_a_ Aware

[Reena]

The journal will focus on human mind. 

Edited January 26, 2023 by Cupcake

[Reena]

 

On 12/26/2022 at 6:32 PM, Cupcake said:

 

                                   

 

Go no contact with narcissists. 

 

 

On 12/26/2022 at 6:38 PM, Cupcake said:

                                   

 

 

Pretend like you didn't even hear it. 

 

 

On 12/26/2022 at 6:38 PM, Cupcake said:

                                 

 

 

Pretend like you didn't even hear it. 

 

 

On 12/26/2022 at 6:42 PM, Cupcake said:

                         

 

 

They try to get a rise out of you. 

 

 

 

[Reena]

 

On 12/26/2022 at 6:44 PM, Cupcake said:

 

                         

 

 

Picture is also not very conspicuous. 

 

On 12/26/2022 at 6:57 PM, Cupcake said:

 

 

                         

 

 

You instigate the drama. I'm simply forced to respond and react to it.. 

 

 

 

 

 

On 12/26/2022 at 6:58 PM, Cupcake said:

                            

 

 

Narcissists use a technique called darvo. 

 

 

 

 

[Reena]

 

On 12/26/2022 at 11:11 PM, Cupcake said:

@Phil thanks Phil. Appreciate. 

 

 

On 12/27/2022 at 2:18 PM, Cupcake said:

                         

 

 

 

Everyone wants to feel loved. 

 

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Narcissistic people don't feel empathy. 

 

 

They are crazy makers.. They will gaslight and make you feel like you're wrong, insane 

The perpetual boundary stepping is where in anticipation of knowing that they are going to do something to you. This is known as reactive abuse. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On 12/27/2022 at 7:45 PM, ivankiss said:

I love this guy. Tons of info on all kinds of personality disorders, CPTSD, etc. Helped me so much during my recovery. Great energy, lots of compassion, awesome tools. Strongly recommended.

 

My only advice is to not get too hung up on all this. Do what you need to do, heal from it, but then let it go. It's not good to walk around the world shielded and in fear.

 

'They can't all be narcissists.'

 

On 12/27/2022 at 9:13 PM, Cupcake said:

Thanks for sharing the resource Ivan. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Reena]

 

 

On 12/28/2022 at 7:57 AM, Cupcake said:

                                 

 

 

 

More research needed. 

I'm looking into the psychology of narcissists. 

 

 

 

 

 

                                    

 

On 12/28/2022 at 8:08 AM, Cupcake said:

 

                                

Narcissism is extreme self-involvement to the degree that it makes a person ignore the needs of those around them. While everyone may show occasional narcissistic behavior, true narcissists frequently disregard others or their feelings. They also do not understand the effect that their behavior has on other people.

 

 

On 12/28/2022 at 8:09 AM, Cupcake said:

                              

 

 

 

It’s important to note that narcissism is a trait, but it can also be a part of a larger personality disorder. Not every narcissist has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), as narcissism is a spectrum. People who are at the highest end of the spectrum are those that are classified as NPD, but others, still with narcissistic traits, may fall on the lower end of the narcissistic spectrum

 

 

On 12/28/2022 at 8:10 AM, Cupcake said:

                                

 

People who show signs of narcissism can often be very charming and charismatic. They often don’t show negative behavior right away, especially in relationships. People who show narcissism often like to surround themselves with people who feed into their ego. They build relationships to reinforce their ideas about themselves, even if these relationships are superficial.

 

 

[Reena]

 

 

On 12/28/2022 at 8:10 AM, Cupcake said:

 

                        

 

Types of Narcissism

There are two different types of narcissism that narcissistic behavior can fall under. The two types can have common traits but come from different childhood experiences. The two types also dictate the different ways people will behave in relationships.

 

 

On 12/28/2022 at 8:11 AM, Cupcake said:

 

                          

 

Grandiose Narcissism

 

People with this behavior were most likely treated as if they were superior or above others during childhood. These expectations can follow them as they become adults. They tend to brag and be elitist.

 

Those with grandiose narcissism are aggressive, dominant, and exaggerate their importance. They are very self-confident and aren’t sensitive.

 

 

On 12/28/2022 at 8:12 AM, Cupcake said:

 

                              

 

Vulnerable Narcissism

This behavior is usually the result of childhood neglect or abuse. People with this behavior are much more sensitive. Narcissistic behavior helps to protect them against feelings of inadequacy. Even though they go between feeling inferior and superior to others, they feel offended or anxious when others don’t treat them as if they’re special.

 

 

On 12/28/2022 at 8:13 AM, Cupcake said:

                                 

 

Signs of Narcissism

Narcissism is still being studied and explored, since many narcissists and people with NPD don’t seek treatment. However, there are some common traits of people with narcissistic behavior that you may be able to spot.

 

 

 

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On 12/28/2022 at 8:13 AM, Cupcake said:

 

                         

 

Sense of Entitlement

A common sign of people with narcissism is the belief that they are superior to others and deserve special treatment. They believe that others should be obedient to their wishes and that the rules don’t apply to them.

 

 

On 12/28/2022 at 8:13 AM, Cupcake said:

 

                            

 

Manipulative Behavior

Another common trait of narcissism is manipulative or controlling behavior. A narcissist will at first try to please you and impress you, but eventually, their own needs will always come first.

When relating to other people, narcissists will try to keep people at a certain distance in order to maintain control. They may even exploit others to gain something for themselves.

                           

 

 

 

On 12/28/2022 at 8:14 AM, Cupcake said:

                        

 

Lack of Empathy

Lack of empathy is another sign of narcissism. This means that the narcissist is unwilling or unable to empathize with the needs, wants, or feelings of other people. This also makes it difficult for them to take responsibility for their own behavior.

 

 

On 12/28/2022 at 8:14 AM, Cupcake said:

                             

 

 

Arrogance

People with narcissistic behavior already see themselves as superior to others, so they may become rude or abusive when they don’t receive the treatment they think they deserve. While they hold themselves superior, they may speak or act rudely toward those that they deem are inferior.

 

 

 

[Reena]

 

 

On 12/28/2022 at 8:14 AM, Cupcake said:

                          

 

Dealing with Narcissism

Those with high levels of narcissism or NPD may learn how to recognize their behavior with the right treatment. This can help to improve their lives and the lives of those around them. Historically, narcissists do not seek help since it doesn’t fit the self-image they have of themselves. They may need the encouragement of a loved one to help them seek out professional help.

                              

 

 

On 12/28/2022 at 8:16 AM, Cupcake said:

                          

 

They were charming at first

People who have NPD gravitate towardTrusted Source grandiosity and fantasy. Your relationship might have felt like a fairytale at first — maybe they complimented you constantly or told you they loved you within the first month.

Maybe they tell you how smart you are or emphasize how compatible you are, even if you just started seeing each other.

“Narcissists think that they deserve to be with other people who are special, and that special people are the only ones who can appreciate them fully,” says Nedra Glover Tawwab, LCSW, the founder of Kaleidoscope Counseling in Charlotte, North Carolina.

Weiler’s advice: If someone came on too strong at the beginning, be wary. Sure, we all love to feel lusted for. But real love has to be nurtured and grown.

“If you think it’s too early for them to really love you, it probably is. Or if you feel like they don’t know enough about you to actually love you, they probably don’t,” Weiler says.

People with NPD will try to manufacture superficial connections early on in a relationship.

 

                                

 

On 12/28/2022 at 8:16 AM, Cupcake said:

 

                                   

They hog the conversation, talking about how great they are

People with NPD have an inflated sense of self-importanceTrusted Source and are prone to exaggerating achievements and expecting to be recognized as superior.

“Narcissists love to constantly talk about their own accomplishments and achievements with grandiose,” says psychotherapist Jacklyn Krol, LCSW, of Mind Rejuvenation Therapy. “They do this because they feel better and smarter than everyone else, and also because it helps them create an appearance of being self-assured.”

 

                            

 

On 12/28/2022 at 8:17 AM, Cupcake said:

                               

 

Clinical psychologist Dr. Angela Grace, PhD, MEd, BFA, BEd, adds that narcissists will often exaggerate their accomplishments and embellish their talents in these stories in order to gain adoration from others.

They’re also too busy talking about themselves to listen to you.

The warning is two-part here, says Grace. First, your partner won’t stop talking about themselves, and second, your partner won’t engage in conversation about you.

 

 

 

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On 12/28/2022 at 8:18 AM, Cupcake said:

                           

Consider these questions: What happens when you do talk about yourself? Do they ask follow-up questions and express interest to learn more about you? Or do they make it about them?

 

 

On 12/28/2022 at 8:18 AM, Cupcake said:

 

                           

 

They feed off your compliments

Narcissists may seem like they’re super self-confident. But according to Tawwab, most people with NPD actually lack self-esteem and require excessive attention Trusted Sourceand admiration.

“They need a lot of praise, and if you’re not giving it to them, they’ll fish for it,” she says. That’s why they’re constantly looking at you to tell them how great they are.

“Narcissists use other people — people who are typically highly empathic — to supply their sense of self-worth and make them feel powerful. But because of their low self-esteem, their egos can be slighted very easily, which increases their need for compliments,” adds Shirin Peykar, LMFT.

 

                           

 

On 12/28/2022 at 8:19 AM, Cupcake said:

                           

 

“The main difference between folks who are confident and those with NPD is that narcissists need others to lift them up, and lift themselves up only by putting others down. Two things people with high self-confidence do not do,” Peykar says.

As Weiler explains it, “Narcissists punish everyone around them for their lack of self-confidence.”

 

 

On 12/28/2022 at 8:19 AM, Cupcake said:

                                    

 

They lack empathy

Lack of empathy, or the ability to feel how another person is feeling, is one of the hallmark characteristics of a narcissist, Walfish says. People who have NPD are often unable to apologizeTrusted Source and understand the feelings and perspectives of others.

“Narcissists lack the skill to make you feel seen, validating, understood, or accepted, because they don’t grasp the concept of feelings,” she says.

Does your partner care when you’ve had a bad day at work, fight with your best friend, or scuffle with your parents? Or do they get bored when you express the things making you mad and sad?

Walfish says this inability to empathize, or even sympathize, is often the reason why many, if not all, relationships of people with NPD eventually collapse, whether they’re romantic or not.

 

                             

 

 

 

 

[Reena]

 

 

On 12/28/2022 at 8:21 AM, Cupcake said:

 

                        

 

They don’t have any (or many) long-term friends

It’s commonTrusted Source for people with NPD to have frequent conflicts with others. Dig deeper into their connections and you may notice they have few close friends.

On top of this, people with NPD can beTrusted Source hypersensitive and insecure. As a result, they might lash out when you want to hang out with other people.

They might claim that you don’t spend enough time with them, make you feel guilty for spending time with your friends, or berate you for the types of friends you have.

                                  

 

 

 

On 12/28/2022 at 8:21 AM, Cupcake said:

 

                        

 

They pick on you constantly

Maybe, at first, it felt like teasing, but then it became mean. Suddenly, everything you do, from what you wear and eat to who you hang out with and what you watch on TV, is a problem for them.

Antagonism and hostility are well-documented traitsTrusted Source in people who have NPD, and their toll on other people is large.

“They’ll put you down, call you names, hit you with hurtful one-liners, and make jokes that aren’t quite funny,” Peykar says. “Their goal is to lower others’ self-esteem so that they can increase their own because it makes them feel powerful.”

What’s more, reacting to what they say may only reinforce their behavior. “A narcissist loves a reaction,” Peykar says. That’s because it shows them they have the power to affect another’s emotional state.

A warning sign: If they knock you down with insults when you do something worth celebrating, get yourself out of there.

“A narcissist might say ‘You were able to do that because I didn’t sleep well’ or some excuse to make it seem like you have an advantage that they didn’t have,” Tawwab says.

They want you to know that you’re not better than them. Because, to them, nobody is.

 

                    

 

 

On 12/28/2022 at 11:23 AM, Cupcake said:

 

                           

 

They gaslight you

Gaslighting is a form of manipulation and emotional abuse, and it’s a hallmark of narcissism. People with NPD may tell blatant lies, falsely accuse others, spin the truth, and ultimately distort your reality — especially in response toTrusted Source perceived challenges of authority or fear of abandonment.

Signs of gaslighting include the following:

You no longer feel like the person you used to be.

You feel more anxious and less confident than you used to be.

You often wonder if you’re being too sensitive.

You feel like everything you do is wrong.

You always think it’s your fault when things go wrong.

You’re apologizing often.

You have a sense that something’s wrong, but aren’t able to identify what it is.

You often question whether your response to your partner is appropriate.

You make excuses for your partner’s behavior.

“They do this to cause others to doubt themselves as a way to gain superiority. Narcissists thrive off of being worshipped, so they use manipulation tactics to get you to do just that,” Peykar says.

 

                           

 

 

 

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On 12/28/2022 at 11:23 AM, Cupcake said:

                               

 

 

They think they’re right about everything, and never apologize

People with NPD are often describedTrusted Source as being arrogant and having haughty behaviors or attitudes. That’s why fighting with a narcissist may feel impossible.

“There is no debating or compromising with a narcissist, because they are always right,” Tawwab says. “They won’t necessarily see a disagreement as a disagreement. They’ll just see it as them teaching you some truth.”

According to Peykar, you may be dating a narcissist if you feel like your partner:

doesn’t hear you

won’t understand you

doesn’t take responsibility for their part in an issue

doesn’t ever try to compromise

While ending the relationship is the best game plan with someone who has NPD, Weiler advises avoiding negotiation and arguments.

“The thing that drives a narcissist crazy is the lack of control and the lack of a fight. The less you fight back, the less power you can give them over you, the better,” she says.

And because they never think they’re wrong, they rarely apologize.

 

 

 

 

 

On 12/28/2022 at 11:24 AM, Cupcake said:

 

                               

 

When you show them you’re really done, they lash out

People with NPD are extremely vulnerable to humiliation and shame, and they often lash out at others when they feel their self-esteem has taken a hit.

If you insist you’re done with the relationship, they’ll make it their goal to hurt you for abandoning them, Peykar says.

“Their ego is so severely bruised that it causes them to feel rage and hatred for anyone who ‘wronged’ them. That’s because everything is everyone else’s fault. Including the breakup,” she adds.

 

 

 

On 12/28/2022 at 11:24 AM, Cupcake said:

 

                                 

 

OK, so you’re dating a narcissist — now what?

If you’re in a relationship with someone who has NPD, chances are you’ve already experienced quite a bit.

Being in a relationship with someone who’s constantly criticizing, belittling, gaslighting, and not committing to you may feel emotionally exhausting.

 

 

 

 

 

On 12/28/2022 at 11:25 AM, Cupcake said:

 

                           

 

How to prepare for the breakup

Constantly remind yourself you deserve better.

Strengthen your relationships with your empathetic friends.

Build a support network with friends and family who can help remind you what is reality.

Urge your partner to talk with a therapist.

See a therapist yourself.

 

 

 

 

 

[Reena]

 

 

On 12/28/2022 at 11:26 AM, Cupcake said:

 

 

 

“You cannot change a person with NPD or make them happy by loving them enough or by changing yourself to meet their whims and desires. They will never be in tune with you, never empathic to your experiences, and you will always feel empty after an interaction with them,” Grace says.

“Narcissists can’t feel fulfilled in relationships, or in any area of their lives, because nothing is ever special enough for them,” she adds.

Essentially, you’ll never be enough for them, because they’re never enough for themselves.

“The best thing you can do is cut ties. Offer them no explanation. Offer no second chance. Break up with them, and offer no second, third, or fourth chance,” Grace says.

Because someone with NPD will most likely make attempts at contacting you and harassing you with calls or texts once they’ve fully processed the rejection, Krol recommends blocking them to help you stick to your decision.

 

 

 

On 12/28/2022 at 11:28 AM, Cupcake said:

                   

 

People with narcissistic personalities may behave differently than non-narcissists, such as shunning introspection and denying mistakes.

Narcissists may also have different values than non-narcissists, such as status and image as opposed to compassion and authenticity.

Identifying the destructive behaviors that characterize narcissism can help people recognize and cope with narcissistic people.

 

 

 

 

 

On 12/28/2022 at 11:35 AM, Cupcake said:

                         

 

If you have a person with high levels of narcissism in your life, it is more likely that you will become exhausted, overwhelmed, or confused than it is that the narcissist will change.

People with a narcissistic style or diagnosable narcissistic personality disorder stubbornly cling to their psychological defenses and rarely cease promoting their own image. Over time, you may become inured to how extreme and costly their actions are.

 

                      

 

 

 

 

[Reena]

 

 

On 12/28/2022 at 11:50 AM, Cupcake said:

 

                         

Characteristics of Narcissists:

Shun introspection

Lack empathy

Become hypersensitive to slights

Act impulsively

Spoil others’ good moods

Deny or hide mistakes

Are driven by fear

Blame others

Stonewall or withdraw when upset

Get enraged when criticized

Pursue win-lose strategies

Hold grudges

Have one-way relationships

 

 

 

 

On 12/28/2022 at 11:51 AM, Cupcake said:

 

Characteristics of Non-Narcissists:

Value introspection

Care about the feelings of others

Don’t personalize others’ actions

Seek spontaneity

Celebrate others’ good moods

Seek to learn from mistakes

Cultivate hope

Take responsibility

Communicate when upset

Accept constructive criticism

Seek win-win solutions

Seek resolution

Have reciprocal relationships

 

 

 

On 12/28/2022 at 11:51 AM, Cupcake said:

 

Narcissistic behaviors such as those listed above are generally designed to disguise insecurities. Some behaviors, like avoiding introspection, denying mistakes, stonewalling, or blaming others, seek to shine the spotlight away from a narcissist's perceived flaws.

 

Others, such as spoiling others' good moods, holding grudges, and being hypersensitive to slights and criticism, are designed to put others on the defensive in hopes that others will be less likely to challenge a narcissist's fragile ego and shaky self-image.

                        

 

 

On 12/28/2022 at 11:52 AM, Cupcake said:

 

Still others, such as having one-way relationships or lacking empathy, reflect the difficulties narcissists have in engaging in anything other than superficial or transactional relationships.

 

 

 

 

[Reena]

 

 

On 12/28/2022 at 1:33 PM, Cupcake said:

 

Differences in Values

The contrast between people with narcissism and healthier individuals is also striking in what they value.

 

On 12/28/2022 at 1:34 PM, Cupcake said:

Values of People with Narcissism:

 

Perfection

Get attention from others

Superiority

Winning

Status

Image

 

 

 

On 12/28/2022 at 1:41 PM, Cupcake said:

 

Values of Non-Narcissists:

 

Growth

Connect with others

Equality

Fairness

Compassion

Authenticity

 

 

 

On 12/28/2022 at 1:41 PM, Cupcake said:

 

Narcissists hold values such as perfection, winning, superiority, and status in the hope that doing so will bring them greater attention and approval. Their values, like their behaviors, tend to be self-aggrandizing, as opposed to more inclusive values such as connection, compassion, and authenticity held by non-narcissists.

 

 

 

[Reena]

 

 

On 12/28/2022 at 1:43 PM, Cupcake said:

 

                               

 

If you have narcissistic family members or in-laws, holiday visits can leave you feeling like you’re walking on eggshells. Ask yourself:

 

Does visiting family members feel more like an obligation rather than a choice?

Do you feel anxious when thinking about seeing family members during the holidays?

Do you worry that you will disconnect and regress more than you will connect and renew this holiday visit?

 

 

On 12/28/2022 at 2:14 PM, Cupcake said:

 

 

Have realistic expectations

It's not your imagination: Narcissists often become more challenging to be around during the holidays. Year-end holidays are about connection, appreciation, and giving — values that are the opposite of narcissists' core needs of attention, admiration, and entitlement

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On 12/28/2022 at 2:14 PM, Cupcake said:

                         

 

Don’t forget healthy self-care

Especially during the holidays, maintain the helpful routines that support you in your daily life. Pay attention to eating, exercise, and sleep habits. Take time for yourself. Go on a walk, nap, read, or do other self-care behaviors.

In addition, don’t pressure yourself to pack a year’s worth of catching up or saying all you have to say during a holiday visit. Slow down, and live in the moment. Holidays should be about celebrating, not working.

 

 

 

On 12/28/2022 at 2:14 PM, Cupcake said:

 

Narcissism is a trending topic in contemporary literature, and its popularity can obscure our grasp of just how harmful it is in real life. Narcissistic abuse is pervasive, with far-reaching effects that are devastating to its victims. In fact, chronic exposure to this type of manipulation and victimization is a form of trauma—trauma that can alter brain structure and permanently change cognition.

 

 

 

 

 

 

On 12/28/2022 at 2:15 PM, Cupcake said:

 

 

In healthy relationships, spending time in close quarters on special occasions, whether socially distanced or not, can foster emotional intimacy. But narcissists don't generally know how to be emotionally intimate.

The prospect of emotionally intimate interactions often activates narcissists' unconscious fears of being not good enough, fears which they cover by becoming manipulative, competitive, or provocative. Expecting anything different from a narcissist is a setup for disappointment.

 

 

 

 

 

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[Reena]

 

On 12/28/2022 at 2:15 PM, Cupcake said:

 

 

 

Self-Insulation. Because narcissists thrive on pushing buttons and using “insider knowledge” to gain a foothold in controlling others, learning how to insulate yourself from their attacks is crucial. Growing a thick emotional shield is a protective factor that can eventually take some power away from the arrows narcissists may let loose in your direction.

 

Spend time analyzing your inner thoughts, focusing on and working through your misgivings and anxieties. Be fearless with yourself—self-exploration is a safe place to dig into your triggers and fully understand them.

 

Arm yourself with insight on what makes you tick—and what buttons, when pushed, really seem to hit home. By increasing awareness of your potential weak spots, you can make the attacks hurt less when they come.

 

 

 

 

On 12/28/2022 at 2:16 PM, Cupcake said:

 

 

Know what matters

What you focus on will get bigger. If your top priority around a narcissist is emotional survival, you’ll be focused on survival. If your top priority is not being controlled, you will focus on control.

On the other hand, if your highest priority is growth, learning, or being the best you can be, such positive and expansive values will become your focus.

 

 

 

 

On 12/28/2022 at 2:22 PM, Cupcake said:

Learn How to Not Respond. Narcissists need a reaction to get the satisfaction and control they crave. By learning what situations require a response, and which can be safely ignored, you will buy yourself valuable peace.

This technique requires some trial and error to explore and understand the circumstances that will resolve without direct intervention from you. Test out not responding in different situations and pay close attention to the outcomes, carefully tracking the conditions that can be handled by sitting back and waiting.

Give yourself permission to not answer every text, phone call, challenge, or plea. Recognize that boundaries are reasonable, regardless of how your narcissist has trained you to think otherwise. Mastering the art of not responding will remove much of the emotional upheaval that comes when engaging with a narcissist

 

On 12/28/2022 at 2:31 PM, Cupcake said:

 

 

Be mindful of what you share

Narcissists often use personal information against you. Be judicious in sharing sensitive information about topics such as your love life, finances, diet, politics, religion, lifestyle, feelings, health, or work.

While that may not leave much that's meaningful to talk about, remember that narcissists' conversations are about winning, getting attention, and feeling superior to others. Why risk putting sensitive topics on the line in conversations where another person has those aims?

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Reena]

 

 

On 12/28/2022 at 2:31 PM, Cupcake said:

Be a family "anthropologist"

In anxiety-producing situations, sometimes the best course is simply to observe. One way to do this is to approach a family holiday visit like an anthropologist.

 

Observe. How do people address or greet others? How do people express needs or feelings? What are the norms and apparent expectations? What do you notice about this particular “tribe” you are visiting? What feels healthy and unhealthy?

 

The great thing about research projects like this is that anything that happens is data from which you can learn. You can write your observations in a journal for later processing on your own, or with a trusted friend or therapist. By observing others, you take the attention, and thus the pressure, off yourself.

 

 

On 12/28/2022 at 2:31 PM, Cupcake said:

 

Plan ahead and decide where you will draw the line

The zero-sum-game worldview held by people with narcissism often leaves us with no perfect options for responding. Instead, it may help to remember that all of your choices in dealing with narcissists are imperfect. Your best bet may be to pick the least imperfect choices.

 

 

 

 

 

On 12/28/2022 at 2:35 PM, Cupcake said:

 

In advance of a family visit, consider what you are willing to tolerate and not tolerate. A helpful question to ask yourself is, “At what cost?” How much is too much to pay or give up? Determining that can help you choose when to set healthy boundaries, speak up, let it pass, or walk away.

You have the right to take time to yourself or excuse yourself from a conversation at any time for any reason. Despite what a narcissist would have you believe, your holiday is not a command performance for somebody else. You can always glance at your phone and say, “Excuse me, I have a work call I must take.” Or text, email, or call a friend or therapist.

 

 

 

 

 

[Reena]

 

On 12/28/2022 at 2:37 PM, Cupcake said:

 

Cultivate your voice

Narcissists assume they have you figured out but, in truth, you know yourself far better than they do. You are the best judge of what's best for you. If things get heated, declare a holiday truce. Say, “Let’s just agree to disagree.” Find distractions as needed, like a film or game.

 

 

 

On 12/28/2022 at 2:41 PM, Cupcake said:

Don’t Believe Most of What You Hear. Narcissists are expert manipulators, able to win just about anyone over to their cause—in the short term. Once others become familiar with their methods, however, their influence starts to wane. Chances are, if you are stuck in a narcissistic relationship that seemingly has no end, you are able to discern their truths from the lies.

 

 

 

On 12/28/2022 at 2:42 PM, Cupcake said:

 

Trust is a narcissist’s currency, and they spend it with little thought as to the potential consequences of losing it all. Victims must learn to safeguard their trust at all costs, and a starting point is to stop believing most of what they hear from a narcissist.

Don’t fall prey to the flattery, threats, and tricks that will be used to gain your trust. Be wary from the start, teasing out the threads of truth from the unnecessary information they will feed you. Recognizing that most of their communication is deceptive will be an invaluable tool to protect your trust from being violated.

 

 

On 12/28/2022 at 2:46 PM, Cupcake said:

 

Always Get a Second Opinion. Because of the intimate nature that characterizes narcissistic abuse, victims should always seek a second opinion when forming a response to their abuser. Narcissists will push you to respond immediately, hoping to catch you off balance and increase the odds that you’ll give them the impulsive response they are after. From threats to cajoling, to love bombing, they will use a wide range of tactics designed to instigate hastiness on your part.

 

 

On 12/28/2022 at 2:47 PM, Cupcake said:

Learning to stop and explore potential responses (and their outcomes) with a trusted mentor or friend will almost always improve your results—and it will help you decrease those knee-jerk responses that only bring more conflict and trouble.

 

 

 

 

 

[Reena]

 

 

On 1/11/2023 at 3:52 AM, Cupcake said:

 

 On 11/22/2022 at 9:48 AM, Cupcake said:

Just empty space.  

 

 

  On 11/22/2022 at 9:50 AM, Cupcake said:

There's nothing in my mind right now. 

Just empty space. 

Why did I even name it transmutation? 

By the way whenever I think of cupcakes... Yumm

 

  On 11/22/2022 at 11:18 AM, Cupcake said:

I need to eat something right now. 

 

  On 11/22/2022 at 5:03 PM, Cupcake said:

Whatever 

 

  On 11/22/2022 at 5:16 PM, Cupcake said:

I ate and I drank tons of water 

 

 

  On 11/23/2022 at 4:20 AM, Cupcake said:

I felt better after talking about my sexual experience 

 

 

 

  On 11/23/2022 at 4:35 AM, Cupcake said:

I slept off and I had dreams of being sexually molested.. 

 

  On 11/23/2022 at 4:41 AM, Cupcake said:

I want to know the origin of my sexual fetishes. 

I always wanted to be whipped during sex. Bound, gagged, tortured. Etc I will never know why. 

It's like a deviant sexual fantasy. 

I think it comes from wanting to be tamed. 

 

 

 

 

On 1/11/2023 at 3:52 AM, Cupcake said:

On 11/23/2022 at 7:01 PM, Cupcake said:

And I said to him - you can't rape me anymore. 

And he said - I raped you already. That's why You are dead. 

And he yelled at me —you are an idiot.

 

  On 11/25/2022 at 8:21 AM, Cupcake said:

I just need to take care of myself. 

 

 

  On 11/29/2022 at 7:37 AM, Cupcake said:

I don't feel as threatened here as I feel on Actualized.org. 

 

 

  On 11/29/2022 at 4:17 PM, Cupcake said:

https://content.invisioncic.com/z319449/monthly_2022_11/new_logo.thumb.PNG.32e3474df3c28383c80b6a036bab2bea.png.cd52d19f57af7d84141efb9e98ff2f6b.png

 

 

 

 

On 1/11/2023 at 3:54 AM, Cupcake said:

I've always wondered if there's a connection between spiritual and paranormal. 

 

 

I think when we come to God, we come home. 

 

Home is where sweetness is 

 

Home is where protection

is 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On 1/11/2023 at 3:57 AM, Cupcake said:

 

 

 

What I'm looking for 

Trust

Intimacy 

Connection (deep) 

Sexiness 

Vulnerability 

Emotional connection (repeated point) 

Domination (too much to ask for) /challenging/grounding 

Surrender 

Containment 

Masculinity

Understand/maturity 

Alignment and harmony 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is not at all easy 

If you want a healthy person you should look for this 

They should be honest 

They should be respecting of your needs and wants 

They should not violate your boundaries 

They should be open not sneaky 

They should be emotional

They should have moral integrity 

 

 

 

 

 

 

An advanced system. 

I had this in my imagination long ago. 

A alien race of humanoids.. 

 

 

 

 

On 1/11/2023 at 3:58 AM, Cupcake said:

 

 

Without a doubt managing self-talk, cutting out everything negative about yourself, minimize the need for self-criticism/judgment, which also stretches to the criticism of others. Often we criticise others to indirectly meet a need to lift ourselves. Know when you judge, and try not to. 

 

Even smallest and seemingly benign self directed comment like thinking "cluts" when dropping something. 

 

Don't. 

 

When seeing yourself in a mirror, there should be zero judgment. The mirror is just a reflection, make it functional.

 

Be very careful what you say to yourself, because you're listning. 

 

The second thing I'd say to make sure that you're being authentic. If you're not allowing your authentic self to hsibe through, then you are literally faking life. Be authentic as much as possible, minimize personas/façades.

Feelin fake is detrimental to self-esteem. Authenticity allows for confidence in self, and helps bringing a stronger positive self-image. 

 

 

 

On 1/11/2023 at 4:02 AM, Cupcake said:

 

You'll always be wandering aimlessly like a disembodied voice in this world that is not suited for you, this world is not for me, not for you. 

Jesus Christ put it correctly, "it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God"This world is based on survival. It does not fulfill deeper needs. That's why the deeper self is at conflict with this world. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Reena]