Rape dreams(trigger warning)

[Reena]

Just now, solereproduction said:

Social mind is not a conceived brain per individual alive. Ponder on that awhile.

Yes it's not a conceived brain. It's a brain that has been programmed. But if you have heard of epigenetics, then you'll know that social programming over a very long period of time can actually reprogram our genetics too. 

 

 

 

[solereproduction]

9 minutes ago, Reena said:

Yes it's not a conceived brain. It's a brain that has been programmed. But if you have heard of epigenetics, then you'll know that social programming over a very long period of time can actually reprogram our genetics too. 

 

 

 

How? Rhetorical question since intellectual minds govern reproductions into selected marriages and that changes natural selection by random chances between specific ancestors adding another generation gap combined the two ancestral results another generation gap forward now.

 

Reality governs incoming replacements cradle to grave using relative time logistic of comparing evolving to event horizons that don't change between cycles adapting to the moment here are always a separate total sum not duplicated again.

 

Series parallel time to objects specifically here changing forms shaped since combination of periodic elements and/or a fertilized cell. One erodes the other decomposes after dead since conceived never  saying the one fertilized cell at arrival when departing.

 

that "It is what it is."

 

 

Edited November 18, 2023 by solereproduction

[Reena]

On 11/18/2023 at 6:44 PM, Reena said:

I think this is what they mean by raw tribal instinct. 

An instinct where everything gets modified and coded and then integrated into the brain, good or bad, all of it making it's way to make sure the human survives all kinds of odds. Just to let the human survive the situation and cope with it no matter how difficult. 

 

This also develops a certain resilience, survival based resilience, that the human being will learn all kinds of tricks to survive and cope with any given situation with the help of instinctual blueprint that is independently getting coded and created and modified like an updated manual or document and then this document is used in a referential manner for the future survival potential and strategy (survival strategy) of the said human being. 

But since we are socially programmed a certain way, and together with our other instincts such as fear, anxiety and how our intellect and cognitive capacity develops, these instincts can then run into conflict with our state of minds and cause great deal of dissonance, chaos and confusion and not let the mind have a clear clue to what's happening 

 

 

 

Our intellect is our basic survival guide. It's how it has always been. Irrespective of our subconscious. 

It's our waking brain. It's our brain that has been genetically coded. Through centuries. 1000s of years. 

Can you see the wonderment of the brain? 

It wasn't developed in the fetus overnight. It was coded this way for years and years. 

So a specific situation of childhood is not suddenly going to dismantle this centuries old programming. 

[Reena]

Some theories explain my interest in ruthlessness in men. 

My first theory - 

Also when I'm imagining sex, because I never had real sex so I don't know how sex would exactly feel like in real life, I'm imagining sex from my masturbation, something like the guy pushes into me and then pulls out. It's like if he is in there then it won't stimulate me sexually at all. But it's the feeling that he is pushing in and pulling out that creates a sort of escalating tension within me that finally leads to me orgasming. This is a sexual tension that builds up. I think in similar fashion if you corelate the phenomenon of sexual tension to emotional tension, shouldn't the guy have to do the exact same thing to mimic sex or attraction in her mind? So fundamentally if you observe the nature of sex, it involves the push pull thing, then obviously the push pull also needs to operate emotionally as well to stimulate her mind in a similar manner. It means he has to generate emotional tension where he is nice one minute and an asshole the next minute, he has to stimulate the woman emotionally like that. Because that will mimic sex in a way. If that makes sense. 

Second theory - 

The Bodyguard archetype. I think women who are like me are looking for the Bodyguard archetype. The protector, the security guard. 

So a security guard cannot be someone who looks like a delicate handsome prince who can never use a sword. The security guard has to look ruthless, intimidating, cruel and tyrannical. Because that will communicate power, security, protection to her. So it makes sense that she will be attracted to a bad boy because in her mind the bad boy will protect her from any harm. 

 

My third theory - 

The dark triad and the light triad. I have observed around me that women who are more masculine, braver, leadership oriented are attracted to a passive nice kind of a guy. And women who are a bit submissive like me are attracted to a dominant male. It's like it doesn't matter what gender. I have seen this polarity play out a lot. In this polarity, the people of the light triad are automatically attracted to the people of the dark triad and vice versa. Because opposites tend to create conflicts, tension and shadows that help them become whole or reconcile. 

 

[solereproduction]

never mind. sorry for the interruption.

 

 

 

 

[Reena]

Inner Child Crisis. 

[Reena]

The rape dream could also be a mirroring of the oppression I felt in life. 

[Phil]

Not to harp on it (I hope 😅) but the beauty of acknowledging the emotion experienced is no longer believing the concept. 

In this way it’s noticed what’s felt isn’t oppression in my life.  

What’s felt is the thought, thinking, interpretation (oppression). 

If you don’t care for how the thought feels to you, you can change it, without changing anything at all in your life. 

And as you do, everything in your life starts to change. 

⛅️ ☀️ ⭐️ 

[Reena]

Just now, Phil said:

Not to harp on it (I hope 😅) but the beauty of acknowledging the emotion experienced is no longer believing the concept. 

😅

[ConsciousDreamer666]

On 11/12/2023 at 12:38 AM, Reena said:

The worst part of this is that I associate rape with security. Why is this absurd corelation in my head when I should literally be thinking the opposite? 

 

 

Something similar used to happen with me with femdom fantasies. 

After a lot of thinking and strategies I end up realising is just something like this, yeah:

On 11/12/2023 at 11:16 AM, Reena said:

 

 

It could be that my ancestry involved slavery and these aspects of slavery were lodged into my subconscious and they continued through samsara or birth cycle. 

And they haunt me now in my dreams. 

 

 

 

A sort of karma-energy that is being imprinted in you. In my experience, what only truly helps is spiritual energetic sadhana.

 

If I were you I would not waste my time getting entangled with it. Release and feel what is needed but overall look for ways to over power those dark energies.

On 11/12/2023 at 11:10 AM, Reena said:

So I think other fundamental aspect of my rape dreams is that it shows a shadow of love and hate intermingly. 

 

 

I'm associating the rape with me being hated. And I should open my heart to this hate in a Jesus Christ kind of manner. 

 

My rape and rapist is my shadow aspect. Even in this shadow aspect I'm looking for love and not able to make sense of the animosity I have been shown. 

 

What is the rapist saying to me - "I'll destroy you. I'll make you my sex slave. I'll own you. I will torture you." 

He is establishing a chemistry with me but a sado masochistic one. A controlled one. 

His power and viciousness is what I'm attracted to because there in lies my security for life at least in a fictional way. 

 

 

All of what you are saying is so similar to what happens to me with femdom humiliation lol. Crazy how all minds are actually the same. 

[Phil]

On 11/19/2023 at 9:38 AM, Reena said:

Our intellect is our basic survival guide. It's how it has always been. Irrespective of our subconscious. 

It's our waking brain. It's our brain that has been genetically coded. Through centuries. 1000s of years. 

Can you see the wonderment of the brain? 

It wasn't developed in the fetus overnight. It was coded this way for years and years. 

So a specific situation of childhood is not suddenly going to dismantle this centuries old programming. 

It’s a right-now-only appearance. Thoughts are appearing about other-than, This. 

Put another way, allowing deconditioning & receiving the preferred experience / reality, are one & the same. 

 

Arguably the most powerful thoughts, words, phrases to say inwardly or outloud:

That, is ego. 

Conditioning. 

[Reena]

Recently I received more clarity on why I was getting these ominous dreams.

I think I havek  made some progress in the rape dream situation. I have been getting fewer rape dreams since I have been dreaming of my future husband. I'm thinking about building a healthy relationship with my future husband and relating to him sexually in a healthy way too. This is helping me cope with the idea of healthy sex. Not something that makes me feel vulnerable. My future husband dreaming makes me want to be more open to him whereas the rape dreams caused me to feel more suppressed and were probably a part of my inner repression. The rape dreams were probably an extension of my relationship with patriarchy and feeling repressed by it and relating to it in a repressed unhealthy manner the way you live in a concentration camp always feeling pity for the self. Then you're introduced to a healthy place and probably concentration camp dreams take a back seat. I think the rape dreams in a way represented my inner concentration camp repression. Repression is also a form of oppression. It makes you weak, vulnerable and closes the door to love and opens the door to a concentration camp. Thanks Mr future husband for giving me relief from what I had been battling with. 

....

 

I imagine my future husband looking into my eyes and cuddling me and letting me know that there is absolutely nothing to fear when it comes to sex. That I can be open with him and he won't judge me. His love makes me get rid of the sexual burden I had been carrying. All of my trauma and oppression was bundled up in that sexual burden. I hope my future husband would understand that. He slowly takes it away piece by piece and throws it out of me. So I'm liberated and no longer in pain. All of those ominous dreams carried a tinge of feeling powerless. But my future husband assures me that I won't feel powerless with him. The rape dreams were like an evil entity controlling me and telling me I wasn't worthy. Now I'm in tears. Because now I know what those rape dreams meant. It meant I wasn't worthy of real and pure love. Because that's exactly how I had been gaslighted as a child. And the dreams were a remnant or a shadow of that scar tissue left behind. A healthy consensual marriage would never involve oppression. I think a part of this is generational trauma involving my mother's forced arranged marriage. She used to tell me that she would rather die than get married. I guess the generational trauma passed from her womb into me at birth and I carried this trauma into my subconscious and it manifested as those ominous dreams. Slowly clarity is coming to me. Not quickly. But I appreciate the clarity I'm having.

 

  

Edited December 1, 2023 by Reena

[Reena]

On 11/30/2023 at 3:16 PM, ConsciousDreamer666 said:

Something similar used to happen with me with femdom fantasies. 

After a lot of thinking and strategies I end up realising is just something like this, yeah:

A sort of karma-energy that is being imprinted in you. In my experience, what only truly helps is spiritual energetic sadhana.

 

If I were you I would not waste my time getting entangled with it. Release and feel what is needed but overall look for ways to over power those dark energies.

All of what you are saying is so similar to what happens to me with femdom humiliation lol. Crazy how all minds are actually the same. 

 

I recently realized that the rape dreams mean this - I feel/felt worthless inside and also not deserving of pure healing love. That I intrinsically considered myself not worthy of healthy pure love. This was huge clarity. After many days of patient waiting yet some groundbreaking insight. 

This self humiliation or the emotion of "undeserving" was the root cause of those dreams, a vestigial remnant of past unprocessed trauma. 

 

[Reena]

My mom's parents told my mom when she was 18 that she should either jump off a bridge or marry my father. My father was an excellent husband and father. But she was not happy with him. Because she loved some other man that she wasn't allowed to marry. I think she carried a lot of trauma from not being able to marry a man she desired. Although my father always provided for her and also loved her, she wasn't attracted to him and that was her main misery. He was a doting husband and very affectionate but she was always a bit withdrawn. She loved him post marriage only for a short while till the time I was born after which she lost interest in him and he had to bear that. Her situation is understandable given that she had never signed up to be married to him. It was arranged by her parents. She didn't have a say in what man she wanted to marry. When I was growing up, she would often tell me that she would never allow me the same fate that had befallen her. She always told me that I could marry the man of my preference and she will never stop me. As India is emerging from the depths of sexual repression, many families allow their children to make their own choices when it comes to marriage. The traditional system is slowly going away. In my own family many  adults are marrying as per their own choice without the meddling of their parents. In Islamic culture there is a phenomenon of honor killing that happens in many parts of india. Where the daughter is murdered for wanting to marry her boyfriend or a guy of her choice. As it is considered that she is bringing dishonor to her family. Some shit like that also happens in some Hindu families where if you go against your parents with respect to marriage, they cut off contact with you or say that you have been wayward and against the wishes of the parent. Adults in my country have to be very brave if they want to marry against their parent's preferences but times are changing and many people from traditional backgrounds are trying to break free of the system of coerced marraiges and don't want to obey their parents on such matters. It's a huge change. But it's not for every family. Some families are still deeply rooted in tradition.