Rape dreams(trigger warning)

[Reena]

There are different romances.. 

[Phil]

On 11/12/2023 at 5:50 PM, Reena said:

I haven't been a rape victim in real life.

Ever met & talked to someone who has?

 

How comfortable were you, or would you be, telling them how much you know about what you haven’t actually experienced?

 

How comfortable would they be with you?

 

How might honesty, sincerity or integrity, or listening to the guidance feel by comparison? 

 

It seems like the dishonesty & insincerity with respect to direct experience would feel quite off, and stands to be socially isolating, as I would imagine someone who has directly experienced what you haven’t but claim to know so much about might be quite insulted by the ignorance and presumptions. Assuming they also don’t listen to the guidance & haven’t allowed processing or transmutation. 

 

What if direct experience, the absence of incessant discordant rumination, conceptualizing & emotional suppression, actually feels… wonderful? 

[Reena]

1 hour ago, Phil said:

Ever met & talked to someone who has?

No. Nada. 

1 hour ago, Phil said:

 

How comfortable were you, or would you be, telling them how much you know about what you haven’t actually experienced?

Not at all comfortable. I would actually feel like I am doing them a disservice because I'm romanticizing rape.. 

1 hour ago, Phil said:

 

How comfortable would they be with you?

Not at all. They would perhaps look at me strangely. 

1 hour ago, Phil said:

 

How might honesty, sincerity or integrity, or listening to the guidance feel by comparison? 

What guidance? Always explain to me like I'm 5 year old. 

1 hour ago, Phil said:

 

It seems like the dishonesty & insincerity with respect to direct experience would feel quite off, and stands to be socially isolating, as I would imagine someone who has directly experienced what you haven’t but claim to know so much about might be quite insulted by the ignorance and presumptions.

 

Yess. They might under-represented by me. By no means am I justifying rape but being in my dreams is a source of comfort for me. Sounds weird but true. 

1 hour ago, Phil said:

 

Assuming they also don’t listen to the guidance & haven’t allowed processing or transmutation. 

Yeah. 

1 hour ago, Phil said:

 

What if direct experience, the absence of incessant discordant rumination, conceptualizing & emotional suppression, actually feels… wonderful? 

What if it doesn't? What if la la land feels even better? 

 

[Mandy]

@Reena Look into this channel if you haven't discovered it before. There are interviews with those who have abused and those who have been abused as well as both, and all kinds of different life stories. https://www.youtube.com/@SoftWhiteUnderbelly 

[Phil]

24 minutes ago, Reena said:

What guidance? Always explain to me like I'm 5 year old. 

Emotions are like little helpers always offering clarify with respect to what you’re thinkin, and how what you’re thinkin relates to not only the truth of the source of the help, and the health of the body as well, but also to what you want to create & experience.

 

As a specific example - with how you feel, how you want to feel, and what you want in mind - anger is like a little helper saying… “something’s a little off with how you’re thinking about someone or something… as it relates to how you want to feel and what you want (to create and experience).”

 

These little helpers are your biggest supporters. They never leave you, never judge or condemn you. 

 

24 minutes ago, Reena said:

Not at all comfortable. I would actually feel like I am doing them a disservice because I'm romanticizing rape.. 

Your little helpers might be telling you ‘hey, this isn’t quite aligned with mental & bodily health, how you want to feel, and what you want to create & experience’. 

 

24 minutes ago, Reena said:

Not at all. They would perhaps look at me strangely. 

Your little helpers might be looking at you like why would you focus on stuff that doesn’t feel good, isn’t mentally or bodily healthy, and isn’t even what you want?

 

24 minutes ago, Reena said:

Yess. They might under-represented by me. By no means am I justifying rape but being in my dreams is a source of comfort for me. Sounds weird but true. 

It doesn’t sound weird to your little helpers. They understand you are against them and don’t want them, to their help or guidance. Just like someone who reads what you write about rape, who has actually experienced being raped, would not want your help or guidance, as you make a mockery of not only them, but your own helpers, while they are, realized or not, doing everything they can to connect with and allow the guidance, as they want mental & bodily well being, and they of course want what the want to create and experience. But don’t listen to Phil or put much stock in what Phil says, as Phil already has his own little helpers and listens, so he doesn’t need anything at all from you. Just listen to the guidance.

 

24 minutes ago, Reena said:

Yeah. 

Allowing the guidance might be worthwhile. I’d see what the guidance has to say about that.

 

24 minutes ago, Reena said:

What if it doesn't? What if la la land feels even better? 

Just be honest about suffering. That’s the first step. Refrain from labeling and believing labels. 

Just call suffering, suffering. 

Appreciate that you can, and you can’t, it’s up to you, because you’re already free. 

 

[Reena]

@Mandy I have seen it before haha, in fact I was gonna link it here. 

[Phil]

When it comes to feeling the guidance when you haven’t been, any distraction will do. 

[Reena]

50 minutes ago, Phil said:

Emotions are like little helpers always offering clarify with respect to what you’re thinkin, and how what you’re thinkin relates to not only the truth of the source of the help, and the health of the body as well, but also to what you want to create & experience.

 

As a specific example - with how you feel, how you want to feel, and what you want in mind - anger is like a little helper saying… “something’s a little off with how you’re thinking about someone or something… as it relates to how you want to feel and what you want (to create and experience).”

 

These little helpers are your biggest supporters. They never leave you, never judge or condemn you. 

 

Your little helpers might be telling you ‘hey, this isn’t quite aligned with mental & bodily health, how you want to feel, and what you want to create & experience’. 

 

Your little helpers might be looking at you like why would you focus on stuff that doesn’t feel good, isn’t mentally or bodily healthy, and isn’t even what you want?

 

It doesn’t sound weird to your little helpers. They understand you are against them and don’t want them, to their help or guidance. Just like someone who reads what you write about rape, who has actually experienced being raped, would not want your help or guidance, as you make a mockery of not only them, but your own helpers, while they are, realized or not, doing everything they can to connect with and allow the guidance, as they want mental & bodily well being, and they of course want what the want to create and experience. But don’t listen to Phil or put much stock in what Phil says, as Phil already has his own little helpers and listens, so he doesn’t need anything at all from you. Just listen to the guidance.

 

Allowing the guidance might be worthwhile. I’d see what the guidance has to say about that.

 

Just be honest about suffering. That’s the first step. Refrain from labeling and believing labels. 

Just call suffering, suffering. 

Appreciate that you can, and you can’t, it’s up to you, because you’re already free. 

 

I also know that this is a Stockholm Syndrome thing. But I look at it this way. 

I don't look at it as something I need to get rid of. 

I look at it this way - 

Let's say this rape dream like a bad memory problem. 

It's like I'm having bad memory. Now I try everything in the world and yet it doesn't resolve my bad memory. Obviously  I can't live with a bad memory because it's worsening my daily life with errors and mishaps and probably limiting my capacity and potential. I can't get rid of a "bad memory." Because the memory itself is corrupt. Yet I have to operate with this corrupted disk. I'll have to figure out ways to work around it in such a way that I'm operational despite a bad memory. You get that now. I will have to learn to get back my functionality despite this bad memory. Now I'm not going to gain my functionality 100% back, but I can gain it to a certain extent. That is let's say I was committing 50% errors in any work and now with improved alternatives to assist a bad memory, I'm making 10% errors. So that's a huge improvement. I guess that alone would be more than enough. That's what I'm looking for. 

I don't want to know the suffering of real rape victims. Because that's not solving my problem. That's only making me feel ashamed of something I don't want to be ashamed of. 

I want to treat it my own way which will make it feasible for me to operate despite it existing in the background. I know it's symptomatic of my past abuse lodged in my subconscious mind and it comes back as a haunting in the form of rape dreams yet I also know that this is a diseased part of me that I have to live with just like you live with an amputated leg. You just find ways to circumvent that. 

[Phil]

3 minutes ago, Reena said:

I also know that this is a Stockholm Syndrome thing. But I look at it this way. 

I don't look at it as something I need to get rid of. 

I look at it this way - 

Let's say this rape dream like a bad memory problem. 

It's like I'm having bad memory. Now I try everything in the world and yet it doesn't resolve my bad memory. Obviously  I can't live with a bad memory because it's worsening my daily life with errors and mishaps and probably limiting my capacity and potential. I can't get rid of a "bad memory." Because the memory itself is corrupt. Yet I have to operate with this corrupted disk. I'll have to figure out ways to work around it in such a way that I'm operational despite a bad memory. You get that now. I will have to learn to get back my functionality despite this bad memory. Now I'm not going to gain my functionality 100% back, but I can gain it to a certain extent. That is let's say I was committing 50% errors in any work and now with improved alternatives to assist a bad memory, I'm making 10% errors. So that's a huge improvement. I guess that alone would be more than enough. That's what I'm looking for. 

I don't want to know the suffering of real rape victims. Because that's not solving my problem. That's only making me feel ashamed of something I don't want to be ashamed of. 

I want to treat it my own way which will make it feasible for me to operate despite it existing in the background. I know it's symptomatic of my past abuse lodged in my subconscious mind and it comes back as a haunting in the form of rape dreams yet I also know that this is a diseased part of me that I have to live with just like you live with an amputated leg. You just find ways to circumvent that. 

 

On 11/12/2023 at 5:50 PM, Reena said:

 

I haven't been a rape victim in real life. 

Stockholm syndrome is not seen at all. It’s a Thought, it’s not in Perception.

 

The belief is discordant because it isn’t true. Not because it’s a thing which you need to get rid of, and not because anything that followed about memory, a subconscious, etc. etc. etc. is actually true. That’s a lot shared about thoughts experienced about a separate self which isn’t present.

 

What can you share about yourself, which is present?
 

 

 

 

[Reena]

3 minutes ago, Phil said:

Stockholm syndrome is not seen at all. It’s a Thought, it’s not in Perception.

How can you say it's a thought? 

It's a condition and a state of mind that has been entrained into the victim. 

 

[Phil]

6 minutes ago, Reena said:

How can you say it's a thought? 

It's a condition and a state of mind that has been entrained into the victim. 

 

Simple. It’s true in accordance with direct experience. Syndromes, conditions, states, state of mind, mind as well as victims are not seen or heard. Are not in Perception. The direct experience is of thoughts.

[Reena]

8 minutes ago, Phil said:

Simple. It’s true in accordance with direct experience. Syndromes, conditions, states, state of mind, mind as well as victims are not seen or heard. Are not in Perception. The direct experience is of thoughts.

You could tell that to a rape victim 

 

[Phil]

1 minute ago, Reena said:

You could tell that to a rape victim 

Not in accordance with direct experience. 

 

This is how beliefs work honey. Just because you believe ‘rape victim’ is not a thought, and is instead an object in perception,  and therein project beliefs & objectify, doesn’t mean everyone else shares your belief. 

 

Some listen to the guidance, putting how they feel well above what they believe. 

[Reena]

2 minutes ago, Phil said:

Not in accordance with direct experience. 

 

This is how beliefs work honey. Just because you believe ‘rape victim’ is not a thought, and is instead an object in perception,  and therein project beliefs & objectify, doesn’t mean everyone else shares your belief. 

And... Just because you believe it so, doesn't mean I have to share your belief either. 

[Phil]

4 minutes ago, Reena said:

And... Just because you believe it so, doesn't mean I have to share your belief either. 

It’s in accordance with direct experience.

Not with anyone’s beliefs. 

 

That’s the whole point dear. 

[Reena]

Some points I'm gathering on this topic - 

 

1. Sensitivity 

2. Sensibilities 

3. Vulnerability 

4. Source of insecurity 

5. Suppression

6. Sexual repression

7. Finding peace with something uncomfortable by playing it out. 

 

 

 

Edited November 15, 2023 by Reena

[Mandy]

56 minutes ago, Reena said:

@Mandy I have seen it before haha, in fact I was gonna link it here. 

Do you find listening to the stories helpful? 

[Reena]

1 minute ago, Mandy said:

Do you find listening to the stories helpful? 

I have found relatability with some of them. 

 

[Mandy]

@Reena How does that feel? Do you want to relate to them? 

[Reena]

@Mandy not with rape victims. But they had a interviewed a girl with Borderline disorder. I could relate with her as im borderline myself.