Finitude Posted August 2, 2022 Share Posted August 2, 2022 Hello! Thank you for this community! I’m going to write using dualist language because I want to be understood. That said: I’ve been thinking about speaking to someone about these matters for a couple months. Over the last three years I’ve gone through a radical recontextualization of experience with all the attendant ups and downs. It began as it does with most: seeking an end to suffering. Manly P. Hall’s content led me to Leo’s content which opened the rabbit hole, so to speak. I have journal entries spanning ten plus years, many of which contemplate suicide, not as a certainty, but as a possibility, which gave a sense of control to a mind out of control. From the vantage point of wisdom, inasmuch as its been acquired, suicide as certainty or possibility now seems an absurdity. Real change in experience began when I heard Eckhart Tolle say, “You are not your mind”. In retrospect, hearing those words gave me the first experience of being aware of being aware. From there I began to experience plant life differently in that an aliveness was perceived beyond the physical form, which came and went; occasionally I’d glimpse the aliveness in humans. Rupert Spira’s name became apart of my mental landscape but only after some time did I explore his work, after, in retrospect, a synchronicity occurred. One of his talks triggered an experiential understanding of consciousness as a totality which collapsed the martialist paradigm. I began listening to the RA Contact. The word “distortion” is used frequently. After hearing it so many times in the context of the subject matter I realized, intellectually, everything is a distortion of Unity: phenomena, perception, thought, emotion, ect. An understanding of language’s limits was realized. Lying down one evening I thought of a circle morphing into all existence and I realized God as totality, that we “can’t get behind God”, which lead to the experience of Unity with all things animate and inanimate, including perceptual ephemera. Since then the aliveness experienced in plant life is now in everything, though I have to exert effort to remain in that octave, which causes the body to become exhausted because I assume I’m not attuned to such a frequency. Strangely, when I first began to consciously notice beingness in different body/minds, I felt as if I was doing something I shouldn’t, like I’d get caught, and the experience of a subtle embarrassment arose. That has dissipated and now I talk to people, watch people talk among themselves, and I’m absolutely struck at just how remarkable it all is, everyone wearing these psychological garments pretending to be something they’re not. There’s such a profound humor to it all sometimes I feel like I’m going to pop or the body can just expire and I can merge back into the Source. Francis Lucile eventually manifested, which further refined the understanding. Now, I’m still experiencing strong distortions toward the personality, including well-worn neurotic thought patterns and associated emotions, though, admittedly, they’ve lost their charge, but I’m not immune to being carried away if I’m not diligent. It has been back and forth and back and forth but experience is trending toward stabilization. I came to the realization that there is something preventing total surrender, something with the internal dialogue. There’s probably more ignorance, but this is where experience currently resides. Phil’s Youtube channel manifested, which affirmed the intuition. There's more detail, but these are the broad points. Sorry for the length, but I’ve communicated to no one about this. Thank you. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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