Rape dreams(trigger warning)

[Mandy]

Just now, Reena said:

@Mandy not with rape victims. But they had a interviewed a girl with Borderline disorder. I could relate with her as im borderline myself. 

How do the videos dealing with this topic feel though? 

[Reena]

Just now, Mandy said:

How do the videos dealing with this topic feel though? 

Uncomfortable. 

[Reena]

16 minutes ago, Reena said:

Some points I'm gathering on this topic - 

 

1. Sensitivity 

2. Sensibilities 

3. Vulnerability 

4. Source of insecurity 

5. Suppression

6. Sexual repression

7. Finding peace with something uncomfortable by playing it out. 

 

 

 

8. There can be powerlessness. 

 

 

 

It's a two part problem 

 

One part being why it happens. 

Second part being why do I find comfort in it. 

 

Unlocking these answers is like a Gold Key to my subconscious and ultimately to the Truth that is close to the Subconscious. 

 

 

Edited November 15, 2023 by Reena

[Mandy]

Just now, Reena said:

Uncomfortable. 

What do you think the discomfort is saying, what is the message there for you? 

[Reena]

I can also consider this similar to the situation of Stigmata.. 

[Reena]

Just now, Mandy said:

What do you think the discomfort is saying, what is the message there for you? 

No idea. I can't draw anything from it other than just feeling uncomfortable but also it's like their situation is very different from mine in that, I'm experiencing joy in feeling or being raped whereas  they might be experiencing distress. 

[Mandy]

Just now, Reena said:

No idea. I can't draw anything from it other than just feeling uncomfortable but also it's like their situation is very different from mine in that, I'm experiencing joy in feeling or being raped whereas  they might be experiencing distress. 

Do you actually make these threads to feel intimacy from males online? 

[Reena]

7 minutes ago, Reena said:

8. There can be powerlessness. 

 

 

 

It's a two part problem 

 

One part being why it happens. 

Second part being why do I find comfort in it. 

 

Unlocking these answers is like a Gold Key to my subconscious and ultimately to the Truth that is close to the Subconscious. 

 

 

It can also be the romanticizing of rape. 

[Mandy]

And is the deeper desire simply a desire for intimacy? A desire that you don't have to feel bad about yourself for having, second guess yourself for, vet anyone for, etc? It just is. No control over it. 

[Reena]

1 minute ago, Mandy said:

Do you actually make these threads to feel intimacy from males online? 

I'm looking for a solution for my dreams. I have zero interest in males online. They mean nothing to me. It's also about understanding and unlocking my own psyche. The problem is that I tend find clues but only in bits and pieces. It's like an investigation. Yet when I go deeper and deeper, I reach like a significant breakthrough but it's like sand. I can't hold on it. Then I go looking for more clues to the puzzle. 

I opened the thread in the hopes that others could also probably dissect my mind and find some clues or perhaps have known someone with similar complex issues and what their experiences have been. 

So far not that successful.  I haven't come across many people who said they had rape dreams but I'm still looking through the internet. 

Some articles that I have been linking here have been useful. 

 

[Reena]

16 minutes ago, Reena said:

8. There can be powerlessness. 

 

 

 

It's a two part problem 

 

One part being why it happens. 

Second part being why do I find comfort in it. 

 

Unlocking these answers is like a Gold Key to my subconscious and ultimately to the Truth that is close to the Subconscious. 

 

 

I ask myself this question - would I want to be raped?(which is a very difficult question) 

The answer to that question is - Yes. 

But by a boyfriend and not a stranger. 

Even if a boyfriend raped me he should try to calm me or keep me safe. 

What i realize is this - even in the middle of wanting to be violated in this manner, I'm still looking for safety. 

 

 

[Reena]

2 minutes ago, Reena said:

I ask myself this question - would I want to be raped?(which is a very difficult question) 

The answer to that question is - Yes. 

But by a boyfriend and not a stranger. 

Even if a boyfriend raped me he should try to calm me or keep me safe. 

What i realize is this - even in the middle of wanting to be violated in this manner, I'm still looking for safety. 

 

 

I can also entertain the possibility that this is an extreme form of Stockholm Syndrome. 

 

[Mandy]

10 minutes ago, Reena said:

I'm looking for a solution for my dreams. I have zero interest in males online. They mean nothing to me.

 

Oh of course not. There are no males online. They would have to be in person in order to confirm that they are indeed male. Otherwise they are just 2D which is no fun. 

 

I'm asking if intimacy from males is sought online, when it can only be found physically in real life. But you actually only want it to come from yourself so you can control it. And it does indeed only come from yourself. Perhaps it's the loss of control that will allow you to interact with real in the flesh males, which can be scary and sometimes unkept creatures. I get it. Online males, much safer, and they always smell good. 

 

10 minutes ago, Reena said:

 

So far not that successful.  I haven't come across many people who said they had rape dreams but I'm still looking through the internet. 

Some articles that I have been linking here have been useful. 

Wouldn't you want to speak to people you DO NOT have the same issue you're trying to rid yourself of it? 

 

10 minutes ago, Reena said:

 

So far not that successful. 

 

You've had lots of people help you to unlock things, but you prefer to write your own bullet points rather than really consider them deeply. It's about control. You want to control so you can be safe, but REALLY what you want is to stop doing this and have actual in the flesh affection from a male. But that might be too wild and unpredictable. So we're limited to internet males or fantasy males and then we have dreams about not having control. 

[Reena]

4 minutes ago, Mandy said:

Oh of course not. There are no males online. They would have to be in person in order to confirm that they are indeed male. Otherwise they are just 2D. 

But internet relationships can be real. 

 

4 minutes ago, Mandy said:

 

I'm asking if intimacy from males is sought online, when it can only be found physically in real life

Nobody can decide this. Feelings are felt. Feelings are not like drinking water. 

4 minutes ago, Mandy said:

 

But you actually only want it to come from yourself so you can control it. And it does indeed only come from yourself. Perhaps it's the loss of control that will allow you to interact with real in the flesh males.

I had 5 relationships. I had relationships in real life. I have experienced intimacy with them. I did not have sex. I reserved myself on purpose. Back then I didn't get rape dreams. I never saw any connection between these rape dreams and the men I had relationship with. I have no problem in getting into a relationship. But I have very little time and patience for it. I do imagine that even if I have a husband, I would still get these rape dreams. Like for example I had a boyfriend last year and I used to narrate to him these things. His presence in my life hadn't stopped these dreams. I have no problem in losing control. But I wanna wait till marriage if that makes sense. 

 

4 minutes ago, Mandy said:

 

 

Which can be scary and sometimes unkept creatures. I get it. Online males, much safer, and they always smell good. 

I like to view myself as more sexually liberated. Online males can be scary too. 

 

4 minutes ago, Mandy said:

 

Wouldn't you want to speak to people you DO NOT have the same issue you're trying to rid yourself of it? 

 

I don't see why I should do that. 

4 minutes ago, Mandy said:

You've had lots of people help you to unlock things,

Only two people - you and Phil and so far it feels like the advice given is not relevant to my problem. 

4 minutes ago, Mandy said:

but you prefer to write your own bullet points rather than really consider them deeply.

I'm going to cancel out advice that doesn't seem to be applying to my problem. You can't dictate how people should feel about their problems. That's tyrannical. 

 

4 minutes ago, Mandy said:

 

 It's about control. You want to control so you can be safe, but REALLY what you want is to stop doing this and have actual in the flesh affection from a male.

I'm not sure about that. I have had my boyfriends show me affection. It felt good in the moment. Hugging, touching or mutual masturbation etc. Yet I don't think the rape aspect of my life has anything to do with my boyfriends or male affection at all. It could be symptom of an underlying problem manifesting itself as a rape dream. You never know. 

4 minutes ago, Mandy said:

 

But that might be too wild and unpredictable. So we're limited to internet males or fantasy males and then we have dreams about not having control. 

Part of my dreams could be sexual or related to sex. Rape is generally not related so much with sex or sexuality. It's more about power. So I'm inclined to believe that the dreams are related to some other equation in my life and nothing to do with sex. 

[Reena]

49 minutes ago, Reena said:

8. There can be powerlessness. 

 

 

 

It's a two part problem 

 

One part being why it happens. 

Second part being why do I find comfort in it. 

 

Unlocking these answers is like a Gold Key to my subconscious and ultimately to the Truth that is close to the Subconscious. 

 

 

That be an security-insecurity dynamic playing out. 

When I woke up from a nap, my mind was telling me that it's all about security. 

That I felt more secured with a rapist. That I felt treated that way somewhere in my life. 

 

[Mandy]

@Reena You aren't even willing to dance with us long enough to have a conversation, you go right back into your shell, back to talking to yourself like it's a journal. Journaling is awesome, but the clarity that comes from it is best used and countered with real conversation. It's like you aren't interested in anyone else's input, you aren't interested in considering it unless you thought of it yourself or if it backs up or continues upon what you already believe. 

 

7 minutes ago, Reena said:

I have no problem in losing control. But I wanna wait till marriage if that makes sense. 

Why? What is achieved by marriage? 

 

You often view yourself a victim, and imagine a physical sexual relationship. These are the things you give thought to the most of anything. It's pretty straightforward why your psyche is interpreting that as it is. It's not a mystery. 

 

 

[Reena]

2 minutes ago, Mandy said:

@Reena You aren't even willing to dance with us long enough to have a conversation, you go right back into your shell, back to talking to yourself like it's a journal. Journaling is awesome, but the clarity that comes from it is best used and countered with real conversation. It's like you aren't interested in anyone else's input, you aren't interested in considering it unless you thought of it yourself or if it backs up or continues upon what you already believe. 

 

If there's input that's ground breaking then I'll definitely jump on it with joy. 

Much of the input is insipid. 

2 minutes ago, Mandy said:

 

Why? What is achieved by marriage? 

 

It's a cultural thing for me. Girls aren't allowed to have kids outside of marriage. Pregnancy fears. 

2 minutes ago, Mandy said:

 

You often view yourself a victim, and imagine a physical sexual relationship. These are the things you give thought to the most of anything. It's pretty straightforward why your psyche is interpreting that as it is. It's not a mystery. 

 

 

Maybe I view myself as a victim because I have been a victim at some point of something other than rape and the rape dreams are a manifestation of that victimhood. 

 

[Mandy]

2 minutes ago, Reena said:

Much of the input is insipid. 

Ouch?

2 minutes ago, Reena said:

It's a cultural thing for me. Girls aren't allowed to have kids outside of marriage. Pregnancy fears. 

So what happens to you if you have a kid outside of marriage? 

3 minutes ago, Reena said:

 

Maybe I view myself as a victim because I have been a victim at some point of something other than rape and the rape dreams are a manifestation of that victimhood. 

It's impossible to be human and not to have been a victim at some point. But it's the stories we play on loop that result in recurring dreams. 

[Mandy]

@Reena You keep telling Phil to explain like you're 5 yet "much of the input is insipid". Something doesn't add up. 

[Reena]

@Mandy he doesn't explain to me like I'm 5. Because he uses very complex and convoluted sentences that don't make much sense to me. It's like illogical sort of thing. Whatever he says appears too philosophical and too much complex theory and often people ask him what he means by what he says. I'm not the only one who feels confused by his sentences. It's like maybe he has brilliant ideas but he is not able to convey them in simpler form. But I want it broken down in extremely simple format. 

Now when he breaks it down to "thought versus direct experience" it is simple enough but not applicable to a problem like this. Because this is about dreams. Dreams aren't about real experience yet dreams can cause a person distress. So I don't think he understands the complexity of the matter. He tries to use a one size fits all solution. All he talks about is "direct experience." But what I feel in a moment is a direct experience already. 

Either he doesn't relate to what others feel or cannot communicate his own ideas effectively to the point the other person can grasp it, either way it's a failure of either principle or communication.