Would I regret it later in life?

[fopylo]

Writing this after drinking half a liter of beer.

 

Woke up at 14:00 pm, and rushed somewhere, and by the time my slow ass finished taking a shower and "getting reading for the day" it was 16:00 already.

 

I've been spending the whole day not doing anything, except being on the laptop watching YouTube and brainrotting myself to some Instagram reels, dopminmaxxing.

 

But yet, I've noticed how all of these are thoughts that don't feel good, and when shifting attention back to the mindless YouTube videos I feel kinda back to comfortable, ok. I wouldn't say I'm living the dream though. But it is very nice.

 

That's the tricky part I was thinking about during the walk with my dog: "Would I regret later on in life?"

This doesn't feel so good, so then going back to the comfy screentime feels like the good escape.

 

Sometimes I get those wakeup calls that I'm being too much on the screen and not doing something with my life, and then realize this doesn't feel good, and shift attention back to the screens and all the internet brainrot.

 

This feeling of nothing matters because everything is just thoughts and the only real thing is right here.

So would it be cool to be a grown ass man with lots of responsibilities just having a nice time watching YouTube all day and barely doing anything and no chores and no taking care of people because right now I feel good? Like where the hell do you draw the line, for real?

 

If the truth behind ideas (such as "the emotional scale") aren't truly realized then they will get twisted, seen by a different perspective.

 

My room is a mess, and when I look at it, I feel like shit.

My body is quite a mess from head to toes (joints and stuff), and when I think about it, I feel like shit.

My lifestyle is so fucking boring and not attracting at all, and yes, when I think about it, I feel like shit.

Insecurity, Overwhelment, maybe even suppressed boredom.

 

These thoughts feel certain ways, but then I can shift back to comfy Youtube, or to escape this reality in some other way. I could really be listening to some great music on Youtube that makes me go nuts and feel so frickin great, or to some funny video that makes me laugh hard.

But then again, focusing on any of those things about - I feel like shit, again.

 

And then the question rises again - "Would I regret it later in life?"

 

Lot's of things have been passing by that I could've seized. I have definitely abandoned things and skills I used to harness when I was younger. Back then I used to spend some of the free time in playing the piano and learning languages and other stuff. And even back then I remember thinking I'm missing on some stuff. - "Would I regret it later in life".

 

Self improvement entered "my life", to stop with this rotten life and get somewhere better. It has really helped me in terms of accessing some of the higher emotions on the scale.

 

But self improvement has been adhered to and abandoned, adhered to,

and now, well... Not really sure anymore. Kind of an abandonment.

 

This apathetic experience has made it much harder to try and strive for something, or get on this competitive spirit again. All this "there's no becoming", "there's no you" are pointing to some truth, yet isn't truly realized yet (if it even is "something") and thus twisting might be occurring.

 

There is confusion in what should I do. What should I really do right now? There is no such thing even as doing so how could this be possible? I'll just stay stuck here, watching Youtube or whatever, not doing something impressive, but in the moment I'll forget all that and feel content engaging in the brainrot, forgetting of reoccurring problems (discordant thought patterns) and who knows where life will take me...

 

Would I regret it later in life?

 

Probably. I might be going insane. Drank some beer to ease this experience before writing all this. Gonna go eat some chocolate, and then spend some more time on Youtube before going to bed. Perhaps entertaining content like most times, and then maybe something about life, and then bed.

 

Yeah, I'll definitely be a good choice of a boyfriend and a great father.

 

What is regret? Boy I just want a cool life that I can be happy of.

Edited Wednesday at 10:32 PM by fopylo

[Phil]

14 hours ago, fopylo said:

I just want a cool life that I can be happy of.

That is already the case. 

[fopylo]

@Phil Dude this literally didn't connect any dots for me.

 

How do you compromise between doing what feels good right now and to "should" yourself into planning and tidying even if discordant?

[Phil]

@fopylo

I don’t compromise. It’s the thought you’re feelin, and that one doesn’t resonate. That is what I don’t compromise on. If you simply let it go, another more resonating thought will arise. Same for regret. 

[fopylo]

@Phil Isn't it a matter of how much you're willing to let go?

[Phil]

@fopylo

Experientially yeah, but what really matters?

[fopylo]

@Phil How do I know which course of action I should take?

 

Wasting time in my comfort in front of the computer for the whole day is quite comforting, and sometimes enjoyable.

But then there is regret in not pursuing what really matters.

 

My god... How I used to be such an ambitious person and diving into self improvement and taking this life more seriously.

I used to focus on Think and Grow Rich style, other money and self improvement stuff (not that I did so much with it, but still a bit and I was more knowledgeable).

Focused really on reading self help books in free time, as well as learning a language, about investing, about music, exercise... Strongly believing all this would lead to a great life - and it DID, to an extent. The experience was of strong positive belief and enthusiasm here and there.

 

Now there is no more self improvement, for the good (as there is no self that needs improvement, only emotion and thoughts), but now I'm not doing anything great with my life. Inspiration tries coming but I'm trying to get in the way to see how all of 'this' works. So I am procrastinating the whole day, thinking I somehow "decoded" the matrix.

[Orb]

4 minutes ago, fopylo said:

@Phil How do I know which course of action I should take?

 

Wasting time in my comfort in front of the computer for the whole day is quite comforting, and sometimes enjoyable.

But then there is regret in not pursuing what really matters.

 

My god... How I used to be such an ambitious person and diving into self improvement and taking this life more seriously.

I used to focus on Think and Grow Rich style, other money and self improvement stuff (not that I did so much with it, but still a bit and I was more knowledgeable).

Focused really on reading self help books in free time, as well as learning a language, about investing, about music, exercise... Strongly believing all this would lead to a great life - and it DID, to an extent. The experience was of strong positive belief and enthusiasm here and there.

 

Now there is no more self improvement, for the good (as there is no self that needs improvement, only emotion and thoughts), but now I'm not doing anything great with my life. Inspiration tries coming but I'm trying to get in the way to see how all of 'this' works. So I am procrastinating the whole day, thinking I somehow "decoded" the matrix.

Who told you you need to do something great with your life? 

[Phil]

58 minutes ago, fopylo said:

How do I know which course of action I should take?

 

Wasting time in my comfort in front of the computer for the whole day is quite comforting, and sometimes enjoyable.

But then there is regret in not pursuing what really matters.

 

My god... How I used to be such an ambitious person and diving into self improvement and taking this life more seriously.

I used to focus on Think and Grow Rich style, other money and self improvement stuff (not that I did so much with it, but still a bit and I was more knowledgeable).

Focused really on reading self help books in free time, as well as learning a language, about investing, about music, exercise... Strongly believing all this would lead to a great life - and it DID, to an extent. The experience was of strong positive belief and enthusiasm here and there.

 

Now there is no more self improvement, for the good (as there is no self that needs improvement, only emotion and thoughts), but now I'm not doing anything great with my life. Inspiration tries coming but I'm trying to get in the way to see how all of 'this' works. So I am procrastinating the whole day, thinking I somehow "decoded" the matrix.

There’s no self which knows either. It’ll arise essentially as thoughts. It arises in the empty space where that story is. 

 

As you said, only thoughts and emotions. Those are the thoughts, what is the emotion?