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I'm so profoundly okay


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I was feeling high anxiety from weed and started panicking... and realized how okay I am

 

When I'm panicking, angry, happy, bored, If I get my penis skinned off, if I win the lottery, if I die today, I'm so okay 😃

 

It still hurts, just it is okay to hurt. No one cares at all and they couldn't care if they wanted to, that would just be their own stuff, and no one feels it except you

 

I suppose from this space it seems more clear that nothing really matters, so choosing to create via positive focus is what I want, hence why I label some things positive and think they feel good.

 

I enter this "positivity mode" with the hopes that it will make me invulnerable to all perceived negatives in life, and blame the positivity when something unfavorable happens.

 

* * *

 

I still find resistance when I am not manifesting what I want, and it is taking too long. It feels discouraging sometimes, like how many Esther Hicks videos must I watch until I get what I want? This is okay too, I just don't like it, but it's okay that I don't.

 

The thought is : You are DELUSIONAL! Why would I get what I want if I haven't before? You really think that thinking positively will work? You are setting yourself up for disappointment when it inevitably doesn't come.

 

If I had it all today though, I know it wouldn't make me happy, it's like playing a video game for the first time and finding that someone on another account completed all the quests and got every item... now what? I just wish there wasn't suffering and it would be more enjoyable to get there.

 

I also notice a strange, horrible feeling from judging. I judged someone (in thinking) for their weight yesterday. It brought me pain to look into their eyes afterwards, see how friendly they were towards me, look at their outfit and how cute it is that we as humans wear clothes and pick fashion styles (reminds me of putting an outfit on a cat, so bizarre and funny).

 

 

 

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18 hours ago, Omelette said:

The thought is : You are DELUSIONAL! Why would I get what I want if I haven't before? You really think that thinking positively will work? You are setting yourself up for disappointment when it inevitably doesn't come.

Disappointment is an emotion and cannot be avoided by thinking and trying to outsmart it. Once you realize how beautiful letting go can be, and how nothing is ever really lost, we see that the avoidance is the discomfort itself. 

 

Impatience is also an emotion, and is guidance guiding you right back to the fulfillment that you are believing will come only as a result of the condition in the future falling into place. 

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