ivankiss Posted June 13 Author Share Posted June 13 Love all we can before We learn all we came for Learn all we can before The road leads to home Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted June 13 Author Share Posted June 13 Grace, grace, grace High road warning High road warning Grace, grace, grace High road warning High road warning Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted June 13 Author Share Posted June 13 Laugh, love, live, learn Never fear love Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted June 13 Author Share Posted June 13 If you did not cry you did not read correctly. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Agape Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 You're a liar. You may think you can manipulate the fabric of reality. All you seek is power at the expense of others. That is a game you can play for only so long before you have to face the reality of what you did. Turn. Go the other way. Be lost in the wilderness. You're already there. You just don't know it yet. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted June 13 Author Share Posted June 13 28 minutes ago, Agape said: You're a liar. You may think you can manipulate the fabric of reality. All you seek is power at the expense of others. That is a game you can play for only so long before you have to face the reality of what you did. Turn. Go the other way. Be lost in the wilderness. You're already there. You just don't know it yet. Took you a while. Thanks for speaking up. Not too many fucks given. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Agape Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 @ivankiss, the thing is that all I see of you guys is a will to power. And you don't even exist. You're like me - a moving mosaic. I hate you guys so much. And then I feel this desperate curiosity. Like being a prisoner in Unit 731 only being curious about how the Hell can yo do this? And not just in a mean way. But a genuine wanting to know. I'm not even against you. I hate you all. You torture me. You hate me. But you all know. Everyone else thinks I am crazy. So in this weird contrived fucked up way, I feel like, again in fucked up way, that you all are my friends. I couldn't ever do what you do because I am incompetent and I would just tell the victims that it is happening. I'm tired of being scared of you all. Maybe I'll get raped or physically tortured. But right now, what the fuck did I do for all of this to start? Don't bother with cryptic power hungry responses. We both know you all have total power over me. I know I am being stalked by people who would murder me in an instant. I guess all I want is honesty. I don't deserve it. I'm not entitled to it. But I have been lied about by you all so much. I have no closing line. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted June 13 Author Share Posted June 13 Don't worry. I won't cause a scene. I know you're anticipating drama. I am wiling to behave within these four walls, if I'm allowed to contribute here. If someone wants to join in, please do so, we can dance. But if you start out by saying that I should go fuck myself... I might have to break you. Spiritually, of course. You were warned. I am extremely good at kung fu at this point. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted June 13 Author Share Posted June 13 Oh what the heck... Why the hell not... Just a short little dance. 5 minutes ago, Agape said: you don't even exist. You're like me - a moving mosaic. One too many words to say nothing. 7 minutes ago, Agape said: I hate you guys so much Right?! 8 minutes ago, Agape said: I feel this desperate curiosity. Remove the desperation out of curiosity and it should be just fine. 10 minutes ago, Agape said: Everyone else thinks I am crazy. And you think everyone else is crazy. Where does craziness end where does begin? 11 minutes ago, Agape said: We both know you all have total power over me. Within these 4 walls, I do. Relatively speaking, I am just too strong for you. But absolutely... Your the real deal. 13 minutes ago, Agape said: I guess all I want is honesty. I don't deserve it. You do deserve it. Give it to yourself. 13 minutes ago, Agape said: I have been lied about by you all so much. I have no closing line. The answer cannot be found in the writing of others, or the words of a trained mind. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Agape Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 @ivankiss, dude come on. I've been in this for ten years. I guess you can't be honest. I'm not trying to make me more powerful than you. I'm just saying, and I presume your handlers won't let you, tell me the truth. If you guys want to kill me then just put a bullet through my brain. I am trying to deal with it. But I'm getting so enraged by it that I can't try and be innocuous about it all. If you can't respond honestly, just know that I don't hate you all most of the time. It is what it is. It's a complicated mess and I wish you all had the freedom that I seek. Not least because then you'd all probably leave me be. It's obviously not your fault. I say and do really stupid things. But I know in my bones that I'm mostly alright. Thank you for at least acknowledging that this is what it is. It is. You are. I am. It is. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted June 13 Author Share Posted June 13 @Agape I honestly have no idea what you are talking about, mostly. Handlers? Assassins? Who's after you? Sounds like an epic movie. I'm watching a movie of a wannabe rockstar, chilling on his couch with some naked booty by his side. Honest to god. It's pretty epic. What's behind the scenes? Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Agape Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 @ivankiss, dude you guys are all a carbon copy. It's all the same kind of feel. The evidence is in what I experience. It's all such creepy power hungry lies. It's not clever. It doesn't impress me. But the impression always has the same flare to it. It's just about power, power, power. I don't even care if no one else sees it. You know. I know. I'm not even against you. I'm not screaming right now. I know you all can torture me. I've watched 'Rusty Cage' YouTube channel or the Ted Talk about gang-stalking. I have no power over you all. We're playing different games. I'm trying to be your friend. I couldn't do what you all do. So I will never be like you all. But I have come across so very many of you. And I have no idea if you all are psychopaths, narcissists, Machiavellians,.sadists or just regular people wound up in some kind of ideology. I am aware that you all don't think I am really a human being. Fair enough. I must have done something that put me in this. And maybe your handlers won't let you be honest. But you all have tortured me for a long time. And I don't want power over you. I don't care about that. It's just that you all know the truth. And that is a heavy currency for me. You all are the ones doing it. But you know. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Agape Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 @ivankiss, blah blah blah. I'm not looking for power over you. Yes, mock away. Very clever. You all have power over me. Fuck man. I've been in this shit for long enough. I am trying to not lose my shit. Obviously I am angry. It hurts every time you all play games. I am not Enlightened. To be fair, maybe I have no idea what it is like to be you. 500 years ago, you all would have boiled me alive or burnt me at the stake. But we are here. And I have written to you all some terrible insults. And I won't pretend like that was all forgivable. But tell the truth. Just be honest. Like I'm not even against you. If I died and God asked what should happen to you I'm pretty sure, well that he wouldn't ask me that, but I genuinely don't give a shit. I'm not against you all. And I know that you all can change that. But just be honest. There has to be decency in you. You all can't be horrible people. You all most have partners, children, a home,.cars, a life. Were you abused? Did people torture you? I'm in this and I don't figure that it will end well. And I am not Jesus. I'll probably scream and lash out. I'm getting angry now. Who are you? I give a shit. What happened? Who do you feel yourself to be? Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Agape Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 You're obviously a gang-stalker. Fuck. It is. I'm trying so hard to not lose connection with life. Yes, you, or many of you write this. And yes I am looking for Enlightenment. But what the fuck else am I to do? When it comes down to it, I don't hate you. The Source made you. And He made me. And this is shit. I can't make friends. I can't find a partner. I can't have a job. Should I keep going? You all obviously feel entitled to my life. Maybe I am even just collateral damage. But fuck, maybe it all matters. I've been in this so long that I am starting to feel institutionalised in it. You all have destroyed my reputation so many times. Whatever you believe about me, I am. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Agape Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 @ivankiss, so you delete a comment. Very clever. I know how you all are. It's like a used car salesman who uses NLP. I've been there, done that. I've been through the whole nobody believing me. I've told you all that I am close to snapping. But you amp things up. All you have is lies. And you'll find better ways to lie. And everyone around me will believe uou. But I will still see you. Fair enough, you are playing this game. And I won't win. But I will rip my face off to spite you all. It's all God, so why the fuck should I care? The irony is that you all are the ones ruining society. There are such ridiculous amounts of you all. If people only knew it. People aren't aware that we already live in Totalitarianism. And you all pedal it. You all will be standing around scratching your heads while billionaires will be on the moon or on some deserted island and you will be wondering how it could have worked out like this. And you'll blame TIs. Fuck it. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted June 13 Author Share Posted June 13 18 minutes ago, Agape said: a gang-stalker I saw you mentioning that over and over again. What the fuck is a gang stalker? Sounds ridiculous. I have no idea what kind of drugs you're on, but you're obviously tripping balls. This is a journal, for me to do my own shit. The fuck are you curious about here? If you can put together two or three sane sounding questions, I might try to answer them. What the fuck do you wanna know? From me, specifically? Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted June 13 Author Share Posted June 13 @Agape I feel too bad about making fun of you or attacking you (just yet). You are clearly not in a good spot. I suggest you log out, take a long breather and maybe seek professional help. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Agape Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 @ivankiss, predictability. All you guys care about is power. Like I obviously hate you all. But I still want to connect. And that doesn't make sense. I have no idea if you are just one person. I'm sorry, I feel rage. I have nothing to say to this. Yes you grind me down. Yes you are in control. I guess that is all there is to it. You won't be honest and I will try to be honest. Everything is about a feeling. I'm 35. I've done enough to feel those feelings. It is what it is. I'll carry on and you all will keep going. And I can get all sentimental about this. And you all will push me out of this. And I'll be gone. And then you'll find somebody else to torture. But why? All of you are Nazis, Communists, Fascists, rapists, murderers and sadists. Like fair enough, that's your bag. But you all could just order out pizza and hang out. But you won't because torturing people seems somehow.better. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Agape Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 @ivankiss, I feel rage now. Rage from a life that can't be. Fuck, I tried. And I try to not care. But despite all of your all's lies, I will try to enjoy the little bit I have. You all control it. And hopefully that gives you something. I wouldn't hate you if you didn't hate me. I am well aware of how you all are in control. I tried to be open. I know how you can make this profoundly worse. But God made me here. And you all can stab me. But the Source of all that is decided for me to be. So your all's assertion that I ought not to be is sacrilege and you will have to live through that. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivankiss Posted June 13 Author Share Posted June 13 @Agape Yup, those are definitely crazy thoughts. Please go take care of yourself. I cannot help you. Quote Mention Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.