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[Serenity]

I'm an exhausted witch.

 

Late capitalism patriarchal energy drains me.

 

During the day survive, at night heal from all the collective sins going back to the original one 🫣. 

 

I should go run naked in the woods during the moonlight and howl. 

 

...

 

Or maybe I should just go meditate and drop the bags of narratives I am holding. Or maybe I should keep on expressing. Or maybe I should just take a nap. Or... arghhhh.

[Serenity]

Meditate, create, or heal?

 

Do I really have to pick one? They doesn't seem like they are at odds? Why does my mind feel like they are at odds?

Edited September 8 by Serenity

[Serenity]

Never trust the mind.

 

 

[Serenity]

I fucking want to lead with the heart anyway.

[Serenity]

Oh I know what's going on. I am taking out the trash again and everything is in order. It's just so more Ayahuasca puke style writing coming out. 

[Serenity]

30 mn of expressing on the recorder. Feeling better.

Been frozen and blocked by some energy that needed to circulate without even realizing. I need to feel more but obviously when I am in hometown, it's difficult. Everyone operates mostly through fear and mad unconsciousness.

[Serenity]

So much duality and unconsciousness on my side too. I feel super distant from truth at the moment.

[Serenity]

Bwah.

 

[Serenity]

I feel confused as fuck and don't know what to do. Should I listen to nondual content to put me back on my feet? I'm literally all over the place.

[Serenity]

There is no patriarchy in my room, nor in awareness. Jokes on 'me'.

[Serenity]

 

[Serenity]

Well well well...

 

That was a huge layer of clouding.

 

 

[Serenity]

 

[Serenity]

Quote

"Deselfing" is a concept that refers to the process by which a person sacrifices their own identity, needs, desires, or boundaries to accommodate others, typically in close relationships. It involves prioritizing the needs of others over one’s own to the point of losing a sense of self. The term is often used in the context of codependency, enmeshment, or dysfunctional relationships where individuals become overly focused on meeting the needs of someone else, neglecting their own emotional well-being.

 

Key Aspects of Deselfing:

Loss of Personal Boundaries: People who engage in deselfing often have weak personal boundaries, allowing others to dictate their emotions, decisions, and sense of self-worth.

Excessive People-Pleasing: Deselfing can stem from an intense desire to gain approval or avoid conflict. The person sacrifices their own needs or opinions to keep others happy, often fearing rejection or disapproval.

Emotional Suppression: A person who deselves often suppresses their own emotions, desires, and needs. This can lead to feelings of resentment, frustration, or internalized anger as they consistently put others first.

Dependent Relationships: Deselfing is common in codependent relationships, where one person may derive their self-worth from being needed by or taking care of another person. This dynamic can be unhealthy and lead to emotional burnout or loss of identity.

Feeling Invisible or Lost: Over time, someone who engages in deselfing might feel invisible or disconnected from their true self. They may no longer know who they are apart from the roles they play in other people’s lives.

 

Causes of Deselfing:

Upbringing: People raised in environments where their needs were devalued or ignored may develop patterns of deselfing. If they learned that love or acceptance is conditional upon pleasing others, they may continue this pattern into adulthood.

Low Self-Esteem: Individuals with low self-worth may feel that their own needs or opinions are less important than those of others, leading them to sacrifice their sense of self to maintain relationships.

Fear of Rejection or Conflict: The fear of being abandoned, rejected, or criticized can drive deselfing behavior, as individuals avoid asserting their needs to prevent conflict.

 

Consequences of Deselfing:

Emotional Exhaustion: Constantly meeting others' needs while neglecting your own leads to burnout and emotional fatigue.

Resentment: Suppressing personal needs can lead to frustration and resentment, as the person feels unappreciated or overlooked in relationships.

Loss of Identity: Over time, deselfing can lead to a profound sense of disconnection from one’s own values, desires, and personality. A person may no longer recognize their own individuality outside of their relationships.

 

How to Overcome Deselfing:

Develop Self-Awareness: Reflect on your emotions, values, and needs. Recognize when you’re putting others' needs ahead of your own and how this affects you.

Set Boundaries: Learn to set and maintain healthy boundaries. This can involve saying no, asserting your needs, and communicating clearly without guilt.

Practice Self-Care: Make time for activities that nourish your mental and emotional well-being. Prioritize self-care without feeling guilty or selfish.

Therapy: Working with a therapist can help uncover the deeper reasons behind deselfing tendencies and provide strategies to develop healthier relationship patterns. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or assertiveness training can be particularly helpful.

Rebuild Your Sense of Self: Engage in activities or hobbies that reflect your true interests. Take time to rediscover your personal values, desires, and aspirations.

Harriet Lerner’s book, "The Dance of Anger", delves into this concept, particularly in the context of women’s roles in relationships, where deselfing can be a frequent pattern.

 

[Serenity]

oh shit

[Serenity]

I called the department and... seems like I regraduated even maybe with flying colors. 🥹

 

Confirmation on Friday.

 

🥹🥹🥹

 

It was so hard.  🥹🫣🥺

 

I need to see that stuff on paper.

[Serenity]

 

Cant believe it.

 

If so, I am going to get so much more opportunities. 🥹

[Serenity]

How I feel right now

 

[Serenity]

 

[Serenity]