Feeling like not enough

[Kevin]

So I mainly wanted to explore the feeling of not being good enough. I can logic out how I am good enough but I don’t feel it. Nothing ever feels quite right. I keep thinking that if I meditate enough or if I have enough friends or if I read the right book or just something were different I would feel complete and ok. This train of thinking is very convincing even though I can logic it out and realize that it’s an illusion. I have been following that train of thinking my whole life and it’s never worked. But then another thought comes in that maybe it hasn’t worked because I’m weak and I haven’t done enough. If I had done enough I’d be happy. Like those other successful people. So some more thoughts come in like I’m deficient somehow. I’m just incapable of being happy because I’m weak.

 

I don’t know honestly. It this point I’m kind of rambling but I feel kind of stuck here.

[Loop]

33 minutes ago, Kevin said:

So some more thoughts come in

Are the thoughts You? 
You, the Unmovable? 
 

Who told you that you gotta be good enough to Be? 🙂

Or done enough, or strong enough, or enough of anything? 

 

36 minutes ago, Kevin said:

even though I can logic it out and realize that it’s an illusion.

37 minutes ago, Kevin said:

I can logic out how I am good enough

 

No you cannot. 

Logic is more thinking, there is the guidance of Feeling.

 

You cannot think your way out of thinking. 🙃

 

[Phil]

2 hours ago, Kevin said:

So I mainly wanted to explore the feeling of not being good enough. I can logic out how I am good enough but I don’t feel it. Nothing ever feels quite right. I keep thinking that if I meditate enough or if I have enough friends or if I read the right book or just something were different I would feel complete and ok. This train of thinking is very convincing even though I can logic it out and realize that it’s an illusion. I have been following that train of thinking my whole life and it’s never worked. But then another thought comes in that maybe it hasn’t worked because I’m weak and I haven’t done enough. If I had done enough I’d be happy. Like those other successful people. So some more thoughts come in like I’m deficient somehow. I’m just incapable of being happy because I’m weak.

 

I don’t know honestly. It this point I’m kind of rambling but I feel kind of stuck here.

A fundamental difference is coming into play… thought vs feeling.

‘Not being good enough’ isn’t an emotion and isn’t feeling.

 

What’s felt, is the comparative thought, the judgement. That thought, about anyone, experienced by anyone, would feel exactly the same. The discord felt is impersonal. It’s not about “you”. It’s just how the thought feels, do to the very nature of you. Ya gots to allow that nature to be heard / felt / listened to. In this way, ‘not good enough’ is already harsh. ‘Not being good enough’ is like a doubling down on harshness, draggin the Goodness of Being into this. Of course the thought is going to feel discordant. The only response from feeling is unconditional love. 

 

The Kevinator: I’m not good enough. 

Being: Ok, well… here’s some love, that’s my nature. 

K: I’m not good enough. 

B: Here’s more love. 

K: I’m not good enough.

B: Here’s more love. 

 

Nobody’s getting out of this Love. Just come to terms with that. I’m sorry to be so harsh, but that’s reality brother. There just Is infinite love here for you. 

 

 

The comparative thought ‘not good enough’ inherently has a counter part. ‘Not good enough’ - compared to what? To who? Someone else? An idea of how you could or should be? There is nothing wrong with how you are. The ‘judge’ feels the burn, the discord, the suffering - not ‘the judged’. If, thought wise, you’re both, you’re double dippin on the hot stove. 

 

 

Using the emotional scale makes this much easier. It makes it easy in that ‘not being good enough’ just isn’t on the scale. This helps with noticing ‘not being good enough’ is a thought. Noticing that makes it all the easier to notice there is how that thought - feels. Noticing that makes it easier to see which emotion is experienced. Noticing that makes it easier to then question - what’s feeling the thought? And why - does that thought feel so - off? Every single time without exception, what’s found is always the same conclusion… it feels off because you are plenty good enough. M’F’ing infinitely good nuff. You’re the O.G., the Original Goodness. 

 

Meditation does not lead to being or feeling good enough. It’s a letting go of the thoughts. The discord is of the (comparative, judgmental) thoughts. Meditation is an uncovering of the O.G. 

 

Thought, is an appearance. 

Logicing, is an illusion. 

Thoughts appear. 

The one believed to be logicing, does not appear, and does not exist.

 

”I have been following that train my whole life”. (Spoiler alert) Look around. This, is the actuality. This is “the whole life”. All there is, is This. Now. 

Which is really great, because you can always (which is only ever actually now) ‘reach for’ a better feeling thought. Emotional scale makes that much much easier. It’s the backbone, the bread & butter of using the scale. 

 

“I’m weak”, “I haven’t done enough” - that implied self doesn’t even exist. 

 

Trying to align feeling to thought, doesn’t work, because it can’t. Thought is not appearing as feeling. Feeling is appearing as thought. Feeling is the boss. Listen to feeling. Feeling is always right and never wrong. 

 

“If I had done enough I’d be happy”. That’s a reference to a self in the past. Are you in a past?

Happiness is the present. The ‘now’. Happiness is what that discordant thought is made of. 

 

You don’t have to be so hard on yourself so to speak. You don’t have to take thoughts seriously. Ourself isn’t.

 

”Like those other successful people”. You don’t know what you believe you know, about “those other people”. 

You’re Happiness. You’re not a person. There’s no such thing as people. There’s no such thing as - things. 

 

You’re not stuck. You’re experiencing stubbornness, and a self referential thought loop.. The scale makes it easy. 

If it’s really about someone, a relationship, the past - do the work. Do what need be done. Communicate. Apologize. Forgive. Understand. Offer compassion. I don’t know which, but I know whatever is called for is within you. And it’s within you in spades. The Truth within you is great than all things. Whatever it is, maybe share about that. What you resist, persists. Whatever is inspected amply, vanishes. If not, or really, either way… bring the feeling in closer and closer, until it’s no longer distinguishable from yourself. It’ll essentially ‘burn away’.

 

L is for the way you look at me. 

O is for the only One I see.

V is very, very, extraordinary. 

E is even more than anyone that you adore. 

 

This Love is you. 🤍

[Mandy]

3 hours ago, Kevin said:

Nothing ever feels quite right. I keep thinking that if I meditate enough or if I have enough friends or if I read the right book or just something were different I would feel complete and ok.

Appreciation is the current-cy of reality. It's not the right book, or the right action it's just the one that sparks joy or feels most aligned right now. 

[Kevin]

2 hours ago, Loop said:

Are the thoughts You? 
You, the Unmovable? 
 

Who told you that you gotta be good enough to Be? 🙂

Or done enough, or strong enough, or enough of anything? 

 

 

No you cannot. 

Logic is more thinking, there is the guidance of Feeling.

 

You cannot think your way out of thinking. 🙃

 

For as long as a can remember I’ve felt this stress and pressure so I guess at a young age I decided that the solution was to do something. To take some action so that I could be better and then feel better. I guess the subtle implication being the reason I feel bad is that I am bad.

 

And I guess you’re right I can’t think my way out of it. I just meant that in the grand scheme of things from a logical perspective I am no different than any other person but I guess that doesn’t really help.

[Loop]

20 minutes ago, Kevin said:

person

What is that?

 

20 minutes ago, Kevin said:

I

What is that?

 

20 minutes ago, Kevin said:

bad

What?

 

21 minutes ago, Kevin said:

logical perspective

Huh? 

Don’t intellectualize Feeling Guidance, sit/ walk & feel. Feeling isn’t good or bad, it is just what it is. 
 

[Phil]

@Kevin

Meditation ✔️ 

Emotional expression of what’s coming up & out ❌

Self-deception (instead of expression) ✔️ 

Self referential rumination (instead of expression) ✔️ 

 

If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound? 

[Kevin]

20 hours ago, Phil said:

A fundamental difference is coming into play… thought vs feeling.

‘Not being good enough’ isn’t an emotion and isn’t feeling.

 

True.

20 hours ago, Phil said:

What’s felt, is the comparative thought, the judgement. That thought, about anyone, experienced by anyone, would feel exactly the same. The discord felt is impersonal. It’s not about “you”. It’s just how the thought feels, do to the very nature of you. Ya gots to allow that nature to be heard / felt / listened to. In this way, ‘not good enough’ is already harsh. ‘Not being good enough’ is like a doubling down on harshness, draggin the Goodness of Being into this. Of course the thought is going to feel discordant. The only response from feeling is unconditional love. 

 

Sorry for not responding before. Was feeling really low yesterday so I drank. One thing I’m really lost about is how to listen to feeling. And how can I feel so bad if it’s all unconditional love.

20 hours ago, Phil said:

The Kevinator: I’m not good enough. 

Being: Ok, well… here’s some love, that’s my nature. 

K: I’m not good enough. 

B: Here’s more love. 

K: I’m not good enough.

B: Here’s more love. 

 

Nobody’s getting out of this Love. Just come to terms with that. I’m sorry to be so harsh, but that’s reality brother. There just Is infinite love here for you. 

 

How come I can’t feel the love. Shit seems really dark right now. When I think a thought about how I’m unlovable or there’s something wrong with me I don’t feel love. I feel a weight in my stomach. I feel like crying.

20 hours ago, Phil said:

 

The comparative thought ‘not good enough’ inherently has a counter part. ‘Not good enough’ - compared to what? To who? Someone else? An idea of how you could or should be? There is nothing wrong with how you are. The ‘judge’ feels the burn, the discord, the suffering - not ‘the judged’. If, thought wise, you’re both, you’re double dippin on the hot stove. 

 

Good enough compared to everyone. I think I’m inferior and I can’t seem to let it go.

 

20 hours ago, Phil said:

 

Using the emotional scale makes this much easier. It makes it easy in that ‘not being good enough’ just isn’t on the scale. This helps with noticing ‘not being good enough’ is a thought. Noticing that makes it all the easier to notice there is how that thought - feels. Noticing that makes it easier to see which emotion is experienced. Noticing that makes it easier to then question - what’s feeling the thought? And why - does that thought feel so - off? Every single time without exception, what’s found is always the same conclusion… it feels off because you are plenty good enough. M’F’ing infinitely good nuff. You’re the O.G., the Original Goodness. 
 

Yes I use the scale. Sometimes it helps a lot. Sometimes barely.  And I just don’t see it. I want to see it. But I just don’t.

20 hours ago, Phil said:

 

Meditation does not lead to being or feeling good enough. It’s a letting go of the thoughts. The discord is of the (comparative, judgmental) thoughts. Meditation is an uncovering of the O.G. 

 

Thought, is an appearance. 

Logicing, is an illusion. 

Thoughts appear. 

The one believed to be logicing, does not appear, and does not exist.

 

”I have been following that train my whole life”. (Spoiler alert) Look around. This, is the actuality. This is “the whole life”. All there is, is This. Now. 

Which is really great, because you can always (which is only ever actually now) ‘reach for’ a better feeling thought. Emotional scale makes that much much easier. It’s the backbone, the bread & butter of using the scale. 

 

“I’m weak”, “I haven’t done enough” - that implied self doesn’t even exist. 

 

Trying to align feeling to thought, doesn’t work, because it can’t. Thought is not appearing as feeling. Feeling is appearing as thought. Feeling is the boss. Listen to feeling. Feeling is always right and never wrong. 

 

I seem to have a difficult time with the listening to feeling. I don’t know why it is so hard

 

20 hours ago, Phil said:

“If I had done enough I’d be happy”. That’s a reference to a self in the past. Are you in a past?

Happiness is the present. The ‘now’. Happiness is what that discordant thought is made of. 

 

You don’t have to be so hard on yourself so to speak. You don’t have to take thoughts seriously. Ourself isn’t.

 

”Like those other successful people”. You don’t know what you believe you know, about “those other people”. 

You’re Happiness. You’re not a person. There’s no such thing as people. There’s no such thing as - things. 

 

You’re not stuck. You’re experiencing stubbornness, and a self referential thought loop.. The scale makes it easy. 

If it’s really about someone, a relationship, the past - do the work. Do what need be done. Communicate. Apologize. Forgive. Understand. Offer compassion. I don’t know which, but I know whatever is called for is within you. And it’s within you in spades. The Truth within you is great than all things. Whatever it is, maybe share about that. What you resist, persists. Whatever is inspected amply, vanishes. If not, or really, either way… bring the feeling in closer and closer, until it’s no longer distinguishable from yourself. It’ll essentially ‘burn away’.

 

Dude idk I keep trying stuff but I feel like not a lot has changed. I think I’m doing something wrong or there’s just something that’s not clicking. I feel defeated. Of course I can’t feel that I guess but it seems like it.

 

20 hours ago, Phil said:

L is for the way you look at me. 

O is for the only One I see.

V is very, very, extraordinary. 

E is even more than anyone that you adore. 

 

This Love is you. 🤍

 

[Kevin]

20 hours ago, Loop said:

What is that?

 

What is that?

 

What?

 

Huh? 

Don’t intellectualize Feeling Guidance, sit/ walk & feel. Feeling isn’t good or bad, it is just what it is. 
 

Gotcha🙏

[Kevin]

7 hours ago, Phil said:

@Kevin

Meditation ✔️ 

Emotional expression of what’s coming up & out ❌

Self-deception (instead of expression) ✔️ 

Self referential rumination (instead of expression) ✔️ 

 

If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound? 

Not 100 percent sure what your saying here

[Kevin]

20 hours ago, Mandy said:

Appreciation is the current-cy of reality. It's not the right book, or the right action it's just the one that sparks joy or feels most aligned right now. 

🙏

[Phil]

2 hours ago, Kevin said:

Sorry for not responding before. Was feeling really low yesterday so I drank. One thing I’m really lost about is how to listen to feeling. And how can I feel so bad if it’s all unconditional love.

Beliefs. 
 

2 hours ago, Kevin said:

How come I can’t feel the love. Shit seems really dark right now. When I think a thought about how I’m unlovable or there’s something wrong with me I don’t feel love. I feel a weight in my stomach. I feel like crying.

Cry. 
 

2 hours ago, Kevin said:

Good enough compared to everyone. I think I’m inferior and I can’t seem to let it go.

Then don’t. Live with it. 
 

2 hours ago, Kevin said:

Yes I use the scale. Sometimes it helps a lot. Sometimes barely.  And I just don’t see it. I want to see it. But I just don’t.

See what?

 

2 hours ago, Kevin said:

seem to have a difficult time with the listening to feeling. I don’t know why it is so hard

Comparing (judging) is not only hard, it’s impossible… without believing thoughts. 
 

2 hours ago, Kevin said:

Dude idk I keep trying stuff but I feel like not a lot has changed. I think I’m doing something wrong or there’s just something that’s not clicking. I feel defeated. Of course I can’t feel that I guess but it seems like it.

What, specifically, of experience, hasn’t changed? 
 

2 hours ago, Kevin said:

Not 100 percent sure what your saying here

Like a checklist. The ones with the checkmarks you’ve got down pat. The one with the X, not so much yet.

[Kevin]

36 minutes ago, Phil said:

Beliefs. 
 

Cry. 
 

Then don’t. Live with it. 
 

See what?

 

I just want to see that things will be ok. That I don’t have to worry. It seems that opportunities and good things are happening everywhere Just not for me. And I think that if I just looked at the world differently then good things would happen to me to. That’s what I want to see.

36 minutes ago, Phil said:

Comparing (judging) is not only hard, it’s impossible… without believing thoughts. 
 

What, specifically, of experience, hasn’t changed? 

 

well I still get depressed and sad and I ruminate on being lonely.

36 minutes ago, Phil said:

Like a checklist. The ones with the checkmarks you’ve got down pat. The one with the X, not so much yet.

Oh I gotcha

[Phil]

11 minutes ago, Kevin said:

I just want to see that things will be ok. That I don’t have to worry. It seems that opportunities and good things are happening everywhere Just not for me. And I think that if I just looked at the world differently then good things would happen to me too. That’s what I want to see.

Can what is be compared to what isn’t? Can what’s felt be compared to what’s not felt?

 

11 minutes ago, Kevin said:

well I still get depressed and sad and I ruminate on being lonely.

Can the one feeling that be compared to the one the thought is about?

[Kevin]

1 hour ago, Phil said:

Can what is be compared to what isn’t? Can what’s felt be compared to what’s not felt?

 

I think you can compare. But only in thought.

 

1 hour ago, Phil said:

Can the one feeling that be compared to the one the thought is about?

Idk I guess not.

[Phil]

11 hours ago, Kevin said:

I think you can compare. But only in thought.

How does believing that feel?

 

12 hours ago, Kevin said:

Idk I guess not.

Why not?

[Kevin]

3 hours ago, Phil said:

How does believing that feel?

 

not good I guess.

3 hours ago, Phil said:

Why not?

Well the thoughts aren’t about anyone actually. But the feeling is actually here.

 

So I have what seems to be an infection in my armpit. I’ve had it for about a week now but it’s gotten worse. I notice every time I have an infection or an illness or I have to take antibiotics I go into a horrible mental state. Everything feels like it’s going to go horribly wrong all the thoughts that start to come up are super negative and dark.

 

Last time I had staph and I took antibiotics this same stuff happened. When I got my appendix out same stuff happened. And now these last couple days have been terrible but I believe it’s because of this infection in my armpit.

 

I guess I’m feeling a little worried because it seems a little out of my control. Of course I can control how I react to things but I don’t like that every time I have a health issue, emotions become really dark.

[Phil]

 

1 hour ago, Kevin said:

not good I guess.

Well the thoughts aren’t about anyone actually. But the feeling is actually here.

Feeling is actually ‘here’. 

Put feeling (‘how you feel’) first. 

Which is to say, no longer pretend it isn’t first. 

Similarly, put the body first. 

The body’s alignment is pushed to great lengths to hold resentment for long periods.

Listen to the body. It’s as unconditionally forgiving as it is infinitely intelligent.

It wouldn’t hold a hot coal very long, if at all. 

 

1 hour ago, Kevin said:

 

So I have what seems to be an infection in my armpit. I’ve had it for about a week now but it’s gotten worse. I notice every time I have an infection or an illness or I have to take antibiotics I go into a horrible mental state. Everything feels like it’s going to go horribly wrong all the thoughts that start to come up are super negative and dark.

The resistance is more pronounced, in the having to go to the doctor, get prescriptions, etc.

The self believed to be in thoughts or states is a conceptualization of yourself which is prior to & aware of, those thoughts. 

The very same present now awareness aware of these words. 

Self-conceptualization is mental aversion from feeling. 

Expressing emotions experienced is not isolating or lonely (conceptual), but is a most connective expression of feeling (actual). 

It’s ‘the other way to go’. 🤍

 

1 hour ago, Kevin said:

 

Last time I had staph and I took antibiotics this same stuff happened. When I got my appendix out same stuff happened. And now these last couple days have been terrible but I believe it’s because of this infection in my armpit.

 

I guess I’m feeling a little worried because it seems a little out of my control. Of course I can control how I react to things but I don’t like that every time I have a health issue, emotions become really dark.

Holding the hot coal and the tension & stress of the discord & resistance therein is not conducive with the immune system. In terms of momentum, or, given how long the coal’s been held if you will, the burn only gets deeper.

 

Appendectomy is usually a preventive measure, rather a treatment for a disease. Perhaps the universe is suggesting preventative measures in regard to dis-ease, rather than momentum and inevitable treatments for disease. Forgiveness & equanimity for example, rather than resentment, control, fault & responsibility. Expression of anger, worry, frustration & irritation for example, rather than suppression via self-conceptualization. Emotions only seem dark or negative by resisting expressing emotions. Like a monster in the closet. Fear is an emotion, guidance, there’s actually nothing in the closet.  

 

Beliefs are infectious. The conceptual ‘separate self’ is a pathogenetic belief. Love is immune.

The ‘inner’ war of the body between infection & immunity is the ‘mental’ war of the mind between beliefs and love. 

 

 

 

 

 

[Kevin]

6 hours ago, Phil said:

 

Feeling is actually ‘here’. 

Put feeling (‘how you feel’) first. 

Which is to say, no longer pretend it isn’t first. 

Similarly, put the body first. 

The body’s alignment is pushed to great lengths to hold resentment for long periods.

Listen to the body. It’s as unconditionally forgiving as it is infinitely intelligent.

It wouldn’t hold a hot coal very long, if at all. 

 

Yes I realize now I’ve been holding on to resentments.

 

6 hours ago, Phil said:

The resistance is more pronounced, in the having to go to the doctor, get prescriptions, etc.

The self believed to be in thoughts or states is a conceptualization of yourself which is prior to & aware of, those thoughts. 

The very same present now awareness aware of these words. 

Self-conceptualization is mental aversion from feeling. 

Expressing emotions experienced is not isolating or lonely (conceptual), but is a most connective expression of feeling (actual). 

It’s ‘the other way to go’. 🤍

 

this is making much more sense. I guess I wasn’t ready to let this land before.

6 hours ago, Phil said:

Holding the hot coal and the tension & stress of the discord & resistance therein is not conducive with the immune system. In terms of momentum, or, given how long the coal’s been held if you will, the burn only gets deeper.

 

Appendectomy is usually a preventive measure, rather a treatment for a disease. Perhaps the universe is suggesting preventative measures in regard to dis-ease, rather than momentum and inevitable treatments for disease. Forgiveness & equanimity for example, rather than resentment, control, fault & responsibility. Expression of anger, worry, frustration & irritation for example, rather than suppression via self-conceptualization. Emotions only seem dark or negative by resisting expressing emotions. Like a monster in the closet. Fear is an emotion, guidance, there’s actually nothing in the closet.  

 

yes prevention is best. I’ve been thinking that my health is not as good as it was when I was younger and I feel like it’s related to holding on to resentments.

6 hours ago, Phil said:

Beliefs are infectious. The conceptual ‘separate self’ is a pathogenetic belief. Love is immune.

The ‘inner’ war of the body between infection & immunity is the ‘mental’ war of the mind between beliefs and love. 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks phil things are looking up a little bit.