Hanging out with my ex is torture.

[Kevin]

I’m visiting my hometown at the moment which is where my ex lives. And I don’t know anyone who lives here to hang out with except for her. It’s honestly torture because I’m so attracted to her still. And we get along really well. She just doesn’t want me like that and I know that.

 

all the thoughts that come up around the situation with her don’t resonate at all. Thoughts about comparing myself to whoever she’s dating. Am I not good enough? Jealousy comes up. It’s just bad all around. I feel like I’m torturing myself. I also think that just never talking to her again is sort of a bad idea because I know all the discord around this situation is my issue and my projection. It’s not about her it’s about me. And if I just stop talking to her I haven’t dealt with my projections. I’d be running away and avoiding them. Also if I stop talking to her I’m losing a friend and shutting the door on lots of social opportunities.

 

So Idk I’m lost, and I’m rambling.

[Mandy]

Are you hanging out with her in avoidance of being alone?

[Kevin]

5 hours ago, Mandy said:

Are you hanging out with her in avoidance of being alone?

Yes I believe so

[Kevin]

6 hours ago, Mandy said:

Are you hanging out with her in avoidance of being alone?

I think the crux of it is believing happiness comes from women. And then thinking by extension that happiness is going to come from her. This is a very frustrating and discordant position to operate from. I think without that assumption I would have a more clear idea of whether I enjoy being friends with her or if I should stop talking to her

[Mandy]

@Kevin Yeah, that's a lot of pressure to put on anybody, but you can only take it off yourself. If we're doing a thing in order to avoid something else, should we really expect to enjoy it? What are you really avoiding? Can you have a look, is it really all that bad? 

[Kevin]

2 hours ago, Mandy said:

@Kevin Yeah, that's a lot of pressure to put on anybody, but you can only take it off yourself. If we're doing a thing in order to avoid something else, should we really expect to enjoy it? What are you really avoiding? Can you have a look, is it really all that bad? 

Yeah that makes a lot of sense. I’m running away from being alone because I’m worried about how if I’m alone for a period of time that will turn into years alone which will turn in to forever alone. And I’m avoiding feeling worthless. I’m avoiding that I’m not good enough for a specific girl or for lots of girls. It’s all very chaotic and unsatisfying honestly.
 

I guess obviously it’s not about if a specific girl likes me or not. That doesn’t really matter. But the stories surrounding the event are painful.

Like that didn’t work out so no one will like me. Or she didn’t like me because there is something wrong with me which other people will know about or be able to see.

[Phil]

@Kevin

“I’m feeling worthless” vs receiving the guidance of unworthiness. Same as frustrated vs frustration. 

 

Another way to ‘cut through it all’ - nobody cares. Literally. No one cares. You don’t even care lol. 

If you believe you do, you’re just fakin it. Lots of people apparently fake it. 

But in truth, no one cares. 

It is impossible. 

You don’t actually care about being alone either. 

Also impossible. 

[Kevin]

9 minutes ago, Phil said:

@Kevin

“I’m feeling worthless” vs receiving the guidance of unworthiness. Same as frustrated vs frustration. 

 

Another way to ‘cut through it all’ - nobody cares. Literally. No one cares. You don’t even care lol. 

If you believe you do, you’re just fakin it. Lots of people apparently fake it. 

But in truth, no one cares. 

It is impossible. 

You don’t actually care about being alone either. 

Also impossible. 

Well you’re right in a way. I don’t care but I think that I’m supposed to so I do. I’m not sure if that’s what you’re trying to get at with saying I don’t care. I was a little confused on that point.

[Phil]

1 minute ago, Kevin said:

I don’t care but I think that I’m supposed to so I do.

Exactly. 👌 

But you actually don’t. 😂 

[Kevin]

12 minutes ago, Phil said:

Exactly. 👌 

But you actually don’t. 😂 

Gotcha. I think

[Phil]

FREEDOM! 🙂