The lack of empathy in Psychologists

[Reena]

My third or probably fourth psychiatrist appointment did not exactly go the way I has expected it to be. She pressured me into taking meds for my depression and borderline. Yet I felt like she got a bit predatory with me. I'm 27 years old and she is 48 years old. She told me that she has a daughter who is 22 years old. 

I felt a bit of a connection in the beginning with her but then it felt like she was a bit cold. 

Like one time during the session she said something, "even if you do well in life, it is of no happiness to me. Like it doesn't matter what you do personally." 

I found that statement to be a bit cold. Then she focused a lot on the necklace I was wearing. 

I found this behavior a bit predatory. 

Thoughts??? 

 

 

 

Am I not close to her daughter's age yet she was like "hey you're not my daughter so I don't give a fuck what you do." 

 

 

 

This reminds me of an old woman who told me years ago when I was a teen - "only your mom can be your mom and nobody else." Which means nobody can care like a mother. Only a mother can. 

 

I told the psychologist about my estranged relationship with my mother. I felt like I could trust her because she was very sweet and kind in the first few sessions hitherto. Yet this session left me feeling a bit weird. 

 

 

 

Edited January 8 by Reena

[Reena]

Is this woman to be trusted or she gonna make things worse for me? 

[Mandy]

Focusing too much on the caregiver is a distraction from the care. 

[Reena]

2 hours ago, Mandy said:

Focusing too much on the caregiver is a distraction from the care. 

Yep. 

[Phil]

A therapist’s role in a nutshell is helping with improving mental health, alignment with well-being, and coping skills along the way. Discordant beliefs like lack are going to come up. That’s ideal. That’s therapy working / helping. Coming up and out is even more ideal.

 

Sometimes discordant beliefs come up, but not quite out, and are ‘held’ via projection or transference, or believing the belief on its way out, to be true, about the therapist. 

 

Empathy isn’t a thing, as in an object. So it’s not something people could actually have more or less of. It’s the natural ‘result’ of the unfettering of discordant beliefs, or most simply put… being. 

 

My sentiment about therapy is allow as much as you can handle to come up and out. Leave the appointment walking on air as it were, with nothing on your mind or weighing you down. ‘Deeper layers’ of discord will arise… do the same at the next appointment. Ideally, at some point, you’re emptied and peace, happiness & love remain. (Also not things people have more or less of). 🙂 

[Reena]

4 hours ago, Phil said:

My sentiment about therapy is allow as much as you can handle to come up and out. Leave the appointment walking on air as it were, with nothing on your mind or weighing you down. ‘Deeper layers’ of discord will arise… do the same at the next appointment. Ideally, at some point, you’re emptied and peace, happiness & love remain. (Also not things people have more or less of). 🙂 

I think this is a good way to handle it. Thanks Phil. 

[Mandy]

@Reena What exactly did she say about your necklace?

[Reena]

@Mandy she said it was looking nice. Then she kept asking me where I got it from. The necklace was layered so she asked if it was a single one or multiple. I had to tell her it was a single piece. Then she was constantly staring at it. I had never worn jewelry in the first few sessions so I felt maybe I should show her that I'm doing slightly better than before and I wanted to look better. But she wasn't exactly joyous looking at that. Rather she gave a frowned look at the necklace as though it offended her. I did not quite understand why she got upset after looking at the necklace. She was looking at it suspiciously and rather skeptically. It felt weird. Because I was expecting that she would compliment it which she did but she did it in a way that felt like suspicion rather than joy. I had expected that she would smile and laugh and tell me how nice it is that I wanted to look presentable. But she looked dull and even skeptical. 

I have no idea what made her upset. What was going through her mind when she was looking at it? I asked her if she liked it. She said yes. But she did not say it in a happy way. Rather like "why the heck are you wearing that?" kinda way. And she kept complimenting my looks. I told her that I like to do makeup. She said "you don't have to do makeup, you look pretty already." Not sure how to take that. The reason I told her specifically about makeup is because my sister had instructed me to tell her about my hobbies. One of my hobbies is trying makeup. Experimenting with makeup and colors on my face. That's the reason why I had mentioned makeup to her. But she diffused it by saying that there was no need to put makeup on. I found that weird. I would have expected a response like "hey, is that a hobby of yours. Is that something that makes you feel good inside. Is that a fun activity for you? If it is fun then you should keep doing it to feel good whenever you're feeling down." But her response was rather both discouraging and encouraging in a weird way. Encouraging because she called me pretty so that felt good obviously. Compliments make anyone happy no doubt. Yet when she said I shouldn't put on makeup felt discouraging because that's one thing I enjoyed even in my worst phases of my depression. It was uplifting to brighten up my face with makeup. I used to play with it in front of the mirror. In many ways I'm a bit teenagey even if I'm an adult. So I have little things I do for fun. 

After the session my sister contacted me and asked "did she ask you about your hobbies?" I replied no. The psychiatrist never mentioned any activities that I can do for mood elevation. I mean she has more than 10 years of experience working with clients who suffer from different problems. I feel she should have known better. She was a bit vague. 

I don't know. She is usually nice. Like she tells me that I'm hard working. She appreciates that. She even tells me that I  needed to improve on self care because I don't pay attention to my diet and eat junk food. She said that she liked to keep things real and that she is not going to coddle me. Which is actually nice, I appreciate it. I don't want a coddling psychologist. But her demeanor is always a bit sad and negative. And for a person like me who is already suffering so much, this can be a bit of a downer. As though I should always be in a drugged state. Also when she said that her clients are usually resolved within two sessions, that was hugely discouraging. It felt like a prescription for a mental hospital admission. And I have suffered physical violence there at the hands of the guards and nurses. I don't ever want to go there because they are extremely unempathetic, it's almost like dying, it's totally like a jail or prison. It's a hell there. They treat you worse than animal there and feed rotten food. My worry is that she will tell my family something like "I don't think she will improve. She should resolve in a couple of sessions or else commit her to an institution or hospital." 

This has happened before with a lady psychologist early in January last year 2023. She kept asking me "why do you throw tantrums? Why do you have anger issues? Do you think you are the only one who has trauma?" And I told her that I can't make friends. Because nobody really likes me. To which her response was "I don't think anyone would ever want to be your friend." I was on the verge of tears by the end of the session and she whispered to my sister, "she will need electroshock." I didn't attack anyone physically or do anything violent to be suggested that. So I felt extremely fearful. I felt that they would electroshock me at the mental hospital. I have PTSD, anxiety and depression and anger issues from seeing my father get mistreated by my mother. That psychologist was extremely ruthless, the one I met in Jan. After that I was assigned another psychologist. She diagnosed me with Borderline Disorder and told me it was hard to treat. Then after a few sessions, there was some improvement. Yet one day she suddenly stopped responding to my calls and texts. She didn't want me as a client. There was no argument. She wanted to charge more for upcoming sessions and my family wasn't ready to pay her so she abruptly cut off any  further help. I was always paying her yet I found it incredibly selfish of her to raise the price since it was already high enough and I had paid her a lot by the fourth session. She had charged me $200 for each diagnostic test. One test was like a survey of 20 general questions which I found frivolous. Another test was the Ror test used to detect personality disorder. So the test concluded that I have Borderline Personality Disorder along with "delusional disorder" issues. I am glad that the tests were successful. Yet the price was extremely high when the tests are totally free online. So she got nearly $400 from me already. She began asking for more at the end of the third session. This is where I felt uncomfortable. And when my family refused the hike in price, she stopped replying to my texts for future appointments and blocked me. I found that unempathetic. It's like a business for them. They don't care about how the client feels, even when the client is paying them money. That's some serious horseshit. Like strictly business. I had expected a more empathetic approach. Given that I'm paying money and attending sessions on time, shouldn't I deserve basic decency?????? The funny (ironic) part is that I always appear on time for every session, not missing it by a single minute. I never want to make them wait for me. Yet these psychologists always come 15 minutes late. It's they who always insist that I should be on time yet it's them who are always late. 

There was a guy known as Reckful on YouTube. He was a gamer with Borderline personality disorder and he had similar issues like me. He hired an Indian psychologist who goes by the YouTube Name HealthyGamerGG. His real name is Alok Kanojia, also known as Dr. K. I would want to warn people about this man. He is extremely dangerous. Reckful was his client. This pathetic Indian psychologist told that guy that he would abandon him after 2 years. Who ever says that to a borderline client (because borderlines have huge abandonment anxiety, it's illegal to talk about abandonment to them). Reckful collapsed into a depressed state and Dr K should have taken it seriously but he was making good money out of this poor guy. Reckful committed suicide a few years ago and it generated a huge controversy around the ethics of Dr K and his behavior with his clients. One point to be noted here is that Dr K (HealthyGamerGG) is Harvard trained psychiatrist with 20 years of experience. I mean you can't make that shit up. That has to be the greatest betrayal of education. It's nuts that a Harvard trained psychiatrist lacks empathy for his client which is a basic necessity in psych handling. 

 

There's a huge responsibility that comes with being a psychiatrist and psychologist. You're literally playing with people's lives because these clients are in their vulnerable stages. Anything can heal or break them. 

 

I don't know in what world Reckful thought it was a good idea to hire an Indian psychologist because the attitude of most Indian psychologists is extremely insensitive, it's stage Red rather than Stage Green. 

 

I want to continue a few sessions with her and see how that plays out. 

 

[Reena]

I hate the tough love approach. It is not about caring and gentleness. Most Indians are stage Blue or stage Red and there's a terrible lack of empathy in that tough love mentality. 

These psychologists come with the "let's discipline the kid" kind of attitude. 

 

But what I need is not disciplining but nurturing. A ptsd victim doesn't need someone yelling at them or being harsh and negative with them.. 

 

My mom always used the "tough love" approach with me all my life growing up. It did so much harm. It gets controlling and abusive at times. 

 

Millions of children in India go missing every year because they run from their homes when their parents beat them or are extremely harsh with them. Then these children are sold into human trafficking. 

I used to always read at least one news article about a child missing after a fight with parents. 

I think the culture needs a wake up call. There are no Child Protection Services and no Social Services for children facing abuse. 

 

It's a terrible system. A very stage red stage blue culture that is strongly patriarchal and believes in having a tough approach to life. But look at the economic and social condition in India. Millions commit suicide. There's massive poverty and unemployment and the rates of depression are highest in our country. 

 

This is what happens when you create a society around greed and stage orange mentality of narcissism.  Me me me me me me me me me. This mentality. Then the people care less about anyone's suffering or feelings. The lack of empathy comes from selfishness.