Orb Posted July 24, 2023 Share Posted July 24, 2023 I deal with addictive behaviors, I will jerk off till my eggplant is bruised, I'll use substances until my bank account has -11 dollars in it. But the underlying addiction in my experience is the addiction to the story of myself. It's sooo addicting. Its pleasurable in a weird way. Like everyday the story will begin, the story about lack, the suicidal ideation, the pushing everyone away, the suffering of me, and it feels so good I can't resist the urge to get sucked into that story. Im being very serious, not trolling. It's an addiction forreal. Is it discordant? Yes, but does it feel pleasurable, Yes? I enjoy suffering in a weird way, and then complain about it, I don't know what the hell to do at this point. This addiction is all I know, seriously, like all my life hinges on this addiction, letting go of that addiction would be like taking off my astronaut suit in space and facing the unknown. Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." - A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 24, 2023 Author Share Posted July 24, 2023 I talk about letting go of this addiction as if it's actually possible lol Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." - A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Devin Posted July 25, 2023 Share Posted July 25, 2023 Yep. It's a behavior, what works for me is taking it one change at a time, make changes in my life in a somewhat coordinated fashion. I would say mostly in order of maslows hierarchy of needs, which eventually includes finding people with healthier behaviors to be around and spending very little time with those that behave in a way that seems to feed unhealthy thoughts in me. "The Path" Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted July 25, 2023 Share Posted July 25, 2023 The instant the separate self of thought, all knowing & understanding are recognized as thoughts… beliefs… liberation is recognized to already be the case. The recognition is always available and is not attained, obtained nor is there anyone which becomes any thing. The seeking ends when the seeking for knowing & understanding ends. There’s no difference. This is ‘where’ actually feeling (Feeling) is, ‘where’ the game / charade / facade ends. Here, now, already. Seeking is knowing & understanding / which is avoidance of that all is (so to speak) being does for you. The Present. 🤍 Wiggle the fingers and notice how ridiculous it is to claim there is another, a second self, the doer, which is doing this. It’s the same for every single arising thought / narrative of what the doer, knower, understander is or isn’t doing, does or doesn’t know, or does or doesn’t understand. The only exception is the ego, the separate self, the one which knows & understands. “Yeah but for me”. As if somehow, in some way, knowing & understanding are going to result in feeling. That is what suffering is. Innocence appears as arrogance. It’s all avoidance of feeling, of love. You’re infinite and you don’t know a God damn single finite thing thing because you’re infinite & unconditional and all these things & conditions like knowing & understanding are beliefs ‘of’ the ‘separate self’ / the activity of thought. When one goes so does the other because there is already not two and it’s just thoughts. In short, it’s all to avoid feeling emotions / feeling, because when so to speak you do - none of the believed interpretations, which all involve “you” - hold any water. Thus enlightenment is simply, ordinary and already the actuality. But you know & understand so much and therein must defend your self. Otherwise you’d be happiness which being infinite of course doesn’t know or understand anything as ‘it’ has no thing to claim and is already the case. Happened to me… happened… isn’t happening… nothing’s happening. Amazing as the message is, this forum can be used to ramble on for decades without every actually stoping to question if a thought is true. Quote Mention YouTube Website Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 25, 2023 Author Share Posted July 25, 2023 @Phil gotcha, alignment feels good! Always focusing on the wanted when discord arises. The only confusing aspect is drug addiction. Today started off great with meditation, going for a walk and allowing good feeling thoughts. Then a craving came up for substances and I ended up taking the substance. Not really upset about it, and I can focus on the wanted which is to be healthy. But it is weird. Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." - A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted July 25, 2023 Share Posted July 25, 2023 17 minutes ago, Orb said: I Who or what is that which is taking? If there wasn’t judgement believed of that, whatever that is… why then would there be any seeking to feel better? Where was “my cravings” heard? Separationsupport.com… Surfacelevelspirituality.org? What about emotions? Quote Mention YouTube Website Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 25, 2023 Author Share Posted July 25, 2023 18 minutes ago, Phil said: Who or what is that which is taking? If there wasn’t judgement believed of that, whatever that is… why then would there be any seeking to feel better? Where was “my cravings” heard? Separationsupport.com… Surfacelevelspirituality.org? What about emotions? I've been feeling great all day. Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." - A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 25, 2023 Author Share Posted July 25, 2023 @Phil How can you recognize that something is just a thought without the thought " All the knowing and understanding are thoughts"? That would still be falling for beliefs. Is it really that easy? The recognition wouldnt occur in thoughts then. There wouldn't be any arising thought of knowing that the separate self is just a thought. Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." - A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 25, 2023 Author Share Posted July 25, 2023 @Phil I don't want to be a parrot that says "the separate self is just a thought, there's no suffering, the separate self is an illusion." Because anyone can read the stuff shared here and just repeat it. I don't want to know anymore. Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." - A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy Posted July 25, 2023 Share Posted July 25, 2023 10 minutes ago, Orb said: @Phil I don't want to be a parrot that says "the separate self is just a thought, there's no suffering, the separate self is an illusion." Because anyone can read the stuff shared here and just repeat it. I don't want to know anymore. And I want to be GLORIOUSLY SPECIAL, GODDAMN IT. 😂 Talk normally, express what you want to express, but just curiously watch what you think/write. Need not involve others. Quote Mention Youtube Channel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 25, 2023 Author Share Posted July 25, 2023 @Mandy Sorry im not trying to step on any toes or involve others, im just saying that anyone can read that and repeat it. Like yea totally the separate self is just a thought, there is a known and a knower. Enlightenment is already the case, there's no seeking or suffering anymore 🙂. How would anyone know im not just deluded and believing those thoughts? It 100% makes sense that the separate self is just a thought, I read that, now I can repeat it and tell people. Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." - A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 25, 2023 Author Share Posted July 25, 2023 All of this shit just sounds like being an ordinary person, like everyones like this already. I don't understand why Jesus died because of this, or why buddha sat under a tree in bliss after this, it just makes no sense. Like yay there was never a problem in the first place, it's like ive been pickpocketed and the thief sold me my own watch. Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." - A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 25, 2023 Author Share Posted July 25, 2023 People tend to either make enlightenment seem ordinary and other people make it seem like this amazing thing where your life is changed forever. It's so confusing. I don't know how to stop knowing and understanding, and im not gonna start repeating that knowing isn't actual because I would know im full of shit. But I know that! 🤦♂️ Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." - A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 25, 2023 Author Share Posted July 25, 2023 Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." - A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted July 25, 2023 Share Posted July 25, 2023 6 minutes ago, Orb said: 55 minutes ago, Orb said: Is it really that easy? The emotion felt is __________. It’s that easy. All the concepts like “knowing”, “understanding”, “craving” etc, etc, etc (endless thoughts) are actually concepts. It’s mental all aversion from - the emotion felt is __________. Hypothetical examples: The emotion felt is: fear. Emotion is guidance for thoughts. What is the thought believed, which the emotion fear arises with? The emotion felt is insecurity: What is the thought believed, which the emotion insecurity is felt with? The activity of thought is three cups no peanut. Never ending game. Feeling is not. Recognition of emotion(s) is, in that sense, away from conceptualizing and toward feeling. Quote Mention YouTube Website Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 25, 2023 Author Share Posted July 25, 2023 @Phil the emotion felt is anger. Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." - A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted July 25, 2023 Share Posted July 25, 2023 @Orb What is the thought believed, which coincides with the anger felt? Quote Mention YouTube Website Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 25, 2023 Author Share Posted July 25, 2023 @Phil now discouragement is felt. The thought that brings that emotion is the thought that discouragement is felt. Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." - A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Posted July 25, 2023 Share Posted July 25, 2023 2 minutes ago, Phil said: @Orb What is the thought believed, which coincides with the anger felt? Quote Mention YouTube Website Sessions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orb Posted July 25, 2023 Author Share Posted July 25, 2023 2 minutes ago, Phil said: I'm just angry at how confusing this stuff is. That's the thought. Quote Mention "Mediocrity is gone. Mind is clear of limitation. I seek no state of enlightenment. Neither do I remain where no enlightenment exists. Since I linger in neither condition, eyes cannot see me. If hundreds of birds strew my path with flowers, such praise would be meaningless." - A Comment on the 8th Ox Herding Picture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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