To Care or Not to Care what Others Think?

[Orb]

Is it better to care what others think or not? I wanna stop honestly. I think being myself without any fear of judgement is awesome.

[Mandy]

Care as in willing to suffer for or care as in compassion?  

[Orb]

@Mandy i mean not caring about their judgements.

[Mandy]

@Orb But a judgement could be shared and seen/interpreted with compassion and felt fully, or it could be seen with further judgement, which would likely feel pretty awful. 

[Phil]

@Orb

It’s not so much the caring or not, it’s the taking it personally. 

[Joseph Maynor]

13 hours ago, Orb said:

I think being myself without any fear of judgement is awesome.

 

This is kind of a pipe dream.  I know what you're talking about but it's overstated.  There's a working with between judgment and no judgment in my experience.  Wisdom is to know when is appropriate when.  We all care what others think.  But then it's true that we often care too much what others think when it's useless to care.  But when it's important to care, judgment is critical.  It's nuanced and paradoxical.  I've never met a person who doesn't care what others think, ever.  It's still useful to do Divine Feminine work where you can get up under the Ego and examine this kind of thing and doing this work did relieve me of a lot of pointless suffering.

Edited March 17, 2023 by Joseph Maynor

[Phil]

That there are others / thinkers is illusory. 

‘The ignorance’. 

 

[Orb]

@Mandy I wanna let the judgements slide past the screen of awareness. I wanna let them all go.

 

@Joseph Maynor sometimes judgments have utility, but I'm hypercritical of stuff so it can be excessive.

 

@Phil Its like a hamster wheel of judgement, no way to avoid the fear of being judged if im judging others. Im hypercritical of others and tear people down when i see them, i fear they do the same for me. So if i stop judging then the hamster wheel stops.

[Phil]

9 minutes ago, Orb said:

if i stop judging then the hamster wheel stops.

🎯

 

In Christianity they call it “judgment”.

In Buddhism they call it “ignorance”. 

That the two are already one in & the same is pretty insightful imo. 

[Mandy]

26 minutes ago, Orb said:

@Mandy I wanna let the judgements slide past the screen of awareness. I wanna let them all go.

Look at the judgement without it being assumed that it's your own judgement about another, or another's about you. Let the possession go and see what's being asked for. 

[Orb]

@Phil 👍 I resumed reading the 6 pillars of self esteem. a confident human does not judge others harshly. Im excited to witness the healing going on rn. I think i was hanrgy earlier, most of my freakouts are due to physiological stuff lol. 

 

@Mandy I think a better word j couldve used to describe my situation is being hyper critical towards others. Sure, sound judgement is actually a mark of maturity and confidence, but being hyper critical of others is a form of insecurity.

[Phil]

@Orb

Be mindful meditation & vagus exercises bring the old up & out. It’s quite literally upwards and some letting go mentally vs solving, figuring out etc is key. 

Do you readily know how to let go / let thoughts go? 

[Orb]

@Phil I think letting go refers to paying attention to sensation. But honestly i consciously do this maybe 10-20 minutes a day, the rest is automatic and I'm not aware of it. I also stopped regularly doing the vagus exercise, I only did it for 2 days. I felt like a scared child and stuff came up. 

[Phil]

@Orb

Understandable. This is where acknowledging emotion (fear) is most helpful. Be willing to allow feeling whatever you’re feeling, whatever arises. The key is not ‘going into’ or ‘getting sucked into’ the same old self referential thought stories. That’s suppressive / preventative of releasing & liberating. 

 

Talking about whatever it is, ideally without telling the story is great. Focusing on sensation is great. Perception is also great. Going for a walk is great. Distraction like music or a video can also be helpful. 

 

You will be glad post release. Limited beliefs empty and clarity always then arises. 

 

When emptying is happening ‘stuff’ can seem big. Keeping posture & expressing always takes the ‘bigness’ out of it. Also, noticing the corresponding contraction in the body & releasing / relaxing the muscles is very helpful. 

[Orb]

@Phil thank you for the reminder 🙏. Also, during my workout I stopped and noticed that it's really quiet today. Right now I'm sitting with my mom in silence and it's so quiet, very peaceful. The usual thought games arent appearing. All the birds are chirping, my mom is hanging out, the water in the canal next to my house is flowing, very peacefully.

Edited March 18, 2023 by Orb

[Phil]

@Orb

Awesome. The peace is here as well. 👊🏼 

[Orb]

@Phil 🙂👊

[flowboy]

On 3/16/2023 at 3:12 PM, Orb said:

Is it better to care what others think or not? I wanna stop honestly. I think being myself without any fear of judgement is awesome.

It is awesome!

I used to be totally cramped up in public and always imagining people judging me.

Today it is not even on my mind, unless I'm doing something truly socially unacceptable.

I'm loud and expressive and it feels much better.

 

Some things that have helped me:

• Primal Therapy & trauma release
• ... practicing just doing it anyway (whatever 'it' is: what you would do or express freely if you didn't care about judgments)

A big insight for me was that having other people's judgments on my mind was actually a neurotic symptom rooted in childhood trauma that I had no idea I had.