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I need help..


Eternal
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Just been thinking that I really want to move out, make money as I basically have no income coming in and don't even seem motivated by monet but one thing is stopping me from achieving my greatest potential and that is women... I find them so alluring and I deeply crave sex all the time, even at the dispense of my longer term goals and want I want in life. 

 

I would choose meeting a girl and having sex with her over trying to move out of my grandmothers and live on my own because it feels so deeply satisfying being in that moment and after all, looking at properties is a lot of work. I don't like work, I seem to just like hedonistic pleasures and avoid doing the actual thing that is going to fulfill me in the long run. 

 

Even when I am working, my mind will always be thinking about girls. So I can distract myself from doing the work, like there is so much resistence to doing anything hard. I want the good life but have everything easy. 

 

I am always addicted to my mobile phone, getting so many thoughts every day about checking it. Thinking about the next women that I want to have sex with. I think I have a mobile phone and a sex addiction. I find it is litteraly stopping me from doing the so called things that 'I want' on my dream board. The huge distractions of women, I just find them so incredibly tempting. To the point where I feel powerless in my decisions throughout the day. I always choose sex over hard work any day. 

 

Maybe this is just a lot of karma that I need to burn through but my social skills are bad and I need to improve them so that is something. It is just what makes me sad is that I never have any money and I don't even feel motivated by money. I basically just leech of my family and think that money grows on trees or some shit. I have no sense of work ethic or discipline in life. 

 

That is what I want.. work ethic, money, moving out but how do I get that when I am so incredibly distracted my techonology and girls and sex.. it feels so impossible. Whenever I check my phone, I subtly beat myself up for doing it as if I should not check my phone since my idealized version of myself would think being on a phone is a complete timewaste. Compulsive urges to check if a girl has texted me though, it is not knowing what I find so alluring. When I turn it off do not disturb, am I going to get a text message or not. It is that addiction which makes me constantly check my phone. 

 

I want it to stop though because really what is the point of checking my phone, I don't get why I am so addicted to hedonism and short term pleasures. Sometimes my brain just feels like it is fried and can never have a good work ethic. I get distracted so easily. 

 

Well, I kind of have more clarity about what I want but in terms of getting it, girls may be holding me back by all the temptations

 

On my dream board I don't want to always compulsively check my phone so why do I?? 

 

I don't want to be the kind of person who will be addicted to technology for the rest of my life 😞 I don't want to be addicted to sex and women.. but I just cannot help myself.. I get agitated and Irritated and seduced into sex by the female body. I wish I was not so addicted to women and pleasure so I can actually make money and work on myself... 

 

Hopefully I won't be forever trapped... Everyday I keep saying it is going to be different but I always don't give a shit about money and just want sex pretty much. Sometimes I will waste my days and only look forward to my dates that evening. 

 

I will even compromise my own values to meet a girl and fuck her because I get so tense and irritated with being on my own... I want a female body.. and a connection/someone to talk to and have fun with but it is all a waste of time. 

 

I am not achieving anything by doing it so why do I 

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I hear ya.... 

 

First, I think it's good that you've identified two areas, romantic companionship and phone addiction, to work on. 

 

I'm not an expert on either of these, but I think there's certain to be people on YouTube and elsewhere that can give advice. I also think working with someone on these, whether it's a therapist or simply an accountability partner, could be helpful.

 

I could give some tips on both, setting up a phone schedule or getting off social media, but you probably already know these or you might have different ideas/goals here. 

 

You mention having a strong sex drive. This is good, this means everything is working, you have testatarone.You mention being enthralled by hedonism. Again, you're noticing what's what. 

 

But reflect on the detriments of sensual desire. Sex can feel empty too. Sex can be incredibly awkward. When I was younger and partying, after a night of chasing women if it did end up in sex, I'd think Geez, all these hours of work, listening to their life story, and for what -- 8.5 minutes of sex and then an orgasm. I could have hung out with my friends instead. Was it all worth it? 

 

I know a lot oif single friends who are desperate to find someone. I know married friends who wish they were single. A lot of rock stars who appeared to have it all: fame, money, groupies, sex, -- committed suicide.. 

 

6 hours ago, Eternal said:

I will even compromise my own values to meet a girl and fuck her

 

I'm not going to refer to pickup artists, but I do think confidence and humor are great in meeting girls. IMO you've got to be comfortable in yourself. Realize you bring a lot to this party too If you don't think you do -- that's another issue to be worked on. If you have no job or Income, work on yourself. It's a cliche but go to the gym. Go to the gym and meditate. Look at the Wim Hof method. It's pretty hard core and I think will give you a sense of achievement and pride. MMA and Brazilian jiujutsu might be a good out let for you too. Take a free online class. Volunteer. You get the idea. 

 

Although I did have a friend, who gave me advice, "Like what they like, love what they love, hate what they hate." -- so what values are we refering to here? 

 

What do you like to do? What give you a sense of pride and accomplishment? What's important to you? If you were to give advice to a younger cousin of yours -- what would you tell them to do? 

 

“If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.” ― The Buddha

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On 8/11/2022 at 8:50 AM, Eternal said:

Maybe this is just a lot of karma that I need to burn through

This is what’s at the heart of the confusion & suffering therein, and addiction is an assumption which is innocently used as a mental label which doesn’t help or clarify but unfortunately, in it’s employment, it keeps the underlying confusion from being inspected & illuminated by attributing the discord felt to a non-existent separate self, which is said to be addicted. In the false understanding of ‘burning off karma’, and not recognizing what’s occurring is conditioning, discordant karma is actually being perpetuated and added to… while conditioning continues to ‘run the show’ so to speak. This only makes the entirety of experience more unnecessarily difficult, as the ‘other shoe’ of karma always falls. 

 

Put more simply (perhaps)… with the inherent ignorance of the term ‘burning through karma’, conditioning is ignored, and continues, and more discordant karma is created. 

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