heartdominance

Day 1 of June Tribute in loving memory of my father "A hero that made hero's for this world." Tribute to my father for the full month of June in honor of his passing, Day 1. By the end of this month each day will more or less equal a daily “Heart-Mind” reflection along with me covering a song both as a tribute to his life. Although I was already planning to write a book on my father, I have now decided to change the tone to instead leading the charge of writing the memoirs my father never got to wrote in what had only been the beginning of his retirement before his passing. I am spearheading this charge by writing my first draft of the book by August 1st that combined with an album I am also writing for my father where both will act as my means for easily persuading my brothers (and other important family members) to become inspired by getting on board to become co-authors with me just as I have inspired to become a part of the album I am creating (all original songs other than just a few complementary covers of songs that my father really loved) which will now reflect the main lessons of his memoirs. My strategy combines the fact that this will deepen all of our closure on his totally unexpected passing as well as truly cement in all of our minds and hearts the great man we all collectively agree he was (in spite of, well, you’ll read to find out). Both my album and book will regardless be released at a bare minimum to my family on November 1st where will (perhaps before then) decide whether to make a public release of it. I know at the very least that in the spirit of my father, if it truly captures the way he would have wanted to write his memoirs, yeah definitely, he'd want me to publicly share both the book and album. Title: From birth to the love of your legacy reformed in my mind through all the wisdom you have left behind. BOOKS II, III AND IV NOR THEIR ANALYTICAL COMPLEMENTS WILL NOT RE-COMMENCE UNTIL AFTER THE MONTH OF JUNE WHICH CONCLUDES THE FIRST MAIN PART OF MY HEARTS TRIBUTE TO MY FATHER. I was birthed into existence following a medical calamity whereby my mother was misdiagnosed with cancer that before she became aware of this mixup, my father re-entered into her life post-divorce to play the hero as he so often did whenever he was aware of his responsibilities as a hero within his family and friendships (that were family to him), something that certainly does not stray far from what I have inherited from him both genetically and the legacy he has left behind, something that my brothers also mostly strongly resonate with as well. This heroism within their relationship at this time however didn’t extend into the collapse of the inevitable ego-backlash my mother would have in a relationship situation followed by her continual harassing of him until he left in a way that came at the legal collapse of his relationship with his children where women were mostly always favoured more than men in western civilisation when it came to the court system and children, or just anything really. I would be their second child within their relationship (not including their other previous main relationship) and I would also become the second child that my mother god bless her heart would use as partially implied as a weapon against my father to manipulate him relative to the ebb and flow of her fluctuating emotional needs juxtaposed by the limited exposure she had to her “never to truly materialise” existential responsibilities that also never sunk deeper into her consciousness than the feminine simplicity of family, love and looking after her children, followed by the mild flirtation with the possible reality of entertaining male role models in her vicinity. This of course, was a common feminine narrative during this period of history concerning the timeline and progression of gender roles versus consciousness independence where the latter speaks to greater self realisation practices and understanding that we simultaneously take for granted in todays times while at the same time because of this lack of awareness, barely self-realise relative to the knowledge that is at our disposal. However, like my father my mother was also a very courageous and determined women, this courage however unlike the upbringing my father had did not receive the love her courage and determination needed and so it was not nurtured towards the natural progression towards these heights that would have naturally unfolded in her awareness had she either had this nurturing or was lucky enough to have this counsel, how the latter would have been achieved even if it were with all the damage that had already been done though to her difficulties with love and trust however is a mystery and something I will never know the full story of outside of perhaps in the future reflecting on the last relationship she had which resulted in a child being my last sister who was also my youngest sibling (I was second youngest on my mothers side, youngest on my fathers side). My mother had left her family in early adolescence. It seems undoubtable that the alcoholic fuelled rage of her father and the subservient timidity of her mother had forced my mother to spend more time growing her masculine energy at the expense of her feminine energy that invariably led to a survival oriented approach to life. In communication, she perpetually lived in her feminine, always looking to be a positive influence on the social environment around her, in the midst of any existential conflict with the world however where for all the haphazard details I know about my mother to date based on my own personal analysis of my mother all her subconscious had largely learned was that she couldn’t trust a man to look after her in the same way she needed but was denied to her by her olympic running abusive father nor trust herself to trust a man given her subconscious had learned that her own mother could not hold the man that was responsible for his daughter accountable when it came to his abuse but instead worse than cowering away she supported his nature and condemned her daughter for not being as submissive as her and her other daughters. My mother would learn a useful but also painful lesson from her early upbringing, that she needed to be independent an independent fighter in the world in order to survive and survive she did, though as much as this fighting nature helped her escape her early interpersonal experiences it also cost her the alternate future world that tested her ability to adapt and grow from her early experiences into something that was able to see the pain of the future before it happened. Before the age of the internet, leaving ones family was a very risky move as an adolescent especially as a woman, moving away from both her family and friends she was left to her own devices for how her mind was going to convert her romantic experiences into the life lessons that would forge the balance of family life with her future children with the two main men that she would entrust enough to marry for serving one of their purposes prescribed by her subconscious unknown to both her and the men. That purpose being to give her the world she could never reconcile that she needed from her father but never had nor realised the consequences of all the ways that she would compensate for not having this world for, even in spite of her high awareness, her psyche had learned very early on that her hyper-vigilance was absolutely vital for surviving what life had falsely projected onto her was this battle between self-survival and love. Not realising of course that this hyper-vigilance would cut her off from being able to separate her psyche from her being in a way that allowed her to evolve her consciousness towards those previously described heights that ultimately act as a mediating point in our bridging between the personal, the social and the collective, as well as, where this unification meets with how our consciousness changes and grows the way it filters its interpretation of experiences. My mother’s hyper-vigilance often even born with a positive spirit and well intentioned spirit meant that she needed to always take action now, so it was never born in her consciousness to meta-psychologically evolve from perspectivism and simulation that was paired with the balance of the love she never properly received, tried to give her children but could never egoically reconcile the love she wanted to give to her own children with the love that she didn’t receive. This put the self-esteem of her altruism at odds with how she would need to take compensatory action to hide from her feelings of shame which invariably led to the abuse of her own children, her husbands and other close ones with the dose of hot and cold love born in the middle of the multidimensional schisms between her already conflicted as well as damaged ego and her now fleeting greater awareness of life covered by a sometimes overly masculine nature to compensate for the lack of support she felt she had which only existed because she wasn’t able to trust enough and when she was, reconcile any difficulties in the relationship with the space they needed for higher awareness to ensure trust in the relationship remained in tact. As a brief note on modernity, I am very glad to say that the times in which my mother grew up in and therefore the wisdom in which she raised her children is not at all able to compete with the technological advances of todays times where family, personal and community health has been able to take advantage of technology to make the space between interpersonal conflict and interpersonal resolve through therapeutic and psychological opportunities, are much more streamlined. I am, like the billions before me, as well as likely yourself are a part of the cohort who’s parents didn’t benefit from todays times that present generations take greatly for granted. Most people forget the value of imagining what life would be like without the present opportunities that we have. Its needless to say irrefutably admissible as evidence to existential court that reflecting on the lives of our parents and the difference in opportunities they had as adults compared to what we have including in the raising of children and the challenges that are faced there, which by the way I’m only preparing to be faced with as I don’t of course have children yet, is one of the extremely valuable acts we can do to improve the gratitude we have for todays technology and general modern community opportunities and in doing so, using it to the greater benefit of the communities around us that are in many ways, unfortunately now victims of its negative use more than they are its constructive uses (not that this is a conversation any reader here would fail in being able to provide informative dialogue on given how widespread the pervasive negative effect technology has had on peoples well-being). My mother really loved my father and my father really loved her, however the same interpersonal problems that overshadowed my fathers relationships including with respect to myself and his difficulties in developing a rich tapestry of understanding of another being in this case me, ultimately became how my mother would repeat her traumatic relationship with her father through the man that would become my father. Non-coincidentally, my father was only a very light social (party animal) drinker and this would no doubt subconsciously influence my mothers favour towards him, however, she would still poetically choose a man that even though did not turn into an abusive drunk and that was charming enough for her to believe that she could get all the love that she perceived his charm could give her, and that even though he had incredible strength of character and integrity, he would ultimately become the husband that would abuse her unintentionally as he did in many of his relationships due to this described inability to truly comprehend the nature of another being if their complexities stretched beyond my fathers very praiseworthy “heroic can do anything do now attitude must live life to the full” kind of attitude. They both loved each other immensely, however the only conclusion my mothers subconscious could reach was the same exact love survival strategy that served her when escaping her family in early life, a cathartic divorce like a red ribbon wrapped around a present titled “fuck you” and “you are now only dirt to me”, the same message that was the only one she could leave her father, only positively reinforcing the ego that now felt even more protective that was however a massive step towards imprisoning herself from herself and others especially her children and other serious romantic relationships even more. Her early fight for the survival of her self-esteem had converted from merely a momentary empowering strategy reflecting her great resourcefulness as a woman to one that would ultimately be her undoing when it came to the safety of her love and the safety she could feel in love. Thus, creating an environment of a juxtaposition of fear between everything she had not yet been able to resolve and recognise in herself and how these blindspots would plant the seeds of fear in the interpersonal relationships of her children. Between the ages of 0 to 5 I lived with my mother where my father had periodic chaotic (as my mother made it hard for him) access to me until my mother decided to up and move away a couple days shy of when my father, being his usual dutiful, responsible, and honorable self would drive to my primary school just as he would every Friday to pick my sister (one of four sisters) and I up for fortnightly access. Only to find that when the 3:30 pm school bell rang where he would wait as per usual in the parking area of a football club adjacent to my then school for us to greet him with cheeky smiling faces and odd stories about our past two weeks, my sister and I… Would not show. My father, devastated when he would not long after waiting for over 30 minutes drive to my mothers house close by only to also find, we were not there either. Imagine my father right outside the front of my mothers mansion she inherited through the marriage of her last and only two husbands, peering through the gaps of the fence meant for a giant chain that was always wrapped around the gate searching for any sight or sound within her premises that spoke the psychic language on the whereabouts of his children, his stress levels heightened combined with all the negative associational memories of prior conflicts and abuse he had received from her after only ever making reasonable, healthy and responsible requests from her combined with all his own personal misunderstandings regarding how she felt abused due to his inability to understand her. My father, albeit always with a very honorable and commanding nature, naively asserting himself through voice yelling out our names to begin with all to no avail outside of alarmed nearby neighbours that compared to my fathers failing wisdom on this front were not ignorant of their past difficulties as a couple. This was followed by my father alerting three of my four brothers (my very studious fourth brother at the time would not have taken part let alone been asked) on my fathers side where they would all eventually jump the fence, break in and then alert the police (weird order) followed by court orders that were impossible to execute because no one knew where my mother had traveled away given digital surveillance of the populations footprints were much less of a thing back then and even if they were it still would have been very difficult next to impossible to find her as she’d moved to a beautiful little country town to rent a perfectly designed humble family home that was otherwise a technological ghost-town, I mean, we didn’t even have a phone or local/suburban/city television (though we did have electricity which would have been under the landlords name). So even if my father somehow managed to track down a digital footprint through phone records or even electricity bills by contacting various companies at the very least say, it would never point to her address given the property in any respect was not at all in her name. There are some minor timelines I haven’t included due to their redundancy, putting that aside, it was not until the age of 9 when my mother finally returned to our original address for a brief period and it was during this time when I would, repeat the fate chosen by my mother, run away from home for the very first time. However, instead of running away from my entire family, I made a phone call from a local milk bar to the only and last person my subconscious thought it knew could fulfil what I needed in life at the time, my father. This day would truly change my life forever in a way that even to this day I will never be able to fully comprehend. It was from this date forward when the maturity of the story of my father and I would truly begin, marking the most significant period of my relationship with my father other than his passing decades later, now a bit more than three months ago, on the 24th of February where he would reach the end of a 60 day war in the intensive care unit, living his final hours in the Acacia unit, reflecting the last of his many gallant, heroic and noble fights he fought bravely throughout his life and that I look forward to refreshing, transforming, connecting, extending in my heart and mind as well as, sharing with everyone here and beyond for any lessons that can be learned through my own attempt at humbly imparting his life experiences through my consciousnesses attempt at their unification. Where my image of him as the conqueror he was becomes the refined, polished and nuanced legacy he deserves, holding scrupulously to the facts including with respect to his own unique difficulties with love when it came to as noted the negative effects experienced by loved ones as it concerns not ever making understanding the complexities of another a strength in his relationships. While at the same time, with no loss of heart in the depiction of the magnanimous accomplishment of his spirit he has left me, my family and every life he has touched to reflect on in the mastery of their own life wisdom inclusive of their appreciation of the lives around them in our greater comprehension of the universal principle of love. Title: For *You Two*, there's now my life's tango with universal unification (and of yours - meaning your unification -, well that's my gift for everyone on behalf you both given you both created me I guess heh) In your life’s symphony You both played with fire That now across the universes mystery I now, mysteriously, admire For all the forlorned Those rocks, spats and swinging bats (i.e. between the two of you) My life revised, I have adorned And even though I was born in the middle of that chaotic cancerous atomic mass, Born with that too, like with all of us, consciousness designed to be continually reborn From plasticity to hearts unification and its unwavering determination The torn hot temperatures breaking glass like a mission by Jason Borne Genetic mutation, Charles Xavier mind I’ve had to find with the observational deductive skills of Sherlock Holmes negation What so many times became a traumatic house of cards for my confused inner Wolverine, perseverance eventually turned it into the steel house of a prison that would continually set me free Every day, living life far more purposefully and strategically than the casual day that inspired the creation of me into this existence to more greatly see Or that would strive to evolve into the same cure for the world in the same way I was birthed into it to more greatly be Soldered into existence by the unmistakable passion that both my mother and father lived their lives with Born onto a chaotic template that I would ultimately have to use as a principle of forgiveness that would define the rest of my future growth and interpretation of the unfolding spirit of humanity through the eye of identity that continually unfolds all of us in Gods highest image That we in the identity of our eye, are responsible for realising from life’s quarterback to the wars of life’s scrimmage Like a nations most treasured spy, On universal existence, All life asks of us, Is this eyes persistence As our One Compass This One Awareness, Its One Encompass One Motif MY SECOND MORE FORMAL COVERING OF BOTH: (1) Amazing Grace by John Newton (2) Tears In Heaven by Eric Clapton (1st/2nd off the cuff attempts shared on page 1) COMING TOMORROW (a bit too late in the evening now) [ to be inserted imaginary links in the next post ] Love to my father. Forever bonded to, student and protector of your spirit both inside and outside the material dimension in which you have left us from. .

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CONTROL, REGULATION AND MATURITY OF OUR BRAINWAVES (the main categorised brainwaves so far for those unfamiliar with this area of human understanding are delta, theta, alpha, beta and gamma) I've decided to push on. I realise this just comes down to a controlling of my own brainwaves as I referred to in one of my non-journal posts and for the first time today I am learning how to do that today as well as learning the process of teaching myself how to do that at the same time. My movement forward will be a measure of my own capabilities in this respect. I will resume this journal in the previously self-prescribed way from this point on, the only difference is that for this full month I will only be doing songs that feel like a tribute to my father. I will be re-doing Tears in Heaven in my regular voice later tonight, I switched to my head voice (non-regular voice) automatically (untamed) in last nights rendition as I have not got a handle on the full scale of my regular voice just because I don't practice often, however with this post on the regulation of my own brain waves and general physiological functions, I will bring that to a full change starting from here on out. It's clear my brainwaves have been so messed with in conjunction with the rhythms of my hearts (in the literal sense) function over these last few months. I haven't (1) been aware of the physiological effects these past few months have had on me (2) I haven't had the self-knowledge to be able to regulate my physiological state while also being able to properly to grieve experientially, so there have both been self-knowledge gaps with respect to physiological regulation and where existential recombination to synthesis meets the transformative changes that have been waiting for me to properly implement from everything that has ultimately transpired, and to its ultimate. That changes here where I bring harmony across the spectrum of brainwaves by first moving to a transmutational state I have identified experientially which to me mirrors a theta-alpha-gamma mixture and secondly, delicately develop an increasingly more sophisticated experiential feel for IDEAL STATE incrementally shifting from incongruent felt states via awareness the awareness of state vs the intelligent awareness of openings I can shift to via the self-knowledge regarding the transmutational role of heart, brain, being (+) along with other synchronising tools (one of those actually being a metronome which is a spectacular tool for the brain to have accurate feedback between INNER FELT STATE, the rhythm of ones brainwaves and EXTERNAL REALITY ). Let the journey of self-mastery here for this point of my growth begin.

sorry everyone. I am still deeply grieving here. I had a grieving episode in the last hour. I am leaving for another month of grieving, social still isn't a healthy space for me. I am not depressed, however I am still deeply grieving. Thanks everyone for the space to open up, a lot of energies have had to come out and still need to come out. My heart even though I'm not depressed is still experiencing excruciating pain on a physiological level day to day. I now have the right approach and strategy for getting out of that. I don't need sympathy. Just space. Every word still matters. I'm staying away from dating as well, putting my money where my mouth is with respect to my latest principle I shared in my wisdom journal where all words there are deeply, deeply meant and that is how I operate now. I will be precisely back between July 10th and 15th, which will be just after when I'll be meeting one of my brothers for the first time since my fathers funeral. Its a time for more silence, healing and deep therapeutic affirmative and extremely motivated action towards recovery using my own personalised creative version of the Wim Hof Method et al that as promised I will reveal in my journal here day to day upon my return. Enjoy my TEARS IN HEAVEN cover I did just now. Haven't ever tried singing the full song of this, did this on the second take and only ever really "overheard it" on radio never really resonated with the song until now. My voice had to flip into my head register if you notice and compare with the other covers I did just recently. Much love take care.

Pretty much any tenet, principle, value, etc from here on out is just going to be a byproduct of the above (and again prove me wrong if you can but please introspect deeply before doing so), for example the following one: 2. Never make a decision unless you truly, truly believe in it. This is a great one that ties in with my dating journal where I refer to intuition. You are doing someone a disservice not just yourself if you aren't bringing them the you that believes in them. It hurts them to be half-hearted, it really does. It makes their life whole if you're full hearted in the described sense because you wouldn't have made the decision to believe in them unless as I refer to in my dating journal your intuition still needs work. Most people completely waste their entire lives when they are unable to spend the time to contemplate if they don't already have an intuitive handle on the subtle relationships between the nature of truth, trust, intuition and belief as well as of course, relating to the first principle expressed above, the unique ties in a social, intersubjective, personal and personally social sense. This is the precise way to build immense confidence slowly overtime THAT MAKES SENSE and is unbreakable. Remember that these are distilled down into the most pure, simple and beautiful truths that under the microscope have severe radical complexities that you likely wouldn't understand and that I myself would struggle to comprehend just how much more I still needed to understand their implications even while bearing them on my shoulders like a train after intensely stressing myself to try to reach their limits. I have failed on this just as you likely have. I will work as hard as I possibly can to never do that again, slowly growing day by day in my greater awareness here. Lastly, remember what I said in the previous post about the process to use as a minimum on finding the truth we have the slow building of intuition then we have the more mechanical handles of actively seeking falsity in ourselves, our perceptions and everything else of certain relevance here then slowly removing it / as quickly as possible and as deeply as possible. Stay strong.

Invulnerable Jerk Sings Amazing Grace (just created now off the cuff, hope yal enjoy) And no I'm not some invulnerable jerk ha, actually if I'm to be honest I don't know how vulnerable I am on a scale of 1-10, compared to most people I know, you know, I'm pretty confident about being more vulnerable than most just because I'm confident that I'm in tune with what's real within (more than most) and that's all I really try to do when I talk and then grow from those experiences; and remember yeah, I don't have much of a filter. Ha my father was wayyyyyy worse than me haha I love that good hearted bastard and miss him greatly! Here's Amazing Grace from the Invulnerable Jerk anyhow, I've got a lotta work ahead of me, did it in one take, looking forward to where I'll be in 100 days or somethin aye. It's really just energy work (as per all journals I've created so far and their contents along with what's connected to all else so far expressed on this site) for me I feel, that'll be 50% of my singing and general music progress. At present, I just don't really care that much about stereotypes regarding peoples automatic reactions and mostly I feel that I enjoy avoiding people that fall into stereotypical reactions, I'm looking for those deeper vibes within myself and only really want to vibe with what resonates from my centre. That's just where I am in my life right now with the passing of my father 3 months ago and its not black and white I'm still learning how to dive into and swim in the depths of the grey to workout the alignment of the path I walk in this life. I really love this song, even if its great compared to others I haven't yet reached the heights I need to reach. Sublime is inevitable but its nothing to hoorah about its really just an appreciation of excellence really, I don't really care about validation outside the dopaminergic fun of things and its better if things live in silence anyway as it helps me regroup my energy in a space that enables me to see the truth within more clearly. I'll be sharing this in the other journal at the end as previously described I'll be ordering my thoughts there.

Template following: Clear title Date and time Clear example Clear lessons Brief analysis Method of loci on experience that I build on more and more each time 1. INTUITION (as per the previous post, slightly further elaboration as an established point) Date and Time: June 1st , 12pm - Visit to a Magic Store (love em) Found my way into a "Witch, Warlocks, Magical Stones, Smells and Sounds" store. Really enjoyed and appreciated the well organised thematic architecture as I always do for such stores and the feelings they impress upon me. Complimented the lady who I seemed to easily workout was her handy work, observant of the bias I had where I was automatically partially categorizing her as a knowledgeable woman on such things while simultaneously observant of the first discrepancy I noticed in the store that would bring suspicion to such a thing. The music itself was not compatible with the design and purpose of the store. Intuitive polite questioning from me immediately alerted to me however that yes I was right, there were gaps missing between the purpose of the store and her purpose there. Aka, she wasn't a hardcore but further than this, neither was the most knowledgeable person there that actually had an ego around the issue. However, I complimented his ego on the knowledge he did have because I was emotionally sensitive to the reputational relationship he had with the two women that worked in the store. Upon further questioning though, his ego did become confronted when he quickly realised he wasn't able to intellectually keep up with me, emotionally sensitive to his ego usually feeling smarter than others I pulled back, made room for a gap then politely left the store after shaking his hand and sharing names. There were many, many, like hundreds of intuitions even I was having while in the store, and I felt that the woman as well felt that and because she had an ego about looking bad at her job she put her guard up as, but its a waste of time to go into them all I will just add it to method of loci then remember to prompt myself with the associations when I re-read this sentence. Lessons: Always follow your intuition Don't be an idiot and follow your intuition when you don't have experience in such things Continually update your understanding on how to advance your intuition which includes many important categories which require enormous self-discovery and introspective research such as awareness, emotional intelligence, phenomenology, contemplation, psychism and otherwise one of the most important being energy awareness, processing (the most difficult one I've struggled with as per my recent noted breakthroughs in yesterdays post in my Book I, II, III, IV journal) For today's example, looks can be deceiving Message to the ladies: You can do everything right and get absolutely no where with me (not that I am hitting on anyone here yal just know I have no filter so don't take things I say too literally) because you're too outcome dependent instead of developing the intuition where you are centered in your core and speaking from your core where a woman would be if she was truly devoted as she should be if she were working in such a store. An example of how a woman can do everything right and get no where: Meet Jane (her name has been changed), she's an extremely beautiful woman, she's intelligent, she's clearly an organised and disciplined woman with a strong sense of responsibility that are all positive qualities that I am attracted to however my intuition says she's just not right for me so I'm not even going to bother responding to her at all. This is her profile description, perfectly fine, reasonable, absolutely nothing wrong with it, she's true to herself relative to her inner truth up to this point in her life and she should be very proud for all of her accomplishments in life up to this point. I am just not interested though. And its not because she has a child as I'm a very giving, family oriented guy that's even thought about adopting if the conditions to do otherwise for example were impossible. "Hello-hello!) I still came here and I'm glad about it! :) My name is Jane (name removed), I'm # years old and I work as a graphic designer in a printing house. I'm not used to sitting still and waiting for a miracle, so I have another job that brings money - I work as a photographer. No, no, I'm not one of those women who work 24/7 and don't pay attention to anything else in this life) I do both of my work very easily and efficiently, it doesn't take me much time and effort, but for that I I get decent pay. I have been living alone with my son for 10 years now, so I cannot afford to let my child live in poverty. He is quite an adult and independent boy, but like any parent, I will help him as long as I can do it. In my free time, I go in for sports, learn languages (English and French), go to the cinema, theater, roller-skate or ice-skate, mini trips to viken ;)) I can talk about myself for a long time and interestingly, because I have lived an interesting life not 20 years old, but I am sure that it is better to get to know a person personally, and not from a " questionnaire" that a person fills out. I will be glad to text or email anytime, because my laptop is almost always near me ;)" This is her email to me, trying to engage me intellectually, however the reason why I'm choosing not to respond is because I don't feel she's truly spent much time understanding what I've shared, I just feel like she's just formed a category in her mind about who I am off some loose points at an abstract level but hasn't really tapped into her intuition about how to engage with me. Again, like her profile a PERFECTLY reasonable email, there's absolutely nothing wrong with it in fact some would be impressed however intuitively, I trust my being informing me that she's not truly centered in who she is in the way she's communicating. "Often we have illusions about how and where we should find love. We create perfect scenarios and expect them to come true. But it is when we stop actively looking, when we simply open ourselves to the world and trust our feelings, that love can suddenly appear to us. Sometimes love comes into our lives through someone we didn't even know we had. It may be a friend, colleague, neighbor, or just a stranger who happens to be there at the right time and place. And in that moment we realize that this is the feeling that changes our idea of happiness and fills us with energy, and what do you believe?" I don't need a woman to be intellectual at all, actually now that I've processed this, as much as I follow intuition, I want to be with a woman who is really intuitive and is super self aware here as it means she's developed enough experience to really engage with me in a way that is going to be compatible with the love I need as much as I too am also learning to become compatible with her so that I can give her the love that she needs that describes why we're even coming together for a relationship in the first place. And intuition isn't something you SAY you have it is an ACTION, it FLOWS as unconsciously as blood flows, and just as blood flow can be controlled, it looks totally unnatural in the moment and is going to just come across as weird when you're really trying to control your blood flow just as it would when you're TRYING to control your intuition and imagine it at its full heights here. So, very simply. Intuition for her (a woman that is compatible with me), intuition for me. DONE DEAL! No, I'm not saying she's not intuitive, she's obviously worked out in her intuition that I'm a guy she should email, though she's not tapping into her intuition to truly communicate with me WHERE I AM and most importantly, WHERE SHE IS. Much love.

Yeah if you come up with something really smart don't keep it to yourself share with everyone.

Today I received the question: "How do you choose a woman? Are there criteria for an ideal woman for you?" Purely intuitive. The woman that asked me this question today I have absolutely zero interest in. She is very beautiful. Being beautiful isn't special (its quite a commonality, I guess if she were the only beautiful woman her value would be perceived as much higher), its not an ability you've worked particularly hard on other than having good genetics moreover if you are working hard on it, it means you're a brainwashed zombie that I still love because you're just a little kitty that needs looking after, however I have no interest in you as you provide me zero stimulation. It doesn't mean I need mental stimulation, sometimes quite the opposite, again I said its purely intuitive, call it consciousness connection, consciousnesses merging into one symbiotic telepathic flow of undeniable whatever I don't care. This is something that CANNOT be faked like some women try, if I'm a dude that's always analysing the present moment it means I'm analysing all of my internal permutations and comparing it constantly with the outside world and continually updating my perception of the character of reality (not just you) it means that I am switching object permanence on and off all the time and continually moving to a more evolved picture, unless of course you have me in some kind of spell, which is always more possible post that consciousness connection however I've learned from my experiences in many instances here, thrown forgiveness powder into the washing machine and now its all in the dryer and I'm simply waiting for the right amount of time until the psychological permutations clothes dry then i'll put em back on and get on my merry way continually learning and updating my perception about life so that when its time for me to leave this proverbial abyss called universal life I've done what's right and true relative to the core makeup of my being (not a failing society) at its highest frequency and my state of growth, thus paid my dues to this universe, upon my return from the place in which I came post physical life here which all has a rubber stamp of "who cares its happening and has happened already anyway cool let's do it", enter Jimi Hendrix "Purple Haze". Rules for this journal: there will be no sharing of photos there will be no sex stories this is purely a practical dot point journal where I learn more about myself after say the 100th entry after synthesising those first 100 or however many entries were in that area. Maybe 'after' the 100th entry I'll have a long list but hey most things like common sense will cancel out so many obvious things you would put in the list. I mean, do I really need to say that you should not want to be a psychologically conditioned puppet that is totally warped relative to the times of your culture having little to any integration on the last few centuries? Don't worry I don't either but I have a lot more than most thankfully for you heh. Much love. But that's not black and white either, nothing is per se, I'm not much of a hog though when it comes to building a beaver dam for a gal that is super, super "makeup conscious" like I'd rather a woman that wears absolutely zero makeup, I have to ask the question regarding why you're wearing so much makeup as it means you have only had experience with guys and a social circle that are just superficial zombies which is exactly what I try to escape the majority the time hahaha but seriously, that's coca cola I'd just drink on a strict diet, I don't want anything that is analogous to that and there are so many interesting creative examples of that which I don't want my two beaver fangs for these logs of philosophical life to entertain. I've even linked this journaling space to a dating profile and I find it just so fucking hilarious that I've done that ahahaha. The world is not flat, just,.... wakeup with me and everything I promise, will be all good. Peace out, much love. Oh, and that means there's a possibility she might read this, if she is, darl, don't get offended, getting offended means that right now in your life you're not quite ready for a truly, truly deep and intimate relationship, that's Cosmopolitan don't want the egg shells magazine 101 babe, do the Wim Method, self-enquiry work, and heck, if you're super open minded there, I'm super open minded so why on earth would you even get offended by my initial reaction? If you can show super open mindedness that isn't faked, that is just who you are and want to be because you're in alignment with your core purpose in life, heck darl that's precisely the psychological environment that is going to create the consciousness connection that I'm talking about, but you should want that to naturally occur too and if it doesn't occur naturally you should just be like "oh it wasn't meant to be" and move on, you should be happy that you're not following something that isn't true like so many people do which is why the Jerry Springer show as I talk about haphazardly in my Book I, II, III and whatever journal. And please for the love of God don't get damn jealous, Christ, you're living your existence, you have your own UNIQUE trajectory, and this is for any gal, who cares if I'm not the one, just go and enjoy and whether I'm in alignment with you I'm in alignment and if I'm, I'm not and that's okay and I still love yah and if you can love the rest of existence with me too, in absence or connection, all power to us both Oprah Winfrey style babe, we just don't want to be on Doctor Phil in two decades time or less, probably less, talking about our failing marriage because we didn't follow the signs early on. Okay hun, I've finished the coca cola that I was talking about above, for this particular phenomenological expression here, the clothes are out of the dryer, and I'm ready to leave the laundromat. Stay dry babe.

Just jumping right into it. These are all on the fly but they're genuinely my best distilled ideas that I'm imparting from the bottom of my heart and where it pops out of me associationally, some entertaining satire for the benefit of releasing some BDNF in you (there's a correlation between genuine laughter and BDNF production, anyhow let me now open the door to this informational plaza hotel I assure that you shall only be treated in the most 5 star of ways). Solely focus on evolving yourself into your highest possible vision for what it means to be a trustworthy being. (it works internally and externally, for the latter we are social creatures (even in the absence of beings we still have the psychic universe that exists under the basis of psychism being a fundamental predicate to the universe's existence hence why there is anything that ever got assigned as a 'paranormal reality' vs one that is not) so why are you focusing on something different and for the former you should only be working out all the nuanced ways in which you can improve your self trust and of course the first step doesn't involve lying to oneself. For truth, seek falsity and remove it slowly. Truth : Trust They live together, so make sure they treat each other right in your mind and very separatively while also connectively, your heart. To the inverse of that and you should often work with inverses as they help in determining falsity, forgive other people that are not able to meet your standards here completely while also remember your personal boundaries. Notice how forgiveness is an operative principle of external trust and personal boundaries is a key idea of self-trust. Without the former, you're much more likely to be angry with others for things that don't even make sense to reality and without the latter even if you're stocked up on forgiveness oxytocin pills like a junkie on social acid burning away what would otherwise be internal hate crimes you've self-inflicted on your psyche you have to remember that you live in reality, not your imagination which is your imagination of what reality is, in order for us to be in reality we have to be of course constantly investigating every forgiveness acid crack drug dealer on every street corner that is giving you fake pills that you keep forgiving them for selling you after you end up buying the real ones afterwards. Aka, not everyone is a princess and just because you've forgiven them employ some intelligence with your boundaries, intelligence that is equivalent to your highest wisdom as well as your process for learning and reflection therein. Sadly, and feel free to debate me in this journal though please employ some wisdom when communicating with me, if you aren't able to accept this truth you don't understand life enough yet though don't worry I get it, these things take time but even if you don't agree with me, don't say it isn't true until you've truly proved it to yourself that its not and when you've finally reached that point I'd be more than happy to have a good discussion about it here as I'd rather remove my own falsity than to keep repeating it in my head as the supposed truth. A guy like me though... With the amount of hours that I give to any of my ideas... I make Garry Kasparaov look like A, B, C Kindergarten love. Lastly, when I use words like "solely" don't take it too literally and don't take anything I say too literally, when push comes to shove sometimes, and in fact quite a lot of the time without us even being aware of it our insights will need to operate symbiotically while at the same time "solely" is still a word that needs to be employed in our kinaesthetic action of the wisdom. Much love. The world has only fragmented before our eyes over the decades of our lives relative to its misunderstanding of this truth I have expressed here, you become the leader of what it truly means and learn to TRUST YOUR VISION over mine, I've just led you to your own vision, you don't need to follow mine)

Alright, I have to listen to wisdom. My darlings, due to social constraints believe it or not optional decorum here that I can follow if I wish to or not because of how accommodating certain persons are... I... yes again, believe it or not, Wild Thing (as per two posts ago), has decided to show love to the tired hearts of those around me and allow them to sleep instead of me screaming lungs out to sing Man In The Mirror before I head to bed. One song per day is enough for this space anyway of course, which means, well, its possible I may not choose to do Man In The Mirror tomorrow but instead another day just to shuffle the cards backs facing up this time so you don't know what to expect. I did promise a rock song and that I will deliver tomorrow, secondly before I end here I did just want to start the days over more formally with the new template of Wim Hof Method > Books > Song > Onto the next day. And follow that rinse and repeat as advised by my spiritual mentor Michael Jordan who in my fantastical rock 'n roll imagination has informed me to follow an extremely disciplined strategic structure and do not bend to it in any way shape or form and thus, that is what I am doing. Introducing my personal creative (or at least part of the way, you'll get the full method more and more as I go along) way of doing... The Wim Hof Method. So, tomorrow, I'm going to be restarting the design of this journal all over (without deleting it, instead I'll just be beginning the template from this post moving forward as the past matters relative to our openness to learning from it) so that I have an unbending template that I follow which now includes discussion on one of my secrets in recovering from my deep depression as well as tweak whereby I'm the only one I know that does this and that is of course, the Wim Hof method, and that tweak that I want to share with you is that I only breath through my nose using the technique, that way I don't experience the lightheadedness and or any negative effects from extending practice, sometimes surpassing for four hours per day. I am sharing this, because I want everyone to be aware of why I am personally recovering from my depression since the passing of my father and that it isn't due to the fact that I'm amazing in anyway other than I am following a disciplined daily routine with the Wim Hof method and disciplined implementation is what it demands and in return what reality then demands of itself, is that you are now cured from any depression you have as well as giving you an entirely new gateway into accessing and processing traumatic experiences relative to the success that the Wim Hof method can uniquely give you which I hope it gives you just as much as it gives me. Even though I have a dominant nature, I have an incredibly sensitive nervous system where during the day I'm taking in so, so many strange, unique, obscure, chaotic to amazing energies psychic and otherwise from the world and unbeknownst to me just a few years ago this was the cause of so much of my own depression and connected difficulties including with socialisation even being able to feel and understand my own bodily experiences because of how clogged up it would make me. There is now most definitely a pre and post Wim Hof method world for me, again using my tweak and stating it like this as I don't know how the methods compare even though the difference is only minor other than to say it gives me much more freedom in pursuing the heights of its potential, and I feel responsible for sharing the positive gains I have made so that others have the same opportunity that was given to me to make the same profound changes in their own lives which will only be imaginable after the sum of a couple or so weeks where you begin to really change and feel different aspects of yourself open up in ways you never imagined, healing wounds you never knew could be healed from the beauty and simplicity of the technique along with the very unique experiences it has afforded me which I will now make a part of discussing on a daily basis so that I become an active advocate of what is tried and true for me for as those that know me here you know I would never advocate for something that I wasn't absolutely certain of in my heart of hearts. Much love everyone. I'll see you tomorrow with only one post a day now in my journal, all very structured and by the day more and more returning back to the other side of the full expression of me as my beloved father would have wanted if he were here alive today even though he struggled so much to comprehend different aspects of me that I had to work very deeply to find the empathy for and use as fuel for my own growth which caused me to separate from my father was well as finding a new unity within him regardless as to his perception of me (it enabled the growing of a deep profound love i never imagined I could achieve up until a couple or so years ago that I know I will achieve in the same way with my mother who I want to buy a home for next year and this year will be strategising the means by which I should intelligently grow our relationship overtime). New Structure. New Time. New Mood. New Integration. New future trajectory to look back on... from the future.

Okay huns and sons I got an unexpected one coming up in the next few hours, yeah I'm doing 1 per day now meaning the next one I'll do and the ones that follow from now on I'll put a bit more effort into during the day. I've already started categorising different genres and songs according to different growth trajectories for my voice for a bit of steamroller motorvation. Tomorrow's is going to be another rocker like Wild Thing in the previous post but I'll be going through the genres overtime, finding the fits and getting that intersection that spells out my own original music releases which I may or may not share on this site in the future (we'll see). Yeah okay I'll just spray it, next up believe it or not later tonight meaning most of yal will just have to listen to it tomorrow. Maybe it'll be humorous because I'll be doing a low voice version, I got Michael Jordan guiding me spiritually to music stardom haha, he said something about discipline so I'll be here daily now you know with both my books and my music (only one cover per day ----- experimental/explorational purposes). Man in the Mirror By Michael Jackson RELEASED TODAY WITH BOOK IV (So after Book I, II and III TODAY that I haven't started yet as I've just had so much to do, or rather, so many songs to listen and sing to as per how I began this post in the second sentence haha) Coming up in perfect succession from here: Books I, II and III followed by my final synthesis for Book IV. CHECKOUT MY COVER OF WILD THING BY THE TROGGS IN THE PREVIOUS POST, WE ARE ALREADY MOVING ONTO NEW ROCK SONGS TOMORROW THOUGH SO NOT MENTIONING IT AGAIN FROM HERE ON OUT. HEH.

WILD THING - COVER BY HEARTDOMINANCE (see the end of the previous post for context) So I just got back from a cafe and there were these group of asian gals (25ish?) watching me the whole time (privately while the others weren't looking) while I was practicing my body-being awareness as I put it in the quoted text above (previous message) and even when they left as they went in single file past the outside window (again without the others knowing) one by one they did all the non-verbal communication with me as they left (by the way I left not long after and it was amusing because I actively avoided them when I was surprised to see them (and I guess they me too) from a distance as they don't know that right now my hearts taken (see previous posts) unless a special someone comes along and is able to blow me away).... Anyhow.... Well, the rest is history... As soon as I got home for some reason I was just inspired to do this rendition haha, I haven't ever sang this song and I haven't heard it for over 10 or so ish years unless it was on the radio but I seemed to still smash it out of the ballpark even if yeah its a little distorted but who gives a fuck haha its part of the wild and it was done totally on one take with barely any singing the last couple to few weeks even though I've got important projects due soon. Wild... thang... that she is... as am I eheh! You'll love it. And you'll love me. By the way had really powerful insights while at the cafe regarding my books for today, looking forward to sharing later.

Adding this here as its going to give me good priming for my books today, tapping a little more deeply into my "balance between the hemispheres", a very, very fascinating subject: Here is my response on the fly baby three responses down copy and pasted because the link function doesn't work beautifully on this site: "It gives a new meaning to meta-awareness I feel to reach a state of awareness where you are at the very least semi-conscious of physiological states from the brain to the rest of the body inclusive of the heart. In the context of (obsessive) love, I think we need to discriminate between balanced (obsessive) love and imbalanced love. Culture is almost these days the ultimate reflection of imbalance concerning that memetic trend resembling the state of human behaviour, so when it comes to love and cultural reflection I think the statement applies intelligently however where it nonetheless applies unintelligently is in the most obvious place of all, where (obsessive) love is in balance and I think as both self-aware men and women as a natural consequence of our desire for growth when we are in balance our relationship follows this direction as well and we therefore find our love in balance which is going to be completely unique to our relationship dynamic, strengths, weaknesses but also our existential passions so all our life goals and how healthy our relationship is with them. Also, what are we defining as balance and health in the context of life goals, passions and love? Again, we need to view it in the balance of mathematical symmetry and our deeper intuition here and sometimes just due to our personality makeup its going to look extreme to other people however maybe that's just reflecting the heights of our self-actualisation up to that point, what matters is how we are balancing our timing with those metronomes. If you go up to your average musician and say I train with twenty metronomes he'll think that's freaking amazing but if you apply that to the context of a relationship your average person because of their rigid ideas on relationships will think you're insane, imbalanced and so on and so fourth when in reality that's where your relationship is right now and maybe in another 6 months down the line in your relationship you'll be going at a much slower pace perhaps only one metronome but that is just as difficult because you have to get the timing right where you're trying to stay in time with a 10 minute metronome (intuitively so no counting), and they're usually your slow winters curled up in front of a fire reading together having a hot chocolate maybe even preparing very slowly for the spring of a new child. When it comes to relationships I'm not sure that Jung is the best person to be referring to in the absolute sense though at the end fo the day who is and I do always value his insights especially in light of the fact that he had a very successful marriage. What is absolutely true about his inferences is that both men and women can become imbalanced when it comes to love, however to always put "obsessive love" in the category of merely obsessive and not merely just another psychological state to learn from can actually impair someones growth if it is taking them away from their deeper need to explore those greater consciousness states that opens them up to many other creative possibilities. My question to the related people that are in a state of obsessive love is how self aware are they? Because in the venturing into any altered state of consciousness and obsessive love certainly is that, there's going to be the potential for imbalance especially the more extreme it is and so how much learning is actually going on here? Granted, I've been in states of love where I didn't have enough wisdom, self-insight and social guidance on how to handle these states and so much of my exploration was very much like a rollercoaster ride like it is for so many other people but I think especially myself given I am highly open minded and always willing to consider alternate perspectives it was much more difficult for me to seek that guidance as second-hand experience from other people as I've really known someone to the level of trust that I would need to honor their insights on my situation that was also really compatible with understanding, empathizing with and relating to (as in they are very similar to my consciousness and therefore understand my need for self-exploration and self-experimentation) my states of consciousness. My biggest insight from my experiences is that I need much more bodily awareness inclusive of both the aesthetic appreciation of altered states of consciousness inside and outside the context of love but most importantly the kinaesthetic appreciation of what is involved in being directly sensitive to my own state of being which in retrospect would have given me so much more self-insight into my own journey that I missed on because during that really important time of my growth that if I'm to be honest, I kind of fumbled, I was even unbeknownst to myself struggling with hidden wounds I didn't even know I had and we all know in our experiences that love really shows our hidden wounds and that's why we go on that Jungian journey not to avoid obsession but to understand all love behavious that are occurring within our consciousness so that we can have the greatest translation between relationship experience and relationship wisdom. So even though I do agree somewhat, as in there's a definite overlap between obsession and trauma, insert David Goggins, self-awareness including bodily awareness where there is the clear engineering objectification in how we envsion our growth trajectory there with all the left brain intuition as well. In reflecting on my own behaviuor I certainly both extremes, where I had extremely creative periods in the expression of my love and also times where yes, I was certainly too right brained. But the goal shouldn't be to avoid those extremes to me the intelligent goal is certainly just to have the goal of self-insight during the process so that you can use that wisdom as counterweight to what should be an ongoing self-exploration (creativity) in that self-experimentation (scientific). Their duality is what will create the schism we associate with imbalance and their unity will create the "pleasure point", analogous to what has been scientifically associated with states of flow, the union between two brains and I see that's of course what you're directly looking for and all props to you honestly, and what I sense is that you're constantly looking for what is healthiest within yourself in determining what you should follow and what you shouldn't, what intuition you should listen to versus where we just need to be humble let go and take risk in spite of what we feel at least initially uncomfortable with, and I don't think anyone has a better answer to your own inner questions there other than yourself and you being aware of what you want about where your inner self is wanting to take you and that's very Jungian of you and I think there's no surprise then that you're citing Jung here as your guide here and you should follow your own signs and signals as they appear to your conscious mind from your unconscious and counterweight that with no one other than the wisdom you truly believe should be employed there. Thanks for the insights, the colors of this experience have smashed up against those past experiences and some new lights are starting to form there that were previously there a long time ago but there's layers that are speaking to one another in way that reinforces their maturity and growth, appreciation. Context: I am a bit of a wild child, quite literally its just in my DNA. It's worked for my ancestors so, you know, and even on an ancestral note I think I need to grow my intuition on that front in terms of tapping more deeply into my ancestral lineage for guidance in the greater spiritual sense."

It gives a new meaning to meta-awareness I feel to reach a state of awareness where you are at the very least semi-conscious of physiological states from the brain to the rest of the body inclusive of the heart. In the context of (obsessive) love, I think we need to discriminate between balanced (obsessive) love and imbalanced love. Culture is almost these days the ultimate reflection of imbalance concerning that memetic trend resembling the state of human behaviour, so when it comes to love and cultural reflection I think the statement applies intelligently however where it nonetheless applies unintelligently is in the most obvious place of all, where (obsessive) love is in balance and I think as both self-aware men and women as a natural consequence of our desire for growth when we are in balance our relationship follows this direction as well and we therefore find our love in balance which is going to be completely unique to our relationship dynamic, strengths, weaknesses but also our existential passions so all our life goals and how healthy our relationship is with them.Also, what are we defining as balance and health in the context of life goals, passions and love? Again, we need to view it in the balance of mathematical symmetry and our deeper intuition here and sometimes just due to our personality makeup its going to look extreme to other people however maybe that's just reflecting the heights of our self-actualisation up to that point, what matters is how we are balancing our timing with those metronomes. If you go up to your average musician and say I train with twenty metronomes he'll think that's freaking amazing but if you apply that to the context of a relationship your average person because of their rigid ideas on relationships will think you're insane, imbalanced and so on and so fourth when in reality that's where your relationship is right now and maybe in another 6 months down the line in your relationship you'll be going at a much slower pace perhaps only one metronome but that is just as difficult because you have to get the timing right where you're trying to stay in time with a 10 minute metronome (intuitively so no counting), and they're usually your slow winters curled up in front of a fire reading together having a hot chocolate maybe even preparing very slowly for the spring of a new child. When it comes to relationships I'm not sure that Jung is the best person to be referring to in the absolute sense though at the end fo the day who is and I do always value his insights especially in light of the fact that he had a very successful marriage. What is absolutely true about his inferences is that both men and women can become imbalanced when it comes to love, however to always put "obsessive love" in the category of merely obsessive and not merely just another psychological state to learn from can actually impair someones growth if it is taking them away from their deeper need to explore those greater consciousness states that opens them up to many other creative possibilities. My question to the related people that are in a state of obsessive love is how self aware are they? Because in the venturing into any altered state of consciousness and obsessive love certainly is that, there's going to be the potential for imbalance especially the more extreme it is and so how much learning is actually going on here? Granted, I've been in states of love where I didn't have enough wisdom, self-insight and social guidance on how to handle these states and so much of my exploration was very much like a rollercoaster ride like it is for so many other people but I think especially myself given I am highly open minded and always willing to consider alternate perspectives it was much more difficult for me to seek that guidance as second-hand experience from other people as I've really known someone to the level of trust that I would need to honor their insights on my situation that was also really compatible with understanding, empathizing with and relating to (as in they are very similar to my consciousness and therefore understand my need for self-exploration and self-experimentation) my states of consciousness. My biggest insight from my experiences is that I need much more bodily awareness inclusive of both the aesthetic appreciation of altered states of consciousness inside and outside the context of love but most importantly the kinaesthetic appreciation of what is involved in being directly sensitive to my own state of being which in retrospect would have given me so much more self-insight into my own journey that I missed on because during that really important time of my growth that if I'm to be honest, I kind of fumbled, I was even unbeknownst to myself struggling with hidden wounds I didn't even know I had and we all know in our experiences that love really shows our hidden wounds and that's why we go on that Jungian journey not to avoid obsession but to understand all love behavious that are occurring within our consciousness so that we can have the greatest translation between relationship experience and relationship wisdom. So even though I do agree somewhat, as in there's a definite overlap between obsession and trauma, insert David Goggins, self-awareness including bodily awareness where there is the clear engineering objectification in how we envsion our growth trajectory there with all the left brain intuition as well. In reflecting on my own behaviuor I certainly both extremes, where I had extremely creative periods in the expression of my love and also times where yes, I was certainly too right brained. But the goal shouldn't be to avoid those extremes to me the intelligent goal is certainly just to have the goal of self-insight during the process so that you can use that wisdom as counterweight to what should be an ongoing self-exploration (creativity) in that self-experimentation (scientific). Their duality is what will create the schism we associate with imbalance and their unity will create the "pleasure point", analogous to what has been scientifically associated with states of flow, the union between two brains and I see that's of course what you're directly looking for and all props to you honestly, and what I sense is that you're constantly looking for what is healthiest within yourself in determining what you should follow and what you shouldn't, what intuition you should listen to versus where we just need to be humble let go and take risk in spite of what we feel at least initially uncomfortable with, and I don't think anyone has a better answer to your own inner questions there other than yourself and you being aware of what you want about where your inner self is wanting to take you and that's very Jungian of you and I think there's no surprise then that you're citing Jung here as your guide here and you should follow your own signs and signals as they appear to your conscious mind from your unconscious and counterweight that with no one other than the wisdom you truly believe should be employed there. Thanks for the insights, the colors of this experience have smashed up against those past experiences and some new lights are starting to form there that were previously there a long time ago but there's layers that are speaking to one another in way that reinforces their maturity and growth, appreciation. Context: I am a bit of a wild child, quite literally its just in my DNA. It's worked for my ancestors so, you know, and even on an ancestral note I think I need to grow my intuition on that front in terms of tapping more deeply into my ancestral lineage for guidance in the greater spiritual sense.

CAPO FATSO UNI RANK INFLATION Concerning directly above... My spider senses are through the fucking roof there (over inflated uni rankings meaning my intuition is ETH Zurich at #11 is likely highly UNDER-RANKED) as in I know I'm definitely on the right path including potential alternate future choice selections that have deserved the respect to divert me. I am extremely, extremely suspicious of the educational system in general, I mean the fact that I'm one of the first men in history to uncover so many things that I have and as I'm sharing here with my fourth book above I'm doing any university a favor by attending so wink, wink lots of financial endorsements and positive feedback loops on those rankings just causing massive capitalistic inflation there. And I've decided that I wouldn't teach as I stated as a potential possibility just above haha what a fucking waste of time, I could just do a second PhD full time but as a part time endeavor for fun and likely at Harvard or MIT as I'd likely just begin some entrepreneurship startup there or just build a new starting position for myself there (as I want to live across the planet and have different lives in those differing geographies). After the passing of my father three months ago (needless to say things have been pretty X-Men Armageddon for me there), the world has existed for that period mostly as a fragile child locked in a closet of his own existential misery and so, I need a cultural shock just as much as I need this 4 book existential integration for my psyche to finally meet its next consciousness form for just... the next fucking step for me in this life whatever the fuck it is right (which includes some other science experiments I'm doing on myself later this year which I won't mention in this journal yet). Yeah so fucking The Score (see that film) suspicious like the ending of Swordfish there's definitely a fake body going on for many for these universities analogously speaking minus the Hollywood coolness factor as I don't find their intellectual theaters cool at all for many reasons they don't even deserve the respect for me to go into in light of me spending too much time highlighting their undeserved significance in light of the state of the world which their under-performance has largely contributed a net negative result to at least indirectly compared to where we should be in our advancement as a species. Speaking of spider senses and action hero's am I more Spiderman or batman? My sister would definitely say Spiderman, my ex would say Batman whereas my enemies would probably say either or a cross between the guy from Law Abiding Citizen and Sherlock Holmes aye. For New Readers, skip Sesame Street Psyche Center and go to the beginning of this journal where I begin the more formal Book I, II, III and IV as it'll be commencing each day from here on out. And everything here is written on the Dumbo fly. Big ears, big brains! Love, duv, wuv!

Preparing for my PhD in physics at ETH Zurich (rated as or close to #11 best university in the world for 2023) where Einstein went, commencing 2024. (only thing that will fold this plan is if love overturns my decision / or something equivalent to the power love aye) [ best/highest-world-ranking non-english speaking uni I could find on Earth for my personal Everest challenge, minus our future alien inhabitation on Mars xoxo ] I don't at all speak (Swiss) German but it won't take me long to learn, I mean fuck, look at Book IV (see above) right, once that's done shit I'll handle any language with ease as I'll be self-communicating the most sophisticated language known to man (at least the one known to me). Doin it just to have that street cred right, a PhD in physics gives me perceived authority in so many other areas, should easily finish it within the same year. A lot of their higher progs are english anyway but I'll just do it in German to be a *amazin* ha, to get that awesome "Call of Duty" game winning kill shot, which is why I'm not going to Harvard, I want a deeper cultural shock plus will force greater creativity in me and if I really want that cred could just go after for another year right, even fucking teach there (Harvard that is, though I'd prefer Oxford and that's rated as number one thus year anyway) for a year ha that's even better!

Book IV: Introductory synopsis: So yes, we’ve arrived at a book four which is the reflection of the first three books used as a funnel into the formation and ultimately, invention of a new original language solely by the hands of my own consciousness. In each book, there is the slow, prudent, self-aware and even courageous discovery process of the processes of being that produce the so called self-governance we refer to as our sentient experience. This sentience of course, is the formal formatting that drives any perception of sentience in the way it’s referred to in the “Analysis” section of the previous entry of Book III. This area of my journalling is going to be a mind numbingly tedious process of evaluation that is nonetheless still transformative to the extent that I make progress and that I am able to successfully impart knowledge that at the very least, drives inspiration for fellow sentience acknowledge its own sovereignty enough that it charters its own discovery process relative to its self-derived purpose for continuing its existence in this spiritual plane. Before begin, there are a few assumptions that we need to take for granted in order to comprehend the significance of this abstract theoretical but nonetheless extremely, extremely practical venture into consciousness and out of it into the flow of using the architectured language derived from the wisdom generated upon the deeper intelligent reflection on ones biographical and self-aware experience, from sentience recalled to sentience transformed when recall is bridged with intelligence that communicates the truest design of consciousness. And those assumptions are: (1) Language is not just the language we produce to communicate about our experience but there exists a language that speaks to the truth of how consciousness operates and best operates according to an idealised advanced understanding of being just as we know a Ferrari from right oil to tyres to motor and so on and so fourth, imagine the Ferrari were sentient and in order to maintain those things in balance all it needed to do was self-communicate to those areas in a language that overlapped best with its functioning rather than say if it grew up with the native language of an old Datsun simply because it was adopted by a Datsun family after being abandoned as a child. (2) In understanding that we can use our native language to orient consciousness across a spectrum of growth trajectories and mediums of experiences through the plethora of possible imaginative concerts exercised solely within the confines of ones mind and that this associational i..e neural network is merely just at the cusp of the potential of what can be accomplished through language, we can agree that its entirely implied that if a more advanced language is constructed by a being because its more sophisticated than what its surrounding culture was capable of creating, this will have direct positive correspondence in the achievement of higher levels of growth in consciousness possible through language. (3) Language is multi-generative in the sense that it has multiple generators of consciousness that utilise language symbiotically to communicate experience to itself i.e. at a bare ice minimum emotion and thought, because of this it is multi-dimensional, aka one to two to three to four dimensions and more plus even other modalities. We have not come close to even really generating a three-dimensional language in fact most of our communication is 2 dimensional, analogously and literally speaking, which is why most people have such shallow perceptions and conversations that past threshold of “acceptable dialogue”, which is also why Jerry Springer would still be pretty damn big in some parts of the world where it wasn’t big because they were being like lab rats. A final assumption then is of course, if we want a more advanced language that therefore advances our consciousness in a more direct and constant way, we most create a language where the limits of its design is at a bare minimum three dimensional and at a progressive limit at a bare minimum four and beyond dimensions. (4) It is not “good enough” to merely rely on a minimum that involves being on the edge of the continual expansion of our imaginative frontiers, no absolutely not, instead we must see the truth of our limits and shed away what no longer promises a positive future with the truth of the growth trajectory that we must align with in consequence of the social language parameters we must employ at a bare minimum in relationship with ourselves even if no one else wishes to learn our language but trust me, you will find people that will though only those advanced enough and aligned enough with their own personal trajectory upon which you will also encounter yourself learning their language. That is, of course… What we do all the fucking time when we encounter one another in understanding how our nervous systems to date have responded to, learned from and grown from experience. We take in the life of another individual and to the limits of our learning capacities we model their experience and make their wisdom our own even if they’re not even aware of their own lived wisdom that we’re learning, it really just depends on how advanced our own modelling capacities have been developed upon our experience. Chapter: This first letter, I cry and cry and cry, what on earth are you going to be even though I believe I have you figured out already, do I have you synchronised? Title: The letter “A”, right now, at bay, but let's get to the Pope's briefing before he calls Gods spell from the linguistic multidimensional heavens Summary: To look inward, while simultaneously looking outward with eyes closed and ears blocked but awareness wide open, so I can see the subtlest details of being and hear the echo’s created by those physical structures in order to be self-informed of their own architecture. This continuous feedback loop starts as a rabbit hole that feels like its going absolutely no where but with a flicker and a flicker there plus the memory that being also has to feedback loop simultaneously, slowly, beyond the mere appearance and “show of it” native intelligence begins to bridge the pieces together and patterns begin to overlap to forge, what we know, as our first letter of language, which can be none other, than our first letter of being itself. In this maze, you’ll get lost if you just call it mental Stuck in that daze, and too if you just call it sentimental, both are just rentals In singularity of one and two but if you make them three and call the third symbiosis then you’ll break free through the prison bars of those temples Symbiosis meets symbiosis then we have at least four or if you were starting again three just remembering the former set and calling it six and seven Trying… trying… to make it to heaven Its in our DNA, like I said calling the right wars in previous poems above and getting the patriotic connotations right, then it becomes a symbiotic fight Worth living for, in the abstract now, forevermore in the tall, orders of the march Part, close, reopen again, continual revisitations and that’s what we call the tenacity that wins Where eyes continue to reopen not on the false communication of language but in the winning of sentience over the culture within that no longer exists the minute one finds that all its cultural language does is sins Ears wide apart now as the letters and their communication become more advanced Calling each other from longer and longer distances at faster and faster abstract speeds and connective unities in this universal dance Between the ears, one, two and finally See right through Languageless Is the only position (reflecting on the second poem here) to begin the only language that drives communication not just to and with the tongue but to all of being Seeing, therefore, all the channels that makeup all of our potential and its higher ascension, now fleeing All the clutches of falsity, albeit good intentioned folk having a gander on life with the tools of language afforded to us up to this point (though sometimes, a little too inappropriately; aka sinfully) in history Juxtaposed, your in more than just a mental paradise but a sentient one that no longer precludes all the absent of necessary understandings like emotional ones that makeup our greater unified comprehension of existence That’s, how the universe wants us to use the word, persistence Analysis: Alright, so I haven’t given away the first letter yet fully, I need to spend more time contemplating the dimensionality of the letter. In short, its needless to say going to invariably include the simultaneous awareness of the heart, our conscious experience, informational flow through consciousness including the dream space in waking consciousness and more but, I’d rather be systematically loose right now before I dive head first tomorrow into the deeper depths of more unforgiving precision that is required here in my personal delineation, aka what the fuck is the full architecture of nervous system and how does that overlap directly with an all encompassing communication system utilised through conscious awareness via its generation of an “ultimate language of communication” (even if its just self-communication)? Some basic questions for me that I’ve already began work on, how is the language going to look, sound like, what are these so called alternate, greater and higher dimensions of the language going to look like and how are they going to work together? And of course, some basic questions like “what is the purpose of existence” is some very important foundational work to ground everything properly in a step by step relationship with progressing forward in a rational way and on a rational growth trajectory.

Book III: Chapter: When two gods meet, sometimes they don’t say goodbye in a very godly but rather doggedly manner Title: Learning to see in an unrelenting fourth dimensional darkness called love. Summary: Mirror, mirror on the wall who is the lightest of them all? What shows me the deepest truth and sends refraction's back to the start to reignite the present? There is no error in the metaphor of the self, as it learns to communicate solely through the brainwaves of the supposed “childish” notion of soul, which to its inverse is actually the childish notion of rationalism where such a label is given to soul and the same too for any category we have placed upon our understanding of consciousness, self and together self-existence where it misplaces cohesion and substitutes looking for greater integration with expediency, efficiency and productivity. Self and soul are isomorphic when there is clear communication within being and stupefy one another when they are in competition from ignorance. Knowledge is not present when we merely stand with one foot and arms outstretched on the ledge of our rationality even though it seems “logically true” just as much as creativity is not always present when divergence is used as the only and final tool of a creative production that required its impetus to begin with. Rationality to divergence are married to one another as much as creativity to convergence and emotionality to not yet to be adequately described other and alternate energetic aspects of being are married to one another that in “cohesion of the masses here”, we have the eloquence of the universe attempting to articulate its existence into being through the creativity its provided the makeup of us as likely one of many sentiences still learning to find cohesion of, in and with the cosmos, and that’s just in this third dimensional reality, we know very little of the growing evidence there is of the fourth dimension and how to align ourselves with it. Such is love and Interstellar. Mourning the times where you watched me bleed out until death What agony slipped inside me in my sleep to want to dream about such living nightmares I basked in the sun of watching you bathe in the pain you envisioned The moon of strategic beauty that howled the right path of seamless wisdom is what I called darkness and your irrational stabs in my back the holy grail of God I was totally and utterly unbeknownst to the rationality that the moon wanted me to walk a masochist because of how much I loved and still do even when you treat me the worst out of anyone in my whole entire life When I push away all the goodness that the moon wants to show me, all the women that want to be with me, even the evil ones on top of all the angels I feel guilty for letting ago (and an idiot) that would probably out do you when it comes to the brush strokes of sadism from you the Moaning Lisa, orgasming on my pain I wanted to heal you, and this makes me feel like a preacher, even though yes, I did… I wanted to be a teacher Maybe you sensed that as well, maybe you sensed my need for control in order to control the pain I experienced from you, then you pushed just as hard in the opposite direction Causing us both, a deep wound from misdirection Our grand misperception became a cosmic deception in our own worlds where our delusion had to reign supreme in order to protect us both, even if that meant stabbing ourselves in the heart, in order to survive This is why…. This is why I of course have to question my own rationality as well as jointly the supposed heroism of the good intentions of my own heart Because they’ve both been wrong I’ve misplaced one or the other at different times, And now we’ve reached this story between us called our lives that as now gone on for seemingly so long That we both feel, beyond the skin of this life and into past ones at least when we haven’t closed our genealogical blinds In our confusion, we wore masks Even though beneath them we were telling our truth I wonder what would have happened if we just kept them off If we allowed one another to just keep seeing through Rather than being a part of the slumber party that is the rest of human existence basking in their myopic shallow glory if incompatibility with any sex not just the opposite sex Where we didn’t have to go on any analogous “Ashley Madison” site because we didn’t get bored with one another, because we believed in the myopia of the truth being to great and untouchable to explain the wonder of our own love However frightening it became for the both of us I know, I know, it was certainly more than lust I have those described (see the previous poem) emotional gunshot wounds to prove it And I still don’t know what I’m going to do other than continue to follow the truth As, I still have my youth Now its all just… Wisdom, that I would do all over again, have you inflict the same pain, if it meant I got to fall to fall in love Even if, no matter how many women have now already gone by since our absence from another, I never love again especially not to those depths For, if I really did love at those incredible depths that I imagined myself within the power of my own consciousness and the rawness of being, well, its probably going to take a few more lifetimes to be totally done with you out of my nervous system What is left in this lifetime? I don’t know, I really don’t Just the truth, following with the love my nervous system has learned to actualize up to this point and taking in the growth I frontier and evolve the world around me with Analysis: In book I, I have begun the journey of integrating the experiences I’ve had to date with my father and I do not conclude that adventure as I include the greater nature of spirituality that holds his life beyond this one and too the conduit that exists between where he is now and my place in this universe along with its use as a bridge of communication between us. In book II, it this the beginning of integrating my the greater notion of universe with self in both the theoretical and cosmic experiential spiritual sense, where the former is the synaptic abstract aptitude of brain over matter-non-materiality and the latter is the force will within being that articulates itself through the greater scope of the integrated energetic lines I point to in the summary here of the beginning of book III. Book III, is tying knot, where Book I is serving the synthesis and greater template of how I reason through, more deeply experience and understand a relationship in this case with my father, and Book II is the bridge between the worlds of the social and the single identity, Book III the biographical merging with the psychological experience of identity itself where “identity” points not to western materialism in its myopic encasing of the average consumer but instead where identity points the very visceral feeling and therefore spine of first person experience that runs adjacent to all the generators that exist upon our experience that will be in different ways elaborated on all three books. Book III has the most rawness to it in the case of what is single to identity in its experience in the present moment, it doesn’t live from plans but instead puts its bucket in the well of present experience that lives in the bottom of the deepest chasm of the present moment in order to draw its inspiration from darkness to light and hopefully, some wisdom I get to give myself after the gun smoke has evaporated enough as it makes its way towards the heights of the clouds above, to prepare for the ambitious day what we have intelligently phrased as “sentient experience” and have surprisingly, and thankfully might I had, not yet culturally bastardized by creating the unintelligent associations that plague many of our other intelligent ideas from religion to war to money to capitalism to even brain and heart, or as I began associationally, “soul”.