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Using a remarkable and a paper journal to journal these days.  Will keep this journal for proper public journaling purposes, which means it could end up being very different from all these other journals I am have ever made, as I never had other private journals.

 

I have been experiencing some real  feelings of exhaustion, as well as some life changes. I wanted to give myself some slack.

 

I also do a lot of what is called 'inner work', on top of managing the 'outside' life situations.

 

The inner work is the most challenging by far, as I keep feeling repressions of all kinds stemming from my previous experience as an emotionally 'numb' person. I keep on seeing elements that needs to be reintegrated, in what seems to be a high priority, 'urgent' change.

 

But also, there is the Awakening. And the Awakening brings me so much confusion as when I bask into Being, there is just this knowledge that all is well, and there is no ego to fix. 

 

 

“Know yourself as nothing; feel yourself as everything.” - Rupert Spira

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Letting the cloud of overwhelment be felt.

 

Letting it deploy its storm and pass, as all experiences do.

 

I've felt it in the background since what feels like forever. Coping with it, instead of aknowledging it.

 

I feel tired. Exhausted. Crushed by responsibilities and to dos. By the political, economical and social systems. By my healing and all the emotional processing I have to do.

 

Why am I that person who get to do so much and in difficult circumstances?  A part of me wants to become an hermit, disconnect and sleep for days, weeks, months. Just do nothing. Being taken cared of while no more challenges and situations to care of arises. 🙃

No background feelings of guilt and shame. Or no sensations of time being wasted.

 

“Know yourself as nothing; feel yourself as everything.” - Rupert Spira

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Finally made it to contentment for the first time.

 

Bringing up all that batch of once repressed energy from the bottom of the scale until this stage feels absolutely glorious.

 

I am quite certain there will be some scale relapses, and consolidation to do, but I am... well... content. 🙂

 

“Know yourself as nothing; feel yourself as everything.” - Rupert Spira

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