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Crazy realization


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So today some beliefs that I wasn’t aware of came up. I realized when I was a young kid I got angry at my mom and there was an insistence on my emotions being her fault. This was never inspected and so the habit of not inspecting and instead projecting and blaming all my emotions on to others started. This lead to anxiety whenever I’d meet a pretty girl. And more broadly all social anxiety stemmed from the blaming and projecting.


So when I’d meet a pretty girl I’d start thinking thoughts about unworthiness and other negative things. This would feel shitty and those painful feelings would instantly be projected onto others and for my entire life this has been conceptualized as social anxiety and being awkward with girls.


It’s wild I never saw this before. It’s also really exciting because now there is a possibility of relating to others without any fear. I just saw this today so it remains to be seen how life will play out but I’m feeling pretty excited about dispelling more bullshit and feeling even more free.


its crazy that all this started just from blaming my mom and projecting. I didn’t even decide to go that way. It just started when I was a kid.

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