[No Self]

6 hours ago, Phil said:

Well I just look in the mirror I guess 🤷‍♀️. I do try sometimes. You’re really nice to comment and try to help, but really I’m not into zen stuff or Buddhism and I don’t see how that’s supposed to result in me realizing there’s “no self” anyways. If there’s no self, who do you think is going to work everyday? Do your bills just magically pay themselves? Are you all breatharians or something?

 

I see what you did there. 🤠

 

This body comes and goes, and you have the awesome opportunity to walk in it for a while, allowing you to experience the universe/the world. The body decays, you don’t. The notion of dying/disappearing along with the body is a belief unchecked.

 

When you look through your eyes, you see creation. Without a body to look through, there is no universe and no experience of it.

 

The impermanence/finitude of this experience makes life precious. If it is one thing, it‘s an opportunity to co-create along with the universe. Go to work, have a good time with friends, enjoy tasty meals, paint a picture, build stuff if you‘re a builder, garden if you love gardening, find activites you enjoy, plan how you want to go about paying the bills. Play the game of life. 

[No Self]

23 hours ago, Phil said:

What would you point to in the fruitlessly loving attempt to draw attention to that there seems to be a self, but isn’t?

 

Try to find yourself without utilizing thoughts. In the impossibility of it does it become clearer, that self is being constructed by thought - and you, in your essence, are not thought - how could you be something which you observe?

[How Does Self Realization Affect Memory?]

Been noticing this with my memory, too. There's way less backwards thinking, e.g. thinking of the past, and way more focus on the now. Sometimes I gotta think real hard to remember what I did yesterday or the day before. However, when I do more of 'backwards thinking', say, by keeping a journal of what I did throughout the day, my smushy brain's memory is way better. But I find forwards thinking (what I wanna do)/being focussed in the now more enjoyable. Sometimes it's a mystery for me that my brain has the capacity to remember anything at all. 

[Everything is Working Out Perfectly, AMA.]

@Phil 

 

Wow, that’s good advice. Thank you.🙏

[Everything is Working Out Perfectly, AMA.]

@Phil

 

Any perfectly ‚random’ advice you‘d like to give? 

[Everything is Working Out Perfectly, AMA.]

12 minutes ago, Phil said:

Everything is working out perfectly, is what’s being said.

Yes. 

 

13 minutes ago, Phil said:

‘Things are perfect the way they are’, is not what’s being said.

Yes. 

 

I don‘t see how it‘s perfectly working out now, though. 😂

 

16 minutes ago, Phil said:

Understand’ is an appearing thought. Believing & identify as a thought (‘I understand’), creates an illusion of there being a separate, or second self, an “understander”.

To be free of illusion, is to….?

[Everything is Working Out Perfectly, AMA.]

5 minutes ago, Phil said:

Everything is working out perfectly. 

What’s being said, and what’s not being said. 

I‘m sorry, I still don‘t hear what‘s being said.

 

6 minutes ago, Phil said:

What’s being said is the question appears (arises) and the answer appears (arises).

So the answer to any question is already apparent? If so, how can I hear the answer in a way that I understand it?

 

9 minutes ago, Phil said:

What about without an “I seeing in retrospect”?

Kinda catapults me to the now. What happens now leads to the next thing. That gives me a sense of anticipation, which feels good.

 

But I‘ve also had moments of good feeling anticipation without the expected outcome, which made me really sad at times. Which led to me not wanting to anticipate things anymore, in order to not get hurt, which resulted in a slightly pessimistic worldview.

[Everything is Working Out Perfectly, AMA.]

 

19 hours ago, Phil said:

What’s not being said is “Things Are Perfect”. 

What’s being said is “Everything Is Working Out Perfectly”. 

What‘s the difference? The first seems to be more static in comparison to the latter. 

 

19 hours ago, Phil said:

Just as when all beliefs are dispelled only the truth can remain, when illusion is dispelled, only that which is appearing remains.

 

As the question arose and was asked, therein did the answer appear.

I love the dual nature of it. It‘s amazing to see how one can‘t exist without the other, and vice versa. Or how there can only be a problem when a solution is sought. Or how, for the big questions à la „What Is Life about?“, the questions burn away and the answers become illuminated, when the questioner disappears. 

 

Sometimes it seems like one asks a question and can’t find the answer ‚on the other end‘. If answers arise with the questions, how can a satisfactory ‚answer‘ be found/illuminated quickly and with certainty that the answer is correct? I have a hunch that the ‚how‘ lies somewhere in listening and intuition. 

19 hours ago, Phil said:

Thoughts arise about everything is not working out perfectly, while divine timing points to  the truth that everything is working out perfectly. 

Only in retrospect could I see that the timing was always right and everything had to be the way it was. In retrospect I can glimpse the divine timing of everything that happened and how one thing led to another. Yet, I still sometimes blame the universe for not giving me what I want sooner. And then I sometimes blame myself for not getting ready to receive. Because deep down I know, if I were ready (emotionally/vibrationally speaking), what I want would appear. 

[Everything is Working Out Perfectly, AMA.]

1 hour ago, Phil said:

Everything is working out perfectly. 

‘Everything’ is pretty all encompassing. Perhaps there’s a more specific question?

Why do you say that everything is working out perfectly? It often seems that things are not perfect the way they are, and that they could be better, which leads to the next question. What's meant by "perfect"?

 

1 hour ago, Phil said:

By appearing, not by being given per se. 

 

How does appearance work in terms of attraction? And what is divine timing? It reminds me of the saying that when the student is ready, the teacher will appear.

 

"The Law of Relativity points to the ineffable actuality & acuity of there being no absolute truth of luck, randomness, chance or coincidence. This applies to everything from the current state of the planet and all of it’s ongoings, to a single text, phone call or email you receive."

 

1 hour ago, Phil said:

“How wonderful that we have met with a paradox. Now we have some hope of making progress."
- Neils Bohr

[Everything is Working Out Perfectly, AMA.]

10 hours ago, Phil said:

Everything is working out perfectly.

Can you elaborate?

 

10 hours ago, Phil said:

There is no ‘knower’.

How can answers to an AMA be given when there‘s no one to know them?

[Everything is Working Out Perfectly, AMA.]

5 hours ago, Phil said:

Everything is working out perfectly. 

Me. 

What does that mean? And how do you know?

 

5 hours ago, Phil said:

All is self.

‘All’ is the vibrational appearance of two spheres, which as eternal light & unconditonal love, I am being. 

As the world-sphere, I am the world. 

As the lens-sphere, I am the thought that there is a world. 

 

Follow up questions are welcomed. 

Does it make a sound, though?

[Everything is Working Out Perfectly, AMA.]

AMA? Ask who anything?

 

If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

[Why practice? (those phases)]

You‘re free to do whatever. This is freedom. Life is very much like a theatre play and we are very much like amazing actors.

 

Meditation reveals that we are not the actors, but the ‚essence behind them‘. And in that freeing of conditioning lies the opportunity to co-create along with life. Life is play. ▶️🙂

[Reasons for not engaging on this (or any other) forum]

On the other hand, it's nice to have the opportunity to be around here, ask questions and engage a bit, if it's wanted. Lotta goodness flowing here. 🙂

[Acceptance & Wanting]

I could never feel bad enough to make someone else feel good. 

[Acceptance & Wanting]

@Phil

 

Okay, gotcha. Literally never thought about how space for myself is also space for him. Feels good to think about it like that!

 

Now I remember why the distance I kept didn't really hold. Whenever I see my family member, I hear the following comment: "I didn't come to talk to you about topic XY because I didn't wanna bother/annoy you. [starts talking about topic XY]"

 

Because of hearing this remark, whenever I saw him, I had a guilty conscience and gave in. Emotional scaling or not, I can't help but feel bad when I hear this comment, and allow the distance to be broken. 😕

[Acceptance & Wanting]

On 12/10/2022 at 2:41 PM, Phil said:

I wouldn’t accept any of it. It’s his / hers so to speak. Inherent in that framing is something going from him or her to you. As Willy Mother F’ing Wonka says, “Wait, stop - reverse that”.  Rather than some thing going from him or her to you, allow no thing 🤍 from you to ye, allowing What Is. 

 

And, draw lines wherever you want. There’s certainly nothing ‘wrong’ with boundaries. It’s a matter of approach. I as one will never draw lines or create boundaries, as I’ve found when I do I create a box for a myself with the very lines. I’ve boxed a myself in a nonexistent box and seen the futility first hand. I do love boxing, but not that kind. I love the boxlessness I am, the negative-less-ness energy-less-ness, and I love the sharing. It’s different approaches, and none are ‘wrong’. 

 

“When someone offers you a gift which you refuse, to whom does the gift belong?”

-Buddha

Yes, a conversation has finally been had. Not that it wasn't the first time telling that I need distance and am emotionally drained, but I guess this time I addressed it more concretely than before.

 

I thought so too, that I box myself in a nonexistent box when I create boundaries, when really, the root cause needs to be addressed. I also think that it isn't a proper long term solution/resolve. Not only that, but I see how it is conditional (esp. being emotionally drained) and not really free flowing. Yet, I'm a fan of meeting people where they're at. So I asked myself, why shouldn't I meet myself where I'm at and allow some distance? Makes even more sense when I think how it brings me out of a certain condition, thus allowing some space for the conditioned to empty. Kinda like a retreat.

 

On 12/10/2022 at 2:41 PM, Phil said:

On a most practical note, people usually just communicate strong boundaries, and or move. On a most actual note, I thought I had a brother as well, and when I believed it seemed he got under my skin too. Now reality is seen as it is.

We'll get there, eventually. 🙏

 

On 12/10/2022 at 2:41 PM, Phil said:

I would never suggest distancing yourself from thoughts. That’s trying to bend the spoon. 

If experience is framed as a rude person attacking my well being… that is what’s attempted to be accepted. If it doesn’t ‘fit’, resonate, it might not be in the acceptance or non acceptance, it might be the frame.

Yes, that's what I meant by distancing myself from the thoughts. Same as the frame, the thoughts don't resonate. Perhaps it's not distancing myself from thoughts, but listening even closer to the thoughts and the accompanied feeling? Not getting lost in the context of the thought, but listening to the feeling and taking action - e.g. allowing myself what feels better, in this case, distance?

 

What would be the difference between a frame and a thought? Isn't the thought creating the frame?

 

Anyways, thanks for your response!!

[Acceptance & Wanting]

@Phil

 

The replies I love most/most resonate with from you are those, which are practical, with a pinch of non-dual mindbend. So I guess like up to 5? Btw, I really appreciate that you ask this question beforehand! Far too kind. 🙏

[Acceptance & Wanting]

@almond

 

Yes, thank you. I appreciate your response. And I agree, communication is definitely the key.

[Acceptance & Wanting]

6 hours ago, Mandy said:

Not sure if you've taken a reiki class, but there's an empowerment symbol in reiki II. You can literally draw it in the air, or with the third eye. When a thought comes up that feels bad, often it's a great time to use it, and empower (send healing love, not just power as we think of power sometimes) the person that we're frustrated or upset with. It aligns us with the intention. We want to love them. Sometimes it feels horribly annoying that we have to take the first step but by consciously intending wellbeing for all living things, we instantly align and feel better. We get what we want instantly without believing that we need them to change for us to feel better. 

I love your way of thinking! Drawing a line. Brilliant.

I wanted to take a reiki class, but never got to it. Nevertheless, simply reading the above quote really really resonated with me. It rings so true, especially that it feels horribly annoying to take the first step, that aligning with the intention feels good, and that it's already available to us. Might sound stupid, but I prayed once, and it seemed to set an impulse in my family member. There's a positive momentum going, but I guess it will take some time to come into fruition. It seems like it's in the very early phases - manifest wise it seems little, but big in vibration.

 

6 hours ago, Mandy said:

Other than that as for drawing a line, of course have a heart to heart conversation with them if you can, or tell them that their behavior isn't ok, and get your own place if you can (if you live together) or minimize contact if that feels better, or do your best when you can to make sure you meditate and get in the zone before you deal with them. 

Yes, I do have my own apartment, but we live in the same house, so he's just a knock away, and it's not so easy to keep a distance, nor does it feel natural. A heart to heart conversation will definitely follow. Had a bunch already, but I feel like the next one will really be heard.

 

6 hours ago, Mandy said:

The practice of tonglen is another good one for situations where someone is being nasty because they are suffering. Realize it's coming from their pain, and you don't have to make it your own. It just takes a little aligning with your true intention for feeling better. You go first. YOU get to feel better first. Then maybe they follow. 

Yes!!

I think it was in February this year when I had a fungal journey. Had to think of him at one point in the trip, and I shed a tear or two for him. It was different, because it was not my "egoistic/selfish" hurt that was heard, but his. It was felt deeply, and there was empathy, and there was also the will/wish to heal the suffering on his end. Not in the sense that I am the healer, but simply, sincerely wishing that he finds his way after suffering so much.

 

Thanks so much for the response, Mandy. 💛

[Acceptance & Wanting]

@Mandy

 

Thanks for responding!

 

I think the rudeness is coming from conditioning and past/present not-so-good running relationships

 

4 minutes ago, Mandy said:

Do you think the rudeness comes from their feeling good about themselves?

I wish I could say different, but no.

 

5 minutes ago, Mandy said:

How much suffering do you think this person has in their life? 

Lots and lots. That person's been through some rough shit, but there's also a say on self-perpetuated suffering and inflicting it onto others.

[Acceptance & Wanting]

When a family member is talking rude to me nearly all the time, how much of it should I accept? Where should I draw the line? When I politely speak up, all I get is even ruder talk from the other side. When I remain silent and 'allow', I suck up all the negative energy.

 

When that person constantly wants to interfere with my life, and I want a life with less interference of that person, should I accept/allow that person to interfere, even when it's not what I want and when it's hurting me mentally? When it is draining me emotionally?

 

I seek distance from that person. Phil might say (idk) that it's the thoughts which don't feel good and which I should distance myself from. But when that rude talking person is like a jackhammer to my wellbeing, even if I try to accept/allow as much as I can, shouldn't I draw the line somewhere? For the sake of my wellbeing? When it's going on since months and years like this?

[Toxic Positivity]

@Loop

 

😊🙏🏼

[About the dreamboard]

@Phil Thanks Phil!  🙏💦 (that's a bubble bursting)

[Toxic Positivity]

6 hours ago, Loop said:

How do you get a good feeling sense for when someone is ready to hear something or not?

 

By hearing them and letting them speak. Not interrupting before they're finished and listening. Being present.

 

6 hours ago, Loop said:

It seems like being someone who has suffered a lot I like to hit people over the head with better perspectives, seems to be related to a kind of impatiences, frustration with years of chronic pain. Now I seem to be coming out of that, and there are subtle defence mechanisms being deconstructed that aren’t needed anymore. 

Yes, I used to do that too. It was really immaturity on my part - that was when I began discovering spirituality, meditation and personal development. I couldn't stop talking about that stuff, so whenever someone I knew opened themselves, I flooded them with all the theory and "practical help steps". It came from good intention, but was still misguided. Instead of giving them the opportunity to empty, I filled 'em with even more stuff. 😂