I don't know what to do

[Mandy]

@noomii If you didn't believe that disappointment is something that is worth avoiding, what would you do? 

[noomii]

2 hours ago, Phil said:

@noomii

Could you describe what your approach has been, and comment decisively as to whether or not it’s working?

 

Then come up with one word, any word you want, which describes that approach.

 

 Then we can talk about a different approach. 

I've been trying to be mindful of every thought/emotion that comes up related to needing to find a job at a new place.

 

I've thought about where I want to go and had two places in mind that doesn't feel right. I have a few ideas on jobs but not applied for anything.

I have to apply for jobs before this month ends. I just don't know where. 

This is where I believe I have to force things and make a decision even though it doesn't feel right at all.

 

I've thought that I'm not actually going to be homeless or without money so I don't really need to hurry. I've applied for financial support, I feel a bit worry that I will get less this time. I have to apply for jobs and do as they say to get the financial support.

Then I will probably stay a short while at my parents place even though they don't want me there.

 

It's not working.

I would describe it as maybe avoidant? 

 

I feel insecurity sharing this because people might think I'm just spoiled, dependent and irresponsible.

 

Edited September 25 by noomii

[noomii]

2 hours ago, Mandy said:

@noomii If you didn't believe that disappointment is something that is worth avoiding, what would you do? 

 

I don't know, maybe it doesn't matter. Feels like I'm avoiding way more than just disappointment.

[Phil]

7 hours ago, noomii said:

It's not working.

I would describe it as maybe avoidant? 

 

I feel insecurity sharing this because people might think I'm just spoiled, dependent and irresponsible.

It’s said insecurity is felt - because of what people might think.

What’s avoided is - feeling insecurity.

The avoidance is - that it’s about other people.

 

Make sense? 

 

[noomii]

13 hours ago, Phil said:

It’s said insecurity is felt - because of what people might think.

What’s avoided is - feeling insecurity.

The avoidance is - that it’s about other people.

 

Make sense? 

 

The avoidance is to focus on the thoughts instead of sensation or perception?

Is it only relieving to express thoughts if one is aware of the sensation?

 

So I just need to keep being aware of how it feels? It doesn't matter at all what I do or what happens?

 

22 hours ago, Mandy said:

@noomii If you didn't believe that disappointment is something that is worth avoiding, what would you do? 

This was great, thanks Mandy.

[Phil]

1 hour ago, noomii said:

The avoidance is to focus on the thoughts instead of sensation or perception?

What happens when focus is returned to sensation or perception?

 

1 hour ago, noomii said:

Is it only relieving to express thoughts if one is aware of the sensation?

Is the relief not in allowing the sensation to be fully felt? 

How could you know for sure, without absolute certainty?

 

1 hour ago, noomii said:

So I just need to keep being aware of how it feels? It doesn't matter at all what I do or what happens?

Is ‘how it feels’ thought, sensation, or perception?

Same for ‘what I do’. Thought, sensation, or perception?

Same for what happens. Isn’t thought, perception & sensation - what’s happening?

 

If change is desired, attempt to change / make or create a change, in each aspect:

Thought(s).

Perception. 

Sensation. 

 

Change each. See how it goes / what’s discovered. 

[Phil]

22 hours ago, noomii said:

I feel insecurity sharing this because people might think I'm just spoiled, dependent and irresponsible.

Simpler or clearer maybe…

Insecurity isn’t felt - because of what other people might think. 

Insecurity is how that thought feels. 

 

How’s the thought feel, great or not great?

Not great. Off. Unaligned. 

 

Why?

There’s no experience of what other people think.

There’s only an experience of the thought - that how you feel is or could be caused by, “what other people think”. 

 

As a ‘mental position’ let’s say, how does it feel?

It feels rightfully, appropriately - insecure. 

Why?

Because it isn’t true. 

 

How does the notion that there is no experience of what people think… feel?

Like freedom. Like, yourself. 

Can you not be yourself?

No. lol.

How’s that feel?

Pretty fuckin secure. 

Frankly secure doesn’t even apply. 

That secure. 

[noomii]

On 9/26/2024 at 3:42 PM, Phil said:

What happens when focus is returned to sensation or perception?

 

Is the relief not in allowing the sensation to be fully felt? 

How could you know for sure, without absolute certainty?

 

Is ‘how it feels’ thought, sensation, or perception?

Same for ‘what I do’. Thought, sensation, or perception?

Same for what happens. Isn’t thought, perception & sensation - what’s happening?

 

If change is desired, attempt to change / make or create a change, in each aspect:

Thought(s).

Perception. 

Sensation. 

 

Change each. See how it goes / what’s discovered. 

Sorry I avoid responding too, it feels too difficult to even think about what you wrote even though it's simple. I feel worry that I will just sound stupid because I can't reflect deeply on anything.

I don't feel like I have the energy to engage in conversations here.

 

I still feel very confused with doubt about looking for jobs/home. I only have a few hours of free time to focus on it and I just started looking at it one hour or so ago.

I don't think it helps to write more negatively about this.

 

 

[Phil]

@noomii

Sorry. 🙂. The “reflecting deeply”, is really just - acknowledge the emotion insecurity (or doubt, fear etc).
 

Then ‘reach for a better feeling thought’ (and then which way to go will soon be readily clear). 

 

I get what you’re saying though. It’s not about that. It’s about picking the right or best job, and what’s being said just isn’t helpful in that way. 

[Phil]

@noomii

If any of this is helpful… 🤍

 

Acknowledge the prevailing emotion is overwhlement. 

Allow impatience to be acknowledged and felt. 

This will contribute to a reduction in negative self talk / self referential thoughts, and projecting these emotions onto experience (pressure, urgency, etc), as well as contribute to ‘staying’ present. Neg self talk / self ref thoughts are the energy & clarity zapping aspect. These thoughts are also the confusion, making it challenging to trust your own thinking & decisions. 

 

If I’ve got it right - you have to apply for jobs for the financial assistance to continue. You don’t neccesarily have to take any specific job. You don’t want the two you could choose between. You could reduce your hours from 30 to 15. 

 

What about…

Reducing hours to 15. Not taking either of the 2 jobs. 

 

Only consider roles that offer flexibility and or a better environment. Treat this as a temporary step, not a committment. Focus on reducing pressure, not immediate change. 

 

Let go of trying to prove worth through productivity or others’ approval. Recognize intrinsic value without external validation.

 

Intrinsic value is the inherent worth that exists without needing external achievements, approval, or validation - being valuable & worthy simply by existing. Intrinsic value & inherent worth convey the sense of being complete, worthy, and enough as is - without conditions or need to justify existence.

 

There’s nothing to fix or force. The constant striving and self-critique are unnecessary. Simply allowing yourself to be, as is, will dissolve the resistance and struggle. 

[Phil]

When a discordant thought arises about yourself - let it go. 

Swiftly. 

Just because of how it feels - nothing more. 

Feel breathing in the stomach. Put the attention there instead. 

It will pass.

 

On 9/25/2024 at 11:34 AM, noomii said:

I've been trying to be mindful of every thought/emotion that comes up

Then ‘stuff’ like this will just naturally be clearer. The ‘one trying to’, isn’t really one trying - it’s the discordant thoughts about yourself. That is not yourself. That is appearing thoughts. 

 

That is what mindfulness is. 

 

It’s not an effort, a doing or a trying. 

It’s allowing what doesn’t resonate with you, go. 

 

That’s self-love. 

 

It’s subtle. And yet it’s profound.

It makes all the difference, and changes everything. 

[noomii]

Thank you @Phil 🙂

 

On 9/28/2024 at 5:18 PM, noomii said:

Sorry I avoid responding too, it feels too difficult to even think about what you wrote even though it's simple. I feel worry that I will just sound stupid because I can't reflect deeply on anything.

I don't feel like I have the energy to engage in conversations here.

 

I still feel very confused with doubt about looking for jobs/home. I only have a few hours of free time to focus on it and I just started looking at it one hour or so ago.

I don't think it helps to write more negatively about this.

I realized these are just thoughts I believe.

 

On 9/28/2024 at 11:59 PM, Phil said:

@noomii

If I’ve got it right - you have to apply for jobs for the financial assistance to continue. You don’t neccesarily have to take any specific job. You don’t want the two you could choose between. You could reduce your hours from 30 to 15. 

 

What about…

Reducing hours to 15. Not taking either of the 2 jobs. 

 

Only consider roles that offer flexibility and or a better environment. Treat this as a temporary step, not a committment. Focus on reducing pressure, not immediate change. 

 

Let go of trying to prove worth through productivity or others’ approval. Recognize intrinsic value without external validation.

 

Intrinsic value is the inherent worth that exists without needing external achievements, approval, or validation - being valuable & worthy simply by existing. Intrinsic value & inherent worth convey the sense of being complete, worthy, and enough as is - without conditions or need to justify existence.

 

There’s nothing to fix or force. The constant striving and self-critique are unnecessary. Simply allowing yourself to be, as is, will dissolve the resistance and struggle. 

I applied for jobs I'm not going to commit to, it feels very off to do that but it felt like the easiest way.

 

I had two places in mind I could move to, no jobs.

I already went down to 15 hours in the beginning of September. It took off some pressure, but I felt stressed either way. I've been really bad at managing my time even with lots of free time, even though most of the thoughts I've been focused on are about what I believe I should do.

 

I got both my period (it was one month delayed) and a fever yesterday, right in time for when I need to do a lot of deep cleaning before leaving monday, I forced myself to do things today even though I felt exhausted because I thought I would not make it in time. It would be better if I skip work tomorrow so that I can rest more 🤦‍♀️ I'm wondering if the fever just came from my room mate or if it's not at all how it seems to be.

 

On 10/1/2024 at 1:16 PM, Phil said:

When a discordant thought arises about yourself - let it go. 

Swiftly. 

Just because of how it feels - nothing more. 

Feel breathing in the stomach. Put the attention there instead. 

It will pass.

 

Then ‘stuff’ like this will just naturally be clearer. The ‘one trying to’, isn’t really one trying - it’s the discordant thoughts about yourself. That is not yourself. That is appearing thoughts. 

 

That is what mindfulness is. 

 

It’s not an effort, a doing or a trying. 

It’s allowing what doesn’t resonate with you, go. 

 

That’s self-love. 

 

It’s subtle. And yet it’s profound.

It makes all the difference, and changes everything. 

I'm doing one hour of breath awareness and the emotional scale. It feels easier with the meditation and emotional scale now compared to how it felt before. 🙂

I feel a lot of disappointment about the scale and doubt about if I even want to use it but maybe it will pass.

 

It feels difficult to recognize overwhelment when using the emotional scale, it doesn't really come up when I focus on thoughts that I tend to feel a lot of overwhelment about? Same with impatience.

 

The thoughts that come up first with blame are about how I blame myself for everything that I have done in life, but I think what's felt is guilt or unworthiness? I'm not sure if it's blame felt.

 

With all the positive emotions, if there's nothing coming up related to the positive emotion, is it okay to just be aware of any discordant emotion and just move on? I often feel pessimism.

I've never been able to feel passion when using the scale so I just feel pessimism and then I move on.

Edited October 5 by noomii

[Phil]

22 hours ago, noomii said:

I realized these are just thoughts I believe.

Awesome. “That I believe” is also just a thought. A thought about thoughts. 

 

22 hours ago, noomii said:

I applied for jobs I'm not going to commit to, it feels very off to do that but it felt like the easiest way.

Why are you applying for jobs you’re not going to commit to, and why does that feel off?

 

22 hours ago, noomii said:

I had two places in mind I could move to, no jobs.

I already went down to 15 hours in the beginning of September. It took off some pressure, but I felt stressed either way.

What’s stressful about applying for jobs you’re not going to commit to?

 

22 hours ago, noomii said:

I've been really bad at managing my time even with lots of free time, even though most of the thoughts I've been focused on are about what I believe I should do.

How do thoughts like “it’s stressful either way” and “I’ve been really bad” feel?

Great or not great?

 

22 hours ago, noomii said:

 

I got both my period (it was one month delayed) and a fever yesterday, right in time for when I need to do a lot of deep cleaning before leaving monday, I forced myself to do things today even though I felt exhausted because I thought I would not make it in time. It would be better if I skip work tomorrow so that I can rest more 🤦‍♀️ I'm wondering if the fever just came from my room mate or if it's not at all how it seems to be.

Enjoy it. “I need to do”, “I forced myself” - these thoughts aren’t necessary and are the stress & pressure felt. Care more about how you feel, and less about what you think. Imagine telling someone you love - “force yourself to do what you need to do”. How’s it feel, great or not great? How else might you speak to someone you love & care about?

 

22 hours ago, noomii said:

 

I'm doing one hour of breath awareness and the emotional scale. It feels easier with the meditation and emotional scale now compared to how it felt before. 🙂

Hopefulness. 

 

22 hours ago, noomii said:

I feel a lot of disappointment about the scale and doubt about if I even want to use it but maybe it will pass.

 

It feels difficult to recognize overwhelment when using the emotional scale, it doesn't really come up when I focus on thoughts that I tend to feel a lot of overwhelment about? Same with impatience.

Emotions are not “how you feel about thoughts”. 

Emotions point to how thoughts feel to you. 

 

22 hours ago, noomii said:

 

The thoughts that come up first with blame are about how I blame myself for everything that I have done in life, but I think what's felt is guilt or unworthiness? I'm not sure if it's blame felt.

Blame is not yet allowed to be felt. 

As blame is allowed to be felt, it’s clear it’s an emotion, and points to how some thought feels. 

“I blame myself” is a thought. There are not actually two of you.

Let the obscuring thought go, and allow the blame to be more fully felt. 

 

22 hours ago, noomii said:

 

With all the positive emotions, if there's nothing coming up related to the positive emotion, is it okay to just be aware of any discordant emotion and just move on? I often feel pessimism.

I've never been able to feel passion when using the scale so I just feel pessimism and then I move on.

Boredom is next, after pessimism.

“I’ve never been able to”, is really “the past dictates my future and so I won’t be able to” - which is felt as pessimism. 

Boredom is the natural result of having acknowledged whatever pessimistic thoughts arise. When looking to express boredom, as thoughts arise, question - is this still pessimism?

 

Don’t skip over any emotions. Between pessimism and passion - there is boredom, contentment, hopefulness, positive expectations/belief/optimism, and enthusiasm/eagerness/happiness. 

[noomii]

On 10/6/2024 at 4:15 PM, Phil said:

Why are you applying for jobs you’re not going to commit to, and why does that feel off?

Because I thought I didn't have enough time before deadline to figure out where and what jobs I want to apply for. Felt off because I wasn't honest.

 

On 10/6/2024 at 4:15 PM, Phil said:

What’s stressful about applying for jobs you’re not going to commit to?

What I meant was that I still felt very stressed when working 15 hours per week.

 

On 10/6/2024 at 4:15 PM, Phil said:

How do thoughts like “it’s stressful either way” and “I’ve been really bad” feel?

Great or not great?

Not great

 

On 10/6/2024 at 4:15 PM, Phil said:

Enjoy it. “I need to do”, “I forced myself” - these thoughts aren’t necessary and are the stress & pressure felt. Care more about how you feel, and less about what you think. Imagine telling someone you love - “force yourself to do what you need to do”. How’s it feel, great or not great? How else might you speak to someone you love & care about?

Not great. I would probably say something that feels good.

 The impression I get when reading what you write about acknowledging emotions and emotional scale is that I really do need to force myself to be aware constantly and to force myself to go through the whole scale.

Today I only did a few minutes with the emotional scale then I felt too exhausted so I stopped. I don't think the emotional scale is right for me, I don't know why I force myself to do it. 

I felt so exhausted that for the rest of the day I was not even that much aware of what I felt, it felt like I needed to force myself to do it and it felt bad. 

 

On 10/6/2024 at 4:15 PM, Phil said:

Don’t skip over any emotions. Between pessimism and passion - there is boredom, contentment, hopefulness, positive expectations/belief/optimism, and enthusiasm/eagerness/happiness. 

If there's nothing coming up related to the emotion I'm focused on, is it okay to just be aware of any emotion that comes up instead and just move on? 

Edited October 8 by noomii

[Phil]

4 minutes ago, noomii said:

Felt off because I wasn't honest.

It can be challenging to see that. Be sure to allow feeling great - that you are seeing that. Though it might not taste great initially - the truth does set you free. 

 

6 minutes ago, noomii said:

What I meant was that I still felt very stressed when working 15 hours per week.

Shine the light you are on the subjective aspect, allowing beliefs & interpretations which don’t resonate with you to be exposed & dispelled. 

 

7 minutes ago, noomii said:

Not great

Exactly. Affirm that - ‘these interpretations about me have not resonated and do not resonate - with Me’. Allow it to be felt, and the shift to alignment to happen naturally. Like a cork long held underwater - it is your nature to float when un-obscured. Being aware of ‘negative’ (discord) beliefs is indeed challenging - but this is the right track, and challenging as it is, that it resonates tells you so. Allow & appreciate small steps. Trust in yourself. Little by little. 

 

11 minutes ago, noomii said:

Not great. I would probably say something that feels good.

Yes! Under it all you are sincere & kind-hearted. It’s time to start allowing this love of yourself, for yourself. 

 

11 minutes ago, noomii said:

 The impression I get when reading what you write about acknowledging emotions and emotional scale is that I really do need to force myself to be aware constantly and to force myself to go through the whole scale. That's how I interpret most things you write.

Today I only did a few minutes with the emotional scale then I felt too exhausted so I stopped. I don't think the emotional scale is right for me, I don't know why I force myself to do it. 

I felt so exhausted that for the rest of the day I was not even that much aware of what I felt, it felt like I needed to force myself to do it and it felt bad. 

If you are aware of forcing yourself - then it is self-evident awareness precedes this interpretation - which you, awareness, are aware of. There is no road, no path, no avenue or manor of forcing yourself, whether in words, thoughts, beliefs or actions - which you are not effortlessly & readily already - aware of. You, awareness - simply can not be forced, and so the belief, as patterned, engrained and deep-seated as it may seem - simply, and again self-evidently - is not true. This is the beginning of a breakthrough, from the interpretations which have been weighing you down for so long. Let this love in, and let it flush these patterns of old, out. 

 

The emotional scale may be unnumbered by beliefs & may not be the right thing for you. It might be distractive to allowing whatever is felt, and or coming up & out, to be felt and come up and out. There is no right or wrong way about this. Above all, everyone & everything - listen to what does and what doesn’t resonate. 

 

18 minutes ago, noomii said:

If there's nothing coming up related to the emotion I'm focused on, is it okay to just be aware of any emotion that comes up instead and just move on? 

Yes, being aware is always ample. I’ve seen the word ‘breakthrough’ between pessimism & boredom on official versions of the scale. That little ‘breakthrough’, is allowing pessimistic thoughts to be seen and released. Boredom is boring - but it’s less resistant feeling than pessimism, and a step to allowing contentment. 

 

Part of why the scale isn’t resonating might be the mind asserting that it’s to not feel emotion or certain emotions. If that resonates as accurate - it is enough to be aware of it. It’s not ‘another problem’ to be solved. 

 

♥️

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[noomii]

On 10/8/2024 at 5:44 PM, Phil said:

The emotional scale may be unnumbered by beliefs & may not be the right thing for you.

I'm not sure what's meant by unnumbered?

 

On 10/8/2024 at 5:44 PM, Phil said:

It might be distractive to allowing whatever is felt, and or coming up & out, to be felt and come up and out. There is no right or wrong way about this. Above all, everyone & everything - listen to what does and what doesn’t resonate. 

Do you mean that beliefs or the emotional scale are distractive?

And what's meant by "resonate"? Is that what feels good?

 

On 10/8/2024 at 5:44 PM, Phil said:

Part of why the scale isn’t resonating might be the mind asserting that it’s to not feel emotion or certain emotions. If that resonates as accurate - it is enough to be aware of it. It’s not ‘another problem’ to be solved. 

 

♥️

I'm using the emotional scale expecting it to change and improve myself so I feel a lot of disappointment when it doesn't give me what I want.

 

I used it again yesterday and today. When I want to stop I cry and it felt releasing to be aware of what I felt was too difficult.

I can't really see the difference between when it's most loving to stop or when I'm avoiding an emotion. I thought that focusing on what feels good is loving and that's why I have stopped.

 It took me one hour to go through it yesterday and today because of how resistant it felt, it doesn't feel loving to me to do it for so long everyday.

[Phil]

52 minutes ago, noomii said:

I'm not sure what's meant by unnumbered?

Sorry, it’s a typo:

The emotional scale may be encumbered by beliefs & may not be the right thing for you.

Encumbered: Restrict or burden (someone or something) in such a way that free action or movement is difficult.

 

Sometimes beliefs arise about the scale, and the scale is “held” as a thing which is intended to or supposed ‘fix’ or ‘change’ someone or something. 

 

55 minutes ago, noomii said:

Do you mean that beliefs or the emotional scale are distractive?

In terms of allowing discordant beliefs to naturally & effortlessly empty, or come up & out - anything, any thought, anyone will do as a distraction.

 

Whether the scale is a distraction or not is entirely up to you. It could be that it’s not distractive, but is ‘held’ as a solution to a problem. The scale doesn’t solve problems, it’s a tool which aids in releasing a discordant belief (such as that there’s a problem or something wrong) by aligning a discordant thought (a belief) with reality / the true nature / truth. 🤍

 

55 minutes ago, noomii said:

And what's meant by "resonate"? Is that what feels good?

Yes. What feels good - in terms of thoughts.

 

Simple example:

“I’m not good enough”. That thought is discordant and does not, and will never resonate. It’s like “your higher self” or “your inner being” can not join in on that thought. It’s like it’s saying ‘no, sorry, something’s off there’. 

 

“I am good & I am enough just as I am” is true, and resonates accordingly. It’s like your higher self or inner being is like - Hell yeah you are! You’re pure awesomeness!

 

1 hour ago, noomii said:

I'm using the emotional scale expecting it to change and improve myself so I feel a lot of disappointment when it doesn't give me what I want.

While that’s likely an uncomfortable experience, it’s a great acknowledgement and great expression - great honesty, which opens the door for great insight.

 

The scale pertains only to thoughts - to aligning discordant thoughts with feeling. 

The disappointment (emotion) felt is the inevitable let down in having appointed the scale as a tool - to change or improve yourself. That is based on the assumption that there is something wrong or imperfect about you which needs to be changed, and that the scale is an entity basically, such that “it could give you” something. 

 

The thought: “I need to change or improve myself” is discordant, because it’s about the ego - the “self” of thoughts - which does not actually exist. 

That thought is a discordant belief. It’s not true. It’s conditioning. 

 

It’s a bit weird isn’t it? The thought “I need to change and improve myself” - the thought - doesn’t resonate, does not feel good. Yet, it’s ‘held’ onto - believed anyways. 

Why would I want to hang onto something, a belief, that doesn’t even feel good - to me?

The simple answer is - I wouldn’t. 

The ‘why’ is - misidentification. It’s not quite seen yet as a belief. It seems - true… in spite of how it feels - to you. 

 

I’m just a voice in the wind here but sweetheart - it’s not true. You are perfection.

 

Questioning the belief is putting the belief in the light of awareness. Or, shining the light of awareness on the belief. It may or may not be uncomfortable or challenging to allow yourself, awareness, to be aware of the belief, thus dispelling it. But - it is absolute - that no belief can withstand the light of awareness. 

 

1 hour ago, noomii said:

I used it again yesterday and today. When I want to stop I cry and it felt releasing to be aware of what I felt was too difficult.

I hear ya on the release and having a good cry. That’s the true nature of you, awareness, flushing out discordant beliefs. 

Careful with beliefs about the scale. It’s just a tool. What’s difficult, truly, is the burden of beliefs. 

The scale has no power over you whatsoever. No one, nor any thing - has any actual power over you whatsoever. 

You are the creator of your reality - entirely, wholly, absolutely, and without exception. 

 

Whatever it is you want - is not separate from this ‘process’ of seeing beliefs as beliefs, and releasing. It’s very literally what you want, which reality is unfolding as, flushing out any discordant beliefs to the contrary of - what you want. 

 

It’s like:

“I want - this”.  (Might be an apartment, a house, a car, a career, a significant other, anything). 

Reality: “No problem”. 

And therein - beliefs to the contrary are felt - and released - as what you want is filling in. This ‘process’, and what you want, and reality becoming it - are THIS - right now. The present. 🎁 

 

The illusory ‘ego-mind’ jumps in with - “and I have to do all this stuff, and effort effort effort, no pain no gain, etc.”  And it’s all bullshit. The entire universe is literally just for you, awareness. Reality is For You (awareness) and is not against you in any way. 

 

That “ego-mind” = beliefs. Conditioning. Not “this thing”… an “ego-mind”. It’s essentially misidentification. Like “I’m not appearing as reality - I’m a person, in a world, on earth, etc”. That isn’t true. You are The Creator - Being - being - THIS. 

 

1 hour ago, noomii said:

I can't really see the difference between when it's most loving to stop or when I'm avoiding an emotion. I thought that focusing on what feels good is loving and that's why I have stopped.

 It took me one hour to go through it yesterday and today because of how resistant it felt, it doesn't feel loving to me to do it for so long everyday.

You’re behind it all. You are prior to experience - all experience. You want to stop - stop. You want to proceed, and clear out some beliefs / conditions - proceed. The scale’s just a tool. It is not needed or necessary. You can literally just sit in a chair and bring about the thought or intention of wanting some discordant beliefs to clear out - and amazing as reality is / you are - discordant beliefs will start clearing out. 

 

Again be careful not to create beliefs about the scale. It’s just a screen or piece of paper. It is neither easy nor difficult. It’s the ‘holding’ of the belief that something is wrong with you, you’re not good enough, need to change or be fixed etc - which is resistance. It feels resistant for a very, very, very good reason - it’s not true. 

 

 

[noomii]

 

On 10/9/2024 at 7:56 PM, Phil said:

Sorry, it’s a typo:

The emotional scale may be encumbered by beliefs & may not be the right thing for you.

Encumbered: Restrict or burden (someone or something) in such a way that free action or movement is difficult.

 

Sometimes beliefs arise about the scale, and the scale is “held” as a thing which is intended to or supposed ‘fix’ or ‘change’ someone or something. 

@Phil 🙂 Isn't acknowledging disappointment and pessimism about the scale supposed to make this problem disappear? I guess that's just more of the same belief, expecting it to change and solve a "problem".

I use every spiritual practice because I want to fix and improve myself. It's the same with just being aware of emotions and meditation.
Being aware of emotions throughout the day in more or less time feels easier than the scale, it feels more difficult with the scale because of needing to sit still for one hour and it felt like a huge relief to stop using it.
When I don't use the scale I notice that I'm feeling more stuck with being aware of the same emotion for very long.

There's also a belief in right and wrong or what I should do. So I feel a worry that if I don't do certain spiritual practices then I will do wrong or not be good enough. So maybe that's why I don't trust what feels good to me and I'm looking for external validation that I'm doing right.

I feel most drawn to just directly question beliefs. I'm trying to fix myself by questioning beliefs as well and when I have written down all the beliefs I want to question or when I think about everything I need to do to be free of suffering, I just feel a lot of pessimism. I really, really don't like this spiritual work that I believe I have to do in order to feel at peace.

[Phil]

@noomii

It’s not that there’s something wrong with you or not, it’s that there’s no you. The thoughts are experienced, but what the thoughts are about is not experienced because it doesn’t exist. There isn’t the second or separate self the thoughts are about - “the one which could be fixed or improved”. Just like there are thoughts about unicorns, Bigfoot, leprechauns or a spaghetti monster - yet there aren’t actually unicorns, Bigfoot, leprechauns or a spaghetti monster.

[noomii]

3 hours ago, Phil said:

@noomii

It’s not that there’s something wrong with you or not, it’s that there’s no you. The thoughts are experienced, but what the thoughts are about is not experienced because it doesn’t exist. There isn’t the second or separate self the thoughts are about - “the one which could be fixed or improved”. Just like there are thoughts about unicorns, Bigfoot, leprechauns or a spaghetti monster - yet there aren’t actually unicorns, Bigfoot, leprechauns or a spaghetti monster.

How do I see this?

Thank you for all the help.