Abandonment & Nonduality

[Phil]

Abandonment is, imo, abysmal in every aspect. Of all the ‘snowflakes’ of possible conditioning, this it seems would be most difficult to reconcile, transmute or simply put - process and rise above. Nearly impossible by every measure. 

 

If this has been ‘your snow flake’ conditioning wise, or even if it hasn’t and nonetheless you have some insights, realizations or encouragement - please share. 

 

Conversational considerations that come to mind…

 

Why does this happen?

 

Why does this really happen?

 

What effect might this have in terms of mental health and quality of life in respect to the abandoned and or the abandoner?

 

Why might nonduality be more ‘triggering’ and perhaps more difficult to grasp or realize relative to this particular conditioning? 

 

What might be ‘signs’ of this conditioning playing out that could be insightful for one such snowflake to notice?

 

What might such a one do to process & transmute? 

 

How does it make sense / how can sense be made of this?

[Devin]

What's worked for me has been not trying to reconcile the relationship, it seems most others try to. I think it's fear actually that binds you to the abandonner, " what if" "everyone should like me", I don't respect most other people's opinions, I think if you pay attention over time you see how no one has agency over themselves so you know there's no deducable reasoning other than they were treated a certain way, but people don't change so just follow peace, let the past lay, see the beauty in it, I think experiencing pain etc. Is just another flavor of life.

 

I dated a woman that never knew the last name of her father, her mother never told her, she never asked, she met him once at like three, she doesn't care. I was skeptical and didn't understand, I asked what if he's a decent guy, you could have a father. She was very independent and the strongest woman I've known, she just kept going forward. The real abandonment that bothered her was from the family still in her life, that causes insecurity, sadness, and confusion.

Edited November 6, 2023 by Devin

[Blessed2]

On 11/5/2023 at 9:00 PM, Phil said:

Why does this happen?

 

Why does this really happen?

 

Hmm.

 

What comes to mind is an analogy of a record player.

 

There's the vinyl record, and the music.

 

What's engraved on the vinyl appears as music.

 

Perhaps our "situation" is like that. On our record, duality is engraved. And we're the music.

 

It's the same music, but there are different notes and sounds.

 

One of those notes is abandonment.

 

So that abandonment is an appearance of... Separation. Or like a symbol.

 

Or like how the day time's stress might appear as nightmares in night time's dreams.

 

 

In the story of Adam and Eve, God banishes the two from the paradise.

 

But does God really do that, or is that what it would seem like for the two after eating from the tree?

 

On 11/5/2023 at 9:00 PM, Phil said:

What effect might this have in terms of mental health and quality of life in respect to the abandoned and or the abandoner?

 

Probably some trouble with trust. Hard to trust other people.

 

Also what comes to mind is how abandonment is like saying "you're too much to carry". "Your well-being is too much to support." If that's internalized, then it would be also hard to trust oneself.

 

On 11/5/2023 at 9:00 PM, Phil said:

What might such a one do to process & transmute? 

 

Maybe Maslow's hierarchy of needs would be useful here.

[Orb]

@Phil currently feeling into this right now