A friend who is very judgmental

[Rose]

I have a friend I’ve known since grade 1. She is very judgmental and closed minded stage blue person. 
 

After I speak to her, her closed mindedness rubs off on me. She has a very “omg it’s so weird”, “he/she is so strange”, “it’s so weird when people do it” mindset.
 

She is too limited to try new things so she criticizes people who are more open and adventurous labeling them weird, strange, not normal, etc., in a mocking way.

 

I have to hide a huge part of my life from her because I know she will judge me and then gossip to her friends about how “weird” I am.

 

After talking to her I do feel “weird” to be honest. 

 

Should I really try and limit my conversations with her? Is she going to drag me down with her closed mindedness and limiting beliefs? I feel like I am not getting much out of the friendship other than tenure

 

The problem is that I myself am really struggling with being judgmental. And a lot of my judgment is internalized. I try very hard to overcome it, but when I am talking to people like my friend, it brings it out full force. Why is it bringing it out? Is it common that when you’re trying to overcome a “negative” trait, people who have it will trigger you? Like when you try to quit smoking you struggle to be around smokers?
 

For example, I can spend hours in therapy and contemplation, trying to stop judging and accept a “flaw” that I have (e.g., not having many friends) to then talk to my friend and she makes fun of someone she knows for the same “flaw” (e.g., “yea this girl is so weird, she’s been living in her city for 10 years and she still never goes out because she doesn’t have any friends, haha”). So after I talk to her, I feel like shit again and that there is something wrong with me.
 

Or I try to really step out of my comfort zone and do more presentations at work. I tell her that, when she comments “yea, but introverted people will never be good at presentations, you have to be born that way, we just don’t have that trait” 

 

Or she doesn’t go to the gym and doesn’t eat healthy, so she talks about how people who go to the gym often are basically addicted and the moment they stop going they balloon up right away.. she says it in a “haha what losers” kind of way..

 

And then another question, if I was to decide I should limit my conversations with her, how do I practice discipline with it? Because sometimes I feel like that inflatable doll at the car dealership - I tell myself I will limit talking to her, then the next thing I know I am talking to her on the phone again for 3 hours.. to feel like shit again.. and then I blame myself for not doing better again..

Edited May 21, 2023 by Rose

[Pluto]

Thanks for sharing.

 

First of all I would be cautious of using terms like (stage blue person). This is all minds play and puts you deeper into the illusion by further separating / dissecting consciousness, comparing, categorizing, compartmentalizing ect... and thus is a judgment in itself, thus puts you in the vibration of that which you are judging.

 

Her close-mindedness 'rubbing off' on you is a limiting 'belief' you are buying into.

She is currently reflecting your "shadow" and it is about seeing and accepting it as it is.

 

Always be wise with your actions and wordings, but it would be unwise to ever limit yourself. By limiting your true self you rob them the opportunity to see and experience the fullness of who you are, which has the greatest potential for anyone's growth and expansion by direct reflection.

 

Seeing things as "flaw" is a judgement of Self. There are no flaws, creation makes no mistakes, infinite intelligence is.

 

Freedom of Being is all about Total Acceptance of all aspects of self/creation.

 

Love ~

[Phil]

9 hours ago, Rose said:

The problem is that I myself am really struggling with being judgmental.

You’re unconditional, feeling conditional thoughts. 

 

9 hours ago, Rose said:

She is very judgmental and closed minded stage blue person. 

She is unconditional, undefinable, feeling conditional thoughts. 

 

9 hours ago, Rose said:

I have to hide a huge part of my life from her because I know she will judge me and then gossip to her friends about how “weird” I am.

Judgement (conditional thoughts) are directly experienced. 

 

9 hours ago, Rose said:

I can spend hours in therapy and contemplation

Most people spend their entire life believing in, talking about, defending, blaming, judging & trying to overcome a self that doesn’t exist. 

No self, no problem.

 

9 hours ago, Rose said:

sometimes I feel like that inflatable doll at the car dealership

😂 

[Rose]

On 5/21/2023 at 6:55 AM, Pluto said:

about seeing and accepting it as it is

Any advice on how to accept it? 
 

On 5/21/2023 at 6:55 AM, Pluto said:

limiting your true self you rob them the opportunity to see and experience the fullness of who you are, which has the greatest potential for anyone's growth and expansion by direct reflection

I just can’t stand the idea of people gossiping about me behind my back. I don’t know why.. It’s one of my biggest fears 

 

On 5/21/2023 at 6:55 AM, Pluto said:

limiting 'belief' you are buying into.

Thanks, I didn’t actually see it this way..

 

 

 

[Rose]

On 5/21/2023 at 10:53 AM, Phil said:

No self, no problem.

How did you realize there was no self? 

[Phil]

@Rose

It seems like there are separate selves, a Rose and a Phil, and Phil realized there aren’t separate selves. 

What is already the case is already the case. 

[Pluto]

On 5/23/2023 at 1:34 PM, Rose said:

Any advice on how to accept it? 
 

I just can’t stand the idea of people gossiping about me behind my back. I don’t know why.. It’s one of my biggest fears 

 

Thanks, I didn’t actually see it this way..

 

 

 

For example when someone is playing out a form or behavior that appears to "trigger" you, this is often a representation of a 'shadow' you have disowned and or not integrated within yourself, maybe a part of yourself that you do not like or accept, so it manifests in the (outer-reflections) until you learn to love and accept it unconditionally, thus Integration occurs.

 

Now no one is saying to tolerate abusive behavior, if this is the case you can still make peace with it and gracefully move on with your life but it is usually a call for deeper self-investigation, why is this triggering me, who is this triggering, if you get to the root cause of things, many of these triggers and issues tend to dissolve, and ultimately the deeper you go into yourself and realization your truest nature, most of the human things cease to have any effect or power over you whatsoever.

It takes some practice but with practice and general application, wisdom is born and things only get simpler and simpler for you and life.

 

Yes that is common for most humans who still think they are this' persona' or 'identity' and it is quite a prison the ego-mind creates within itself until it has experiences which allow it sees beyond itself and then can easily let most, if not all of these things go. Do you ever gossip about others behind their backs?

 

We are all doing our best to help one another see better and feel fuller 🙂