The Dark Feminine

[Reena]

           

 

 

 

In my family nobody lives too long. Most of them die by 60 - 65. 

Now I'm 27 and my mom is in her mid fifties. Plus she has health issues. So she will probably not make it for more than another let's say 5 years. She will die early I know. Because she suffers a lot, depression is a hell of a killer I tell you. She has bipolar hypomanic hypermanic depression and major depression too. I'm mostly Hypo and she is mostly Hyper. I will have low moods and she will have high moods. But hers is terrifying. She can be like Hitler. She can be extremely unforgiving and mean and literally just destroy someone completely. She is absolutely narcissist. She will say such hateful words. She is extremely bossy. Victimhood does not exist for her. She never cried in her life. She never cried even when my father died. Think of her as Hilary Clinton. She never tries to get empathetic or sweet or kind. She is always "fuck people, i will get what I want" and this "if you are not strong people will kill you" or "grow the fuck up and get tough skin" kinda personality. 

 

I like it sometimes. I wish she was more gentle with me when I was a kid and not like Hitler. But she would look at me with such anger, that I would start trembling or freeze on the spot. 

She had a very tyrant oppressive energy about her. 

Honestly I don't know why I was born to her. My psychiatrist tells me to find peace with her before she dies. 

 

Deep in my heart I do carry love for her but I don't think I can do justice to the relationship because it has passed that point. I took enough from her. I don't know how to forgive her. It will need tremendous and I mean it, tremendous amount of emotional labor and emotional heavyweight work and tremendous amount of emotional energy to forgive her and process all the childhood trauma she gave me and get over it and be able to be that strong to forgive her. 

 

                           

 

Because of my brain disability at birth, autism or whatever, I can't articulate myself in short paragraphs like other people do. I have to write like an essay (which consumes enormous mental energy), to express myself properly. It's like people need 3 words, I will need 3 paragraphs to say the same thing. 

                                 

Like Joseph Maynor said people are just goofing around. 

 

                               

Now I'm really coming into my own. 

                                

 

I really want to speak to Kali. Kali gives me hope like no other. 

 

                                 

I like being a woman. It's a lot of privilege. It's just natural privilege 

 

 

 

 

 

Haha. Sometimes I laugh at myself. 

 

                                 

If you are hurting and if you are a woman, then Kali is only source of comfort, warmth and healing in times of trouble. 

I'm being dead serious. Kali is a magical spirit. 

 

If someone or something bothers you, invoke Kali and she will heal you. Only if you are a woman because Kali is also a woman who went through tremendous shit and came back as a winner. 

Women have a special privilege and access to Kali warrior spirit because women have been systematically oppressed by the Patriarchy for centuries and this is their only source of dealing with that oppressor.

 

Invoke Kali and see yourself magically heal as a woman. Kali will take care of men who are trying to hurt you in whatever way. Kali will protect you from them. 

 

                               

 

Vote for Kali as the next President of the United States.

 

Kali you have my family's vote for the next election. 

 

Hilary Clinton didn't make it. But one fine day United States of America will have a woman president. (and I sincerely hope it's not Caitlyn Jenner, omg please no). 

 

Please my prayer. 

 

Kali I vote you. 

 

                              

 

 

 

Edited December 29, 2023 by Reena

[Reena]

 

            

 

My conversations with Kali are going to be legendary. 

 

I'm going to talk to Kali in this journal. 

                                 

 

Kali, my question to you. How should I deal with internet trolling and verbal abuse online? 

 

Kali answers - ignore the hate as much as possible. I know that you feel distressed by some men online who can't get enough of trolling you. But here are my comforting words. You're doing a great job. Already. You got a nice family in your neighborhood. Also the Williamsons to guide you. You are awesome as you are. You don't need the world. Also the people who create intense frustration in you are cowards. They don't have moral courage. They love morbid fun at your expense. I know that they bring you great personal injury. But you know what. They can't kill you. I can kill them with brute force. But they can't kill you. You see. Killing you would need moral courage. The courage they simply don't have. They can achieve a lot of things in life. They are still going to be miserable. Because pitbulls are always miserable. 

 

 

 

Edited December 29, 2023 by Reena

[Reena]

 

                                

 

Kali, I wrote this comment a while ago. 

The internet is like women who marry cheating men. If the man is cheating on his wife with you, he will cheat on you too. But the women don't get it. They still want to be with that dude. But sooner or later the same happens to them in a repeat cycle. That's when they realize they are petting a crocodile. It's like having pitbulls. Today they are attacking the entire neighborhood. Tomorrow they will attack you. You think you are being cool with raising pitbulls yet you are feeling cool only because the pitbull isn't attacking you. So you enjoy the show eating popcorn. One day you will suffer for what you raise in your backyard. This is the general picture of the internet bullies.

Kali can you shed light on why I wrote it? 

                                         

 

Kali answers - Yea that's true in some way. The online is a place of great unfolding of both good and bad. You are sometimes better off without it. I think a lot of women come online for seeking attention and they sort of enable the bullies and trolls by sucking their dicks. It's like the pitbull thing you are talking about. If you kill a good person then you also kill the goodness along with them. If you have genuinely bad faith people around, then you get what you're asking for. You get what you give. These are shallow cheap people. They can't do real shit. That's what you should pride on. They will never be capable of being real. As real as you are. You're the winner. They will never solve real problems or help people in real ways. They can put on that act but deep down they lack empathy. So they can gloat on Facebook that they did charity and all that nonsense but if they really were truly deeply genuinely empathetic then they would have never hated you in the first place. They are as cheap as plastic dolls in a shop. They are fucking PLASTIC DOLLS.  And you're allowing yourself to be hurt by these nasty plastic dolls. Can you see how awkward this is? This is so insane. I mean humanity cannot get more insane than this. 

 

 

Kali I said that the internet is a place of misery and bullying. Like people who encourage this subculture. 

I said that they are like women who marry cheating men. What do you think about it? 

 

Kali answers - 

 

Edited December 29, 2023 by Reena

[Reena]

 

Kali, I think most men on the internet are extremely hostile and misogynistic and project their inner misogyny on women online in some shape or form? 

 

Kali answers -  you're getting closer to the truth. Hitting the nail right on the head. 

                             

 

Kali I feel like I found a key to ultimate peace of mind. 

 

The only sureshot way to find peace of mind is to embrace your true self. First learn who you are. First find who you are. 

 

Once you see true self, your job is to love this true self. 

 

I think I found the ultimate secret to mental peace. The ultimate key.. 

 

                               

 

Kali I think this is going to be my greatest journal of all time. My greatest creativity so far. My greatest insight. My greatest healing. My greatest success. 

 

 

Edited December 29, 2023 by Reena

[Reena]

Yay you are free. You are free. You're free. Kali has entered the chat. 

 

Not gonna lie this exercise is too therapeutic to me. Extremely healing Kali energy. 

 

 

Edited December 29, 2023 by Reena

[Reena]

Kali please teach me the dark arts and dark feminine energy. 

 

[Reena]

I finally cracked the code to online bullying - KALI. 

 

 

[Phil]

This thread is being closed because it’s utter nonsense.