Rape dreams(trigger warning)

[Mandy]

12 minutes ago, Reena said:

This guy gets on my nerves. So annoying. Constantly tries to bully me.

It's kinda hot though, isn't it? Is that not what you want? Wouldn't it be really uninteresting if people were always nice to us? 

 

What do you want? You want to be treated poorly or treated well? You want to control others or you want the element of surprise? You want to complain about how others are dancing or get up and dance with someone? 

[Reena]

5 minutes ago, Mandy said:

What if emotional compatibility is feeling the way a good relationship would feel to you?

I don't know how a good relationship would feel to me. My last relationship had some emotional compatibility and I was happy but he suddenly abandoned me for unknown reasons. 

 

5 minutes ago, Mandy said:

 

Do you prefer the fantasy to the reality? Are you doing the same thing so many young men do that watch too much porn,  and never talk to actual women their age? Are you "too good for" the men that are around you?

 

This has never been my thought process. 

5 minutes ago, Mandy said:

Or are they not emotionally exciting enough? What if they are all that and more, it's just what you've trained yourself to notice and overlook? 

I never approached men in general. If I remember ever approaching a man, they straight up rejected me. So the lesson learned was never approach a guy even if I'm attracted to him. 

5 minutes ago, Mandy said:

The desire to integrate with power is the desire to stop being powerless, to own your power, to feel better. It won't harm you to do this, it is out of love for yourself.

 

The problem is that I don't feel any love for myself. Absolutely none. I asked myself why. I don't get any answers. It's like there's nothing there. 

When I asked my last psychiatrist about it, she said that it's called "chronic emptiness" a condition that borderline people suffer constantly and is a major symptom is the lack of concern for their own self. It's some sort of psychological damage. 

5 minutes ago, Mandy said:

 

The man in the uniform is a man that is focused, he knows what he is there for and wants to achieve. Focus on what you want. 

But he is also cruel and tyrannical. 

5 minutes ago, Mandy said:

 

Men want strong women as much as women want strong men.

I don't know about this. There are all kinds of people. There are men who told me that they don't like strong women, that they feel intimidated by them. 

5 minutes ago, Mandy said:

What if everyone is just sitting there locked in their own towers, waiting for the other to save them? No one has even bothered to try the lock to see if it's actually locked, (it isn't) they just believe what they were told. 

 

I guess this is called "learned helplessness" in psychology if I'm not wrong. 

5 minutes ago, Mandy said:

 

Emotionally, no one is coming to save you, you're the hero in this story set your sights on feeling better, and there's no end to what you can do. 

Maybe. I don't know. 

[Reena]

1 minute ago, Mandy said:

It's kinda hot though, isn't it? Is that not what you want? Wouldn't it be really uninteresting if people were always nice to us? 

 

What do you want? You want to be treated poorly or treated well? You want to control others or you want the element of surprise? You want to complain about how others are dancing or get up and dance with someone? 

Maybe hot for you. Not for me. His replies are distressing to me. 

[Mandy]

3 minutes ago, Reena said:

Maybe hot for you. Not for me. His replies are distressing to me. 

I thought that your problem was that you interpreted being treated poorly as hot? So why isn't it hot? 

[Reena]

I have gained a significant amount of information from my own interpretations of my dreams. As usual I have to help myself because nobody will. 

I believe that the answers to our problems and miseries in life are embedded in our own subconscious but we go around into the world looking for it. Sure there are lots of things in the world that help. Books, therapists, psychologists, people, friends, advisers and all. But sometimes you have to look within yourself and see if your own mind is telling you something. 

 

 

[Reena]

Just now, Mandy said:

I thought that your problem was that you interpreted being treated poorly as hot? So why isn't it hot? 

Only during sex. I thought. 

[Mandy]

5 minutes ago, Reena said:

 

I never approached men in general. If I remember ever approaching a man, they straight up rejected me. So the lesson learned was never approach a guy even if I'm attracted to him. 

Because you might get hurt? But you have dreams about wanting to get hurt by a man. 

[Reena]

Just now, Mandy said:

Because you might get hurt? But you have dreams about wanting to get hurt by a man. 

What's the point of approaching them if they are going to reject anyway. Men themselves despise being approached. They keep proving it. In my own experience I never saw a man give a positive reaction to being approached. 

They almost treat it as though their manhood is being stolen. 🤣

[Mandy]

1 minute ago, Reena said:

Only during sex. I thought. 

But conversation and foreplay is like the whole sports car, and sex is just like the paint on top. You can't just have the paint, or it's just a shiny puddle on the garage floor. You want the whole car. You're already getting what you want. Dance with it. 

[Mandy]

1 minute ago, Reena said:

What's the point of approaching them if they are going to reject anyway. Men themselves despise being approached. They keep proving it. In my own experience I never saw a man give a positive reaction to being approached. 

They almost treat it as though their manhood is being stolen. 🤣

Because YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN. You don't know they'll reject you. You don't know what they want. It's a dance. Sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow. No man wants a woman who always follows, or always leads, no one wants that for themselves either. 

 

Men ultimately want their manhood to be borrowed, in certain circumstances. It's the paint on the sports car. 

[Reena]

6 minutes ago, Mandy said:

But conversation and foreplay is like the whole sports car, and sex is just like the paint on top. You can't just have the paint, or it's just a shiny puddle on the garage floor. You want the whole car. You're already getting what you want. Dance with it. 

I don't give much importance to foreplay. For me sex itself is the foreplay. There's nothing besides it. 

I don't remember my first boyfriend doing foreplay with me. He used to directly start touching me. I used to feel awkward but back then I didn't know the word foreplay existed. 

These days I associate the word foreplay with anxiety. It's like if I tell a guy to have sex with me, I will tell him to simply sit beside me and talk. Maybe unconsciously it's an attempt to avoid sex. It's like this battle between both avoiding and wanting sex. Wanting sex because of its novelty. Avoiding it because it feels like I will suffer pain. 

Edited November 16, 2023 by Reena

[Reena]

1 minute ago, Mandy said:

Men ultimately want their manhood to be borrowed, 

What if I want my womanhood to be borrowed? 

[Mandy]

Just now, Reena said:

I don't give much importance to foreplay. For me sex itself is the foreplay. There's nothing besides it. 

I don't remember my first boyfriend doing foreplay with me. He used to directly start touching me. I used to feel awkward but back then I didn't know the word foreplay existed. 

These days I associate the word foreplay with anxiety. It's like if I tell a guy to have sex with me, I will tell me to simply sit beside me and talk. Maybe unconsciously it's an attempt to avoid sex. It's like this battle between both avoiding and wanting sex. Wanting sex because of its novelty. Avoiding it because it feels like I will suffer pain. 

Well, if you haven't had sex, you've only had foreplay. I don't mean actual foreplay, I mean the entire relationship is in a way, foreplay or a dance. It doesn't matter if it ends in sex. There is no where to go. 

[Reena]

3 minutes ago, Mandy said:

Because YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN. You don't know they'll reject you. You don't know what they want. It's a dance. Sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow. No man wants a woman who always follows, or always leads, no one wants that for themselves either. 

 

Men ultimately want their manhood to be borrowed, in certain circumstances. It's the paint on the sports car. 

Maybe there are shades of sexual repression in this. If I felt extremely sexually confident I guess I would have approached many more men. But I never felt confident enough to do something like that. 

 

[Mandy]

2 minutes ago, Reena said:

What if I want my womanhood to be borrowed? 

Win/win. You aren't stealing anything. Ask for what you want. Ask the Universe first and then maybe one day you'll find yourself inspired to ask it in the form of a man. 

[Reena]

Just now, Mandy said:

Well, if you haven't had sex, you've only had foreplay. I don't mean actual foreplay, I mean the entire relationship is in a way, foreplay or a dance. It doesn't matter if it ends in sex. There is no where to go. 

That makes sense. They were more like emotional relationships minus the sexual part. What they call it? Platonic sort of. Romantic but platonic. 

 

[Mandy]

7 minutes ago, Reena said:

Maybe there are shades of sexual repression in this. If I felt extremely sexually confident I guess I would have approached many more men. But I never felt confident enough to do something like that. 

 

Doesn't matter if you approach them or not, don't wait for them to cause you to feel good about yourself. Most relationships start without you even knowing they have. Or all, maybe. Sort of like you don't remember when you were born, you just are. It's not up to you to start it but to ask for what you want and never doubt it. Sometimes what we want is rejection so that we learn not to require someone's acceptance or to require something to happen within our time frame in order to feel good. Ask for what you want and know that always you get what you want. I want surprise. I don't want acceptance and kindness 100% of the time from everyone, do you? 

[Reena]

7 minutes ago, Mandy said:

I don't want acceptance and kindness 100% of the time from everyone, do you? 

I want kindness 100% of the time because I was never shown kindness as a child. My brain is going to be different from yours or someone else. 

[Mandy]

WHAT IF Source is writing a love story between Alexander and Reena right now, only neither of them knows it yet? 🙂

 

WHAT IF it's so already under your nose what you want, that it's here already. I may have gotten a little too specific. Or not. WHO KNOWS! Anything could happen. 

 

 

[Reena]

6 minutes ago, Mandy said:

WHAT IF Source is writing a love story between Alexander and Reena right now, only neither of them knows it yet? 🙂

 

I don't like to be rude to you or anyone but You must be out of your mind. He is a bully and he has always be very mean to me. 

He loves to troll me and get a reaction out of me. 

I don't know if this is considered "loving" by Western standards.