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Just going to journal this because it I feel so incredibly unworthy right now and this date brought out a lot of unworthiness. I met a girl on the beach and we walked back to mine, it was our second date but we were just talking on my bed for hours. It made me feel so horrible. I am a man and needed to take initiative but I didn't. I tried to kiss her a few times but it felt uncomfortable and then she stopped. I don't think she wanted to sleep with me. When I was with her for most of the time, I was thinking about sex as an objective but some of the time I was present. Every single moment she was just talking and asking me questions but I couldn't get into the moment. I felt so inferior because I know I should of slept with her. Why would she come to mine if she did not intend on sleeping with me? I was hiding behind some curtain of personality. Afraid of expressing my raw masculinity. This date really hit me hard. I am so afraid of escalating. Afraid of leading a women to sex. I just felt like I have wasted my whole evening and did not achieve anything. I waited like 2 weeks to meet this girl again. Don't think I am going to text her because what's the point. 

 

Sometimes in the interaction I made her laugh.  But my mind was set on fucking her so much that I found it very hard to enjoy the conversation process. I get very quite towards the end. Feelings of unworthiness showed up. Negative thoughts. You name it. 

 

It got so bad that I actually did not want to sleep with her after a certain point because I messed up. Don't get me wrong, some parts of the conversation I was in flow state, making her laugh and enjoying her as a personality. But a lot of the time, I just wanted to fuck her and it was this inner conflict in my mind. Of wanting to make a move vs being so afraid of expressing my masculine urges. 

 

I eventually just basically asked her to leave and gave her a hug. Feels bad but it is serious fear. What is the point in spending like 3 hours with someone with basically no reward. I feel like I have just wasted my time. I wish I was more smooth, I kissed her a few times but the fear of escalating further frightened me. I don't think she perceived me as an attractive dominant man. 

 

Meh.... on to the next girl I guess... 

 

Wastng my life chasing women.. getting barely any results.. 

 

I feel like crying. Feelings of unworthiness hurt. 

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1 hour ago, Eternal said:

I was thinking about sex as an objective

 

1 hour ago, Eternal said:

my mind was set on fucking her so much that I found it very hard to enjoy the conversation process

 

1 hour ago, Eternal said:

a lot of the time, I just wanted to fuck her

 

1 hour ago, Eternal said:

What is the point in spending like 3 hours with someone with basically no reward.

 

1 hour ago, Eternal said:

I feel like I have just wasted my time.

 

From what you say you are only looking to get laid.

 

You aren't interested in getting to know someone and getting a girlfriend, obviously.

 

So, why aren't you honest and say what you're looking for? Tell them you are looking for a hook-up.

 

This way you don't waste your time...or hers. Also, if she thought of you as a potential BF she will know up front you aren't interested in that. 

 

 

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@Eternal oh so it wasn't that bad huh, maybe you're blowing it out of proportion and youll get a second chance. 

 

Just have fun man, just have fun! 

 

Sex/intimacy feels better imo when it's just the cherry on top. 

 

I mean which one do you think feels better: 

 

-A super fun date filled with playfulness and laughter and on top of that some sexual stuffs at the end. 

 

-You guys just hookup and then go your own separate ways. 

 

Which one is more magical? 

🌞🌚

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