How do I get rid of deeply held negative beliefs?

[Eternal]

I am not sure how to get rid of deeply held negative beliefs about my seperate self. They seem to keep on happening over and over again. It's horrible beliefs when interacting with women. It's a challenge to try to socialize when I am getting bombarded with negative thoughts. Maybe I need to stop going clubbing. I don't enjoy it that much but I just want to get better at socializing. Instead I get loads of negative thoughts coming my way while being incredibly stifled. 

 

I go on dates, do a lot of approaches but nothing stops these negative beliefs. I don't know how to get rid of them. It's especially noticeble around socializing with women, less so around men. 

 

I wish I could enjoy socializing with others but it is such a chore and causes me a lot of misery. I wish I could let go of all the negative beliefs but they keep on popping up whenever I am in that situation. 

[Mandy]

Trying to get rid of what's holding us back is what's holding us back. What do you want to do with your time? How do you want to feel? Not just with the topic of women but in all topics. Envision that. Maybe you decide you want to go to a concert solely for the concert and at that event you effortlessly meet someone that there is not resistance whatsoever to interacting with . Attraction seems to work that way, it's like the universe is blind to the specific categories of things that we want, but when we are on the trail of what we want, following inspiration, no subject is neglected. Don't think you must go to specific places to overcome some sort of personal problem you have. The belief that you are lacking in that way feels bad because it doesn't resonate. The way to what you want is the path of least resistance. Occasionally doing something crazy challenging is really fun because it blows through our beliefs about what we are and are not capable of. But the reason it did was because we were in some way enjoying that challenge or inspired to that challenge, and weren't fixated on the results, even if it pushed our limits. Sometimes taking the plunge IS the path of least resistance. But if we force challenges on ourselves, the belief that we don't like it or it is difficult can become more predominant than any benefit the experience offers. If it's a chore, it's become exactly this. You need to find some way to make it fun and exciting for you. Or find something to focus on that is fun and exciting. 

 

 

What are the beliefs in particular? Have you tried writing them out and writing out what might be a new countering belief? 

 

Have you noticed the times when you ARE enjoying the company of others? Is it true that you always experience these beliefs? If you aren't appreciating the times when you are happy with others, you can't expect to feel good about the subject as a whole when you later think of it. 

[Phil]

20 hours ago, Eternal said:

I am not sure how to get rid of deeply held negative beliefs about my seperate self.

There are thoughts about there being a separate self - but there isn’t a / that separate self the thoughts are about. The thoughts are - just the thoughts. Bring attention inward, back to the awareness which is aware of and prior to the thought ‘my’, of ‘my separate self’. Allow the thought ‘my separate self’, to be seen, recognized & acknowledged for what it is  - a thought experienced (and not a self). The Self is knowing of & aware of the experience, of the thoughts.  

20 hours ago, Eternal said:

They seem to keep on happening over and over again.

‘What we resist, persists’.  In allowing the thoughts to be, there is peace with / as what is. You are that peace, which is awareness, aware of - the thoughts. 

20 hours ago, Eternal said:

 

It's horrible beliefs when interacting with women. It's a challenge to try to socialize when I am getting bombarded with negative thoughts. Maybe I need to stop going clubbing. I don't enjoy it that much but I just want to get better at socializing. Instead I get loads of negative thoughts coming my way while being incredibly stifled. 

 

I go on dates, do a lot of approaches but nothing stops these negative beliefs. I don't know how to get rid of them. It's especially noticeble around socializing with women, less so around men. 

 

I wish I could enjoy socializing with others but it is such a chore and causes me a lot of misery. I wish I could let go of all the negative beliefs but they keep on popping up whenever I am in that situation. 

Allow the thoughts, and love the experience of, thoughts. All thoughts. This is allowing your true, unconditional nature. 

 

Spending just a few minutes returning attention to feeling breathing in the stomach allows the mind to clear, the thought activity to settle. In this ‘break’ there is more clarity & the true nature is more pronounced, and the thoughts are powerless as they are acknowledged to be, just thoughts. 

 

Actually welcome the thoughts, and use the emotional scale and an expression journal to ‘get to the bottom’ of when these thoughts started and why. Then use the Mental & Emotional Equanimity meditations. 

[Eternal]

On 7/26/2022 at 11:56 AM, Mandy said:

 

 

What are the beliefs in particular? Have you tried writing them out and writing out what might be a new countering belief? 

Mainly of unworthiness, bad personality, neediness, low self esteem. It's hard when the thoughts penetrate my psyche so deeply. It's very prominant around women. 

 

Have you noticed the times when you ARE enjoying the company of others?

Rarely, I usually harp on the negative experiences. I find myself having a hard time enjoying myself around others. Almost like I am in my own bubble of reality trying to get own selfish needs met. Oh, I have no income. I need a job. I have an unattractive personality. I don't know what to do with my life. I take others for granted because I am so focused on my own selfishness on trying to have a better life. I don't even emotionally connect with others. I rarely cry. Doing good for others feels odd. 

 

[Mandy]

@Eternal Do you see the distinction between believing "I have beliefs of unworthiness, these beliefs are holding me back and I can't get rid of them, so therefore I am unworthy. "

 

and.....

 

I am worth itself, unconditionally whole and when I feel any less than that, it's only because I'm thinking that I am less than that." 

 

See how the first is only MORE beliefs of unworthiness, using knowledge of unworthiness to confirm the belief in unworthiness? Belief in beliefs? 

 

I'm just going to take a shot and rewrite your negative confirmations for you. Try it yourself. Flip the narrative around. 

 

There ARE times when I enjoy the company of others and when I do, I really enjoy it. I intend to notice when I DO do this and I intend to appreciate it. I understand the importance of putting my own oxygen mask on first, but ultimately I understand that I really love others and want to be of benefit to them. I have a lot of free time and a lot of opportunities and freedom of choice right now. I appreciate other people. Sometimes I appreciate them even when they don't do anything for me or recognize me at all. I keep my cool under pressure. When others get upset, I hold my own, I keep my balance. I appreciate this about myself. I would like to open up more, I'm open already, even now, reading this, feeling to resonance of the words. Like riding a bicycle first felt really weird, awkward and impossible, and now is second nature, I understand that reaching out authentically in relationship to others is the same as the bicycle and I don't expect myself to perform perfectly right out of the gate or every time. I intend to go easier on myself, to love myself and appreciate myself. I intend to tell myself that I'm doing a good job every once in a while, and when I forget and berate myself for not appreciating myself enough, I'll let myself in on the joke and let myself off the hook. 

[Eternal]

On 7/27/2022 at 11:52 PM, Mandy said:

@Eternal Do you see the distinction between believing "I have beliefs of unworthiness, these beliefs are holding me back and I can't get rid of them, so therefore I am unworthy. "

 

and.....

 

I am worth itself, unconditionally whole and when I feel any less than that, it's only because I'm thinking that I am less than that." 

 

See how the first is only MORE beliefs of unworthiness, using knowledge of unworthiness to confirm the belief in unworthiness? Belief in beliefs? 

 

I'm just going to take a shot and rewrite your negative confirmations for you. Try it yourself. Flip the narrative around. 

 

There ARE times when I enjoy the company of others and when I do, I really enjoy it. I intend to notice when I DO do this and I intend to appreciate it. I understand the importance of putting my own oxygen mask on first, but ultimately I understand that I really love others and want to be of benefit to them. I have a lot of free time and a lot of opportunities and freedom of choice right now. I appreciate other people. Sometimes I appreciate them even when they don't do anything for me or recognize me at all. I keep my cool under pressure. When others get upset, I hold my own, I keep my balance. I appreciate this about myself. I would like to open up more, I'm open already, even now, reading this, feeling to resonance of the words. Like riding a bicycle first felt really weird, awkward and impossible, and now is second nature, I understand that reaching out authentically in relationship to others is the same as the bicycle and I don't expect myself to perform perfectly right out of the gate or every time. I intend to go easier on myself, to love myself and appreciate myself. I intend to tell myself that I'm doing a good job every once in a while, and when I forget and berate myself for not appreciating myself enough, I'll let myself in on the joke and let myself off the hook. 

 

That's quite interesting. I don't give myself enough credit for what I am good at. Perhaps I might try that in the future due to bad emotions. Yeah, I am aware of all the beliefs I have but getting rid of them may take time..