Intuition & Doubt

[noomii]

I struggle a lot with doubt when needing to make decisions. There's a lot of fear about ‘doing wrong’ because of the guilt and even more doubt that can come with it.

I see that the guidence is found in Feeling.
I'm just wondering what to do when faced with a decision and needing to decide FAST? When there's no clarity about what I want? It's not always I listen to the doubt deep enough to see clearly either.
The pressure that comes with thinking "I have to decide quickly" definitely makes it worse. 

I often have in mind something I read about how to trust intuition, when doubt is experienced & it's difficult to trust it. "When it's a yes, nothing can stop you. When you're unsure, it's always a no". So when in doubt, go without.
I don't really follow that at all times, as I doubt if that's a good idea, I would say No to a lot with that. 

I would like to hear your thoughts about this.

I don't see yet how I can't do anything wrong and that there's not a seperate self making a decision.

[Mandy]

If you don't have much clarity on it, it could be that it really doesn't matter which you choose. Or it could mean that you're so focused on avoiding a bad decision that you can't feel your intuition because as you say, that guidance found in feeling is telling you that you're focused on what you do not want. 

 

Essentially what you want in the moment of making a decision is clarity, and it's alignment with your decision. What if the alignment is far more important than the decision itself? Again if we are focused on our own indecisiveness and trying to rid ourselves of that, feeling guidance is going to let you know. If you can take the pressure off yourself, the clarity will come. 

 

I use a pendulum often, which probably isn't for everyone, but I find it helpful. I will also put out my hands and feel the vibration to intuit things, especially if I'm on trails or deciding which way to go. Often one hand will feel different from the other like it's selecting or lighting up. I have practiced this before with my son hiding crystals in one hand I have to feel which hand it's in without touching him. Sometimes on the trail I can't tell which is lighting up when I ask which direction to go in and it recently occurred to me that much of the time, it really doesn't matter, and I should just do as I please. Or whatever. 😂 Today was really unique because I was cross country skiing and giving my dog a run and I "asked" and put my hands out and felt a certain direction calling me. When I got to the top of the hill which was beautiful with the sun on the fresh snow, I found that my parent's neighbor had snowshoed the ski trail and even done the hill twice for me, and had even done the fast hill twice, so I got to have a lot of fun skiing instead of wallowing through deep snow like I would have on the other trail and was expecting to do until I found his trail. 

 

What's important to note is, even though in my story it seems like it and you could often come to the conclusion that some decisions are  better than others,  you are never missing out. You are always on the path of appreciation, and that's what listens and also what calls you. 

 

If I gave you the choice between $1000 in cash and a rotten banana, you might say that that's "no choice" because the choice is clear. You are clear about what will bring you the most pleasure and appreciation, what you could do with $1000 versus the lack of appreciation or enthusiasm for a rotten banana. The point is that you are already very clear about what you want, but you are focusing on some instances when you aren't. 

[Phil]

The assumption there is a ‘decider’ or ‘chooser’ is a tricky one but the key might be in recognizing the underlying assumptive aspect about thoughts… which is in & of itself the believing of thoughts… and that’s what makes it tricky. 

 

The ‘decider’ interpretation requires that there are two thoughts simultaneously experienced, and essentially compared, and one of the thoughts is chosen (by ‘the decider’ or ‘the chooser’). Inspection of this is inspecting direct experience to see if in fact there is an experience of two thoughts at the same time… and therein a decider or chooser of thoughts. 

 

What’s been found here is that is not the case. It seems only one thought arises at a time, and that one thought is focused upon, or, it’s ‘let go’, as in not focused upon. That ‘not focused upon’ could look like focusing on perception & sensation instead, and or bringing to mind the opposite thought, and or focusing upon quite literally anything other than, that thought. 

 

Sure enough, another thought will arise. Now that thought can be focused upon, or let go. And so on, and so on.

 

Something else was found in this regard… that when a thought is discordant, and is therein let go… the next arising thought is slightly less discordant, slightly more aligned feeling. And so on, and so on. Less & less discordant (suffering) and more & more aligned. 🤍

 

 

What’s been found to be most helpful is writing the thoughts on paper or on the backside of the dreamboard. Then, one thought can be seen, read and felt… and then the other thought can be seen, read and felt. This in & of itself might be amply clarifying as it’s allowing tons of spaciousness and clarity, but what’s also been found is that when it isn’t, when there is still indecision… yet another thought, a third thought, arises… and that third thought is even more indicative of the source, in that it is more clarifying and more specific, in terms of revealing or illuminating what’s wanted. 

 

 

Similarly, this can be an effective way to shed light on the elusive ‘separate self’ of thoughts. The thought, ‘I don’t see yet how I can’t do….’ could be written and looked at.  Seeing the thought visually, in front of you as it were, is imo a much different experience than ‘in your head’ so to speak. As the thought is looked at… draw a circle around each implied subject. For that example, the ‘I’ of ‘I don’t see’… and the ‘I’ of ‘how I can’t do’ would be circled. Then it’s clearer there are three ‘selves’ (seemingly) involved. The awareness of the thoughts and perception, the first ‘I’, and the second ‘I’. This makes it easier to notice the ‘I’s’ are thoughts, which awareness is aware of. 

 

Thought can also be tricky in terms of the meaning, implication, or context of the thought. For example, the thought ‘a hundred thoughts’ is about there being a hundred thoughts, yet the direct experience is of the one thought (about there being, a hundred thoughts).

 

(The ‘hundred thoughts’ is actually one thought… explanation in full)

 

 

Similarly, the thought about the two I’s is one thought, about there being, two I’s.  These thoughts are pointed to with the term ‘self referential thoughts’, which is essentially thoughts about a self which isn’t actually present or existing.  It can also be clarifying to notice that the ‘separate self’ of thoughts is never actually present, and is always implied, to be in a past or future. Also clarifying, is to notice awareness is aware of thoughts, and is therein never in thoughts. 

 

Sometimes it’s said that awakening begins with the recognition of the ‘separate self’ of thoughts… actually being, a thought (and not a self). The body seems to respond to this by releasing contraction, aka stress or tension. The body can also begin to release suppressed emotion. It would also be clarifying imo to utilize the emotional scale, to make it easy to express what arises, and to make it easier not to get ‘caught up in or on’ any thoughts as the body releases. You might say the using of the emotional scale is the opposite of emotional suppression, which makes for more release and more ease of release of contraction, stress and tension. It’s also an other-than harboring anger, resentment, hatred or rage. It makes it much easier to forgive or understand and attention tends to naturally shift more to wanted, or, what can (and indeed will) be. 

 

It’s a bit like when food is eaten which was spoiled or when too much alcohol is consumed. In that situation, one is typically very much on board with barfing. No one loves barfing obviously, but pretty much anyone would prefer it, as it brings the indigestion, nausea or ‘spins’ to an end. Similarly, expression bring ‘thought loops’ to an end. With purification, or, the releasing / de-conditioning / de-contraction of the body it’s a little trickier, and imo very aligned to be aware the ‘barfing’ is actually what’s desired. The ‘tricky’ aspect is food being barfed up doesn’t have the potential of being believed like thoughts do, and therein doesn’t have the potential to be ‘clung’ to or ‘held’, which in bodily terms is contraction. Might “taste” rough, but it’s much better than living in contraction, stress & tension, and much much better than the variety of bodily ailments which could arise of the momentum of suppression, perhaps similar to how it’s just easier to barf than deal with alcohol poisoning, acid reflux, etc. 

 

This ‘tool’ was created specifically for the ‘barfing’ phase / experience as (hopefully) a nice reminder to ‘let it go’ no matter what / not ‘buy into the thought story’ (which can be difficult & challenging), and to recognize that there is a source of thoughts, and that it is Good. (And also not per se, separate). 

https://www.actualityofbeing.com/just-let-source-take-out-the-garbage

 

Also of course, an expression journal pairs very well with using the emotional scale. One specific I would suggest is to phrase in terms of ‘the emotion experienced is _____’, as opposed to ‘I’m _______’. Like… the ‘emotion anger is experienced’ as compared to ‘I’m angry’. It might be a little weird or cumbersome at first, but clarity will definitely arise and alignment will be felt. Also, imo, shedding some tears, having a good cry, is best case scenario in terms of releasing. I mention that only because it seems some people believe crying is ‘bad’ or ‘weak’. It can be initially counterintuitive at first sometimes it seems. Also, sometimes expressing emotions such as anger in some physical (non-harmful) manor such as exercise or a punching bag is a healthy way of releasing. 

 

 

The Contemplations section also addresses not only the ‘separate self’ of thoughts, but also subject-object thoughts, and ‘going’ prior to the thoughts. Which is really more recognizing one already is prior to, and ware of, thoughts. 

This video also addresses ‘subject object’ thoughts… and (hopefully) sheds a little light on why some thoughts feel ‘off’ (discordant, suffering). 

 

 

This video came to mind too, as it’s very short and specific, and points to the nature of thoughts appearing, and the alignment & discord felt therein. 

 

[noomii]

@Mandy @Phil Thank you for your replies. I will need some time to read it through & let it sink in. ❤ 

 

17 hours ago, Mandy said:

Today was really unique because I was cross country skiing and giving my dog a run and I "asked" and put my hands out and felt a certain direction calling me. When I got to the top of the hill which was beautiful with the sun on the fresh snow, I found that my parent's neighbor had snowshoed the ski trail and even done the hill twice for me, and had even done the fast hill twice, so I got to have a lot of fun skiing instead of wallowing through deep snow like I would have on the other trail and was expecting to do until I found his trail. 

 

That's funny cause the night before your reply, I was skiing on top of a hill too, in my dream. I was skiing down the hill and felt excitement about what was coming. Then it went fast and I saw a river down the hill. I thought it probably have strong currents & deep water so I would die if I would fall into the water. Something stopped me right in front of the river. The river looked very still or frozen.

I tried to get up again to the hill but there was a big wall in front of me and large amounts of snow from the hill were falling on the wall. I worried that the wall would break because then the snow would push me into the river. I saw another person beside me but they passed out and fell into the river.

Later I managed to get through with force where it was open in the wall and I avoided the snow mass.

I arrived at a place where there were people baking bread. They were talking badly about people who eat in a different way like me, I felt irritated by them. 😂

 

My interpretation for this is that I was looking forward to do something I want this weekend and I really wanted to avoid being alone. I had options but none of it felt right & I felt doubt. I ended up being at home, so I'm in the 'river' right now.

It has felt like I've been forced to be alone so often and not experiencing other things I want because there is something I try to avoid emotionally.

I'm not planning on forcing myself through the wall or snow masses like in the dream, I want alignment.
It also feels bad expecting myself to feel in "alignment", what if I don't live up to my expectations and mess up everything? Most of the time I just experience resistance. 

At least I can focus on being loving no matter how it feels. Even expecting myself to be loving feels off. I just want to be myself with no thought!

[Phil]

Alignment is allowing, receiving. 

Even the dream can be allowed, received. 

 

Alignment isn’t for a myself, it’s of thoughts with feeling. 

https://www.actualityofbeing.com/aligning-thought-with-feeling

 

Similarly, attracting & emotional guidance isn’t for a myself. 

https://www.actualityofbeing.com/the-emotional-scale

 

All thoughts are Good, Nondual Goodness; Creation-Creating-Creation. 

 

I can’t remember who’s book it’s from but someone shared a great analogy for thoughts as thought paths. That of being at the top of a hill sledding, and the tendency being to slip into the tracks of previous sledding… and instead choosing a new path through fresh snow.