What do you Think of Talking to Women in Public?

[Orb]

I think it'd be great to get better at socializing. 

 

We are social creatures, we should feel safe enough to chat with people who seem hot and or interesting. 

 

But I don't want the girls I approach to think I'm creepy or something. 

[Kevin]

20 hours ago, Orb said:

I think it'd be great to get better at socializing. 

 

We are social creatures, we should feel safe enough to chat with people who seem hot and or interesting. 

 

But I don't want the girls I approach to think I'm creepy or something. 

It’s important to just start doing it. It stings at first when girls aren’t interested but then you start to realize that whether or not they reciprocate your interest is, for the most part, not up to you.

 

For example I always used to think you had to go and talk to girls a certain way and you have to be confident and if you’re not no girl will ever like you. But one girl I talked to at the gym I felt like it was the most awkward interaction I’ve ever had but we ended up going on dates and I’m still seeing her. On the other hand I’ve gone and talked to girls in situations where I felt super confident and smooth and for whatever reason they weren’t interested.

 

At the end of the day some girls will like you and some won’t and it’s good to not take it personal because it really isn’t. If you go up to a girl and tell her you find her attractive and she’s really rude to you that just demonstrates what’s going on with her. As long as your respectful then don’t take sit personal.

 

And honestly almost all the girls I’ve talked to are flattered even if they aren’t available. So it’s weird that for me and others it feels like there is some taboo against talking to strangers.

[Orb]

@Kevin that's very reassuring! 

and im inspired by you going on dates with that girl from the gym, thats fuckin awesome.

[Kevin]

56 minutes ago, Orb said:

@Kevin that's very reassuring! 

and im inspired by you going on dates with that girl from the gym, thats fuckin awesome.

Thanks bro. You got this! 👊 

[Orb]

@Kevin ✊️

[flowboy]

On 3/22/2023 at 10:04 PM, Orb said:

But I don't want the girls I approach to think I'm creepy or something. 

I'll respond based on my experience, which is that I have had a lot of anxiety, shame and awkwardness around approaching girls I found attractive, and most of the time I didn't even do it because of that. I would say 99% of the time that I saw someone I would have liked to approach, I chickened out and beat myself up over it.

But sometimes I'd be in a courageous mood and still do it, and even though it was massively awkward, I went on dates with them, slept with them and had relationships from that.

Having never become really good at it or anything.

The thing is that people respond to authenticity, and for me that means I'll talk about whatever is on my mind.

Like really what is on my mind.

Such as: "Hi, I saw you yesterday and I thought you looked cute but you were already on your bicycle going somewhere, were you going to the gym or something? Yeah so anyway I didn't say anything but here I am now, hi nice to meet you I'm Erik.  Yeah anyway you might find it awkward or something and honestly me too but I'm thinking I find you quite attractive and maybe you could be interesting to hang out with"

 

She asked me for MY number after that, texted me first, and we slept together 2 days later.

 

Blah blah blah stream-of-consciousness not hiding anything.

It's not a trick or a pick-up line, it's just being vulnerable and authentic and the more things you actually admit like being nervous, the more confident you actually come across.

This is a real example of me awkwardly chatting up a girl who lived on my street who did kickboxing multiple times a week, so she had a 10/10 body and could easily have beat me up 😛 But I did date her for a couple months and the nice thing is that she also opened up to me and we could relate about insecurities we have and getting burnt out and being ambitious entrepreneurs with adhd and bad habits and whatever else.

 

So start with authenticity, it's the quickest path.

Edited April 18, 2023 by flowboy