judy

i feel a bit overwhelmed today.

* maybe my list of gratitudes is too personal to share online * being grateful is very difficult when all the good things are so tightly interwoven with all the bad things. this is hard for me to deal with.

.

i want someone to hold me and listen to me and tell me that it's okay. without telling me my thoughts are stupid without pressuring me to let go without being all too aggressive or impatient about the whole thing just listening, being patient and gentle with me and holding me while i think what i think and feel what i feel

i have pms and i feel like i want to die. everything inside me is contracting and convulsing.

motherhood i really look forward to carrying my baby in a baby carrier/sling.

@Phil if it could actually fix things, apologising would feel good.

idk for being here and for struggling and for being unable to do as i am told.

@Phil i am sorry.

@Mandy noted:) thank you🤍🙏

perhaps i am confused as to which actions qualify as "letting the dog sleep" and which do not. is talking about the pain only going to make it worse? cause it only makes me get hung up on it even further, and makes me get even more upset? at the same time, i'll certainly keep thinking about it, and then maybe it's helpful to let others know what's on my mind and why i am in pain? to process it? 🤣

agreed:)

okay:) in recent months i have found that i can feel both stressed and bored with my life at the same time. it's a very awkward, unexpected combination. sometimes i think i'd rather have some action and have something happen to give me an adrenaline rush even if it's scary and devastating. at least that gives me something to do, something new to work with. it's better than waiting and being stagnant, better than being in bed all day and thinking and getting nowhere. but i also don't know if there's anything i can do to make things better now. maybe i only make things worse.

i want to feel loved and appreciated i want people to see the things that are good and beautiful about me