Enlightenment journal.

[Kevin]

I’ve noticed that I am constantly putting the cart before the horse in terms of

emotions. For example pessimism is experienced a lot lately and then I believe the solution is getting a girlfriend which will prove pessimism wrong and then I can be optimistic. Now it seems like the better solution is to feel the pessimism and let it go and then from a place of optimism, what I want can be more easily. Another thought I noticed lately is girls are way more attracted to guys with girlfriends. So I need to get a girlfriend to be attractive. That is also putting the cart before the horse.

 

I’ve been experiencing a lot of anger lately. Then there are thoughts about doing something about it. All the things I want to do are negative. Maybe I need to feel the anger and it will eventually dissipate and I don’t have to get revenge on make people feel bad.

 

A few weeks ago I posted about how I don’t have a lot of energy. Well that has changed in one aspect. I’m back to working out like crazy and doing lots of Jiu Jitsu. I’m fired up about wrestling and martial arts again. I want to compete again. I even want to try out MMA. Hopefully my motivation to make music comes back because I haven’t really been doing that.