Eternal Posted August 3, 2022 Share Posted August 3, 2022 My grandmother came back to our flat from a weeks holiday seeing my Dad in Ireland and I felt a lot of negative thoughts and emotions bubbling up. Feeling like I am only trapped in my small little bedroom not able to do anything about it. I was in bed a lot today feeling suffocated and trapped because it is so noisy as my aunts came up earlier also. It is very challenging as her dementia is getting bad and I find that I cannot even have a conversation with her. She only seems to ask me the same questions all the time. She always comes to my side of the flat constantly and doesn't even seem to realize. It just feels like there is this hovering entity constantly over me. She has this very suffocating form of love vibe to her and wanting to do everything for me to the point where it can become to much. I find it hard to even do any work in my room as I feel trapped, anxious, scared for when she next comes down to my side of the flat. I find I am sensitive to peoples energies. I just want to live by myself in peace and quite. I try to understand where she is coming from but it so damn hard. I fail to see her perspective. I only get frustrated when she always goes on and talks to me about the same things, the same questions, the same anxious energy. It feels like I cannot fully breathe being in my environment, my mind is wanting to get out of here. I know this living situation is the thing that is holding me back. I just live in a small comfort zone, and live in fear behind my family doing things for me. I don't seem to be growing. In fact I just chase girls to get out of the uncomfortable situation that life has thrown at me. I put pressure on myself to find my Life Purpose knowing I am capable of so much more yet fail to take action because of everything going on. I am in a constant state of irritation to do with my grandmother, girls, having no money, feeling powerless and worthless. Most days I waste in my bed because I don't know what to do. I try to meditate for an hour every morning just focusing on my breath but my days consist of me getting way to many thoughts to count of oh "I need to check my phone to see what girls have texted me" just so I can try to go on dates to fill this void. I don't even know what I enjoy... I go to the gym but sometimes it just feels like a chore, I do meditation but what if it's something I think I should be doing because others told me. I genuinely feel like I have no passions. Anyway it feels hard to cultivate more of a sense of life being in my situation. I just want a direction in my life and find my Life Purpose but why does it seem so hard 😞 Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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