Apologizing and Forgiveness

[Blessed2]

I'd like to hear your thoughts on this. This might be a bit sensitive subject to some. I hope it isn't too much.

 

Basically, a central theme in ACIM is forgiveness.

 

Though the Course makes a distinction between "forgiveness-to-destroy" and "forgiveness-for-salvation".

 

Forgiveness-to-destroy is what pretty much all of us learn in childhood etc. It'a when we see "someone" "do" something "bad" and we forgive them for doing that thing. As if guilt & doership is very much real. This is often accompanied with stuff like evaluating the seriousness of the "crime", requiring for the "guilty" to ask forgiveness or prove innocence. Forgiveness-to-destroy is basically projection, and a continuation of separate selvery.

 

Forgiveness-for-salvation is different in that it takes full responsibility and reverses the process of projection. It asks for no proof of innocence or even asking for forgiveness. It is the acknowledgement that there is no doer, no guilt, and nothing ever happens. Total innocence.

 

In the Song of Prayer - part of ACIM there is a good general look in how forgiveness is seen in ACIM:

https://acim.org/acim/song-of-prayer/forgiveness-of-yourself/en/s/930

 

Forgiveness-for-salvation has one form, and only one. ²It does not ask for proof of innocence, nor pay of any kind. ³It does not argue, nor evaluate the errors that it wants to overlook. (ACIM, S-2.III.1:1-3)

 

 

After contemplating a lot on these ideas shared in ACIM, I've come to see apologizing as kind of ego-stuff. For example, sometimes my girlfriend might apologize for something. But I don't want her to apologize, because that would be an acknowledgement as if guilt/doership is real. Her asking for forgiveness is actually saying that quilt is very real and therefore I'm guilty. Sounds nuts but I think that's quite on point. For the same reason I also would not like to apologize nor have anyone demanding me to apologize.

 

Am I crazy?

[Phil]

Yes you are crazy. You’d have to be to break free of the wheel like this. Wife & I are crazy as well. Let the whole fault / apologizing cycle go a while back. It’s like oh, ok, here’s where all the empathy & compassion’s been hiding, right under the horseshit mind game. Ok, alright, cool. 🥰 I like forgiveness-for-giveness. It’s not like anyone’s gonna run out of reality anytime soon. Really like ACIM btw, thanks once again for sharing. 

 

[Mandy]

Forced apologies, expected apologies, and manipulative apologies are very different from expressing that an action was or might have been made out of a mistaken belief. 

[Blessed2]

1 hour ago, Mandy said:

expressing that an action was or might have been made out of a mistaken belief. 

 

Is that really though what apologizing is? I don't think it is.

 

Take a deep look. What is apologizing, really?

[Mandy]

@Blessed2I think it completely depends on the moment. It's fine to have an agreement with your partner not to apologize, but if you accidently hit someone with your shopping cart, you aren't going to apologize? I think what it's pointing to is an inner misalignment, not an outward rule of whether you say sorry or not. 

[Blessed2]

9 hours ago, Mandy said:

but if you accidently hit someone with your shopping cart, you aren't going to apologize?

 

I hear what you're saying. "Oops, sorry!" is totally just normal courtesy. 😁 That's not really the separate selvery we're talking about here.

 

We're probably on the same page here, but I really recommend taking a look at what apologizing really is, if that's something you haven't come to explore yet. What it is really? A bit like the old philosophical question, "why is there something rather than nothing?". With the same vibe / wonder, it's an interesting contemplation to examine what an apology means. Take "apology" to your hand as if it was a potato or something, and examine it. What do you find?

 

On 8/8/2023 at 10:54 PM, Blessed2 said:

Her asking for forgiveness is actually saying that quilt is very real and therefore I'm guilty.

 

Does this make sense to you?

[Phil]

Apolog comes from the Greek apologia, which refers to defense of faith or justification of beliefs.  Ize adds to make or become. So apologize is to become the defense of faith or justification of belief. Systematically, collectively… apologetics. Whereas conscientiousness is being diligent, organized, careful, responsible and focused in actions, tasks & details therein. Conscientiousness is typically associated with setting & reaching goals, self-discipline, reliability and connectedness.