Serenity

It's not. It's anti gullability time!

Self-deception ranks higher in term of probability. Both on his side and yours On that one, we can only wish you are right. 🙏

He's not going to morph into an alien on camera. That's it! I can't believe I even have to write these words down. Also I am not going to engage into a discussion about this element with anyone, nor anything close to this nonsense. 🙄 What is much more likely, and what any reasonable, grounded person will deduce is that Leo's excess with psychedelic have induced him delusion/psychosis. I am not making fun of him. The situation is horrible. Talking about him needing help and not buying into his delusion as well as the one of his followers is the closest thing I can do to love everyone. Him and the followers that are following him like the pied piper he's become! My opinion is that Leo should be taken cared of by whoever can help him recover. I don't have any means to make it happen, but voicing out my concern is better than just observing and doing nothing... or being simply an enabler, under the veneer of love.

🙏 What is interesting as you are saying all these words, is that you are already acknowledging and liberating yourself from what is dysfunctional. You are being aware of it and moving towards more lucidity. People who are excessively proud, cocky, arrogant and grandiose do not have the faculty you have to even notice it. 😉 I'm not sure if that will help you feel better, but everything you've been writing down is not solely 'yours'. It belongs to the human experience until the ego bubble burst. The ego is a ring of fear preventing us to merge in the absolute Love that reality is. Feeling small and worthless is part of that 'feature'. Ultimately, that feeling of being small and worthless is just an illusion. I don't manage to always see it for myself either, but absolutely no human can be worthless. So why would you be? If you want my thought on that, we live in a society that is focused on people having to 'earn' and 'deserve' affection and it skew our view as we unconsciously identify with these narrative. Other than that... vulnerability is part of the incarnated experience. Sometimes, I'm thinking we make a disservice when we talk about how we are all God. We are all God incarnated in a limited body. I'm thinking... It's probably new for you to realize you want to be stripped of delusion of grandeur. Set up your target on that, and it will unfold. And once the illusion will be removed, you'll be able to see that reality offers you the possibility to also do great thing, within the limited human form if you chose it 🤍.

Maybe follow the feeling's trail, and try to get to the bottom of it? I've found that the mind is not very much welcomed when it comes to these matters. It's all in the body. 🙂 Just allow it to arise. It's not going to last anyway. 🤍

Doesn't look good. This is what hundreds of reckless trips with psychedelics might give you: one hell of a psychosis. He seems now to seriously believe he can morph in an alien. 😐🤧 He also wants to create a course on teaching alien awakening and eliminate his other courses (I'm only aware of the life purpose one, but that's what he said). Some of his followers seem to wake up to how abnormal this all is, and Leo admits his mental health is not in a good place. He really needs some help. And people should really be careful with what he says and stop trusting him blindly. The situation seems like its degrading fast.

@Phil First off... Thank you for writing this long answer. I'm taking a few days to contemplate. I see how what you say is true (and also so liberating!) but emotionally there is a long way to go. There seems to be the arising of a lot of thoughts and beliefs that keep on going, and which I tend to forget aren't true. The emotional aspect of it seems to make it harder. How do you combine the recognition of false thoughts with the emotional body load? Will it wear off on its own or do they need to be felt at the vibration level they were created? 🤔

Being in a state of no-self and mirroring them with unconditional divine love. Which I am at this moment unable to energetically do as some energetic resistance cause me to suffer.

Narcissists are having very low self-esteem issues and thus, are desperate for external token of validation, as well as admiration. They have constructed as a coping mechanism a grandiose image of themselves, which is continuously under threat and they need to defend. Their primary focus is to feed that self-image. Yeah. It's been a very long time. My strategy has been to 'ignore it' when he's there, and put as much distance as possible. But as I am doing inner work, I realize the wound is bigger than initially thought. It was also never properly addressed as my affection made me feel guilty, and spirituality have been used for bypassing. Regarding me attracting narcissists... I've attracted a few of them, that's undeniable. Though, I also attract a lot of people who aren't narcissist, and that's the large majority. And most of the narcissist I attract are actually a side product of a bigger attraction in my experience. Anyway, the best way to get rid of them for good is to make sure there isn't in my shadow elements that can make us an energetic match, hence the need to keep on releasing my disgust/anger at my bro's attitude.

But the narcissist is my brother. I attract him because we share the same family 😐.

That suffering feel like some sort of negative gas/electric field within my awareness. It's very unpleasing from a sensory perspective. But I am ready to welcome it.

Other than that, lately I've been silently weeping a lot. I do feel some release, but it feels like a few droplet getting out of a dam. 😪 I'm hoping for the resistance to that sadness to lift and for theses emotions to flow. I'll probably feel like a lifetime amount of frustration will have left me. 🤧

I would say they come back from the unconscious, the shadow. No. But his sense of inferiority is his problem, and I don't think it is fair that I have to deal with the trauma + the constant challenges he throws at me. I didn't get how it relates to the situation. ☹️ 🤔 😭

So, I've been introspecting a lot today and I have come to realize that I grew up in a family structure where my narcissistic brother sucked all the air in the room, and I didn't get the chance to blossom like I would like, due to the fact he felt threatened I would outperform him. When I would try to simply be and express myself, he would attempt to diminish me, make backhanded compliment or do his best so the situation turns into his one man show. He's been behaving pretty much like a domestic self-esteem terrorist. My impression is that he feeds his ego on making me feel inadequate, and this frankly disgust me. I remember that when I was a teenager, his emotional abuse was going through the roof and I would often leave dinner and cry in my room. It would happen each week. I remember he and my mother would gang up against me, blame me for being a bad teen for whatever reasons in humiliating ways. While I don't remember everything as an adult, it seems to me like it was a terrible, unproductive thing to do. I question also the nature of the abuse because with adult eyes, I can tell he's got sadistic tendencies and he totally lacks wisdom. His ego is massively toxic. He regularly humiliates his friends, and also has a bad addiction to cocaine. Nowadays, he also attempt to hoard family ressources and attention and control what's being done, crushing each time my perspective. Overall, his body language can be aggressive, and I have to be ultra careful near him and placate him. He doesn't physically attempt to beat me, though he often enjoy narrating how he come close to physically assault other people, which comes off to me as indirect threats. Sometimes, when he is angry his body language clearly indicate a desire to physically impress me. He also doesn't hesitate to assault verbally people and/or threaten them, and then narrate the stories during dinners. The problem is that I see clear in his game since a while now, and I actually feel a lot of empathy for him, as I see him in the end as a very insecure man with big inner demons. I see that he loves me deep down, and he tries his best with what he's got, but at the same time I don't know what to do with his BS, as he is causing me still a lot of discomfort each time we see each other. I don't like much being around him, as my emotional needs aren't met and my self-esteem wound are re-opened by spending time around his ego. The old dynamique is still at play, and it's confusing because at the same time, he's doing also positive, nice things. He also often let me know he thinks I have a bad self-esteem problem, and it's a problem with me. Which lets me speechless. My mother is the last child of a large family. She was the last attempt at making a boy (my grand parents got 6 daughters) and having a son was an element of pride for her. She's got very little self-esteem herself at the end of the day and doesn't seem to understand how toxic her enablement of him and their triangulation has been. I struggle with deep self-worth wound, a low quality family support system. In any case, I have realized that I still have a lot of resentment and anger towards him. I feel like he has taken part of my self-esteem. But my anger is nothing next to traumas and needs that weren't met. For instance, I have a very strong need for positive validation, after having felt so often negatively mirrored. I seek that validation like I have been starved. And when I look at the things I do, I can't help but think often "this is utter shit". I get convinced I made a terrible work, because I have gotten so used to look at myself through an invalidating, negative eye. It paralyses me when I am doing stuff. It happens often that I am surprised between the lag between inner distress I feel and how people around me assess differently the situation. I can convince myself I wrote or did something that will be diminished, said to be terrible, and then be surprised at someone's reply saying " what you did is excellent", because I am almost expecting them to say how bad I am and they want nothing to do with me. Though, this doesn't happen all the time. On the surface I can be pretty confident and get things done, but suddenly something really matter to me and my feelings of inadequacy comes back strong. The more I seem to want it, the more I am afraid I'll screw it up, and the fear open that self-esteem wound in a pretty nasty way. I start doubting everything in these situations...

😒 *Off writing down nasty stuff about Mandy in my personal diary 😂 (Thanks for the reply 😉)

Oh! That actually makes A LOT of sense. I see it now. 🙏

@Mandy Do you still experience some bottom of the scale feelings? Or is most of it out, after at steady practice?

Though, it's you helping me/us/infinite being 🤍. 💫

Thanks a lot, Mandy! That came up as very useful. I get your points there. It's important to welcome and accept all emotions and not make an enemy out of it. It's there for a reason, it serves a purpose. 🙏 Damn, I missed insecurity/guilt/unworthiness reading Phil's tool, as they are explained with Fear/Despair/Powerlessness/Grief. It makes much more sense. 🙏 Wonderful. I see how the link between these could work. 🌸

How can I help you, Mandy? 🌻😂🐒

There are pockets of despair in my awareness, experienced as self-referential thoughts with a very strong pull. I notice that indeed they have a very strong inward factor, and the solution is most likely to be found through some sort of outward movement. But why is jealousy the next one of the scale? I'm a bit surprised at how they are linked. I've been working on shame, and according to Peter Levine, going from a feeling of shame to disgust is what cures it away. This makes a lot of sense to me. But the link between despair and jealousy doesn't seem so clear. I'd love to understand how this permutation works so I can be more effective in its clearing.

He also advertises ice cream wearing almost nothing on his Instagram 😁.

'I took psychedelics and channeled Connor Murphy's psychosis. Ask me anything.' 🤦‍♂️

Big miss in the universe. 😐