Omelette
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Posts posted by Omelette
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Just now, James123 said:
The self takes as a serious. Self is prison. Let it go. Maximum, it will die.
Isn't the self what wants to let go of seriousness and reduce suffering, and the self wants to let go of the self?
I don't really care about an answer to above, more I am wondering how we let this go practically. Meditation with the intent of letting go seems to be moving backwards.
For me, these non dual statements sometimes just add confusion, I also see people who can understand non duality logically with thought but not embody it so they still suffer and argue about it. Yet, I think there is a lapse in communication where perhaps these ideas simply can't be communicated properly? Often times during psychedelic trips I have the intent of writing insights, but in the moment realize they are "untranslatable", it's something not meant to be understood or learned by thought?
How to let it go?
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I was feeling high anxiety from weed and started panicking... and realized how okay I am
When I'm panicking, angry, happy, bored, If I get my penis skinned off, if I win the lottery, if I die today, I'm so okay 😃
It still hurts, just it is okay to hurt. No one cares at all and they couldn't care if they wanted to, that would just be their own stuff, and no one feels it except you
I suppose from this space it seems more clear that nothing really matters, so choosing to create via positive focus is what I want, hence why I label some things positive and think they feel good.
I enter this "positivity mode" with the hopes that it will make me invulnerable to all perceived negatives in life, and blame the positivity when something unfavorable happens.
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I still find resistance when I am not manifesting what I want, and it is taking too long. It feels discouraging sometimes, like how many Esther Hicks videos must I watch until I get what I want? This is okay too, I just don't like it, but it's okay that I don't.
The thought is : You are DELUSIONAL! Why would I get what I want if I haven't before? You really think that thinking positively will work? You are setting yourself up for disappointment when it inevitably doesn't come.
If I had it all today though, I know it wouldn't make me happy, it's like playing a video game for the first time and finding that someone on another account completed all the quests and got every item... now what? I just wish there wasn't suffering and it would be more enjoyable to get there.
I also notice a strange, horrible feeling from judging. I judged someone (in thinking) for their weight yesterday. It brought me pain to look into their eyes afterwards, see how friendly they were towards me, look at their outfit and how cute it is that we as humans wear clothes and pick fashion styles (reminds me of putting an outfit on a cat, so bizarre and funny).
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I would say yes and no.
Yes -
I'm hungry and don't know what to eat, and someone who knows me well prepares me a meal I love. I didn't know I would love to eat that right now until it was present, although I still knew that I enjoyed the food.
No -
I don't have the correct words to express it now... I want to say it is self evident that you know yourself more than anyone possibly ever could, just due to the communication feedback loop... anything expressed or spoken goes through someone else's layers of interpretation, they never know EXACTLY what you mean but can get the gist
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Inspired by @Brilliance Found 's post
What is your experience with crystals?
What is their utility, how do they impact your life?
What are your favorites?
I've heard crystals described as energy amplifiers, which is what made me interested in them
I haven't seen anything in my life that I would say has come as a result of working with any crystals
I like rose quartz and black tourmaline, mostly for how they look
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Hey bro, sorry to intrude on your journal, but I relate to some of this...
37 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:Really kinda angry and disappointed at the whole LoA and Source thing.
made me think... because I am too. I was going to write some posts last night but just ate dinner and went to bed lol. But my thoughts are, maybe the LoA brought me here, me being disappointed as well attracted me to this post.
However, I find thinking what I want seems delusional and sets me up for failure, or rather just disappoints me when I don't get it... I get so excited for a few days, weeks, months and nothing happens, nothing manifests and I overall feel worse. Why did I leave my little hermit cave 😂 I'm still not manifesting. It is hard for me to find motivation to do the "right" things when I do them for so long and can't get what I want, even mundane and simple things like just being free from anxiety, relationships, etc.
41 minutes ago, Blessed2 said:I don't really want to come even to this forum anymore. It's more like a compulsion. Kinda hoping everything could turn out better if I did it. I really don't want this anymore. I'm just feeling worse rather than better about this whole thing.
Same, I love the support of the community, and I think the smaller size may play a factor, there is a much higher concentration of high quality posts here compared to many other internet forums. I hope it stays like this as it continues to grow.
Yet I wonder, what am I or anyone else even seeking on here? Looking for the "one post" that will change it all for me, guide me to end suffering... sometimes I read a post that really resonates and gets me excited, but a few days later I feel bad and the post doesn't seem applicable. I also feel compulsively driven to read and interact on here sometimes, for me it is for that reason.
I hope we will make it one day 💛
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1 hour ago, Phil said:
The happy thought isn’t even needed. Everything’s already working out.
I just figured out how to quote properly 😂
So the good thought will have no impact on what manifests or appears to me?
The only impact is how much I enjoy it?
Or maybe you mean in the sense that, there is nothing at all to work out. Even if it all manifests in the next instant, it is no indication on whether or not something is going right or wrong?
If I choose to be depressed for the next 20 years, it isn't right or wrong, simply won't feel good?
Like, good thought won't have any impact on me from stubbing my toe tomorrow, but it will have an impact in how I react and the quality of my experience (like if I am angry I will blame, if I am happy I just let it go)?
1 hour ago, Phil said:Yes totally amazing. Also amazing, and arguably more so, you aren’t seeing, you’re being seeing.
What is being seeing?
I think of that as in there is a separate one who is being seeing.
Omelette's body is something noticed/seen/felt, the thought of it being my body is being seen/heard, the thought about a feeling is being heard while the feeling is being felt.
What is the one that is aware of this all, this is the Me?
Could one ever become aware of this Me? I think maybe the previous question sounds like "Can a rainbow be aware of being a rainbow?" which is nonsensical
Or when the conditioning is dropped, it is apparent? But who is the one who has conditioning, or drops it, that is all just more thoughts. Every gap between my thoughts, or when I sleep, I am enlightened 😂 (when me with little M is gone)
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On 9/27/2022 at 12:40 PM, James123 said:
Think this way, if your expansion depends on conclusions such as if you get in a college, you will be happy. But if you really have no expectation including being happy, being empty/no expectation will not bring you happiness, you will be the happiness.
How can I have no expectation, what practical way, meditation I'm guessing?
I used to meditate with expectation, now I just sit. I've had experience that violates the laws of physics and all current science through this, yet if I try to replicate it with that intention, it is impossible, it was clear to me in that moment that there was no separation between objects, and some wacky stuff happened. And it is certainly impossible once own takes ownership over these strange power/experience and says they are mine.
I imagine there are some monks in a cave who can do things like levitate and amazing things.
Even me wanting to have no expectations is an expectation, thoughts so sneaky😂
I am also not wanting to go down the route of infinite cleansing (i.e. keep "digging up" things like beliefs and I will end up doing it for eternity)
On 9/27/2022 at 3:43 PM, Phil said:The guidance isn’t why things in your life aren’t working out. The guidance is to what you want. What you’re feeling the discord of is beliefs. That things are not working out for you is a belief.
How infinite am I...
I notice I don't even enjoy smoking at all, I try to separate what is felt by the nicotine and what isn't, i.e. I think smoking will make me feel good, so I withhold good feelings until I smoke...
I think it is scary how much control there is...
Why do things go my way and people are nicer to me when I'm feeling good?
For example, no meditation for a week, then meditate one day, and I get $1000 for free after meditation.
Like stuff is created completely independently it seems? Right now I'm not even choosing to feel good, I'm choosing confusion and wanting to understand. But when I choose to feel good things go my way even if they don't?
Why do I forget to feel good some times... is this just a habit to practice, one day it becomes my "natural state"? Since I've spent so long practicing thinking that is my "natural state"?
I don't have to do anything, but all I have to do is "think happy thought" and everything will work out by its self? Is action or movement a component, could a bedridden paralyzed person manifest a model girlfriend, million dollars, etc. through gratitude/appreciation alone?
It makes me happier to think about how amazing it is to be able to see, versus look for an answer to any question...
this seem like the "correct" way?
I suppose the hesitancy to go all in on this gratitude thing is because of years spent on practices that took me nowhere or even backwards... but they were all in an attempt to feel good, now I'm just cutting out the middle steps and going to feel good.
🥰
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Continuing shifting to good feeling without care of what I want to manifest?
i.e. I want a Lamborghini
Thinking about "I wish I had more money", "Why do others get this car", "I must expend more effort, then it will come to me"
-OLD PARADIGM: feels discordant and bad
Wake up and think how grateful I am for my fingers to be able to type. I'm so happy that I have a community here to interact with, who understands and relates to my issues. I have a blanket keeping me warm. I will go take a wonderful shower shortly, because I'm so blessed to have this water. I am entrusted to have all this work and responsibilities to do today, how lucky am I that I am so capable.
-NEW PARADIGM: feels better
the thought "Okay, I've been grateful for 30 seconds already, where is my "pot of gold"... is back to the old paradigm, trying to manipulate or trick reality to get what I want... feels bad again
But I am happy that I am even able to think at all.
Essentially, there is no task, nothing to do? Whatever feeling I focus on will "anchor" or be more of my "normal state"? Life continues to give things that reflect whatever feeling is anchored?
When I chose to anchor into jealousy and anger, I didn't want to interact with friends, I felt they are bad. My reality turned into becoming more isolated because my thoughts were "I don't need anyone" "These people are all assholes and don't care about me" "I don't want to ever be around them".
Even typing the above section out feels bad to me. I feel the momentum of this bad feeling, and look for more bad things to focus on. But now I will stop... I'm happy that I can breathe so clearly right now🙂 it feels good.
Yes, No, Maybe, is this accurate?
And why should I/anyone care what anyone else says if it doesn't feel good? If someone says "NOPE, YOU ARE WRONG! KEEP THINKING BAD SO YOU CAN BE PREPARED TO HANDLE IT" but it feels better to focus on what you like, why listen?
Feeling bad, or maybe continuing to feel bad after a bad feeling is noticed, is a choice it seems, a very deceptive and tricky choice, but I don't know when I felt bad without choosing to.
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23 hours ago, Phil said:
The guidance is about that initial thought… “when I find myself in”. That’s a thought. Not yourself found in something. That’d be impossible, and so it feels off. To also answer as practically as possible… so to speak, are you not listening to fear and making choices from aversion (of fear)… or listening to fear as emotional guidance & abiding as intelligence? That might feel like some deep stomach breaths and relaxing the body head to toe, taking a few minutes, and considering what is the most intelligent course of action here? ‘Source’ will be like - “well it’s nice to be included! Here ya go!”. Phil isn’t source per se, so I can’t tell ya what you should do.
Imo that’s a huge insight / question. There’s still the old paradigmatic framing of “I fear”, vs fear being an emotion experienced.
I would agree 100% - fear, like worry, doubt, etc - has never helped. You might even go so far as to say it’s counterproductive to intelligence.
A more tangible reference if you’re interested… watch the movie called The Strangers. Picture me sitting next to you watching it yelling WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!! JUST PUNCH THAT LADY IN THE FACE ALREADY!!!! Missed opportunity after missed opportunity.
Consider aversion. That it was really the guidance, feeling, emotions, which was avoided.
Awesome. Can you apply that to the work you’ve been doing that you mentioned? Like… crazy as it sounds - just enjoy it. That literally makes sense of it. Not enjoying it, nothing makes any sense. So subtle, yet so all encompassing.
Yes. There is no intellectually sophisticated grand-theory aspect to fear. It’s just how some thoughts feel. That’s it. Just like jealousy or enthusiasm.
(Imo) The first consideration should be - am I thinkin this or am I actually experiencing this?
If it’s thinkin and there is fear - the fear is ‘saying’ there’s something a bit off with what you’re thinkin. What’s off might very well just be - that you’re not actually experiencing it - you’re just experiential the thoughts about whatever it is.
If it’s a situation you’re actually experiencing… and you’ve been noting that difference of when it is / was just thoughts… and letting those thoughts go… in that case you’ve got some momentum going - and you’re not going to be nearly as clouded by fear in any reactionary manor… and therein there is automatically much much more intelligence. You’ll think of solutions etc that you otherwise wouldn’t have clouded.
Even if you are escaping North Korea and must run hundreds of miles through China. Even if life has got you down and you are at the end of your rope. Even if you are down to your last dollar. Even if you are down to your very last breath. So what? From right now to your very last minute of this experience, knock the fucking doors off this place. Really Live.
Guidance, which inherently let’s you know who you REALLY are.
Thank you.
Quite honestly, examining other bad-feeling emotion, I believe/believed that they all have some value.
I was ruminating earlier during meditation, and really asked "Why do I keep thinking this?"... these feelings aren't and never were protecting me, in fact I think they may be why there seem to be gaps in my life/ areas "not working".
I also notice discordant thoughts related to feeling bad emotions, like "I have meditated and exercised today, why am I still feeling anxious?"... all to avoid just feeling how the emotion feels. It seems like the only options are to feel it now or to distract myself with thoughts, substances, etc., and feel it later.
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6 hours ago, James123 said:
The most important thing is you should understand that you can't manifest everything you want. Because manifestation is letting go without expectation, when you manifest you expect to feel good, have no fears or anxiety. You should let go them too, not only physical. Firstly physical and secondly psychological .
If I'm understanding correctly, this sounds similar to Matt Kahn's "direct vs indirect manifestation"... where he says essentially indirect manifestation, AKA whatever feeling I anchor in will manifest rather than specific objects? Like once appreciation is a constant, more and more things to appreciate arise; whether or not these objects are "new/appearing" or seemed to be in my possession a week ago is irrelevant because it feels good anyways?
4 hours ago, Phil said:Prove & disprove are thoughts.
Thought tells me - is a thought.
Limits is a thought.
Desire for desiring sake is another thought.
‘Parts of you’ is a thought.
Can a 10 day old McDonald’s hamburger in a dumpster just be thrown in the garbage?
I fear - is a thought. Fear’s an emotion.
Something is a thought, and thoughts happen, but something technically can’t. Totally seems like it can though.
If thoughts are believed.
In believing thoughts you be leaving truth, and it ahblows.
“Choose love. Choose love. Without this beautiful love, life is nothing but a burden”. - Rumi
Thank you, I think it is starting to make sense...
What I'm wondering, when I find myself in these sorts of situations where there are thoughts of danger lurking...
is it - These thoughts and fear are telling me to leave, so I should?
or - The fear is coming from the discordant thoughts about some danger that currently only exists as a thought, so just keep going?
or something else?
I think why I fear is because I believe it is helping or doing something for me...
Yet, I can't ever recall a time when fear helped anything. I also think, even if this situation happened, fear wouldn't help me. But does fear prevent unwanted stuff from happening, or at least reduce the frequency?
I avoided some relationships as a defense mechanism, the thoughts "I will care about this person too much and that will make them dislike me or take advantage of me". Because before, I would use friends and dates as a measure of my self worth, a people pleaser, I would allow myself to let others speak and treat me in ways that make me uncomfortable, because I was afraid of "rocking the boat".
It seems like my thoughts went fully to the other direction... rather than just appreciating and enjoying people as they come and go, and speaking and treating them however nice I feel able to as we meet.
As I sit with people and speak from the heart rather than trying to make them like me, more people like me it seems, and when I say something that offends them, it gets cleared up so much easier, they can see in my eyes and my heart I didn't have negative intentions. Less focused on playing a character, or I guess more focused on playing my own character instead of some idealized thought of the character I should be.
Why I bring up the idea of fearing the dangerous areas, or in isolated area such as in Mandy's video, is the same reason, I think the fear is helping.
I feel uneasy seeing women walking home alone at night in my city, I wonder "Why would you not get a taxi? It is 2 AM, I know there is a history of crime in this area, etc."
Who is in "the wrong"? I've had this conversation with new friends ( in my old thread I was complaining about no female friends, funny how it changed so quickly 😄, I have felt less "resistance" and have been working on the uncomfortable feelings that come up with relationships), and one said "I've been walking here for several years already, I'll be fine".
I just thought that was naive of her, although I am the one suffering for these beliefs I suppose.
Sure enough, yes she was fine like she said
To what extent should fear control a life, is the only guidance in fear signifying how discordant the thoughts are?
If I was escaping North Korea and had the choice to go hundreds of miles through China, maybe a few other countries, and end in SK (sounds scary)
or charge directly through the NK/SK border, a much shorter trip, but I will surely face hundreds of bullets raining on me (sounds scarier)
should one drop the discordant thoughts of being shot and just take the short trip?
Something feels funny about that question though, something about free will, I think I will have to revisit it later.
I wrote a lot of stuff, but the general gist is, what role should/does fear play in my life, if any?
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On 9/23/2022 at 4:31 PM, Phil said:
There is much confusion but you can clear all of it up and feeling more amazing, everyday, than you ever thought possible.
If you were 100% certain you were not alive for yourself right now you would be so blissful & happy that this thread would be asking about how to dial it down.
Death in this context is not the end of suffering, it is the beginning of suffering.
The end of suffering is the end of the confusion. The confusion is conceptualizing. The suffering is that the concepts aren’t actually true.
Anhedonic means; the inability to experience pleasure, as seen in certain mood disorders.
There are discordant thoughts in direct experience, and there is the thought ‘mood disorder’ in direct experience, but there is never a direct experience of a mood disorder. ‘Mood disorder’ is a conceptualization of feeling, while what’s desired & sought is… feeling.
This is saying the desert is a mirage, and then looking for the desert in a mirage. The more you inspect the mirage, the more you find the desert you believed was a mirage.
Feelings is a pluralization of feeling. This is like saying there are PSA 10 Pikachu Illustrator cards, when there is actually only one. If you believed there are multiple cards and were searching accordingly, the search could only end via the realization there are not multiple cards.
The relevance is that ‘losing weight, no motivation, avoidance of women, friends & events are not feeling’. Those are thoughts.
The relevance of that is feeling is most definitely pleasurable, while the conceptualization of feeling (believing the thoughts ‘losing weight’, ‘no motivation’, etc) are feeling is discordant (suffering) only because it isn’t true.
The king of all discordant conceptualizations is that you are not alive for yourself right now. That feels highly discordant only because it isn’t actually true. The instant this is considered the mirage begins to be seen (felt) from the desert.
There is no such thing as the absence of something. There is pure consciousness, and there pure consciousness appearing as things, aka, being, or existence. All ‘things’ are apparent, vibrational appearance. Therein, there is no such ‘thing’ as… the absence of any ‘thing’… because there is no such ‘thing’ as ‘things’ in the first place.
So when it is believed this absence of pleasurable feeling is losing weight (etc)… what’s felt is the discord of the belief in the absence of feeling. Has nothing to do with weight, motivation, etc. It has only to do with the belief in absence.
The more you consider there is no such thing as absence, the more connected, ‘better feeling’ you feel. The difference felt is felt instantly upon sincere consideration.
Very wise. Journaling has it’s place, and can also be one’s own paradigmatic echo chamber. Questioning busts paradigms. Yet, the wonderful connectiveness felt isn’t per se because of people.
Bring what you want to mind, notice there is no resistance. Resistance is how the thoughts about the absence of what you want feels. Look up at the sky, night & day. That is what you’re believing can not be, what you want to co-create and experience. The audacity of the notion, right? Notice - reality! 😂 Notice the hilarity of doubting that which is being reality can be what you want to experience.
An ant: “There can’t be anthills, vast ant caverns, ants to fall in love with & co-create with, or picnics to explore”.
God: WTF are you talking about ant!?
Ant: “I’m actively damaging my self due to anhedonic feelings”.
God: I Am yourself, I Am feeling!
Control, free will, choice, etc, are thoughts. Focus on these thoughts only serves to realize the ceiling of thought. The thought loops are the continued attempt to find feeling, in thought. Contrary to popular collective conjecture, it simply doesn’t work that way. You can’t ‘get there’. Feeling is only uncovered by inspecting & seeing through beliefs & conceptualizations. Overthinking is the experience of conceptualizing emotions & feeling. The mind is overworked in a fruitless attempt to somehow resolve the discord, to feel better. Understanding emotion is a step away from thought, towards feeling, if you will.
’Thinking’ about using the emotional scale isn’t using the emotional scale, like thinking about using a can opener isn’t using a can opener. It might seem the same, until it is realized why you’re still so hungry.
Thought tells me that the resolution is to be found with more thinking...
I think "I want an apple and don't have any"
Then a bad feeling is felt
Think "If I only did ___, my apple was here."
"Since I don't have an apple but others do, they must be doing something right that I am not."
"Fuck apples, I never even liked apples, the skin gets stuck in my teeth, there are worms in them sometimes. Hmph, one day I will get revenge on those apples😈"
"If you did your meditation, etc., my apples would be here. I'm just not trying hard enough, doing enough"
I even notice the thought of "one upping" my own self sometimes, like I am trying to think it out, prove or disprove my own thoughts, then I will be happy?
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What are limits to what can manifest?
If I say, I want the same shirt that Phil wore in his last video out of his wardrobe...
can this shirt spontaneously appear in front of me, and no longer be in his possession (Take the exact same shirt)Desire for desiring sake?
If I desire with the expectation that the desire will get me what I want, will it come?
Part of me afraid of getting what I want because I know how empty it feels after chasing a goal for self worth and achieving it, it sort of removes the "excuse" for why my life isn't good.
Discordant/bad feeling thought = can be thrown in the garbage, no need to think or figure it out?
For example, I fear walking alone in an area with high crime rates at night...
Thoughts like "What if someone tries to hurt me?", feel uncomfortable... I have heard stories of people being harmed walking in the same area at night.
Should one continue walking alone in the area, with attention shifted towards the discordant feeling of these thoughts, so they are released? Or just take a taxi instead?
I experienced these thoughts and purposefully entered the area just to see that nothing happened. But something could happen of course.
Sometimes I've seen Mandy's videos in forested areas and I have thoughts like
"It isn't safe for a woman to be alone out there, she needs a self-defense tool, pet dog, etc."
not just due to gender (I'd probably suggest the same to anyone) , but I think women can be more vulnerable in these areas, more likely to be targeted.
On 9/23/2022 at 4:47 PM, James123 said:@Omelette you should focused on cleanse your body now. Have a Lovely girlfriend, lovely sex, not being addicted to anything, even gym or smoking or nap. Balance. Stay simple. For now. Because, everything is you going crazy for you now. It will be impossible you to realize that you are an illusion itself.
To be honest, I don't notice a major difference in feelings with regards to what I am getting out of life. This is why I went into unhealthy behavior... I guess the thought is "Now that I am all healthy I still haven't manifested everything I want, so why even care?" and if I do manifest everything I want, "Why doesn't it feel good, why do I still have fears, anxiety, etc.?"
On 9/23/2022 at 5:56 PM, Blessed2 said:@Omelette Something that has helped me at times... Really take a look at how you feel. I mean really look at the suffering eyes wide open. Feel the pain. Feel how shitty the situation "you find yourself in" (what you think and believe) feels. Feel how shitty your thoughts feel like. Really just try to feel the pain as clearly as you can.
I'm not saying you need to "face it" or "accept it" or "surrender". I'm suggesting to simply look at it, feel it. See it with clarity.
Doing this might make the emotional guidance more obvious.
I think this may be why I'm drawn to writing and making posts sometimes, feeling the emotions and seeing what words come out help me.
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4 hours ago, James123 said:
There is nothing out there, yes, but The missing point is the you who say these sentences are illusion itself. Understanding nothing out there is thinking by ego, which is you. However, embodying nothing out there is completely letting go, who think these sentences. There’, many people fall in trap of solipsism in the path.
The "I", ego, one who makes distinction, is illusion ...
Is there anything that can even "be done" then?
As in, how can it all be let go? Just meditate more?
Not sure if this is related exactly, but I bring it up because I feel as though when I am doing what I love, these questions don't even matter too much. If I had the choice of feeling amazing 24/7 or enlightenment/non-dual I pick feeling amazing every time.
I wonder why then I feel resistance to doing what I love...
I would love to exercise now but will smoke and then nap instead. I have some events I am invited to which sound fun, but I think I won't go and will sit in my room instead. I see beautiful women walking and honestly sometimes it makes me want to hurt and isolate myself because I haven't connected with women for so long that I feel like there is something wrong with me. I don't know why I chose to feel anxiety.
Yet, I remember times where I had women who really cared about me who would hook up whenever, going out to parties every week, quit all my addictions, and still felt shit.
I realized during meditation when I feel like wanting to die, I don't want the body to die, it is okay, I want Omelette/ego/self to die. I really really really want him to die
(with the expectation that if/when he does, then I will feel amazing and get what I want?)
- says Omelette/ego/self 😄
I said that I don't really care about X,Y,Z as long as I feel good, but that is a LIE... I'M A LIAR! Because I still think why are others able to have blessings that I am not able to, and I look over my own current blessings. And why am I smoking, becoming malnourished, wasting the day away, if I truly care about feeling good why can't I stop doing stuff that makes me feel bad.
It's so paradoxical, I feel like words are futile to "fix" or "change" to feel better, yet at the same time, the words can point to something that I can do to make me feel better.
edit : I see how even this response "strengthens" the though attachment somehow and I stop focusing on feeling
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3 minutes ago, Devin said:
@Omelette one thing, there's only one thing you actually want to do right now, my list was options not a to do list. Feel what you want to do, no thinking
Meditate for an hour it is then 😁
I hear the thought "Keep smoking instead"... but feel like meditation, see you in an hour 😎
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2 hours ago, Devin said:
Yeah, you're stuck thinking, you're thinking thoughts that have been programmed into you, those aren't your thoughts."being sad, not caring about life" those aren't feelings, those are thoughts you can tell because "being" and "life" "caring" are programmed thoughts
You can feel sad, but it seems you're stuck in thinking. Do whatever is easiest to do that you would like to do, follow your intuition, not your mind of what you've been told you should want to do.
Whatever you can do right now that you want to do, do it. It's medicine, it's the key that will unlock you. Think small, enjoy a cold drink, breathe, shower, sit in the sun, eat a piece of avocado tomato and red onion toast, nap, workout, do chores, go for a walk, eat something good, .....
I will try, I guess maybe I will start with small stuff and work up. I feel this morning what I want is to meditate for 1 hour, eat breakfast, do some cardio, and then lift weights. Instead I'm sitting in my bed smoking and scrolling the internet.
It is belief in / stuck thought patterns which causes resistance to this? I know what I want/ "should do" every day yet why don't I? I have enough "things to do" to literally fill all 24 hours but why do I choose distraction?
2 hours ago, Mandy said:Use the emotional scale. Rather than believing "my life is this way" see that it is one subject or perspective that is currently filtered through the current emotion. It may be that because you haven't been in the habit of listening to the guidance of emotion, that that emotion seems like it's present a lot of the time. However, seeing that it is only now and it is the only the present thoughts being responded to free you from the tragic-tory of "your life".
I think these are "core beliefs" stuck with me :
- There isn't free will (although this is something I "picked up"/parrot from spiritual teachers more so than a solid observation)
- No thing will make me happy
So when I read your comment the thought comes:
"Who chooses to use the emotional scale?"
then, I "shift" to feeling, some relief is felt, another thought arises and I either feel or attach to it, for infinity...
As in , the use or not- use of the emotional scale is just an appearance, since Omelette is just a thought and has no control there is no one to choose whether or not it is being used, it just happens? Like how you never chose the country you were born in, your parents, gender, race, etc., it feels like this can be applied to literally every area in life, meaning there is no choice?
Illusory nature of self is not seen through for me, all I know is that I don't know. I feel more confused about these topics like self than before I even started with spirituality. This philosophizing that I keep doing is deeply unsatisfying though, idea of something to "figure out" then I can go somewhere.
What is actually being controlled RIGHT NOW?
I notice : keyboard sound, coldness on my feet, sight, mild uncomfortable feeling in stomach, see some arms and hands, feel clothes around the body, taste and smell what I'm smoking
Where do I find the thing that chooses to listen to emotional guidance?
YET ...
strangely there always seems to be the choice to "turn to feeling", regardless of how true the words feel to me, or the lack of sense being made, it seems like an option somehow? Is this just another frame of the movie, or there is actually choice being made?
It's eventually more thought that says "Stop listening to feeling and listen to me!" that after 1 hour, 1 day, 1 week, I eventually stop using the scale and go back to being dominated by thought pattern.
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25 minutes ago, Devin said:
@Omelette is there anything you like? The sky, sunrise, sunset, stars, cold drink, a good salad, basking in the sun, stretching, meditation, walks, fishing, running, hiking, ....?
If so, do those things
Yes, there are. A lot of things I like, I think are repressed in some way. Despite however I feel or what I say, I think I like connecting to people, hence why I come here and post versus using a journal.
Sometimes I wonder why it feels like there is resistance towards the thing I want.
I wake up and had thoughts of meditating, but spent the hour on my phone instead.
I know the meditation will feel better... why didn't I?
I have a vision of who/how I would like to be, not for any particular reason like self worth, just because I think it will be fun.
It is silly for me to ask, but how do I do this stuff I like? Genuinely, I don't understand.
I think the ideas I have of free will has caused some tricky thought patterns. If self is illusory, how can one simply do what they like?
Isn't it all just happening, as in, the sense of anhedonia, being sad, not caring about life, is just happening, so "I" just have to "deal with it"?
Even now, the idea that there is an "I" that has to "deal with" is just happening, and if there was ever enlightenment it would never be "caused by" something/someone?
If I wake up tomorrow and say "I am going to only do what I love from now on", if there is no free will, then no one can even control that, so how can it happen?
I don't mean for each of these to be questions I want an answer to, just trying to illustrate what my mental framework is like.
If it was so simple to just do what I like, why wasn't that happening my entire life?
Right now, dropping all these stories, there is no apparent sense of control, just stuff happening.
But even the sense of "dropping all these stories" sort of implies that there is an I that has a choice to, but it's all seemingly happening. And if I woke up depressed and sad tomorrow and wanted to die, or woke up and had the best day ever, what is even in control of that?
I don't know if it's clear what I'm trying to say, and quite frankly I don't even care about understanding if it doesn't make me feel good. I'm so confused😅 I hope the gist of this is comprehensible though; I am trying to get at, what is the mechanism in the present moment to actually start doing what I like/feeling good
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I wrote an even longer post I was going to share, but read over it, and it's just words...
I just want to feel good...
Actively damaging my self due to anhedonic feelings: losing weight, no motivation to stop smoking, avoiding women because I don't want to think about sex, avoiding friends because who cares, avoid going to anything I am invited to because the Universe/God/whatever is not giving me enough trinkets and good feelings, so fuck connecting to the world.
All I am doing now is focusing on setting up my career so I will be able to support my family.
I can say with 100% certainty I am not alive for myself right now, I am going to "log out" when this specific family member is gone, I have even told them. Why? Although death is uncertain, for some reason I believe it is the end of suffering.
(I am not planning on harming myself or anyone else, just venting and looking for advice)
I don't care about meditation, heaven, hell, sex, money (to a degree obviously, given how I am trying to set up my career), health, looking good, acting good, friends, helping others, helping myself, etc., . I'm a robot programmed to complete my task of helping my family, then I can self destruct after.
I really just want to feel good, at any cost...
I don't feel depressed or even bad, just empty.
Please tell me how. Broken down to this point, I understand nothing "out there" will fix this, now can true "progress" be made?
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If two people lived the exact same lives up to a certain point, and one became enlightened, would these two begin having different lives?
Will the enlightened person receive more, be able to manifest more, etc., if it is what they want?
I am asking, are there material benefits from enlightenment?
I suppose it isn't too important, I only hope for material benefits because I think they will bring happiness... but even so, another question arises ...
Are there happiness benefits from enlightenment?
---
Furthermore, does enlightenment stop bad things from happening?
Story of the Buddha says that his cousin tried to roll a heavy boulder onto him, but the boulder split apart and didn't kill the Buddha. His cousin also hired hitmen who were so in awe of the Buddha that they became his disciples instead of harming him.
How does this factor into spirituality?
Will an enlightened one have more favorable luck, when dealing with things like health issues, likelihood of being a victim of crime, etc.?
Finally, what about things that are seemingly impossible to humans?
Siddhis come to mind, I also wonder if someone can do things like cure diseases without any medication or treatment, just their abilities as a result of their spiritual journey.
Something tells me (my own life hahaha) that pursuing spirituality solely to get some powers like this would not work. I wonder if someone with more pure intentions is able to get something from enlightenment...
Why do we walk this path, what is coming at the end? Do I even have a choice to "walk the path" (or does this I exist?) or it is just happening?
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On 8/21/2022 at 9:08 AM, Mandy said:
When we chronically avert from feeling https://www.actualityofbeing.com/blog we seek alternate ways to feel better and begin to rely on external forces to bring us back to feeling, or take our mind off discordant thoughts. We disbelieve that we can do it ourselves, without effort.
At first letting go of an effort can seem to be an effort in itself. If your hand is chronically clenched and tensed relaxing it can seem to be an effort, even though it is not. Smoking is an effort.
I see how I don't even want to smoke, when I am doing stuff I don't even think of it.
I agree with the effort part, after these times I sometimes don't even want it but I just reach for them habitually, then the cycle starts. Diving into these urges and consciously inhaling this poison has started to make me develop a distaste; I hope this will come to a point where I simply don't enjoy it at all, but that is just me trying to avoid facing the urges.
On 8/21/2022 at 9:10 AM, Faith said:We program ourself to think that smoking is an inseparable part of our life. So, now to be a non-smoker you need to unlearn that program. Think how the addiction has you stuck. You're tied to that addiction and a slave to it (make sure you have cigarettes, lighters, have breaks to smoke, where will you smoke, on and on, not to mention your health). You need to want to quit more then you want to use, for whatever your reasons are. So, I'm saying to prepare the mind to quit.
When I quit cold turkey I did have to learn to control the urges. The urges don't magically disappear, because I decide to quit. I read Allen carr 2x's before quitting, but I don't remember the specifics of the book now, since that was about 5 yrs ago.
It's true. His name is Nisargadatta maharaj, the author of the famous "I am that" book. He lived in India and smoked like crazy, but was a great guru.
It's so strange, I have 10000 logical reasons to quit and literally 0 to continue, I am doubting that I am even getting pleasure. As Allen Carr described, the so called "special cigarettes" like first in the morning, after a meal, etc., literally feel the same, sometimes even worse.
Do you still ever feel urges, like if you see someone else light up, or you have a bad day?
I can sometimes just stop the entire day, but at night time I experience heavy negative thoughts many times, like the thoughts of not caring about punishing my body , as if it was some form of rebellion against the universe. I haven't had these types of depressive thoughts in a while and they only seem to come after quitting.
I think I'm just going to have to take the plunge and accept I will feel these heavy urges for a few days/weeks... it's less like a want to smoke and more like a fear of change and lack of belief that I think makes me want to smoke.
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On 8/21/2022 at 8:53 AM, Mandy said:
The appreciation is the reward within itself though. That's how that "now" thing comes in. One imagines the ideal image of the solved rubix cube, and notices the dissonance between the solved cube and the current state of the scrambled cube, but does not notice that focusing on this feels bad. He continues to think bad feeling thoughts, thinks thoughts about how dumb he is, thinks this is the reason why the cube is stills scrambled, and this results in leaving the cube on the shelf and staring at it angrily. Occasionally he will feel a bit better by blaming the company that sells Rubix cubes and curses the memory of Rubix himself. Then he goes back to thinking there is something wrong with him. When the cube is seen and accepted as it is, curiosity can come in. "What if the center pieces never move? Holy shit, the center pieces never move!" As long as a flawed, stupid, inept, unattractive or whatever else, self is thought to be the reason why things aren't how they are wanted to be there is no curiosity, no movement, no progression or more importantly, no enjoyment in the moment.
Your center never moves. The "now", is the smack dab center of everything. This is the only real life, the only place you can live.
Yes!
Because appreciation is your natural state, and because now is already the center, never moves and the now is already solved and never can be scrambled, in the focus there, everything else aligns with that. The fact that you wouldn't appreciate being an Olympic swimmer shows there there is no value inherent in getting the enviable end result achievement, but that it's all about the unique desires and challenges that fulfillment is born out of.
The key is that the subject matters less than the appreciation. You're life is already the pinnacle of many desires. Modern medicine, heating and cooling, refrigeration, our transportation and food distribution systems are absolutely paradisiacal wonders if we went in a time machine back 300 years. When we get what we have wanted for so long, its both simultaneously wonderful and also not a big deal at all. None of the solutions or insights for creating these things came from someone being miserable, they came from curiosity and appreciation.
I think that's really helpful to notice, especially the timing of when those friendships stopped. Having female friends you aren't expecting anything from, having amazing conversations with them, that's appreciating women. If women appreciate you, and like being around you, aren't they using you for their own entertainment, and how is this a bad thing? Women exist for your pleasure. How is this a bad thing, or a thing that reflects badly on you? There's nothing wrong with being open to the possibility that a sexual relationship might follow. There's nothing wrong with you for thinking that. But if that's the ONLY thing you're open to getting from women, you aren't appreciating the friendship or any of the rest of it. Even after having the relationship of your dreams, friendship is still going to be one of the greatest pleasures in life for itself.
It means having fun with the rubix cube, in it's unsolved state. This is where the metaphor becomes less ideal because I want to say just put your hands on the rubix cube, but... no metaphor is perfect. 😂
Maybe message those friends you don't speak to anymore.
I'd continue, but I'd also expand to doing it for other categories in life. Try one with less resistance and just have fun with the process.
❤️ My pleasure. Healing maybe?
It's futile, but also not because the feeling of these and the fact that they don't feel good is guidance.
The needing to fix thing is the same idea as solving the rubix cube. Yes, you want to solve the rubix cube, no there's nothing wrong with that, but yes you bought the rubix cube for the experience, for the fun, for the challenge, for the insights, for the love of the whole thing and that's exactly how it gets solved. There's nothing wrong with you.
Sorry for the late reply, I find if I reply too quickly I find myself trying to mentally "figure it out" or rebut points and miss the overarching message.
I forget if it was a post from you or Phil on another thread, but I saw something along the lines of caring more about how you feel vs being right.
The thought comes up "Omelette, you need to get more confident/outgoing/fun. That is clearly what you are missing in relationships. Once I have this, maybe I won't be happy but I will be happier". This feels bad
Even though confidence is intangible I still see it as something to get, as if I am lacking it, and doing meditation, psychedelics, exercise, health will increase said confidence.
Before, I would do these actions, then get angry, because I felt lied to; "____ told me to do _____ and it is not working! Spirituality is a scam!"
I think I am starting to see that these thoughts are impersonal, and rather than listening to thoughts, listen to feeling. How I do this is literally just by caring more about feeling. If I have the thought "You are worthless" instead of thinking more and about how I am bad for having that thought, just feel the associated sensation... I am still having some trouble with the expression bit, but the thought "I am having trouble and don't know how to express" feels bad, so just shift to feeling? It seems like even thoughts of "I need to climb the emotional scale to get happy" cause discomfort, all it is is literally just feeling, all these words seem sort of non nonsensical after I spend some hours doing this.
I also have the thought " Spiritual teachers told me there is no "I", so who is even "suppressing" or "releasing"? My mind wants to look for an answer, but it doesn't feel good and I don't really care, I only want an answer so I feel better, so I can just feel instead and now I'm already no longer interested in this question before I even finished this paragraph lol.
Last night in bed I felt pretty bad and took a moment to just feel it all, and I realized how it was literally being created. Nothing at all happened that made me feel bad, nothing is different from a moment ago, it was just by choosing to believe thoughts and trying to use these thoughts to suppress my feelings.
With women its:
"Sex gives me value"
"Lack of attention from women signifies I am less-than or a bad person"
"I need to do something to get more attractive"
Associated with these are bad feelings... so who cares about the answer, let me just feel into the body, and like before it is gone aha. I notice the past few days that people are speaking to me for no reason more (in a good way, strangers starting conversations), and less anxiety around women. I try to just appreciate what I like about them, like I used to see a beautiful woman and think "Shes so attractive.... BUT, I will never be able to get intimate with her"... now I am just noticing it, how I am happy without putting conditions on it and these conditions make me unhappy, trying to just enjoy them as a person rather than simply for sex.
Does this seem to be the "right thing" to do given my posts? As I said, the thought of needing to be something more comes up. This is just a thought, and the feelings are to be explored rather than repress like I have been?
I wonder, for instance if there was a 5'2" man with poor hygiene, rotten teeth, very disrespectful and off putting, unemployed, no passion in life, no direction, etc., who had the same problems as me what should he do?
Not exactly sure how to communicate what I mean to say, but I spent so long on "self-improvement" to where I realize that all these qualities I deem undesirable I have mostly worked on; if I read the advice I was given years ago, I would say "Yeah right, how the hell are these positive thoughts going to help, I need to change" but I have spent so long trying to change without results that I have become more open to trying other methods.
Would there be "something to do" for someone in this situation? Like if someone had the same questions as me would the answer be everything you and Phil said + fix your teeth?
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2 hours ago, Faith said:
Hi,
Here's a thread about quitting smoking-
I no longer smoke or drink alcohol. Quitting cold turkey works well for me (but not easy), but I had to want to quit and be free of the substance more then wanting to use and getting the comfort from it. That was the "key" plain and simple. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. So, I dealt with the physical discomfort and psychological pain and as time ticked on it got easier and easier.
I did not find either time of me quitting (nicotine or alcohol) that I needed to replace the addiction with something else, as some ppl say. That didn't apply to me, except the first week of quitting smoking I ate snacks/candy to get the oral fixation.
The feel good feeling is just that I'm no longer at a health risk from my addictions and I'm not at the mercy of a substance. I no longer have to experience hangovers or my skin crawling because I didn't get my hit of nicotine.
You do not need to be enlightened to stop using a substance/quit an addiction.
Good luck
Was there any method or actions taken that helped you get to that point, where you are able to just take the leap and stop completely?
I logically know smoking is literally adding no value, and in fact I don't even enjoy the sensations that much. I carry on in life fine, even better, without it. I think I partially engage in addictions as a form of "punishment", like I'm not getting what I like from life so who cares if I poison this body. In moments of clarity this feels so sad, and I feel so sorry for mistreating my body.
I am trying to consciously engage in the behavior to become aware of lack of enjoyment, to hopefully stop. This has worked for only some addictions for me, but so far not smoking. If I stop for several hours and get an urge I may think "Well, this urge means I'm still using the Willpower Method, I will inevitably go back to smoking since I don't truly want to stop" (In reference to Allen Carr's book, I'm not sure if you read it).
On enlightenment, I was wondering, can someone who is enlightened be addicted to something? I recall a story about some spiritual guru who smokes cigarettes, but I don't know if it was some sort of koan? or a real life story.
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2 hours ago, Mandy said:
I thought you were expressing concern about being in the present moment, that the now was just another thing to pursue, so I asked how you could pursue what already is, what you already have. You want a spark for life, it might seem like surrendering that to appreciate the present moment, but that IS the spark. It's about letting go the effort and the current (now) just takes you. We're fighting, swimming against the very power we want to flow with.
What if solving the problem is more fun and interesting than the end result? That attitude is the spark for life. And that's how it really is, crazy though it may sound.
👍 Awesome. "and it should work out" at the end, stuck out to me. Again, what if figuring it out (and everything is figureout-able) is the fun. The rubix cube came solved, and you messed it up because you wanted it that way, you wanted the challenge. There isn't anything wrong with you.
Well, what if they are just a bonus though. The planet is already awesome, and here's this other totally awesome thing that you can experience. It's not something you've got to conquer or have for yourself, but it is just there for your pleasure. Sounds super anti-feminist of me but seriously, women are just there for your pleasure. It's just that you may currently have a narrow idea of how that pleasure has to be displayed.
I can drive past a mansion and feel jealousy and hatred toward the owner or I can truly enjoy looking at the design, the landscaping, etc. I don't want to live in a world where everyone lives in a double wide. I enjoy the variety. There are also very few mansions I'd actually want to reside in. You don't have to sleep with, or want to sleep with a woman to appreciate her. When you go out, or anytime you interact with a woman, have this passer by, no ownership, wanting nothing kind of appreciation. To be truly seen in a positive light, without anything being wanted from you, is very attractive. Also to observe a man who truly sees anyone that way, no matter their age, gender or what they can do for him is very attractive. Appreciation appreciates, it becomes more.
What don't they get?
You make friends easily, do you have female friends?
Let go the need for resolution. You scrambled that rubix cube. It's a challenge, cause that's what you wanted it to be. Enjoying the challenge means getting curious about the cube. It's like you're just staring at the cube sitting across the room on your shelf in your room with loathing. You aren't even touching it. There's nothing wrong with you for doing that, but you've got to tap back into the excitement with which you bought and scrambled that cube in order to get any new insights into solving it.
There's no issue you're unaware of. Only insights, and inspiration ahead. You scrambled it. What we don't have resistance to we can manifest in the blink of an eye. But when we bring in areas we are pursuing because of self worth issues, ooooo boy. Source gonna hold out on you because more than you want sex, or the perfect relationship, you want to know how frigging awesome you really are, and how unconditionally good life is. Solved rubix cubes are boring. None of us are perfect. We all came with a whole lot of different stuff to deal with for the same reason that J K Rowling killed Harry's parents and made him go live with the Dursleys. We aren't flawed characters, we're the author of the whole shebang. Start writing or thinking it how you'd like it be.
Okay, I think I see what you are saying about the present moment. I guess the thought that "I should be doing something" or "This isn't helping" arises and this belief makes me stop focusing on being present.
I think the point about the appreciation is starting to make sense more, related to the earlier messages about when I mentioned how when I was less attracted to women they were more into me. And perhaps why I can make more friends. As you said, I'm not suffering around them. When I meet a friend I don't think "What if he invites me to hang out later?", "How will I get to hang out with this friend?", but I do that with attractive women, just replace hang out with sex.
My conundrum is that if I try to appreciate, it doesn't work because I am only trying to appreciate in hopes that reality will suddenly then align and I will get everything I want from relationships.
I think appreciation is what I/people naturally do actually, just I have so many layers of bullshit on top... I'm not attached to some future where a friend will grant me some perceived happiness, so I attract friends, maybe?
I feel like a hungry child watching cooking shows all day, or rather, someone with a full kitchen of food, but lacks the ability to chew or swallow. As in, some other people question why I don't have a girlfriend, more relationships, sometimes are genuinely surprised and think I am lying to them, because seemingly I have the qualities that are desired. I also feel like why appreciate if I haven't gotten it and can't seem to get it? Just like I wouldn't appreciate being an Olympic swimmer since nothing in my life suggests I have the capacity to become one, even though the idea of being one sounds enjoyable, at least this is why it isn't making sense to me I think/
I mean that others do get it, and by get it I mean they get socializing, they don't have to spend years on forums and doing self improvement yet they have more relationships than me with more attractive women than me. I'd trade skills in most other areas if I could get this ability.
I used to have female friends, not too many extremely close ones but fairly good friends who we would discuss deep topics about our lives. I stopped talking to all of them once this frustration first began and was more intense some time ago. Now, I feel more hesitant about making friendships with women. I think stuff like "They couldn't possibly understand me anyways", "They are just going to stop talking to me when they get bored", "They are just idiots using me for their own entertainment", "Can I have sex with them/ their friends?", and this obviously feels bad.
I like the rubix cube analogy, I think it is accurate. But how does letting go of the need for resolution look? Does that mean I should continue staring at it, but just not with contempt (don't try to stop thinking about it, just move towards appreciation), or stop staring entirely (just disregard dating and relationships and do something else [I fear this will cause me to "fall behind" and miss out])? Or try to solve it instead (This is what I think I am doing now, I feel like I am solving it although it is fair to say I am just staring at it so to speak)?
I have been writing and envisioning a future full of successful relationships and it feels good. I often think it is just wishful thinking though, this thought feels bad. Should I continue thinking of this future, and just try to drop thoughts that don't align like ones about wishful thinking, even if it seems like I won't receive said future?
Thanks for bearing with me through this by the way. I don't know the right word for the feeling, humbled doesn't seem to capture it fully, but as I mentioned in my original post, there is an odd feeling that comes with complaining and whining about my dating life and women, and having a woman help me. I don't know if I would be able to do the same with a woman complaining about a man, I think of negative stuff I would say after I get fed up, maybe there is some value of me looking into that. I want the feeling of missing out and jealousy to go away and to be able to get more of what I want. I see the futility in the hatred and anger, and I see how I don't even believe all the associated angry thoughts, but there is a sense that if I don't fix it it will only get worse, and if I don't fix it there isn't really a point in continuing living my entire life with this weakness.
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8 hours ago, Mandy said:
You are attracting everything, not just women. You attract the invitations, circumstances, events, synchronicity, serendipity, thoughts about them, etc.
How is that you really feel? Tell me here.
How do you pursue what already is?
By the way there's nothing wrong with totally taking a break from this subject. Forget women. Imagine that the world is only full of men who reproduce on their own like seahorses. You can have, do or be anything. What does that look like? Ever wanted to learn to play an instrument? Start a blog? Learn a new sport? Do what you actually want to do. Don't obsess over the one shaky subject in your life.
The thoughts that come up are stuff like "Do I even want to go or am I just hoping to get validation from women there?", "I never have fun at events like this anyways", "What's the point if I'm too shy to be outgoing?", "I hope there is a woman there that finds me attractive", "I don't want to go and watch everyone else dancing, talking, getting girls numbers while I'm not", "None of these people even care about me, why should I spend time with them?", "I'm happier by myself", "Why can all these people get what I want but I can't, what is wrong with me?". Each feels like one of anger, jealousy, discouragement, and unworthiness.
"How do you pursue what already is? "
I'm not too sure what you mean by that, are you saying the spark for life is already present?
I think there is some problem to be solved, and if I solve it I will get what I want, which is why I keep focusing on this topic. Whether that is true or not, I don't know.
There are a few interests I have but I can't do them to the extent I want due to lack of money, but I am taking steps towards moving towards being able to enjoy this and it should work out.
Honestly, I've asked myself a similar question to this, and I don't know if I would want to be alive in a world without women.
The jealousy and resentment I feel spills over to other areas of life and ruins my enjoyment, I am so angry that other people seem to just "get it", I don't want to be around people sometimes regardless of the activity taking place. I don't know what I want to do, so I just isolate myself and ruminate. I was looking for hobbies but apart from 2 things I don't really have any, and these 2 things don't bring me enough joy to want to live for. I feel there must be something wrong with me, I'm given all these gifts in life but can't be attractive to women. I don't know why I can make friends so much easier. If I could never make friends I would feel just as bad, like something is so wrong about my personality that people don't even want to be around me. It's like I don't want to stop obsessing over this subject until I get a resolution; some days I feel hopeful, and other days it feels like I might as well give up because I'm only getting older and I'm getting less and less of what I want.
I wish it was simpler. I even put relationships and sex on my dream board and I got basically everything except that. It's hard not to believe there is some massive issue I am unaware of, and it grinds me down a little bit every day.
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What even is addiction?
I can pinpoint things that I think that I am addicted to; and the exact same activity can be an addiction or not an addiction depending on the context. Yet I can't define it...
I have seen addiction grouped into psychological and physical.
Substances like weed can make a user physiologically addicted, but if they smoke every day for decades and quit completely cold turkey, apart from the psychological distress they will be physically fine.
Nicotine can be physically and psychologically addictive, but I question the use of the word "physical addiction", because a chronic nicotine user will not die from 100% cessation. They will experience discomfort, diet changes, sleep changes, etc., but so would the weed user. If there is someone more educated on the biology of this maybe they can explain.
Benzodiazepines can be physically addictive in the sense that an addict can literally die if they completely stop cold turkey... to me, this seems like a step up for addiction. Quitting won't cause extreme discomfort, it will cause death
Some things that I think are addictive:
Drugs
Technology
Sex
Thinking
Porn
...
I think anything can be an addiction. One way I have read to gauge an addiction is stop the behavior completely for 2 weeks. If you can't, you are addicted. With exceptions for sleeping, eating, other bodily functions.
I am trying to quit smoking. I have read Allen Carr's book several times but have not quit.
What keeps me coming back to addictive behavior is mainly the belief that the behavior is doing something for me, but there are other beliefs attached to it.
In a moment after hard work, I may think "I deserve a _____ to relax". I've noticed how this creates discomfort, I shift away from feeling good now and focus on some future where I will receive my gratification. When I receive it, I feel no better. Sometimes even worse.
This is understood logically, so I question why I continue with addictive behavior?
Other beliefs are:
"It doesn't make a difference to me, I will receive the same out of life whether or not I continue"
"I won't get what I want anyways, so I might as well continue"
"_______ does it and they seem to be living an awesome life, so why would I stop?"
"I need to figure something out, do something, etc., before I quit"
Some of these are addressed in Allen Carr's books. Nonetheless, for some reason I can't seem to shake my smoking addiction.
I'm hoping some people can share about their experiences overcoming addiction, and provide some advice for just any type of addiction in general, not just smoking. What are some good methods to overcome addictions without just using willpower? How does enlightenment relate to addiction? What does one "gain" when they stop an addiction (I notice myself upset if I stop an addiction and don't "get anything" like good feelings out of it)?
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2 hours ago, Phil said:
What is one thought about yourself, and one thought about what you want, which truly feels good to you?
Myself -
"I have infinite potential for positive growth and change"
What I want -
"I will experience excellent relationships and sex, and will be able to satisfy my desires"
Manifesting is absolute horseshit and doesn't work, you are fucking deluding yourself
in Well Being & Conscious Creating
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I use colorful language to:
1. Clickbait 😅 (change title if necessary please)
2. Express in raw terms how I sometimes think about this whole manifesting thing... I don't mean it as an attack on the work and help provided here, it's just really how I feel (it's really how I think I feel I suppose, I feel pretty fine right now🤣)
My problems with manifesting:
1. So, if you can manifest everything, why aren't you a millionaire?
- Common retort I hear : "When your desires are clear, you may find that you never even wanted to be a millionaire, you just thought this would bring you happiness"
so I would then reply...
If you can literally manifest everything, why haven't you ended sexual abuse, poverty, disease? What an asshole you are if you could really manifest everything and choose a life of hedonism when hundreds of millions are suffering from external conditions.
2. Are you saying I am responsible for all of the conditions I face in life?
How is a sex slave in India, sold by her family, responsible for this? If she managed to escape and find her family, due to the intense shame culture and value for family reputation, she would never even be accepted back. Most men in the area would never marry her if they knew her past. Why did she manifest this? It seems insensitive sometimes, it is easy to say we are manifesting our own conditions with a full stomach and roof over your head.
3. How long am I supposed to wait until it comes?
How many weeks must I do the practices? Dream board, acting as if it is already here, visualize, desire without care of the outcome...
how long am I supposed to wait? If I want to manifest a million dollars and it takes me working 10 years in a good career, how did any of this other stuff matter? Seems like an "nonspiritual" person would have arrived at the same outcome as me. In fact, some "nonspiritual" people are manifesting way more than me, and they don't have to spend hours on practices.
i.e. If it isn't coming from "thin air", can it really be considered manifesting?
. . .
I worry it is just setting myself up for future disappointment. Like telling a child Santa will come on Christmas, but you have no money for presents so they get nothing. They would suffer less I think if you just told them, there are no presents coming, when you are older and work you can buy your own presents.