Types of people to keep a safe distance from

[Reena]

Always keep a distance from them

Not every person in our life adds value to our life journey. There are many who are nothing but uber toxic and it is suggested that you first recognise them and then maintain a distance from them. Maintaining healthy relationships and protecting your own well-being is essential. 

 

 

[Reena]

Toxic individuals

Toxic people are those who consistently bring negativity into your life. They may be critical, manipulative, or emotionally draining. It's essential to distance yourself from these individuals to protect your own mental and emotional health.

Manipulators

Manipulative people are skilled at making you do things against your will or better judgment. They can be deceitful and controlling. Maintaining a safe distance from manipulators is crucial to maintain your autonomy and self-esteem.

Chronic liars

People who habitually lie and are dishonest can damage your trust and peace of mind. It's challenging to have healthy relationships with those who constantly deceive you. Recognizing chronic liars and keeping your distance is wise.

 

Narcissists

Narcissistic individuals are self-centered and often lack empathy for others. They can be manipulative, emotionally abusive, and demanding. Avoiding close contact with narcissists can protect your self-worth and mental health.

 

 

Energy drainers

Some people consistently drain your energy with their negativity and pessimism. They may complain constantly and bring you down. Keeping a safe distance from energy drainers is necessary to maintain your own positive outlook.

 

Drama seekers

Drama seekers thrive on chaos and conflict, and they often drag others into their tumultuous situations. Engaging with drama seekers can disrupt your peace and well-being. It's essential to limit your involvement with these individuals.

 

 

Edited October 18, 2023 by Reena

[Joseph Maynor]

On 10/17/2023 at 11:31 PM, Reena said:

Toxic individuals

Toxic people are those who consistently bring negativity into your life. They may be critical, manipulative, or emotionally draining. It's essential to distance yourself from these individuals to protect your own mental and emotional health.

Manipulators

Manipulative people are skilled at making you do things against your will or better judgment. They can be deceitful and controlling. Maintaining a safe distance from manipulators is crucial to maintain your autonomy and self-esteem.

Chronic liars

People who habitually lie and are dishonest can damage your trust and peace of mind. It's challenging to have healthy relationships with those who constantly deceive you. Recognizing chronic liars and keeping your distance is wise.

 

Narcissists

Narcissistic individuals are self-centered and often lack empathy for others. They can be manipulative, emotionally abusive, and demanding. Avoiding close contact with narcissists can protect your self-worth and mental health.

 

 

Energy drainers

Some people consistently drain your energy with their negativity and pessimism. They may complain constantly and bring you down. Keeping a safe distance from energy drainers is necessary to maintain your own positive outlook.

 

Drama seekers

Drama seekers thrive on chaos and conflict, and they often drag others into their tumultuous situations. Engaging with drama seekers can disrupt your peace and well-being. It's essential to limit your involvement with these individuals.

 

 

Great list!  Here's a list I made for people to have a win-win relation with.
 

20 Qualities of a good social relationship: (written by me)
 

1.  Safe to relate with
2.  Clean (lack of any deep regrets, violations, or baggage in the relationship)
3.  Fun (make you feel good when you spend time with them)
4.  Responsible (doesn't do things that even risk harming the relationship)
5.  Trust
6.  Growth potential (being in the relationship makes you feel like you're growing)
7.  Collaborative (you work together as equals who are also a win-win team) 
8.  Synergy potential
9.  Responsibility (acts like an responsible adult and looks after everyone including themselves)
10.  Support to be better individuals
11.  Respect (doesn't do things that even risk harming the relationship)
12.  Encourages healthy time away from each other
13.  No codependence (you both retain your independence and personal responsibility in the relationship)
14.  Kindness
15.  No Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: Criticism, contempt, stonewalling, defensiveness
16.  Empathetic (Narcissists tend to fall short on this one)
17.  Has integrity
18.  Head Screwed on Tight (No crazy thinking or emotions or mood swings)
19.  At least one strong thing in common (worldview, value, hobby, community, etc.)
20.  Has Integrity to Health-engendering values (has a positive and empowered/empowering outlook on life.)

As much as you might feel empathetic and like someone or love someone, if they're not safe to relate with for you, you should stay away from them, or at least keep some healthy distance from them.  You definitely don't want to be intimately involved with them.

One of the things I learned is to not let people who habitually steal happiness take any of mine. You just have to say you can keep that, I'm not touching that. Not everyone is a healthy source of social relation. We're led to believe we need to accept everyone, but that shows the limits of that kind of openness. It's perfectly reasonable to decide not to engage with or even look at what someone else is doing. You're doing it to maintain your own happiness which is good enough reason. I like the blocking option for this reason. If they're not in your experience, problem solved on your end.

Edited November 18, 2023 by Joseph Maynor

[Joseph Maynor]

Ironically, the best person one could keep a safe distance from is their own self.  

[Reena]

@Joseph Maynor I think your list is exhaustive yet it doesn't have space for people who grow from mistakes. Not everyone is perfect. And some individuals are toxic for some time whereas others are consistently toxic. I guess if someone gradually reduces your productivity it's time to cut them off for good. Most people however imo are good enough. Your frustration and tolerance levels will depend on your productivity. If someone is not being productive to you even once a week, I think those are the ones you should avoid. I don't consistently place very high standards on people around me but I expect them to be productive to me at least once a week. I can't tolerate someone who is completely out and out, in the sense they are really beyond help where they persistently create drama and don't change year after year or refuse to communicate, that's where it ends for me. I am usually quite tolerant with most people so it must take a tsunami of annoying behavior to finally piss me off. The other is when the vibe is just off and I know the person cannot be trusted especially if the behaviour falls in the bracket of passive aggressive, that's highly unstable and I just stay miles away from that, that's just never healthy, it's a fertile ground to be mistreated over and over. 

 

 

[Phil]

What would denial there is only Self look or sound like?

 

What’s the role of exercise in this regard?

[Phil]

@Joseph Maynor @Reena

Was that comment too open-minded?

[Joseph Maynor]

@Reena @Phil Let me attempt to clarify.  You can realize your ego is not Yours and that You doesn't control you.  I know this sounds a bit cray cray at first.  You have be open to the idea that the ego is not connected to the Self and actually doesn't even exist.  This is not about shaming the ego, it's much deeper than that.  Anyway, this is hard to communicate.  Think of the Self as a handheld mirror and the ego as what's being displayed in the mirror.  The mirror when it has awoken to its true nature doesn't even care what is being displayed in its lens so to speak.  It knows it's the mirror and regardless of what is being displayed in its lens, it is not existentially affected by any of that as the mirror.  What is displayed in the mirror's lens is the illusion of reality.  The Truth of Reality is the existence of the Mirror or the Self.  That's a good pointer as to the relation between the ego and the Self that I got from Adi Shankara.  You can see how the ego is an illusion of the Self but not the Self and why the Self is not concerned with ego.  The Self is not threatened at all by ego.  But imagine the mirror thought it was what was being displayed in its lens!  That would be mistaking the ego to be the Self.  The Mirror is the Witness to what's being displayed in its lens.  Notice how the Mirror is unchanging too and outside of the change going on in what it's Witnessing.  It's outside of space and time and also Omniscient and Omnipresent because it knows the Truth of what is being displayed (but not Real) and what it is as the Self.  It's Self-realized as the Mirror.  The power of the Advaita Vedanta pointer.  I'm kind of in love with this right now to be honest.  But you gotta let it work on you, it's not just theory.  It has to get under your skin and for me it kinda has.  I'm re-integrating it because I've studied this stuff for years.  I have more clarity now as to the Self vs. the not-Self distinction.  Other people are in the lens too.  The only thing that exists is the one Mirror itself.

Edited May 16 by Joseph Maynor

[Phil]

2 hours ago, Joseph Maynor said:

@Reena @Phil Let me attempt to clarify.  You can realize your ego is not Yours and that You doesn't control you.  I know this sounds a bit cray cray at first.  You have be open to the idea that the ego is not connected to the Self and actually doesn't even exist.  This is not about shaming the ego, it's much deeper than that.  Anyway, this is hard to communicate.  Think of the Self as a handheld mirror and the ego as what's being displayed in the mirror.  The mirror when it has awoken to its true nature doesn't even care what is being displayed in its lens so to speak.  It knows it's the mirror and regardless of what is being displayed in its lens, it is not existentially affected by any of that as the mirror.  What is displayed in the mirror's lens is the illusion of reality.  The Truth of Reality is the existence of the Mirror or the Self.  That's a good pointer as to the relation between the ego and the Self that I got from Adi Shankara.  You can see how the ego is an illusion of the Self but not the Self and why the Self is not concerned with ego.  The Self is not threatened at all by ego.  But imagine the mirror thought it was what was being displayed in its lens!  That would be mistaking the ego to be the Self.  The Mirror is the Witness to what's being displayed in its lens.  Notice how the Mirror is unchanging too and outside of the change going on in what it's Witnessing.  It's outside of space and time and also Omniscient and Omnipresent because it knows the Truth of what is being displayed (but not Real) and what it is as the Self.  It's Self-realized as the Mirror.  The power of the Advaita Vedanta pointer.  I'm kind of in love with this right now to be honest.  But you gotta let it work on you, it's not just theory.  It has to get under your skin and for me it kinda has.  I'm re-integrating it because I've studied this stuff for years.  I have more clarity now as to the Self vs. the not-Self distinction.  Other people are in the lens too.  The only thing that exists is the one Mirror itself.

Nice. That’s about as convoluted as possible. I couldn’t make heads or tails of that either. 

Now, what would that there is only Self ‘look’ like?

 

Are there toxic individuals, manipulators, chronic liars, narcissists, enegery drainers and drama seekers? 

 

If yes, who knows this?

 

If no - why might it seem like there is? 

[Reena]

4 hours ago, Phil said:

 

If yes, who knows this?

It's what in your perception. A chronic liar to you might not be a chronic liar to someone else. 

[Reena]

6 hours ago, Joseph Maynor said:

@Reena @Phil Let me attempt to clarify.  You can realize your ego is not Yours and that You doesn't control you.  I know this sounds a bit cray cray at first.  You have be open to the idea that the ego is not connected to the Self and actually doesn't even exist.  This is not about shaming the ego, it's much deeper than that.  Anyway, this is hard to communicate.  Think of the Self as a handheld mirror and the ego as what's being displayed in the mirror.  The mirror when it has awoken to its true nature doesn't even care what is being displayed in its lens so to speak.  It knows it's the mirror and regardless of what is being displayed in its lens, it is not existentially affected by any of that as the mirror.  What is displayed in the mirror's lens is the illusion of reality.  The Truth of Reality is the existence of the Mirror or the Self.  That's a good pointer as to the relation between the ego and the Self that I got from Adi Shankara.  You can see how the ego is an illusion of the Self but not the Self and why the Self is not concerned with ego.  The Self is not threatened at all by ego.  But imagine the mirror thought it was what was being displayed in its lens!  That would be mistaking the ego to be the Self.  The Mirror is the Witness to what's being displayed in its lens.  Notice how the Mirror is unchanging too and outside of the change going on in what it's Witnessing.  It's outside of space and time and also Omniscient and Omnipresent because it knows the Truth of what is being displayed (but not Real) and what it is as the Self.  It's Self-realized as the Mirror.  The power of the Advaita Vedanta pointer.  I'm kind of in love with this right now to be honest.  But you gotta let it work on you, it's not just theory.  It has to get under your skin and for me it kinda has.  I'm re-integrating it because I've studied this stuff for years.  I have more clarity now as to the Self vs. the not-Self distinction.  Other people are in the lens too.  The only thing that exists is the one Mirror itself.

This is a good explanation. I have seen in my experience that dealing with people in general is a very complex problem. And I apply a very simplistic solution to it. I just avoid people in general. Because a lot of the time I become a victim of their projections, assumptions and biases and I am tired of that. 

[Phil]

@Reena

But then what is interpretation?

[Reena]

3 minutes ago, Phil said:

@Reena

But then what is interpretation?

Is an interpretation necessary? Ask yourself. 

 

[Phil]

12 hours ago, Reena said:

Is an interpretation necessary? Ask yourself. 

 

That an interpretation is or isn’t necessary and that one could ask oneself are interpretations. 

 

Individuals is interpretational, like unicorns. Neither have ever actually been experienced. Only the interpretation is experienced. 

 

Though the cognitive dissonance is felt and is experientially (life, relationships, etc) limiting… there is no assertion. 

 

The rejection of Truth is no more and no less than Self-rejection. 

 

The life, relationships, etc are no more and no less than Self. 

 

It can seem like unicorns are being rejected. 

 

Life, relationships, etc are Being, rejected. 

 

Why aren’t they really though?

[Phil]

I just asked about exercise because it’s direct and could be a productive ‘channel’ of well-being for the otherwise ‘othering energy’.