that's stuck in your head? Or maybe it's already a desire. What are you asking for? What small routine shift could you implement to answer it? 

 

For example, I often feel guilt about wasting food. I would like to be more intentional with food, wasting less of it, saving money, with more clarity of what I'm buying when I get groceries once a week. I feel a lot healthier after beginning to buy and eat more fresh fruits and vegetables but they go bad fast.  Every week I could go through my fridge and make a list of what needs to be used up and throw away anything that has already gone by instead of avoiding doing this out of guilt and being further confused as to what I have and wasting even more.

 

• When are you going to do it? How often do you want to do it? Does it need to be done daily or weekly? 

 

Example, I have extra time on Thursdays, so every Thursday I'll do it before lunch. 

 

• How am I going to remember?

 

Example, I'm going to plug it into my phone calendar and my phone will remind me if I don't remember that day as I build a routine/habit. 

 

 

[Reena]

I think I always tell myself that I will sleep early. I build that habit and some day I end up breaking it. It usually happens when I feel emotionally unhinged or unbalanced. When someone or something upsets me like an argument or fight, that day is a horrible day. I'll not eat or end up puking. I'll sleep on the couch or sleep for extremely short periods and the whole routine is whacked. This will continue for next 3 days feeling miserable and out of order to the point I lose focus and all work is lost. Such days are really hard on me. 

 

How to change it? 

I don't think I can change a lot of how my mind feels/reacts. Little bit but not too much. It is still very instantaneous. 

 

What I do now? 

These days if someone upsets me I cut them off permanently. It's not worth the trouble and stress I have to undergo dealing with someone else's ups and downs and then have to deal with the harm it brings to me. So I prefer to mostly stay alone and try to be happy about it and keep minimum expectations from people and the moment even the most basic expectations aren't met, they are off my list. 

 

I do have a "people" neediness that I haven't been able to cure. It's like -  I like being in the company of people but it comes at a price of mostly dealing with the leftovers. Quality people who respect your boundaries are hard to find and hard to keep as they move up the ladder to find other better people. So it's always this constant struggle that I'm left with people who are just "time wasters." And the product of this is mostly futile associations. 

 

I mostly have people problems in my life. I am now practicing a technique which I call "fast track court." I know it sounds odd. Previously I used to be around people and suck their negativity for extended periods of time leading to  much harm and time waste and continuous cut back in my progress, almost holding myself back by a huge margin, giving too much importance to people who didn't deserve it. So these days I apply the "fast track court" principle. I immediately put the people I associate with into this court of appeal in my head. The processing is done very fast. I always used to think I will gain something from people thus perpetuating the cycle of "drama" people in my life. Now I cancel that thought. I replace the word "gain" by "perceived gain." There is nothing to gain, just the perception that I'm gaining something at the price of losing too much. So in the fast track court of appeal processing, I put these people in the stand  box and let them go through a trial. If their behavior has caused me significant impact, they are eliminated for good. If there's not too much drama and they seem to be easy to get along then their imaginary appeal is considered and accepted and they are allowed to stay in my life. Otherwise their appeal is rejected and they are permanently eliminated with little to no contact.

 

This method has helped me deal with the stress of socializing and cutting out those people who aren't harmonic or in line with my purpose of a good life.