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I have met this girl 3 times and we have had sex, smoked weed & had a great time together. Last time I met her was a day ago and I was just being myself, which I am pretty sure she found attractive. I was funny, talking to a lot and showed a curiosity into what she is actually interested in. A lot of the time, I tell myself that I am very unattractive when it comes to talking to women and that I need to learn game and pickup but whenever I go out and do that, it does not feel good at all. I get a lot of thoughts about how worthless I am with women and get extremely emotionally triggered. I do rely on the pursuit of women and have sex with them to fill some kind of empty void I have. 

 

Do I need to get good with women to become a more attractive man or do I just live my life by doing what feels good and people with gravitate towards me? I am contemplating this girl rejecting me and I don't know if it will feel bad or not unless it is done. 

 

I guess I have never really had a girlfriend so all of this is really scary for me. I am good looking so I have had a lot of dates and slept with around 50 women but I do still feel bad with women. I am scared that this girl might actually like me and I think I like her but I don't know. I am not used to it. I am used to hiding in a facade on trying to be this attractive man which fails miserably. 

 

How do I determine if she should be my girlfriend or if I should just set more of a "I am only going to be FWB with you" frame, if we keep seeing each other, I am sure she might ask where this is going. I don't want to cause her suffering because I have been through a lot myself and the thought of other people experience what I go through makes me quite sick. She's a lovely person but maybe I am just overthinking everything. 

 

I am so scared of rejection and so scared of loving someone at the same time. Most people have been in relationships at my age (26) and I still feel this unlovable energy around me sometime. Letting someone in and being vulnerable seems to be a fear of mine. Like I can get attraction from women easily and not ever being in a relationship makes the whole thing feel a lot worse. For the better part of the last 5 years I have been chasing women after women, sleeping with loads, going on loads of dates. Most of them reject me, well the ones I liked. I would even go on dates with ones I did not find that attractive just because I felt so bad and unlovable and craved sex, I needed a companion. I eventually rejected them though. 

 

Also what if I decide to make her my girlfriend and I know I could do better? I get thoughts of "when is she going to text back", so yes I am guessing I may feel bad if I get rejected. I am putting all my eggs into one basket... I may have some kind of neurosis when it comes to women from past experience. Getting way to needy and to attached. Not enjoying my own life and wanting the other to give me happiness. 

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My God man, stop the insanity! Try to stop identifying with every little thought your mind produces.

 

Create some space between, you, the witnessing presence and the thoughts appearing to you. 

 

Place attention in the body and feel the aliveness, focus on deep breathing, meditate.

 

 

On 8/5/2022 at 9:07 AM, Eternal said:

Also what if I decide to make her my girlfriend and I know I could do better?

 

This is coming from destructive thought patterns.

 

 

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Posted (edited)
On 8/8/2022 at 12:58 PM, Mandy said:

Do you have any creative pursuits or outlets? 

@Mandy

 

I don't. I know that is what is holding me back but I always get so distracted by girls and they take my mind off of me doing anything else. I find it really challenging. Sometimes it feels like I don't have anything I really actually enjoy doing. 

Edited by Eternal
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