Problems with connecting with others

[Kevin]

I feel alienated and resentful of other people. Every time I go out I feel uncomfortable. I feel anxious around others. I want to make friends and meet more people and I want to meet women but every time I’m around people in public places I feel anxious and then I hate that I feel anxious and I just want to be over it because how am I supposed meet people if I am anxious. Also for some reason I never actually want to talk to people anymore. I would have to force myself and I’m tired of forcing myself to do things I don’t really want to do. There have been times in my life where I wanted to talk to people and it felt like a good thing to do. Now I’m just frustrated and I’m sick of this pattern.

[Phil]

What is the pattern & how to break it, right?

[Kevin]

8 minutes ago, Phil said:

What is the pattern & how to break it, right?

I don’t actually know. I honestly just feel good some days and some days I feel terrible like today. Lots of thoughts come up on the bad days to try to make sense of why I feel bad but I just go through these cycles. Of up and down. And nothing actually changes. I don’t know how to change. And then I blame myself for not being able to do things differently.

[Phil]

@Kevin

I mean, is what you want to see the pattern and to see how to break the pattern?

[Kevin]

7 minutes ago, Phil said:

@Kevin

I mean, is what you want to see the pattern and to see how to break the pattern?

Yes that is what I want. I am definitely venting a bit in my first post but yes I want things to be different. I think a big part of the pattern is feeling guilty. I feel guilty quite a lot. About a huge amount of different topics.

 

 

For example I feel guilty about even posting here. I want help and advice but I feel guilty for asking because I feel like I always post about the same shit and I should just get over it. And I feel guilty that I can’t seem to do things differently

Edited January 26, 2023 by Kevin
Adding more to my thoughts

[Phil]

@Kevin

Start as simply as possible. What’s one topic?

[Kevin]

4 minutes ago, Phil said:

@Kevin

Start as simply as possible. What’s one topic?

Well I feel resentful towards others. Then I feel guilty about feeling that way. I don’t think I should feel that way. Other people haven’t done anything to me.

[Phil]

@Kevin

Resentful about what? In what way?

[Kevin]

7 minutes ago, Phil said:

@Kevin

Resentful about what? In what way?

I guess resentful because I wish I had more friends and a girlfriend. And in some roundabout way it’s mother peoples fault. Logically I know it’s not other peoples fault so that’s where the guilt comes in.

[Phil]

@Kevin

Resentment is really broad.

Which emotion feels closest to resentful?

 

[Kevin]

17 minutes ago, Phil said:

@Kevin

Resentment is really broad.

Which emotion feels closest to resentful?

 

Not sure if this is too broad but I feel insecurity and guilt and then I get jealous because I want the connected social life that it seems lots of other people have. Then I get angry because no one talks to me and then I feel guilty for experiencing anger towards others for not talking to me. Logically I know other people don’t owe me anything.

not sure if that is too broad of an answer but it seems like all of that comes up pretty close together.

[Phil]

@Kevin

Makes sense. 

Which resonates more… anger and then guilt for the anger… or anger and then discouragement?

 

[Kevin]

Anger then discouragement. 

[Phil]

@Kevin

Is there a feeling of relief in the difference?

Like some burden or weight put down? 

Less pressure maybe?

[Kevin]

1 hour ago, Phil said:

@Kevin

Is there a feeling of relief in the difference?

Like some burden or weight put down? 

Less pressure maybe?

Yes reading that was actually pretty big. Like I think the big weight is thinking I’m wrong or am doing something wrong. Discouragement feels better because there isn’t that weight of thinking I’m doing something wrong.

[Phil]

@Kevin

Awesome. 

Do you see how the pattern of judgement is broken by expression? 

[solereproduction]

13 hours ago, Kevin said:

Well I feel resentful towards others. Then I feel guilty about feeling that way. I don’t think I should feel that way. Other people haven’t done anything to me.

The resentment comes from not understanding your total sum situation as a lifetime evolving in the thick of living as eternally separated now.

 

Intellect never agrees with instinct socially.  What did I say?  Your conceived brain navigates traveling through space as one of a kind, but in reality you have to mind social consensus believing nobody knows what they are navigating between here.

 

You try to be honest and those consensual minds in charge blame you for creating unbalance in the harmony of people believing in higher forms of evolving beyond your position occupying space here.  Your brain knows you are one person, society demands you play separate roles in social scenarios.

 

You are a son or daughter, niece or nephew, grandchild, great grandchild, adult, citizen to separate interpretations of life, and all this time you can't be yourself in other people's ideas of who you should be.

 

Beware power of suggestion.  Understanding the energy of evolving spontaneously alive simultaneously here as equally living as eternally separated as this planet is 3rd rock from this star. Planet holds many cycles of ancestry died and arrived you being part of last 5 lived forward now. last to arrive is reat great grandchild that does or doesn't become 1 of 2 parents. next generation is becoming 1 of 4 grandparents, 3rd generation status is 1 of 8 great grandparents.

 

You catching the universal compounding of binary code of 1 and 0 of combined evolving generations reaching 8 billion humans living in series paralle displacement.

 

Study kinetic evolving not potential differences of opinions historically observed by people leaving understanding behind.  You can see what real insanity has always been and how it infects each generation forward.

 

will you stop or enable it forward?  Choice is up to each ancestor alive all the time thay have living as evolving here in plain sight being eternally separate now..

[Phil]

@Phil

Also… it’s possible what seems to be about others (general), is really about one specific relationship. 

 

[Kevin]

5 hours ago, Phil said:

@Kevin

Awesome. 

Do you see how the pattern of judgement is broken by expression? 

Yes and noticing that the most painful part is really the guilt was very relieving. Also yes most likely there is some residual tension surrounding a past relationship. Either with mom or an ex. 

[Kevin]

4 hours ago, solereproduction said:

The resentment comes from not understanding your total sum situation as a lifetime evolving in the thick of living as eternally separated now.

 

Intellect never agrees with instinct socially.  What did I say?  Your conceived brain navigates traveling through space as one of a kind, but in reality you have to mind social consensus believing nobody knows what they are navigating between here.

 

You try to be honest and those consensual minds in charge blame you for creating unbalance in the harmony of people believing in higher forms of evolving beyond your position occupying space here.  Your brain knows you are one person, society demands you play separate roles in social scenarios.

 

You are a son or daughter, niece or nephew, grandchild, great grandchild, adult, citizen to separate interpretations of life, and all this time you can't be yourself in other people's ideas of who you should be.

 

Beware power of suggestion.  Understanding the energy of evolving spontaneously alive simultaneously here as equally living as eternally separated as this planet is 3rd rock from this star. Planet holds many cycles of ancestry died and arrived you being part of last 5 lived forward now. last to arrive is reat great grandchild that does or doesn't become 1 of 2 parents. next generation is becoming 1 of 4 grandparents, 3rd generation status is 1 of 8 great grandparents.

 

You catching the universal compounding of binary code of 1 and 0 of combined evolving generations reaching 8 billion humans living in series paralle displacement.

 

Study kinetic evolving not potential differences of opinions historically observed by people leaving understanding behind.  You can see what real insanity has always been and how it infects each generation forward.

 

will you stop or enable it forward?  Choice is up to each ancestor alive all the time thay have living as evolving here in plain sight being eternally separate now..

Hey I appreciate the response. I’m a little confused on what your getting at in the entire post.

it does seem like your saying that different parts of society demand different things of us which creates conflict. That I can definitely resonate with.