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In case I kill myself some day, I'm not planning to.


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I'm not planning to kill myself as yet. So I'm not currently suicidal. But just in case. I want to stay safe and leave something behind as a trail or witness that somebody should know something that happened to me. So that my unfortunate premature demise or suicide is not in vain. It will be my last attempt to speak from the grave. 


I'm a strong girl. I never wanted to kill myself. I had enough courage to live. But sometimes things can be really tough and such decisions are or have to be taken to put the drama of life to rest. I had hunted peace but never got it. Part of it was my dependency on my family for money and my evil sister's manipulative ways to exploit this dependency. 


So this is my note to you to let you know that in case something happens to me it's because of my family's pressure, particularly my sister. I can't take all the continuous trauma they have been giving me through years. 

I still had the courage to live through all of it. 

This is my final note -


You are the person (who is reading) I trust. I'm telling you something important. Please pay attention and keep note of what I'm saying. You are my only witness. Nobody else knows what's happening with me. I feel suicidal on most days. The reason for this is my family and their evil control. My sister is evil. If tomorrow I commit suicide or disappear or die in some manner, it will be directly or indirectly because of her. I want you to know that I have the courage to live. But in case my situation gets worse I might commit suicide and she will be responsible for it because she keeps making my life worse through threatening to send me to mental hospital. She doesn't stop giving me trauma, tormenting me. So such a situation happens, I might commit suicide out of deep stress or fear. Because they treat a person worse than animal in the mental hospital here in India and they can physically torture me and I no longer have the strength to go through more trauma. So I might kill myself if my sister keeps continuing her evil game. Just wanted you to know that if you never get a message from me on this forum, most probably I must have killed myself under stress and pressure coming from her. This is done so as to keep a receipt of what is happening to me as some sort of a letter to the world so they would know the truth that I didn't want to kill myself but if I did disappeared from this planet it was against my will and because of intense pressure from a family member's constant torment. 


If you have cared enough to read it whole, thanks so much, I'm grateful. 


(just to let you know I'm not currently feeling suicidal but such situations can arise in the future). 



So basically I'm an autistic INFJ BPD sigma Pisces female with anger and CPTSD issues. Wow wow. 

My plate looks full. I Couldn't have been weirder than that. Now I get why I'm so idiosyncratic. 

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If you are experiencing suicidal ideation and or thoughts about harming yourself or anyone else in any way, immediately discontinue use of this site and contact a suicide prevention specialist via googling ‘international suicide prevention hotline’, and speak with your doctor and a therapist. 


*Immediately does not mean after you type, converse or express wether in a journal or otherwise, about ideation. Immediately means prior to these activities. Immediately means immediately as in right now. Do not wait, do not think it over, do not schedule time - immediately stop using this forum and contact a hotline. 


This is a self-help forum and not a supplement or cure for any psychological or medical care plans or needs. By using this forum you are agreeing to take 100% responsibility for what advice you follow, to utilize all resources available to you, and agree to waive any and all legal recourse. 

There is never an occasion in which is it appropriate or justifiable to verbally, emotionally or physically harm yourself or anyone else, nor to threaten another with suicide. These are non-negotiable terms of use, and therein can and will result in being permanently banned from this forum.


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